A/N: Hey guys! This is a story that has been bouncing around in my head for awhile now, and I thought I would share it with all of you guys. This story is pretty much a 180 to what I usually write. I must warn you, It's pretty angsty. If that's not your thing, you might not want to read this. I understand. Many thanks to aray48 for editing and "putting up with my bullshit." Now go bug her for Daddy Deeks updates. They work. Really.
aray48: I want it publicly known that this goes against everything I believe in. Seriously, I filter out angst! And what's he do? Oh hey Anna, come read/edit this, it's really angsty and you're not going to like it! I do not approve of the ending, I tried to talk him out of it, to no avail -_- but I'll hand it to him, i can truly see this happening and it's well written, had i had a more open mind about all things Densi, I'd probably really like this. (I also want it known i definitely deserve more than 12 damn percent hahahahah!)
It had been six months.
Six whole months since talks of raccoons and three hearts.
Six months since they dynamic between Deeks and Kensi had yet again taken a turn.
Deeks was tired of the stalemate between himself and his partner. He had backed off after hearing the tale of Paul Angelo. Something that Deeks needed to do for himself.
But now it was time to change it.
As much as he hated to admit it, Deeks needed an outside point of view on this particular topic.
Yes, Marty Deeks had finally had enough of tip toeing around his infamous 'thing' with Kensi. That wasn't the issue. What was is he didn't quite know how to proceed. Deeks knew what he wanted, it was just he didn't know how to get there.
So Deeks decided to call in the cavalry, so to speak.
Which is why Nell Jones was waiting for him at their favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar after he called.
Deeks and Nell had become good friends while Kensi was gone. It seemed that they both needed someone to fill that hole in their hearts that the Junior Agent usually filled.
What was surprising was that they continued to be really good friends after said Junior Agent returned.
Nell knew a great deal about a wide variety of topics. The relationships and inner workings of two of her best friends were definitely on that list. She also knew just what he most likely was going to talk about.
Kensi Blye.
Unfortunately she knew too much. The tiny red head had some information that she had been holding since Afghanistan; information that definitely needed to come out to play. Nell hated that she was going to have to share what she knew with her best male friend (outside Eric of course) and that it was going to hurt him.
But, if Deeks was going to move forward with Kensi, he needed to know the truth about Jack and Kensi and how she gave herself up in Afghanistan.
Nell could tell based on the expression on Deek's face as he walked in that this wasn't going to be a fun night for all parties involved.
Maybe she should have reconsidered her choice of a light beer instead of something harder.
"Hey Deeks, you sounded pretty serious on the phone. Is everything okay?" Nell asked, deciding to cut right to the chase. It was better that way.
Deeks calmly took a seat next to Nell at the bar, and ordered what was on tap.
"Hey Nell." Deeks greeted, taking a sip of his beer as soon as it was placed in front of him. "I have a little problem, and I need your advice on something."
"Oh yeah? What's that?" Nell asked.
"I'm sure you're aware of mine and Kensi's relationship by now." Deeks started, rubbing his hands together anxiously.
"Or lack of one?" Nell interrupted, taking a sip of her beer. Yeah, definitely need a stronger drink, She decided.
"Yeah. That would probably be better." The shaggy liaison agreed with a light chuckle.
Just cut to the chase already. "So what is the issue Deeks?" Nell pressed. She wanted to get this over with; the analyst was not looking forward to his reaction to what she'd have to tell him.
"I want to get together with Kensi; I'm tired of all this back and forth between us. But I kind of turned her down a few months ago." Deeks said point blank.
Nell could see in his eyes that he quickly figured out that she already knew about this. Deeks didn't seem surprised. Interesting. "So you want to know what to do to get together with her?" Nell asked.
"Pretty much." Deeks stated simply.
Nell took a deep breath. She felt she was going to need it. "Well, I'm going to put this bluntly. Just tell her." Nell stated.
He blinked. "That simple huh?" Deeks asked, surprised.
"It is. But um, Deeks, before you go running off to talk to her, there are some pieces of the puzzle that you need. And I really don't think that this place is the best place for this conversation, so can we go somewhere more private?" Nell said.
Deeks looked puzzled, and maybe a little of something else. Concerned, perhaps? "Alright Nell. The beach work okay for ya?" Deeks drawled.
"That works. Let's go." Nell said, rising from her seat.
The sun had fully set once they arrived at Deeks favorite beach spot. Maybe that was poetic.
"Alright, so what is this about, Nellasourous?" Deeks asked, trying to inject a little humor into the evening. Nell could tell that she was making him nervous; that he didn't like the nervous energy bounding off of her.
She didn't like it either.
Just rip it off, Nell. Like a Band-Aid. She thought. "Afghanistan." Nell said bluntly.
Nell could see the surprise in his eyes. He didn't seem to hide much from her. She would think about that later.
"W-what about it?" He inquired cautiously. That was a time Deeks was not eager to think about.
"There are some things about it that you aren't going to like. Some things that Hetty isn't going to want you to know. She even told me not to tell you." Nell said, nervously.
Deeks must have picked up on her nervousness, because he placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "It's okay Velma, I can take it." He said, calmly. Let's see how long that calmness lasts. Nell thought with an internal sigh.
Band-Aid. "Kensi wasn't… really captured in Afghanistan. She surrendered herself willingly." Nell said in a rush.
Deeks blinked. He blinked again. He opened his mouth several times, but nothing came out. It was a full minute before Deeks finally processed this. "Huh?" Deeks asked ineloquently.
"She wasn't captured. She surrendered willingly." Nell repeated. "Kensi saw who the White Ghost was, and it was someone that she used to know. Someone she was once engaged to..." Nell trailed off.
Deeks sat in the sand looking out at the ocean for a few minutes, mulling over what Nell had just told him. She had told him the whole story about Jack and Kensi, or at least what the red head knew.
He could tell Nell knew he needed a moment to process this mind bomb, so she looked up at the sky, trying to find star constellations while she waited for him to speak. In another situation, Deeks would have appreciated that. But in that moment, he didn't care what she did.
Kensi gave herself up to the Taliban? Just to talk to Jack? Deeks thought to himself.
That made absolutely no sense to him. It was easily the most idiotic thing he had ever heard of Kensi doing. Why would she willingly give herself over to them just for a slight chance of talking to Jack? Kensi had to know once she committed herself to the course of action, there was no turning back from it. Plus, it was basically suicide. Deeks didn't know the specifics of what the Taliban does to Americans, but he did know it wasn't pretty, and often lead to death. And a woman to boot? She was all but asking to be raped and murdered by those monsters. And yet Kensi willing handed herself over. Why?
And then it all slammed into him all at once.
Kensi was still in love with Jack.
Deeks was just second place. Kensi was settling for him because she couldn't have Jack. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Deeks had always wondered if this was true, but had dismissed it. Kensi was just waiting for Jack to return. Deeks wasn't what she really wanted; he was just a fill in. But Deeks couldn't go there; he couldn't be second to anybody, when he had his entire heart invested. He wouldn't.
Except now Deeks didn't have a choice. The evidence was right in front of him, impossible not to see once he knew.
Apparently Jack had made it absolutely clear to Kensi that there was no chance for them to pick up where they left off. That would explain why she was more aggressive in pursuing Deeks. At least more aggressive by Kensi-relationship-standards.
It was clear to Deeks now: he was the second choice. The backup guy. She couldn't have Jack, so Kensi would settle for the blue eyed, blonde haired surfer cop who adored her. Deeks didn't like that. Not at all.
In fact, he started to get angry. As angry as Deeks ever remembered himself ever getting angry. Max Gentry didn't have anything on Deeks Rage.
Suddenly, Deeks leapt to his feet, the movement startling Nell, and began to pace. She couldn't remember a time when he looked that angry. She could hear Deeks muttering to himself, but could not make out what he was saying. The analyst knew she needed to calm him down.
Rising to her feet, Nell walked directly into Deeks' path. Deeks stopped, fists clenched, breathing deeply. She tentatively grabbed his wrist. "Deeks?" Nell asked cautiously.
He didn't respond for a long moment. Nell began to rub his arms, hoping he would calm down. Slowly, his breathing slowed, and his fists unclenched.
And then the last thing that Nell thought would happen, happened.
Deeks' knees wobbled slightly, before they gave out completely and he sank to his knees, beginning to sob. The sight broke Nell's heart.
Nell slowly sat next to Deeks and took him into her arms. He responded by wrapping his arms around her petite waist and burring his face in her neck. "I got you, Shaggy." Nell whispered softly, rubbing his back as he sobbed.
He kept trying to say something, but it was impossible to understand past his cries. After what seemed an eternity, but couldn't have been more than ten minutes, his sobs began to die down.
Nell made no move to let go of him, if anything she squeezed him tighter. She knew what was running through his mind. It simply broke her heart to see her friend in such pain.
"Do you want to talk?" Nell finally asked.
Deeks made a move to pull away, but the tiny woman wouldn't let him.
"I… I'm her second choice Nell. All this time I thought… I thought she was willing to make our thing work. And I guess she still is. But it is her backup plan, whereas it was my only plan." Deeks whispered sadly.
Nell didn't think her heart could break any more. She was wrong.
The sheer devastation and resignation in his voice would no doubt haunt her for the rest of her life. She felt a little responsible for this whole scenario. Logically Nell knew that Kensi would most likely never reveal this information to Deeks in order to cover it up. That thought annoyed the petite redhead.
"It's not your fault Deeks. You know that right?" Nell said, leaning Deek's head on her shoulder and running her hand through his hair in a comforting motion.
"It must be. It always seems to work out this way. Perhaps it's for the best." Deeks said with a surprising amount of resolve.
"You know that's not true Marty." Nell said firmly. She waited for a moment, expecting a response, but she got none.
"So… does this mean you're not interested in pursuing Kensi anymore?" Nell asked, already knowing the answer.
"No. I'm done with her. I hope she had a C plan in mind." Deeks said bitterly.
They sat in comfortable silence for a long while until he spoke again.
"I'm going to have to go back to LAPD. I don't know if I can handle working at NCIS knowing this." Deeks said forlornly, drawing a gasp from the red head.
That was one of Nell's biggest fears. In fact it was the main motivator why it took so long for her to tell him. Eric wanted to tell him right away, but Nell cautioned against if for this very reason. She balked at the thought of one of her honorary brothers leaving NCIS.
"Leave? But, Deeks, we love you here. You belong here." Nell tried to argue.
"I know, and I love NCIS, it was the closest thing to home that I've had in a long time." Deeks said. Nell noticed his use of past tense. She didn't like it at all.
"I'm sure Callen and Sam and even Ken-"Nell started.
Deeks interrupted her. "They are just going to take ' little sister's ' side. I've always been replaceable; just like Sam always said, temp. Her? Not so much. If one of those three walks, they all go." Deeks said bitterly.
Nell sighed. She knew he wasn't being exactly rational. She had noticed that the two senior agents have taken a liking to Deeks, especially while Kensi was in Afghanistan. Plus, she wasn't convinced that they would take Kensi's side over Deeks.
"I think you would be surprised about Callen and Sam, Deeks." Nell commented, desperately hoping to change his mind. She didn't want to imagine what NCIS would be like without the shaggy detective on the team. He'd always been there while she was.
Deeks sighed. "Maybe I would be. But… this is how it has to be Nell. I won't… I won't be able to work with her… be around her, regardless of whose side Callen and Sam take. And even then I'd stir shit up with the team, and I can't bring myself to do anything that would break up their team... It was better without me anyway. " He said
The defeated blonde surfer rose up and brushed himself off. "Thanks for telling me all of this Nell. I know it wasn't easy." Deeks said dejectedly, giving his red headed friend one more hug.
"I know you don't think you can handle being around Kensi, but Eric and I… we're still your friends. If you ever need anything, please call us. I mean… I know you probably don't wanna talk to anyone right now, but don't cut us out, okay?" Nell begged, keeping a hold on his arm.
Deeks managed a small smile, for her sake. "Alright, Velms." He squeezed the hand on his arm, before gently pulling it off and turning to walk away.
He paused his walk and spun on his heel. "Oh, and that thing you have with Eric? Don't wait. Don't be like me. Please." With that, Deeks turned and kept walking; leaving Nell behind feeling one part anguish, two parts pissed off at one Agent Kensi Blye.
(aray48: you see what he did? He just... UGH. can't even deal with this. -_-)
A/N: Still with me? If you are, I would love to hear what you think of this. It's going to be a multi chapter, maybe 2 or 3 more. I have an idea of where I want to take this, but I always welcome outside opinions. I tried to give aray48 co-author. She not so politely refused. She gets less than 12% of the credit. haha j/k, I would be a crap writer without her.
I would also love it if you remembered to follow/favorite and review. Not just my story, but any story you like here on the site. It really helps us do what we do knowing we have readers!