Disclaimer: Victorious and it's characters belong to its original owners. No money is being made from this story.
I don't understand it, I simply can't. Why Cat?! What does she have that I don't? God, how can you be with someone like that and not feel like you are taking advantage of her? Cat is too childish, too innocent. Unless that's exactly what you want, to have someone at your side who you can control and manipulate, basically having a pet, not a girlfriend.
It's just that, how else do I explain this to myself, I can't.
Ugh! I'm sick of looking at the ceiling, hitting the mattress every time I imagine them kissing, like I just did right now; or squeezing the covers when I realize that because of my slowness and lack of initiative, Jade is laughing with someone else right now, probably having an incredible time, walking around town, eating ice cream or what do I know, definitely kissing her lips instead of mine. And worst of all, that person, that girl who now has Jade, is my best friend. That's the worst part!
Why? Well, simple, because being my best friend, even if they break up, I can't go back to think about Jade and I having something, I shouldn't even desire it, that's the code.
«You will not have a relationship with your friend's exes.»
Ugh, is not written, is not signed, or even verbally agreed, but that's how it is! Is forbidden, you don't do that to a friend, you don't meddle where their heart got broken. Although, at this time, that hasn't happened yet, the mere fact that they are together should keep me from even imagining it.
But here I am, raving about the news we got from them two days ago.
"We're girlfriends," Jade said. "Deal with it and leave us alone, I don't want to hear a word about it."
Girlfriends, girlfriends! GIRLFRIENDS!
What do I do with this now? I can't even go and complain about what happened with us, because apparently, she and I, only existed in my mind. Maybe she only used me to get to Cat. But no, that's stupid; they are friends since long before I knew them. What did she want then? Why since a few weeks ago she made a custom to come to my house and stay for hours, sometimes days as if it was her own home? Why sometimes she brought me a cup of decaffeinated coffee? I mean, she thought about it, she knows that it's the only type of coffee I drink, she made an effort, she didn't do it out of duty. And when she decided to spend the night, she would steal one of my pajamas and got into my bed, without explanation, without asking, she just did it, that's how she is.
Friends, I know, that's what we are, what we were; because nothing we did, in fact, suggests something more. I mean, friends spend time together, do sleepovers, watch movies, and give each other insignificant gifts... but that's what bothers me! Nothing that Jade and I did was negligible for me. Every time she came around, although I didn't expect her, it was an adventure. I watched her coming inside and I knew she had brought me something, even if it was a stupid but delicious lollipop; we never did the same thing or at least that's what it seemed to me, everything was new. We talked about many things, even our intimacies, our desires; she stopped pretending when she was with me, and yes, she was rude but she trusted me.
So, why didn't she tell me that was dating Cat? Because being girlfriends is something serious, something that doesn't count as a simple I like you, let's see what happens between us. No, that would've been spending time together, as she did with me, that would be going out in dates, as I felt like when we went to the movies or walked through the cemetery, that although it really scared me, I didn't care because Jade was there with me.
But no, we were not dating; apparently we were not doing anything more than being friends. Damn it! I never imagined like that, «there is a thin line between love and hate», but that line is not friendship, because if it was she wouldn't be girlfriends with Cat, but with me!
The last time she came over and spent the night, I saw her nervous, I thought she was about to tell me that she felt something for me. She didn't even throw me out of bed, as she always did and I ended up sleeping on the floor with my sleeping bag and my inflatable mattress. No, Jade asked me to sleep with her in my bed and we spent the night breathing so close together, feeling the heat that one body emitted to the other, listening to our breathing. I of course didn't sleep one minute, I watched her like an idiot all night. Jade sleeps in a ball, with her knees almost bumping her chest, and covered up to her ears, but gradually, as the hours pass, her body relaxes and pushes the blankets up to her waist. Several times the covered her again so she didn't feel the cold. I neared my arm passing over her and taking the covers for lift them to her shoulder.
Her aroma was a dream, citrus but with a touch of sweet almond. I know, I know, more than anything it was her perfume, but not all of it, her skin emitted that strange sweet fragrance even when she got out of the shower.
A pillow, that's all that I have to remember, to engrave that night in my memory, to imagine that I sleep with her, she's there, anything can happen. A soft pillow that caught her dreams and kept her scent. I keep it gently and try not to hold it for too long, so it doesn't catch my scent and mix it with hers, to preserve it just as it dawned that morning. Every night I take it out, I place it on my bed and every morning and keep it in the closet so it doesn't get confused or accidentally...
Oh no! Where is it? Damn, damn, no, no, no!
"Mom!" I shout outraged.
No, no, no, no ... no, this can't be happening.
"Mom!"
"Tori, what is it honey? For the love of God," she says irritated, but this is important, how else does she want the call her like.
"I had a pillow in my closet, did you see it?"
"Ugh! Was that it?" She asks forgetting to answer.
"Where is it?" I say, waving my hands in despair.
"Where else could it be?" she says as if it makes all the sense in the world. "I washed it, it's in the dryer. If you want it, you can get it yourself."
"Who asked you to wash it?" I ask exasperated.
"Well, it was in your closet instead of your bed, and I assumed it didn't fit in the basket of dirty clothes, so you left it there. What, did you needed it dirty?"
"Forget Mom! There is nothing we can do now," I say, slamming the door and throwing myself on my bed.
It's done, it's gone, I lost it. Everything and the only thing I could keep from Jade went away with water and soap in the washing machine, plain and simple. And I'm here biting a stupid pillow to keep my screams from being heard throughout the house. Which wouldn't bother me, if only Jade was the one making me scream.
YOLO be dammed!
A/N This is my second attempt at writing a Ficlet, I'm practicing to write a very cool project I've had in mind for a while. I hope you like it. Also, the first attempt was another fic I published this week, it's called Vendetta, if you haven't read it, I urge you to take some time, I loved writing it. Have a good week and read you around, leave a review!