Edward Gets a New Girlfriend
Once upona piece of paper, Edward and Bella were going shopping. Bella was in a change room changing while Edward was waiting for her. Then a beautiful girl with long, flowing, mocha hair, eyes the colour of the finest Italian milk chocolate, blood red lips- "Hey!" yelled Edward, "No fair! You make me want to screw her! That is not acceptable-" (He was jumping up and down like a ticked off, big-headed anime character)The authoress cuts him off by scribbling a bit in her kitteh notebook with her fabulously fluffy-topped pen, and out of nowhere a piece of duct tape appeared on his mouth. "That's better," she said. Anyways, the brunette come up to him, peels off the tape, and says, "Hi, I'm PatrickChanFan, but you can call me Chan." Edward was at a loss for words. He heard someone mumbling in the background, but he was too busy gawping at Chan's curviness, perfect jaw and hair. Bella then punched him, "EDWARD!" she screamed. (She was very prone to spazzyness{is that even a word?}) "What the hell are you doing? You look like a fish!" she then did a VERY exaggerated impression of him. "Is that your girlfriend, cutie?" asked Chan, and ran a finger down his front, which made him shudder with pleasure. "No," he said with a dazed look on his face. All this time the authoress was watching with a pleased look on her face. "Edward!" said Bella sternly. The authoress though she could do with a good laugh so she scribbled a bit in her notebook and Bella's face was red and steam was coming out of her ears. This made Bella even more ticked, so she turned onto the authoress. (Edward went back to goggeling at Chan) "What's your problem? Huh? What's the big idea? (She was jumping up and down like Edward when he was ticked) She was just about to say something else when the authoress shouted, "Shut up you retard!" and scribbled in her notebook and Bella's face returned back to normal, which she was very happy about. Chan then walks up to Bella, smirks at her, and bitch slaps her right across the face. "You can't do that! I-" Bella started but she was cut off by another bitch slap from Chan. "I just did," she said, "AGAIN!" And just as Bella was winding up for a go, Chan said, "Hold on, I need to make a call." And Bella holded on. (to Edward's arm)
Chan's conversation with Dancing Chocaholic
Chan: Hey DC!
DC: Hey Chan!
Chan: Can you com ehelp me beat someone up?
DC: Cool! I'll be right there!
Chan: Good, but don't-
Chan was cut off because DC hung up.
2 minutes later, a girl as equally beatiful as Chan showed up, with raven black hair, eyes the colour of the finest Italian coffee, lips the colour of rose petals- "OK, OK, we get the point!" screamed Edward, which the authoress replied to by making another piece of duct tape appear over his mouth. Anyways, the new girl came with a strange contraption which is called…. A PIE GUN! (Please note that the pie gun was used in another fanfiction written by Dancing Chocaholic and I have talked to her in person and I have permission to use her epic contraption, that means you cannot use a pie gun in your fanfictions unless you ask her) Chan shakes her head in digust. "Oh my god…" said Chan. "Now," says DC, "Who do I shoot?" "Her," says Chan, while pointing a finger with a well manicured nail at the end of it at Bella, "Drown this spazzy person in PIE!" DC did as she was told and started drowning Bella in pie. Then, Edward ripped the piece of tape off his mouth and started jumping in front of Bella and saying, "Noooooooo!" in fake slow mo like an idiot. DC then shot 10 pies at him. "Hey! You can't-" began Chan, but stopped quickly as DC had pointed the gun at her and said, "I mean…. Shoot her!" and pointed at Bella again. Bella soon drowned underneath the power of pie. (the staff and other shoppers didn't even noitce the pie shooting, and if they did…. They did a good job of hiding it) "And now" said DC, "A reward," an shot an apple pie (her favourite) into her hand, and started eating it…. With her face. "Ummm, DC?" asked Chan.
"Yeah?"
"You kinda….have pie…..on your….. face."
"Oh"
DC then turned to the authoress and said, "A little help here?"
The authoress then took her faboulous pen and scribbled a bit in her fabulous notebook and DC's tongue licked all the pie off her face. (Even on her forehead) "Thanks!" she said. Edward then goes up to Chan and says, "I love you PatrickChanFan"
"I love you too Edward Cullen!"
(You hear DC in the background mutter, "What's with him and MarySues?)
He then picks up Chan, and carries her off into the sunset.
(DC is puking in the background because of the cheezyness of the scene and is wondering how a sunset go tinto a store)
The End