AN: I know I'm pushing my luck with this one. It's a stupid little thing that popped into my head after rereading part of EC. I apologize for the brevity of my pieces as of late. I may, however, expand this one and do another part from Holly's point of view. This was also a bit of an exercise for my writing first person Artemis. Please let me know how I can improve.
Okay, I've had some serious problems with posting this horrid little beast. First I uploaded the wrong version (Abiword's spellchek isn't working at the moment, so I have to spell chek another way). First the un-spellchecked version. When I was correcting that I uploaded the. abw file and not the real version. And then the power blew (I hate living in the middle of nowhere). I was in the middle of replacing the wrong version. I thought it took before the power blew, but it didn't. *Sigh*. The good news is unlike several of the other computers in the house, mine has lived to tell the tale....
So I'm sorry, but this is FINALLY the correct version.
Disclaimer: No matter what you may believe, I am not Mr. Colfer
Borrowed Time
-----------------------
I am a genius.
I am unstoppable.
I am Artemis Fowl the Second and up until a few hours ago I was in control. But now that control, that precious balance in my life, is slipping.
From the moment the idea formed in my head I have been busy. My ability to think clearly-to keep a level head-possibly being the deciding factor between life and death. To lose control is I luxury I did not have. That is, until this moment.
Holly is with him now and his fate is out of my hands. Yet the weight on my shoulders has not lightened one bit.
I am forced to sit and wonder how I could let a few minutes so drastically change my life.
What have I done?
People say hindsight is 20/20. I've always laughed at that stupid phrase. It applies to people that make mistakes. I never made mistakes until a few hours ago. Now the truth of that phrase taunts me.
I can see the holes I left-the mistakes I made. My mind replays the situation over and over again in my head, pointing out my flaws, telling me how it should have been done. Every time I am reminded that because of my carelessness I stand to lose one of my most precious possessions. Not my gold, my fortune, or even that silly C Cube. What I stand to lose now is something I will never be able to replace.
And I am forced to laugh because it suddenly occurs to me how selfish I have been. What I stand to lose?
The past few hours have thrown into sharp relief many more mistakes my arrogance has allowed me to make.
Never have I so seriously doubted one of my plans, but never have there been so many unknown variables, so many uncalculated risks. And who knows? I have already made some terrible mistakes today, what's to guarantee I haven't made more?
I am out here waiting and for once I am not pleased to be left alone with my mind.
A mind that keeps replaying those few minutes over and over again while I can think only one thing: He died to save me. He traded his life for mine and I may never get to thank him.
And I have to wonder; is that an honor I deserve?
I keep asking myself why he did it. Of course my logical mind is quick to answer. It's obvious. It was his job, what he was trained-what I paid him-to do.
But I cannot ignore the fact that it goes deeper than that. I was more than just his charge the same way he was more than just my bodyguard. We were-are-friends.
Everything is out of my control. It's up to Holly now to undo what I have done. To correct my mistakes. Perhaps it is something I don't deserve, but he does. He deserves another chance. He deserves better friendship that what I have offered him so far.
I can feel the panic I have fought to keep down start to take hold. My control is slipping. For the first time in my life, I am truly alone.
And I am scared.
Okay, I've had some serious problems with posting this horrid little beast. First I uploaded the wrong version (Abiword's spellchek isn't working at the moment, so I have to spell chek another way). First the un-spellchecked version. When I was correcting that I uploaded the. abw file and not the real version. And then the power blew (I hate living in the middle of nowhere). I was in the middle of replacing the wrong version. I thought it took before the power blew, but it didn't. *Sigh*. The good news is unlike several of the other computers in the house, mine has lived to tell the tale....
So I'm sorry, but this is FINALLY the correct version.
Disclaimer: No matter what you may believe, I am not Mr. Colfer
Borrowed Time
-----------------------
I am a genius.
I am unstoppable.
I am Artemis Fowl the Second and up until a few hours ago I was in control. But now that control, that precious balance in my life, is slipping.
From the moment the idea formed in my head I have been busy. My ability to think clearly-to keep a level head-possibly being the deciding factor between life and death. To lose control is I luxury I did not have. That is, until this moment.
Holly is with him now and his fate is out of my hands. Yet the weight on my shoulders has not lightened one bit.
I am forced to sit and wonder how I could let a few minutes so drastically change my life.
What have I done?
People say hindsight is 20/20. I've always laughed at that stupid phrase. It applies to people that make mistakes. I never made mistakes until a few hours ago. Now the truth of that phrase taunts me.
I can see the holes I left-the mistakes I made. My mind replays the situation over and over again in my head, pointing out my flaws, telling me how it should have been done. Every time I am reminded that because of my carelessness I stand to lose one of my most precious possessions. Not my gold, my fortune, or even that silly C Cube. What I stand to lose now is something I will never be able to replace.
And I am forced to laugh because it suddenly occurs to me how selfish I have been. What I stand to lose?
The past few hours have thrown into sharp relief many more mistakes my arrogance has allowed me to make.
Never have I so seriously doubted one of my plans, but never have there been so many unknown variables, so many uncalculated risks. And who knows? I have already made some terrible mistakes today, what's to guarantee I haven't made more?
I am out here waiting and for once I am not pleased to be left alone with my mind.
A mind that keeps replaying those few minutes over and over again while I can think only one thing: He died to save me. He traded his life for mine and I may never get to thank him.
And I have to wonder; is that an honor I deserve?
I keep asking myself why he did it. Of course my logical mind is quick to answer. It's obvious. It was his job, what he was trained-what I paid him-to do.
But I cannot ignore the fact that it goes deeper than that. I was more than just his charge the same way he was more than just my bodyguard. We were-are-friends.
Everything is out of my control. It's up to Holly now to undo what I have done. To correct my mistakes. Perhaps it is something I don't deserve, but he does. He deserves another chance. He deserves better friendship that what I have offered him so far.
I can feel the panic I have fought to keep down start to take hold. My control is slipping. For the first time in my life, I am truly alone.
And I am scared.