Once upon a time there was a lovely young damsel named Tanya, whose interest in fashion greatly exceeded her financial resources. On the day our story opens, Tanya wore a black and white blouse and a black skirt, a perfect match for her brown hair. Jarring the whole effect, though, were here scruffy pink sneakers. As much as she had hated to do so, Tanya had put them on that morning because all her other footwear had sadly worn out.
As she strolled through her village's shopping district, she imagined everyone was looking at her feet and laughing, when suddenly…
"Oh My Gawd!" she exclaimed.
There, in the window of the Top Elf Shoe Store, lay a pair of platform heels, black as midnight.
She hurried inside, without giving a thought as to how she could afford such an expensive purchase.
"Welcome to our store," greeted the first elf. Her hair was golden blonde, and she wore a dress that appeared to have been spun from the green leaves of spring. Her nametag read Angelina.
"How can we help you?" the second elf asked. Her hair was raven black, and her dress appeared to have been spun from autumn leaves of red, orange, and gold. Her nametag read Evangelina.
Both elves, incidentally, were not the tiny creatures you read about in some stories. They were rather more Tolkienesque in appearance, as slender and tall as fashion models on the catwalk. Their cold eyes didn't match their smiles, but rather seemed to size her up, as if to see how much Tanya would be good for.
"I'd like to try on the heels in the window, please," Tanya said politely.
"Certainly." Evangelina went to fetch them, while Angelina led Tanya to a comfortable chair. She chatted airily of this and that as she reached for her foot-measuring gauge. She placed Tanya's feet on a footrest, and popped off her sneakers. "A size seven and one-quarter," she announced.
"Just the size these are!" Evangelina exclaimed, and indeed, the black heels were a perfect fit, and looked even better on her feet than Tanya had imagined they would. "And lucky for you, they're on sale today!"
Tanya winced as she saw the price tag: Special Offer $459.99. "Can you put them aside for me?" she asked wistfully. "I'm a little short today."
She fully expected Angelina to yank the shoes off while Evangelina made some snide remark about how she might find the prices at the nearest charity shop more to her liking, so she was quite surprised instead to see the two elves smile. "Oh, that won't be necessary," Angelina said.
"We offer in-store financing." Evangelina offered her a lengthy document and a pen.
Tanya reached for the pen without bothering to read the document, so for all she knew, it could have stated that the terms of the financing were that when her first child was born, a funny little man would appear and take the baby away, unless she could guess his name. Not that those were the conditions, of course, but still, Tanya probably should have taken the time to peruse carefully what she so eagerly signed. A minute later, she was walking out the door, with her new heels on her feet and her old sneakers in the shoebox.
She was so enthralled with them that she returned the next day to buy a pair of golden strappy sandals that had caught her eye the day before. Angelina and Evangelina were so pleased to see her back, that Tanya felt guilty about taking up their time by only buying one pair, so, just to be polite, she selected a silver pair as well.
The day after that she returned for a pair of boots, and in the end, purchased four, in ankle, calf, knee, and thigh lengths.
The day after that she returned to buy a pair of demon red Mary Janes, and, for brevity's sake, we will simply remark that she purchased eight pairs of footwear in a wide variety of colors and styles.
The day after that, she purchased sixteen pairs.
Thus it continued until Tanya had an incredible five hundred and twelve shoes crammed into her closet, including the scruffy pink sneakers she started with.
"Well, I do believe that's enough shoes for now," she thought happily, and promptly forgot all about the elves' shoe store.
You can be certain, however, that Angelina and Evangelina did not forget about her, as became clear when Tanya received a bill with so many numbers at the bottom that her eyes blurred taking them all in. "I'm sure there's no hurry to pay this," she mumbled, tossing it away.
She tossed away the second notice as well, and eventually received the final notice. "I hope it really is the final notice," she grumbled. "I'm getting heartily sick and tired of them pestering me for money I haven't got. What are they going to do about it, anyhow?"
She discovered the answer to that question the next day.
…..
The Wolf was at the door.
Literally.
"Hey, baby," he said, when Tanya answered the bell. He walked straight into her apartment, and looked around, nodding in satisfaction as if he approved of how she'd decorated the place.
He wasn't a wild wolf, of course, but a smooth and sophisticated individual, his fur a dark shade of grey. He wore a jacket and tie, and carried a charcoal black fedora in a paw. He finished surveying her living room and then turned his attention to Tanya, showing even more approval, for she wore the same black and white ensemble she had the first day she had visited the elves' shoe store.
Along with the black heels she'd bought from them.
"Can I get you anything, Wolfy?" she asked.
"Yeah, baby. The five hundred and eleven pairs of shoes you bought from the Top Elf Shoe Store."
"What do you want with them?" Tanya asked.
"I'm here to take them back," he explained. "As I say, if you don't pay, I don't let you keep it."
"You mean you're a collection agent, Wolfy?"
"Yeah, it's my new job, baby. I just started today. So, where are they, in your bedroom closet?"
"Yes, I mean, no!" Tanya ran to block the doorway. "They're mine! You can't have them!"
The Wolf laughed. "Stand aside, baby."
"No, I won't move from this spot, and you can't make me!"
"Oh, good, we're going to do this the fun way!" The Wolf exclaimed.
"What do you mean?" Tanya asked.
The Wolf put his fedora down. He reached inside his jacket and pulled out a long, thick strand of tawny rope. Tanya gasped in astonishment. It was simply impossible he could have carried something so bulky underneath there without her noticing, yet there it was, in his paw. He whirled it around and around, the rope spinning faster and faster, like a dust devil springing up in her living room.
Then she gasped again. The rope was no longer spinning beside her, but all around her. How had The Wolf possibly done that? He drew it in, tighter and tighter! It gathered her legs together, and pinned her arms against her sides, as The Wolf tightened the rope even more, knotting it securely.
"Wolfy, you can't tie me up!" she protested
"Sure I can, baby," he replied. "When you signed the financing form, you gave permission for the Top Elf Shoe Store's Collection Agent (that's me) to tie you up if he had to in order to collect any unpaid shoes."
Tanya shrugged her shoulders, as if she could simply shuck off the coils of rope, only for nothing to happen. She opened her mouth to tell The Wolf he'd better let her go at once, or he'd be in big trouble, but The Wolf, who was used to this sort of thing, popped his pocket handkerchief into her mouth, and used his necktie as a cleave gag. It only took him an instant to knot in place; over the course of his life, he'd bound and gagged numerous damsels for all sorts of reasons.
"Mpfff!" Tanya seethed.
The Wolf calmly lifted her and moved her aside, walking down the short hallway to her bedroom. Tanya bent her knees and pressed her toes into the carpet, bouncing slightly upward and forward as she followed him in.
"No, not the demon red Mary Janes!" she tried to protest. "Those are the only shoes I've ever found that match my flaming crimson cocktail dress. And what are you doing with those silver strappy sandals? Give them back!" She longed to wriggle a hand free, snatch the shoebox from his paws, and run away, hide them somewhere he'd never find them! But of course, she couldn't snatch anything, or do any running. All she could do was watch as he carried away not only the demon red Mary Janes and the silver strappy sandals, but hundreds of other boxes as well, until finally…
"Five hundred and ten pairs," The Wolf announced. "That still leaves the black platform heels. Hey, baby, where are they?"
Tanya glanced away, trying to look innocent.
"Oh, there they are, on your feet!"
"No, Wolfy, you can at least let me keep these! Please don't take them off!" she pleaded, but, of course he did.
"Well, that's everything," The Wolf announced. He carried a couple shoeboxes in his paws; the rest were already outside in his van. "Hey, what's this?"
"Mpfff?" Tanya asked.
The Wolf picked up Tanya's scruffy pink sneakers, which she'd kicked into a corner earlier. "Hmm, these aren't on the list, but I'd better take them along too. Just in case."
"No, Wolfy, if you take those I won't have any shoes at all!"
The Wolf added the sneakers to his collection and headed back to the living room to retrieve his fedora. Tanya hopped behind him as she continued her protests. "Wolfy, please, just leave me a couple pairs of shoes; I swear, I'll pay those elves for them, please you can't leave me here in my bare feet! Wolfy? Wolfy?"
But The Wolf was gone.
"I'm going down to the Top Elf Shoe Store and telling those stupid elves a few things that'll make their pointy little ears ring," she fumed. "What do they think they're doing, sending that wolf here to steal my stuff and tie me up, and not even untie me when he's finished? What kind of business are they running anyhow? And if they think I can't, they're sadly mistaken. I'll get this door open somehow, and then I'll be on my way. It may take a while, but I'll get there eventually."
She paused for a moment, wondering how she was going to protest to anyone with the gag in her mouth, when she realized she had an even bigger problem.
No shoes.
There was simply no way she could go outside in her bare feet.
She slumped down in a corner, wondering if there was anything that might make The Wolf decide to bring back her collection of fashionable shoes. She couldn't think of anything, though.
…..
"Hi, Wolfy!" Angelina greeted him.
"Got those shoes back for us?" Evangelina asked.
"I'll bring them in right now, baby," The Wolf said. "As I say, if you don't pay, you can't keep it."
A few minutes later, he dropped the scruffy pink sneakers on top of a pile of shoeboxes he'd formed in the center of the store. "That's all five hundred and twelve of them," he announced.
"You were only supposed to bring us five hundred and eleven," Angelina objected.
"Consider the extra one a bonus," The Wolf said. "So about my fee. Five hundred and twelve at five dollars per pair comes to two thousand, five hundred and sixty dollars."
"How curious," Angelina said. "Two thousand, five hundred and sixty, exactly the same as the interest rate we're charging."
"Don't you think that's kind of steep, baby?" The Wolf asked.
Evangelina shrugged her shoulder. "No, not really. Besides, it's clearly stated in the finance forms everyone signs."
"No wonder no one can pay your bills," said The Wolf. "Anyhow, you can pop that cash register open and count out my money and I'll be on my way."
"Certainly," Angelina agreed. "We'll get it to you just as soon as we have it."
The Wolf looked astounded. "What are you saying, baby?"
"We're saying, Wolfy," Evangelina explained, "that we don't have any money to give you at this time."
"Our business model is to offer shoes on credit," Angelina continued the explanation. "So far, though, no one's paid up, so we don't have any cash. Hopefully it'll start rolling in any day now, and then we'll pay you."
"In the meantime, Wolfy, we need you to collect from some more deadbeats," said Evangelina. "I've got a list for you here of all the fairytale heroines who have stiffed us."
"Hey, this isn't right, baby!" The Wolf exclaimed. "If you can't pay, I have to take it away."
"Exactly, Wolfy," Angelina agreed. "You can start with Red Riding Hood. She usually spends her afternoons at her grandmother's house, so you should be able to nip inside her place while she's out and grab her shoes without any trouble."
"No, baby, I think I'll start with these right here," The Wolf said.
"Wolfy, don't be silly," Evangelina said primly. "You've already repossessed these shoes."
"Yes, and now I'm re-repossessing them," said The Wolf, "since you can't pay my fee."
Angelina moved to stand between The Wolf and the pile of shoes. "Oh, no you're not!"
Evangelina moved to stand next to her business partner. "That's right, you're not!"
"Oh, good," said The Wolf. "We're going to do this the fun way!"
The two elves exchanged puzzled frowns. "What do you mean by that?" Angelina asked.
For an answer, The Wolf pulled out a rope that was twice as long as the one he'd used on Tanya. He spun it around and around, drawing it closer to the two shopkeepers who didn't realize their danger until the last second.
"Eek!" shrieked Evangelina, trying to run one way.
"Eek!" shrieked Angelina, trying to run in the opposite direction.
The rope settled over them. The Wolf pulled it tight, drawing the two elves together so they stood back to back, squirming helplessly as their arms and legs were restrained. "Wolfy, let us go!" Evangelina shouted.
"Right this instant!" Angelina added.
"How am I going to gag you two?" asked The Wolf, realizing he'd left his handkerchief and necktie back at Tanya's apartment.
"You're not going to gag us at all!" Evangelina said.
"Put a sock in it," The Wolf suggested, tearing open a packet of pastel green ankle socks from a nearby shelf. One went inside Angelina's mouth, and the other inside Evangelina's. Two silk stockings served as cleave gags. "And now you're done!" The Wolf announced.
The two elves fumed as loudly as they could, watching in fury as The Wolf started carrying out shoeboxes, until he'd finished loading up his van.
He then walked behind the counter and began rummaging around.
"Wolfy, what are you doing?" Angelina mumbled incoherently.
The Wolf held up the sign he'd printed: OUT OF BUSINESS. "I think you two have run this shady operation long enough," he explained. He taped the sign to the front door, and locked it behind him.
"Wolfy, don't leave us here tied up!" Evangelina pleaded.
"Wolfy, come back!" Angelina called out through her gag.
They both tried turning to face they door at the same time. Evangelina pivoted with her right foot and Angelina with her left, the result being that neither moved at all. As they fought against one another, they continued their pleas. No matter how loudly they tried, though, they simply couldn't make enough noise for anyone outside to hear them.
The Wolf climbed into his rented van. "What am I supposed to do with all those shoes?" he asked himself. "Wait, I'll take them back to Tanya. I need to untie her anyhow, so she'll probably be pretty glad to get them back."
Indeed she was!