Public Enemies No. 1-8
Chapter One: The Great Escape
"You were doing it again, weren't you?" asked Mandos in his deep, intimidating voice.
"Heh, heh…doing…doing…what?" asked Fëanor, giving the Vala his most innocent grin. Seeing this, his seven sons broke into equally innocent grins.
Mandos covered his eyes with a hand. "Please, don't play stupid with me, Fëanor. I'm really not in the mood today."
"Come now, Mandos, we all know I'm the most intelligent Elf ever born. I would never do something stupid," Fëanor said. His sons all nodded vigorously. (Except for Maglor, who nodded only slightly.)
"Interesting. Fëanor Finwion never did anything stupid. The thought amuses me."
"Now, my dear Mandos – " Fëanor was cut off by a pattering of feet on the marble floor of the Halls.
"Oh, greatest Mandos!" called the new arrival, a Maia who seemed to be the pompous, teacher's pet type. "I've finished alphabetizing your deceased-Elf files!"
Mandos turned his back on Fëanor and his sons. This was an incredibly unwise thing to do, considering they were the single most destructive force to ever be created, excepting Melkor. While Mandos conversed with the overenthusiastic Maia, the Noldor Elves held a silent conversation, which concluded with Fëanor nodding at Celegorm. Celegorm nodded back and scurried off. Mandos turned back to them and picked up where he had left off in his scolding.
"So if you try to escape again, I can make sure you'll get an extreme increase on your sentences," the Vala said, wagging a finger at the offending Elves.
"Yes, O Great One," they chorused in well-practiced meekness.
("As if we're not going to be here for eternity, anyway," muttered Caranthir gloomily. Curufin elbowed him roughly.)
Suddenly, Mandos got a curious, observant look on his face. "Wasn't there eight of you a moment ago?"
"No!" cried Fëanor. "I only have six sons."
"No, I distinctly remember you having a blonde son," Mandos insisted.
"Are you saying I don't know my own children?"
The conversation was cut off by a loud scream from behind Mandos. The Vala whirled around, and Fëanor and his now-six sons did their best impressions of horrified fëa. The Maia who had alphabetized Mandos' paperwork was hopping around in circles, the bottom of his robes on fire. Celegorm, from a further-off area of the entrance hall, gave his father a thumbs-up. Fëanor nodded approvingly as Celegorm hurried away to replace the wall torch he'd used to set the Maia on fire.
"Help me! Help me, please!" screeched the Maia. Spotting a nearby fountain, he made a mad dash toward it. Lord Ecthelion, who had just finished wringing water from his hair, darted to the side to avoid getting knocked into the fountain. He was just starting to smile triumphantly when he was soaked by a mighty splash of water caused by the Maia jumping into the fountain.
Mandos sighed and went over to make sure that the Maia was all right. When he'd decided that all was well with the hyperventilating spirit, he returned to the spot where he'd been scolding Fëanor.
He wasn't surprised to see that the mad Elf and his seven (or six, as he claimed) sons were gone.
He simply sighed again as he watched the doors to his Halls swing shut on a bout of manically victorious laughter.
"What was that all about?" asked Beleg, who had come into the entrance hall to see what the commotion was.
"Fëanor's loose," Mandos muttered, his arms crossed, staring at the shut doors.
Beleg shrugged. "Better he terrorize the humans than us. I hope he took his idiotic brood with him."
Mandos sighed, a heavier sigh than the other two combined. "He did. Man is doomed."
"You always say that," Beleg told the Vala indifferently. He walk-floated out of the entrance hall and went around the corner he'd just come around, disappearing from view.
"Well, Fëanor, two can play at that game," Mandos murmured. He called the soaking, teacher's pet Maia over.
"Get Lord Ecthelion and Lord Glorfindel and take them to my office," he said.
"Yes, Great One. Might I ask why?"
"They're going on a mission," the Vala explained.
The Maia decided not to pursue the subject. "Off I go, then, m'lord." He shuffled off to find the two Elf-Lords.
"You'll be sorry you ever left my Halls when I'm through with you, Fëanor," Mandos said under his breath. "It will all end in doom for you."