She was coming. You could set your watch by her arrival. Every week, she came at the same time and she wanted the same thing. And Alec never said no.
The first time, it had been awkward but rewarding all the same. He remembered everything perfectly.
The light knocking on his door disrupted his t.v. watching. Had his ears not been enhanced, there's no way he would have heard it. Turning the t.v. off, he got up and answered the door. He found Max, hair askew, face tormented.
"Max, what's-" was all that he got out before Max jumped him kissing him harshly.
After the initial shock wore off, Alec deepened the kiss. He didn't understand why she'd done it but he didn't mind.
Her hands began to pull on his clothing urging them to reveal his body. He tried to pull away in protest. "Max, wait. We shouldn't-" but she refused to let him get anything else out. When her lips met his in another forceful kiss, the thought that Max might be in heat floated through Alec's mind but he dismissed it. If that had been the case, he would have smelt her long before she reached his apartment.
She tore off his clothes and he eagerly did the same to her. In the turmoil of grasping and kissing, they somehow managed to make it to Alec's bedroom where they had sex.
Well, at least that's what Alec told himself then. Now he realized she had her way with him. It would have been different if she had said something to him before she left. It would have been different if she had acknowledged him the next day. And Alec would have felt less like some man-whore if she'd bother to look him in the eyes.
She never once looked him in the eyes, not that night and certainly not any day afterwards.
It's not as if Alec was some pure innocent virgin, but he was human... more or less. She just expected him to provide a service to her and get nothing in return.
The light knocking again. He opened the door but before Max could throw herself at him, he held up a hand. "No," he said simply and sat back down on the couch.
Max let the door shut behind her, a bewildered expression on her face. "No? What do you mean 'No'?"
"I don't want to do this anymore."
Max stood speechless. The look on her face reminded Alec of a spoiled child who hadn't gotten the toy she wanted. "Oh," was all that left her lips.
"Why do you do it, Max? You come here every week expecting the same thing.
You never say a word, you never even look me in the eye. If the thought of me disgusts you so much, why do bother coming back and forcing me for sex?"
She flinched at his last words. "You don't disgust me," she whispered.
He stood slowly glaring at her even though she refused to make eye contact. "Why are you doing this, Max? Is it just some selfish need that has to be filled and you think I'd be willing to do it? Do you even care if I want to?" His voice had risen substantially, but he then lowered it. "You're using me, you know."
Max couldn't deny his words.
At her silence, he continued. "You still see me the same, don't you? Back when I first got out of Manticore. I know what you thought of me, but you still think that, don't you? You think I'm some careless, unfeeling bastard who'd fuck any woman that presented herself to him. Well, fuck you, Max. You can't just use me for sex and not expect me to feel angry or hurt or... anything. I have done nothing but try to live up to your expectations. I wanted you to think of me as a good person. I wanted to prove to you that I was worth a damn, but you still think of me as the same person I was back then."
"Alec," she looked directly into his eyes for the first time in months. "That's not true."
"The hell it's not."
"It's not. That's not how I see you at all. You are so much more than you use to be. You are brave, caring man. I know that you don't sleep around."
He stared at her silently, then spoke. "If that's true, then why did you use me?"
It made her shutter to think she'd practically raped the one person she cared for. Her eyes drifted away from his. She couldn't say what she was about to and look him in the eye. "That first night was the worst night of my life. The night before I came here, I had just broken up with Logan. That night, I'd found him in bed with Asha," Max almost choked on her name. "I needed a release, a distraction. I hadn't planned to pounce on you, I just... wanted the hurt to go away. And it did... for a while. But then I just kept coming here and using you. The pain grew with each time we slept together. I couldn't look you in the eyes because I didn't want to see what was there. I didn't want to see the anger, the hurt, the loathing you have for me."
He voice softened. "Max, I don't loath you. You could've just talked to me, you know."
She looked at him again. "Alec, I'm in love with you," she breathed.
Utter confusion crossed his face. "What?! Max, you hate me!"
Taking a step towards him, she shook her head. "That's why I couldn't stop coming over because, for at least one night, I could pretend that you loved me too. After the first night, I didn't think it was possible for you to care about me."
He sighed. "I've always cared about you. But you know us X-5's, always hide your emotions." She rewarded him with a small smile which left as soon as it came.
"I'm sorry, Alec."
"Max... I'll be okay. It helps to know that you at least care about me."
Slowly, she came up to him, inches from him. "I know that I jeopardized our friendship but I would spend every day from now on making it up to you if you'll have me. I love you."
And she kissed like she had never before. Sweet, lingering and unrushed. The perfect kiss. Breaking the kiss, she smiled up at him sadly and hurried out of his apartment.
She left him standing with nothing to support him but the knowledge that she loved him. Alec smiled at the thought. It would be enough... for the night, anyway.
The first time, it had been awkward but rewarding all the same. He remembered everything perfectly.
The light knocking on his door disrupted his t.v. watching. Had his ears not been enhanced, there's no way he would have heard it. Turning the t.v. off, he got up and answered the door. He found Max, hair askew, face tormented.
"Max, what's-" was all that he got out before Max jumped him kissing him harshly.
After the initial shock wore off, Alec deepened the kiss. He didn't understand why she'd done it but he didn't mind.
Her hands began to pull on his clothing urging them to reveal his body. He tried to pull away in protest. "Max, wait. We shouldn't-" but she refused to let him get anything else out. When her lips met his in another forceful kiss, the thought that Max might be in heat floated through Alec's mind but he dismissed it. If that had been the case, he would have smelt her long before she reached his apartment.
She tore off his clothes and he eagerly did the same to her. In the turmoil of grasping and kissing, they somehow managed to make it to Alec's bedroom where they had sex.
Well, at least that's what Alec told himself then. Now he realized she had her way with him. It would have been different if she had said something to him before she left. It would have been different if she had acknowledged him the next day. And Alec would have felt less like some man-whore if she'd bother to look him in the eyes.
She never once looked him in the eyes, not that night and certainly not any day afterwards.
It's not as if Alec was some pure innocent virgin, but he was human... more or less. She just expected him to provide a service to her and get nothing in return.
The light knocking again. He opened the door but before Max could throw herself at him, he held up a hand. "No," he said simply and sat back down on the couch.
Max let the door shut behind her, a bewildered expression on her face. "No? What do you mean 'No'?"
"I don't want to do this anymore."
Max stood speechless. The look on her face reminded Alec of a spoiled child who hadn't gotten the toy she wanted. "Oh," was all that left her lips.
"Why do you do it, Max? You come here every week expecting the same thing.
You never say a word, you never even look me in the eye. If the thought of me disgusts you so much, why do bother coming back and forcing me for sex?"
She flinched at his last words. "You don't disgust me," she whispered.
He stood slowly glaring at her even though she refused to make eye contact. "Why are you doing this, Max? Is it just some selfish need that has to be filled and you think I'd be willing to do it? Do you even care if I want to?" His voice had risen substantially, but he then lowered it. "You're using me, you know."
Max couldn't deny his words.
At her silence, he continued. "You still see me the same, don't you? Back when I first got out of Manticore. I know what you thought of me, but you still think that, don't you? You think I'm some careless, unfeeling bastard who'd fuck any woman that presented herself to him. Well, fuck you, Max. You can't just use me for sex and not expect me to feel angry or hurt or... anything. I have done nothing but try to live up to your expectations. I wanted you to think of me as a good person. I wanted to prove to you that I was worth a damn, but you still think of me as the same person I was back then."
"Alec," she looked directly into his eyes for the first time in months. "That's not true."
"The hell it's not."
"It's not. That's not how I see you at all. You are so much more than you use to be. You are brave, caring man. I know that you don't sleep around."
He stared at her silently, then spoke. "If that's true, then why did you use me?"
It made her shutter to think she'd practically raped the one person she cared for. Her eyes drifted away from his. She couldn't say what she was about to and look him in the eye. "That first night was the worst night of my life. The night before I came here, I had just broken up with Logan. That night, I'd found him in bed with Asha," Max almost choked on her name. "I needed a release, a distraction. I hadn't planned to pounce on you, I just... wanted the hurt to go away. And it did... for a while. But then I just kept coming here and using you. The pain grew with each time we slept together. I couldn't look you in the eyes because I didn't want to see what was there. I didn't want to see the anger, the hurt, the loathing you have for me."
He voice softened. "Max, I don't loath you. You could've just talked to me, you know."
She looked at him again. "Alec, I'm in love with you," she breathed.
Utter confusion crossed his face. "What?! Max, you hate me!"
Taking a step towards him, she shook her head. "That's why I couldn't stop coming over because, for at least one night, I could pretend that you loved me too. After the first night, I didn't think it was possible for you to care about me."
He sighed. "I've always cared about you. But you know us X-5's, always hide your emotions." She rewarded him with a small smile which left as soon as it came.
"I'm sorry, Alec."
"Max... I'll be okay. It helps to know that you at least care about me."
Slowly, she came up to him, inches from him. "I know that I jeopardized our friendship but I would spend every day from now on making it up to you if you'll have me. I love you."
And she kissed like she had never before. Sweet, lingering and unrushed. The perfect kiss. Breaking the kiss, she smiled up at him sadly and hurried out of his apartment.
She left him standing with nothing to support him but the knowledge that she loved him. Alec smiled at the thought. It would be enough... for the night, anyway.