Author's Note: Okay, this is literally a oneshot that just looks at the immaturity of the Titans.
Might seem ooc or very unlikely but it really is just a humour piece. Don't read too much into it.
It's modelled after one of my favourite scenes of NCIS. It's flippin' hilarious and I found myself wondering what it would be like with our fave hero network. It would probably help to go and watch the scene I am talking about just so the context is kinda backing it up.
Link: watch?v=oCp9RGGliDQ
I just don't want people commenting like oh my god, it isn't something to joke about. I know but for this particular scene; it really is funny, especially if you are invested in NCIS as a show, like moi.
It is purely being written because it reminds me of some kind of high school situation.
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. Or NCIS for that matter.
The big screen buzzed with light as yet another slide appeared before them all.
Superman cleared his throat and turned to face them, with the remote still in hand, pressing a button to turn on the lights in the room.
"As you can all see from the presentation, there are many forms of harassment in the workplace that can go somewhat... unnoticed. These little signs shouldn't go without being addressed when you feel uncomfortable." He paused and glanced over the faces staring back at him.
Rows of Titans sat there, staring back at him as he spoke. Their expressions varied from mildly interested to absolutely bored senseless. And, Superman was fairly certain he could hear snoring but he wasn't sure who exactly it was.
Cyborg sighed, his fingers clasped together atop of the small desk he had been sat at. He was struggling but his eyes were on the Kryptonian as he continued to drone on about the topic at hand. They had all, needless to say, been reluctant to turn up to the watchtower this morning for the mandatory meeting.
The league had suggested that they were all very young still, despite being in their early 20's and needed to be made aware of the dangers that can occur in the workplace; even if the occupation in question was a superhero.
There was a whole bunch of meetings like this they still had to look forward to such as health and safety, performance issues, discrimination... things like that. Things that normal, white collared folks usually had to worry about
And of course, the Titan network obliged their mentors and superiors and attended the meetings as expected. However, who was to blame them if they lost interest about 2 minutes in?
Beast Boy grumbled a little and jolted as he sat back in his chair, mouth agape with a yawn falling from his lips. He was on the very edge of falling asleep to the rant that Superman was giving them. He probably didn't want to be there with them that much either but alas, duties such as these were more often than not, shifted to his attention. Or Batman's but you had more luck convincing Superman with this kind of topic.
Garfield's head dangled slightly over his girlfriend's desk that was placed just behind him. Raven had an eyebrow raised and she was mildly content with watching the shape shifter drift in and out of consciousness.
Hands clasped and resting under her chin, she was trying her best not to smile at how funny the situation seemed. It was just so ridiculous that they were having a meeting like this. She had no qualms making an appearance but she was vaguely wondering if something like harassment had, could or would ever happen within the Titan network.
Starfire was one of the very few Titans who appeared somewhat curious of what Superman was saying. She was sat at her little desk, a hand raised with her chin resting upon it. There was a pen in her other hand, trying to be accommodating and note down points of importance.
Nightwing sat beside her at his tiny desk. He leaned back against the seat with his arms crossed over his chest, suppressing sigh after sigh. He supposed the topic was valid but then another part of him continued to scoff at that. He blinked wearily behind his mask and grinned at the sight of Kid Flash who sat a seat ahead of him, with Aqualad sat between them.
Wally was jerking every now and then as he tried to defend himself from the sandman's spell. His head drooped lower and lower before abruptly snapping back up with a snort of confusion, followed by realisation of where he was.
Many other Titans were scattered amongst them, all sat at a desk, much like that of a high school class which really didn't help the playful atmosphere in the room.
Kole, Argent, Hotspot, Speedy, Bumblebee, Jinx, Mas y Menos, Jericho, Killowat... literally everyone had been summoned today.
"A teammate looking you up and down with certain intentions... or a teammate showing you a photo of an inappropriate nature." Superman continued,
Beast Boy grinned and leaned back some more to murmur to Raven, "If you're lucky."
"Or... a teammate might-" The man of steel curled his index and middle fingers to show air quotes, "'Accidentally' brush a hand up against your body."
Raven tilted forward, eyes on her boyfriend, "If you're really lucky." She deadpanned, causing the changeling to grin even more,
Superman turned to the projection screen again as another slide popped up, revealing a set of traffic lights,
"Physical contact can be split into three areas." He began as Speedy raised an eyebrow and glanced at Hot Spot, "Green light includes normal behaviour. Yellow light includes borderline behaviour such as hugs or-"
Starfire abruptly stood up, her chair scraping the floor and her hand going up, waiting to ask a question. Her eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was fixed against her features.
Superman inhaled, "Yes, Starfire?"
"Please... what is wrong with hugging people? I hug my friends all of the time." She mumbled, feeling meek,
The broad man shrugged, "Well, whilst you might see it as being friendly, your teammates may find it offensive."
Starfire's expression shifted to one of concern, turning to look over the Titans who were glancing up at her.
"Oh! You are offended when I hug you all?" She gasped, hands curling against her chest,
There was a low but soothing rumble of "no" throughout the room, reassuring the alien.
The Princess beamed and lightly clapped her hands, "Then I shall continue to give out the hugs!" She affirmed, earning a smirk from Nightwing and a quiet chuckle from Cyborg.
"This is an important part, Starfire. You must first ask for permission from your teammates before hugging them."
Starfire's hands fell to her sides and her expression turned incredulous, "As in... every single time?" She asked in disbelief,
Superman nodded before shaking his head and turning to continue talking,
Her expression still one of confusion and mild defiance, she slumped back into her chair. Nightwing turned his head in her direction and flashed her a smile, picking up the hand closest to him.
Bringing his girlfriend's hand to his lips, he gently kissed her skin to reassure her that her hugs wouldn't be a problem. She squeezed his hand in return and offered him a tiny smile that Dick could have sworn was bordering on flirtatious.
He released her hand as Superman's voice echoed against the walls,
"And finally, there is red light behaviour which is deliberate, unwelcomed touching-"
As the last word fell from his mouth, Raven sat forward and licked Beast Boy's cheek in a brief moment of playfulness. She didn't allow herself to be childish too much but Garfield tended to bring it out a little more in her.
Beast Boy yelped loudly and stumbled to his feet, rubbing at his face and becoming the centre of attention, leaving Raven to smirk.
Superman exhaled and rested a hand against his hip, "Another question?"
The changeling awkwardly blinked before stammering, "Um... y-yeah... what if you slap someone in the back of the head like this-"
With that he smacked the back of Cyborg's head, resulting in the cybernetic man returning fire with a thump to his upper thigh. Beastboy grunted and his voice turned to more of a croak.
Beast Boy bit his lip, "Would that... be considered inappropriate behaviour?" He grumbled,
"Absolutely," Superman agreed, folding his arms over his chest, "are you saying that this has actually happened?"
The green skinned jokester awkwardly pouted his lips, his eyes shifting to his leader who had indeed dealt a few head slaps every now and then.
Nightwing merely raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, as if challenging his teammate to continue,
Wally and Starfire both smirked and forced themselves to stare at their desks, knowing full well what Dick sometimes did to get Beast Boy's attention back on a case or mission.
Beast Boy made a popping sound with his lips before rapidly shaking his head,
"Erm... no... I was just wondering; that's all..." He commented before sliding back into his seat, reaching back to gently pinch Raven's leg.
Her nose scrunched and she immediately kicked the underneath of his chair, causing him to mouth the word, 'Ow'.
Superman peered at them for a moment, "Are there any more questions before I go on?"
Wally furrowed his eyebrows and was seemingly wide awake now, "Yeah, I got a question-"
"Go ahead, Wally."
"So... okay, I get the harassment kinda stuff but what about when you're dating another teammate... because I'm pretty sure almost half of us in here are dating someone else in here."
Superman's brow crinkled, "Well... what'd you mean?"
"Like does it count as harassment or does it just count as some tender loving to your partner?"
A number of Titans smirked at that, including Nightwing who was already picturing how the rest of this conversation was going to go.
"Give me an example."
Wally shrugged, "Okay, say I get up and go plant one of Jinx. Is that bad or acceptable because she's my girlfriend?"
"Well-"
"Or is it more like if I get up, pull my pants down and start doing her-"
With a loud yelp, Wally found the legs of his chair snapping and he ended up on his ass, looking around in confusion. That was, until he saw a half irate looking Jinx with glowing pink eyes.
"It was an example Jinx!" He called, only for her to roll her eyes,
Getting up, Wally sat cross legged on the desk instead of trying to find another chair.
"No, Wally... that would be fine. It would be inappropriate for the second one though-"
The speedster suddenly clicked his fingers, "Oh! Or is it to do with gender?"
Superman pinched the bridge of his nose, thoroughly exasperated already, "What are you talking about?"
"Like, okay, it'd be inappropriate to go and make out with Jinx... but is it because she's girl?"
"Well, not-"
"I mean, if I was to go up to Dick and-"
Nightwing shuddered, "Ew... dude. Please. I didn't need that kinda mental image."
Wally blew a kiss at his best friend, "You know you want me."
Starfire meekly tilted her head to look at Wally, "Yes, please friend. I would also prefer if you refrain from doing such things with my boyfriend-"
Superman deeply exhaled, "Titans. Focus. Please." He turned to Wally, "No, Wally. It goes for any gender; the principle is the same. It's still inappropriate behaviour."
Wally seemed to accept that and shrugged, quietening down.
The dark haired hero took a breath before continuing, "Alright, now we'll move onto red flags of harassment in conversation-"
Suddenly, a series of beeps erupted from Nightwing's communicator. He brought it out to check it over.
"Oh thank you God." Beast Boy breathed,
"Titans," He started, addressing his own immediate team, "Trouble down main street; Control Freak looks to be causing some trouble at the movieplex."
"Now he's someone who needs a lesson in harassment." Cyborg muttered, getting up from his chair,
"Agreed, Cyborg... and a lesson in the personal hygiene..." Starfire replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust,
As the five original Titans moved to get up, Superman shook his head,
"Guys, you can't just-"
"It's okay, Supes. I'll write down the important stuff for them." Wally stated,
Superman paused before giving up and waving them off, "Alright, alright. Go."
Nightwing grinned and shuffled out of the watchtower as quickly as possible with his team in tow, determined to get the hell out whilst they had the chance.
"Hey, Supes? I think I got another question," Dick heard Wally mumble as he left.
Author's Note: Hope you like it. Drop me a comment. Literally, this was a self-necessary oneshot like I just had to for me.