"Well I miss you, well I miss you so far…In the collision of your kiss that made it so hard…" Cemetery Drive – My Chemical Romance

I get up with a cold feeling in my chest. The exact same place my heart used to be. Until he left. Now I just feel hollow and cold all the time, like I'm a shell. An empty, emotionless shell. No, wait, that's not true. I have emotions. I just don't have any that you wouldn't find in a manual on depression.

Because that's what he has reduced me to. I suppose that's not fair though, I mean I did tell him I wanted him to be happy. And he must have believed me. I hope he chose her because I said I was ok with it, and not just because I wasn't enough for him. It sounds stupid, but that small thought hurts me every time I think of it. And since he left, its been one of the only things I think about.

The day he left was the worst day of my life.

Not just because I lost him, but because he wasn't the only person I lost that day. I lost Mason.

He, Mia and Eddie had gone to the mall in Spokane to try and look for clues on the Strigoi's whereabouts, and then, just as Christian and I found them, unharmed and a little disgruntled, we were caught and captured by the Strigoi they had tried to find. I don't remember much about what happened in that house, except me, Mia, Eddie and Christian had left, and Mason hadn't. Mason left that house in a body bag.

And then we were in the hospital, and HE was there. Asking me what happened. If I was OK. And all I could think to say was "why are you still here?" But I received no answer, and then I was alone again.

A few weeks later, when they finally let me out, I was on my way to the Gaurdian's dorm when Alberta caught me. She solemly congratulated me on my kills and gave me her sympathys on Masons death. And then, just as I was about to walk off, she said the few small words that shattered my already damaged heart.

"At least some good has come off all this. Gaurdian Belikov is now working for Tasha Ozera. He left a few days ago. You must be proud."

I blacked out after that, and awoke back in the schools infirmiry, with a bad state of health and an even worse state of mind.

All I could think was that I had lost them.

Lost two of the three people I cared about most in the world.

So it was with some trepidation that I got out of bed today and walked over to the clothes from the wardrobe. I had to look nice today as it was an award ceremony for guardians and I had been told I was getting one. God knows why. The thought didn't exactly thrill me, but Lissa had been so happy on my behalf that I didn't want to disappoint her. I had even feigned happiness when she took me to the mall, so she wouldn't realise that I couldn't have cared less about the award show. But I did care about Lissa, so here I was, at waking up at 5am just so she could take me to the spa. And I really hated spa days.

But whatever, if it would make Lissa happy…I got dressed in sweats, and then headed outside, towards the Moroi dorms.

I could already tell today was going to be bad, I just had no idea how much…