All I want for Christmas is peace on Earth.
Please kill everyone.
Love always,
Lord Voldem-….
Lord Voldemort then proceeded to crumple up the parchment and begin again;
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is peace on Earth.
Please kill everyone.
Love always,
Little Tommie Marvy Riddle
P.S. And some peeps. The purple ones please.
When he had put the note in an envelope and given it to his bird, Picachobongwong, and sent it out to Santa Claus, North Pole, Arctic, Earth, etc. Lord Voldemort decided to listen to some muggle music and turned on the old radio in the room, which had once, been his grandfathers (who used to listen to football on it).
At first an annoying song came to his ears in which he mumbled about retarded muggles singing about nothing but sex.
"Hit me baby one more time is not an appropriate song for any person of any generation, gender, or for that matter, whores." Lord Voldemort cursed the name of Britney Spears repeatedly as he continued scanning the different channels until finally, finding one that had a considerable music tone to it.
"106.1 ZZZZZZ ROCK!!! Comin' up! System of a Down, Lonely Day, right after these messages from our sponsors… Just kidding! Hahahahaha… aha gets you every time doesn't it? Well here they are, screamers deciding to sing … love the guitars in this song beautiful. You just gotta love those Americans huh? Well anywhos, it is in fact the loneliest day of my life. Merry Christmas, Mary! Miss you babe." The radio stations DJ's voice rang out throughout the room, echoing and bugging his majesty… his LORDS… ear drums.
"Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go,
I wanna go with you
And if you die,
I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived"
Lord Voldemort sat in his muggle recliner in the run down mansion. He glared at the muggle contraption that had just spit out his most inner feelings of sadness and loneliness. He took out his wand and swiftly ended the muggle contraptions life.
"Happy Christmas, you stupid bastards." He muttered. "If you died… I would just laugh. The feelings aren't mutual. Just wait till I get to America and find you and Crucio your muggle asses!"
"Who are you talking to Master?" Came a voice so horrid it made your bunny slippers run for cover.
"See that pile of steaming plastic and metal, Wormtail?" Voldemort replied, not knowing why he was even explaining his actions to such a weak minded imbecile.
"Yes, my lord?" came a high-pitched acknowledgement.
"That was what I was 'talking' to." Voldemort then began holding his ….um, stub of a nose and closed his eyes.
"Why were you talking to a radio?" Wormtail stupidly asked.
"NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!!! CRUCIO!" Voldemort screamed.
As you may have noticed, Lord Voldemort is in dire need of a psychiatrist and some sugar to cheer him up. And maybe he needs a hug or two. Maybe one of you readers would like to hug him? Maybe one of you readers are smart enough to just leave him be so you don't get killed. I dunno.
The End
Yeah...try to tell Voldemort you missed the meeting because you were getting high...he'll understand.
CRUCIO - My Anti-Drug