TITLE: One Confession
AUTHOR: Anika I own nothing.
CATEGORY: Mulder/Scully, AU
SPOILERS/TIMELINE: One Breath
SUMMARY: A slightly different take on One Breath.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For some unknown reason I find myself addicted to X-Files lately. I haven't watched the show in years and suddenly I can't get enough of it. Anyway, while I am working on several x-files fics right now this is just a short one-parter that I couldn't shake off. This is also my "comeback" as a fanfic writer (or writer in general) as I haven't written in a long, long time. Please enjoy.
DEDICATION:
This is dedicated to my mother who died on May 10th; she was 49.
X-Files was the only tv show she watched regularly because she hated being "commited" to a tv show. We spent many hours watching the show together, or talking about it. She will be missed terribly.
Melissa almost slammed the door as she left Mulder in the darkness of his apartment and his mind. Restless, he paced around the living room. He hadn't told Melissa why he couldn't see Scully yet. This was important. Whoever had done this to his partner, to his friend, had to be punished. They had taken Scully from him and he wouldn't let them escape unharmed. But Melissa's words kept ringing in his ears: 'Dana expects more'. Mulder tried to tell himself he was doing this for her, when he knew deep inside that this wasn't the truth. She wouldn't want him to kill someone for her. She would want them in a court, have them punished for their crimes. 'Life isn't like that, Dana', Mulder told her in his mind. He was torn. He wanted to see her, to talk to her so desperately. He couldn't accept the fact that she would leave him. There were still so many cases they had to solve and still so many secrets to be unraveled. Most importantly there were still so many things he wanted to tell her. The decision was made in a split second. Mulder grabbed his jacket and his keys and was on his way to see Scully.
The bright hospital lights hurt Mulder's eyes. He knew the way to Scully's room by heart and no one stopped him from seeing her. Apparently Mrs Scully had given her ok for Fox Mulder to see her whenever he wanted to. He was fairly surprised but nontheless grateful that neither Mrs Scully nor Melissa were at Scully's side. Mulder stared at her from a distance. Seeing her like that hurt him tremendously. Slowly, he pulled over a chair and sat next to her but did not yet dare to touch her. He had only realized how much Scully meant to him after Duane Barry, after she had been gone. His days had been empty and sad without her. There was so much about her that he had come to appericiate. Even her skeptisicm that always kept him questioning everything more thouroughly than he would have done without her. True, in the beginning he had been rather annoyed with her constantly at his side, monitoring his every move, but as time had passed, he had felt he needed her there. She had become his partner in every true sense of the word; she was his friend and his confident; he could trust her with his life. Now she was laying there in front of him, lifeless and about to leave him for a world he couldn't be part of. Mulder felt the sudden need to touch her. He took her hand into his. It felt limp but warm. He looked at her, despair washing over him.
"I feel, Scully..." Mulder began, his voice almost failing him. He was sure she could hear him. Not because Melissa had told him so but because he could feel it. Right in that moment he knew she would hear him, listen to him.
"You're not ready to go yet. Actually, I am not ready to let you go. You know it's funny. Do you know the saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone? It's just like that. I didn't know how much I..." he stopped there and just looked at her. He tightened his grip on her hand as if that would make her open her eyes. "I met your sister. You two are so completely different." Mulder smiled at her and unconsciously waited for her to smile back. He sighed when he realized what he'd been doing.
"I know I never tell you this but you are the best partner one could wish for. You are not just my partner Scully... Dana. Don't ask me why I never call you by your first name. If you- when you wake up, I'll call you whatever you want me to call you. You can call me Fox, it's fine. As long as you say it. You have to be here. Who else would keep me honest and sane? Who else would question my theories? You are the only person who can help me find the truth. The truth about everything." Mulder felt the tears sting in his eyes. He leant forward and kissed her gently on the forehead. He stared at her up-close. The tubes around her and the life support seemed so wrong. She was such a strong person, she wasn't supposed to be laying here.
"We aren't done yet," he whispered close to her ear. "I lo-" he stopped right there. He wasn't ready to say those words yet. "Dana, I need you." He whispered instead. "I wish you would open your eyes and give me one of your skeptical looks, raise your eyebrows because of what I just said." A tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek. Mulder gently wiped it away.
"I'll stay right here with you. Nothing can make me go away. I almost did something incredibly stupid tonight, Dana. Now I'll stay here with you." Mulder sat back in his chair. He took Scully's hand in his and relaxed. He watched her for a while, thinking of what he had almost done. What he would have done if he hadn't come to the hospital. He didn't care now for these men. Being here, being with Scully was all that mattered. His eyes became heavier and heavied and eventually slipped shut.
"Fox!" Mulder felt someone gently, yet urgently shaking him. He opened his eyes and looked into Mrs Scully's face. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Something inside of him seemed to break. He felt incredible pain, fearing what she was about to tell him. But her mouth turned upwards and she smiled. Mulder stared at her and waited for her to actually say it.
"She's awake. Look." She stepped aside and Mulder looked at Scully, his Scully. She was still laying flat on the bed but her eyes were slightly opened. He couldn't surpress his big smile. He wanted to touch her, to talk to her and make sure she was really back.
"We will have to do some tests first, I know you are all excited, but it's important. We will let you know when you can see her again." The doctor told them. Mulder took a last glance at his partner before Melissa dragged him outside.
"She's going to live," Mrs Scully was crying happy tears, smiling through her veil of tears at her daughter and Mulder, "I'm going to call Bill and Charlie. Let them know. Tell them know their sister will be ok." She wandered off to the payphones in the hall.
Mulder stared at the closed door. He considered this miracle, because it was nothing else than that, and could hardly believe it. Happiness, relief and so many feelings were rushing over him. He had forgotten that Melissa was still with him.
"Thank you, Fox." She whispered after she had watched him for a moment. Now he turned to her. Confusion written all over his face.
"Whatever it was that you told her, it was the right thing. She came back because of you." Melissa had tears in her eyes. At that moment Mulder was reminded of Scully. Vulnerable all Scully women seemed to look the same.
"I don't think-" Mulder began but Melissa stopped him. One hand she had on his arm, squeezing it gently. Slowly she raised a finger to his lips.
"Don't. You know she came back because of what you've told her. Don't sell yourself short. Just don't. Accept it." They looked at each other intensely. Mulder realized that he hadn't looked at her properly yet. She was beautiful, she could have been his type at some other time. But his heart cried out for an different Scully woman and she knew that. Her eyes showed understanding. She knew what he felt for her little sister.
"You know Dana told me you were cute. She was so right. I think she'll tell me quite a bit more about you in the future." She smiled at him knowingly.
Morning was dawning. Mrs Scully had fallen asleep on her daughter's shoulder. Melissa was reading a magazine but she, too, was close to falling asleep. Mulder on the hand couldn't even think of closing his eyes. Scully had woken up. She was awake! But the doctor had not yet given his ok for them to visit her. Mulder was seriously impatient now. He couldn't wait to finally see her blue eyes again, to see her smile. Hell, he even wanted to see her frown at him. As long as it was her, as long as she was alive.
"Mrs Scully?" The doctor came out. Mulder jumped from his chair. The doctor eyed him, almost amused.
"She wants to see you." The doctor told Mrs Scully, who had just woken up. Mulder watched as Mrs Scully and Melissa walked past the doctor and into Scully's room, both grinning. Melissa passed Mulder a look, telling him he would soon get to see her, too.
"Mr Mulder, I wanted to talk to you anyway. The nurses told me about earlier. We can't explain what happened to Dana and she has no recollection of any events that led to her condition. I was hoping you could give me some insight."
"I can't. It's... complicated. I am just glad that Dana is alive and well. She is well, right?" Mulder asked, a hint of fear in his voice.
"Oh, she is well, Mr Mulder. She is much better than could be expected. She was dead, there was nothing we could have done to prevent her death. Sometimes these things happen: miracles. It was a miracle, Mr Mulder. She is tired now, but apart from that she is just fine. And she wants to see you, she told me." Mulder smiled at him goofily. The doctor nodded at him and wandered off. Mulder, still wearing that silly grin he'd just given the doctor, stared at the door. He just had to go in there. Scully had asked for him. He couldn't wait any longer.
As he opened the door he saw his Scully, sitting up in bed. His smile turned into a big grin. She was still weak but smiled back at him nonetheless.
"Fox!" Mrs Scully explained happily. He heard the tears in her eyes, rather than he saw them because he couldn't take his eyes off Scully. There was something in her expression he couldn't read.
"Not Fox, Mom, it's Mulder." Scully told her mother but as she directed her eyes back to Mulder, she seemed to remember something. As if she remembered him telling her it was ok for her to call him Fox.
Mulder took the chance and walked over to her. He took her cross that he had kept for her, from his pocket and handed it to her.
"I've been waiting to give this back to you." He told her.
"Oh, Mulder..." Scully was close to tears when she took it. She looked at him intensly.
"I don't remember anything." She whispered to him. This was part of a conversation only the two of them were to have. She didn't want her family too involved in this because even though she didn't know what had happened, she knew it had not been normal.
"It's ok. Don't worry about anything, I just want you get better now, ok?" Scully nodded. She looked down for a moment, playing with the golden cross, when she looked up again he face was slightly flushed and she was trying not to smile too much.
"I heard you. Last night, I heard what you told me. I wanted to come back... back to this. To us, Mulder." The last part was almost inaudible. But Mulder was so close to her by now, he understood every word. He shrugged, but couldn't surpress the happy expression on his face. Mulder gently kissed her cheek before he drew back from her.
"I'll see you soon, Scully." For a short moment fear flashed over her face. "I'll be back soon, I promise. I just want to change and your brothers are coming. I don't think they're gonna like me being here. I'll be back." He assured her. Scully's reply was a big smile.
As he walked out of the door, looking at the three Scully women, he couldn't believe how lucky he was. But there was still a shadow clouding everything; he didn't know what he would fine when he returned to his apartment. He didn't know how he and Scully would deal with what had happened to her. He didn't know much, but Scully was alive nothing else mattered for now. Everything else they would deal with later- together, like always.
END
It was a bit longer than I had thought. Anyway, it was hard to actually finish it. Please leave just a short note wheter you liked it or not. As I said before, I haven't written in like forever and I can use any feedback! And today is my birthday!
Written by Anika