A/N:This is my entry in the NFA Keeping Up with Kate challenge and a sequel to my AU Kate story, Sweeter Far Than Flowing Honey, in which Kate was saved from being killed by Ari because Ziva was there on the roof and stopped Ari before he could shoot. The story involves Ari coming back to finish the job he started and essentially ends with Ziva joining NCIS but not Gibbs' team specifically. I'd recommend you read Sweeter Far Than Flowing Honey, but I think that's all you need to know in order to understand this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, the franchise or the agency. I only lay claim to the original characters, and I'm not making money from this endeavor. Alas.

Having New Eyes
by Enthusiastic Fish

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
- Marcel Proust

Chapter 1

"So, talk to me, sis. You're not just calling to chat."

Kate smiled and leaned back on the couch. She never could fool her sister. ...of course, having a psychiatrist for a sister made it harder.

"I met with Director Vance today. He had some suggestions."

"About what?"

"Well...do you remember Stan Burley?"

"Of course. You dated him for a while, didn't you?"

"Well, we did go out on a few dates, but it wasn't a real relationship. He's married to the sea."

"How cliche of him."

Kate chuckled. "You're telling me. Well, he's coming into port and has actually asked to be assigned a temporary duty on land rather than on sea."

"Why?"

"It's not because of me if that's what you're thinking. But he also wants to be able to go back out in a year. Vance is okay with that, but he wants someone to take his place."

"Let me guess. He wasn't telling you this for fun."

"No. He thinks that it would be good for me...get out, see more, get more experience. ...maybe re-evaluate what I want."

"In what respect?" Rachel asked.

"I turned down a promotion about a year ago. Team lead came open. He suggested I might be good for the job. I said no. I liked where I was."

"You passed on a chance to lead a team of your own?"

"Yeah. Go figure."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just..."

"Yeah, you do. Why is it that you gave up a chance like that?"

"Because...I don't feel ready to have that responsibility. As much as I'd like to deny it, I don't feel like I'm ready for that. I haven't told anyone about it and I didn't mention that to Director Vance, either, but...I just don't think I'm ready for something like that."

"Why not? Kate, you've got years of experience, and Director Vance doesn't just hand out favors. He must have thought you were ready."

"So...why me? There are a lot of other people who have more experience...have better records...have less of a history of being taken in..."

"Kate."

"Even at the last, I almost let my understanding of Ari kill me. I got him pegged and it made me pity him...and he would have killed me."

"But he didn't."

"Because Ziva was there, not because I pulled myself together in time. I like being on Gibbs' team, Rachel. I like Tim. I like Gibbs. I even like Tony most of the time. Ziva is a good friend. Abby is a great friend. Ducky is..."

"What's the real reason you don't want this, Kate? It's not because you like these people. Agent Afloat isn't a permanent assignment. You told me that yourself."

Kate thought about it.

"I wasn't sure I wanted this at all...but I have it...and I don't want to lose it. Every day, I feel like I dodged a bullet. I did dodge a bullet. Ari would have killed me, and it's like I have to do something to prove that I deserve that chance at living."

"You don't have to prove that you deserve to live, Kate. If you really did somehow cheat Death, the best way to show you deserve your life is to live it."

"I'm just not sure what to do, Rachel. I'm not used to feeling so uncertain."

"I'm not used to hearing you that way, either. When do you have to make a decision?"

"By the end of the week."

"Okay. You know what I think you should do?"

"What?" Kate asked, knowing that Rachel was about to pull out one of her many psychology ideas.

"When you're not running for your life or anything like that, I think you should look at everyone and everything you see at NCIS and decide what it is you like about them, what is it that's really holding you there, what is it that you think is worth keeping. Then, you should sit down and decide if taking the Agent Afloat assignment is going to develop those things or hinder them."

"You're such a shrink, Rachel."

Rachel laughed. "Of course I am. Doesn't mean I'm not right. Try it, Kate. ...and I, for one, will never be sad that you're alive, no matter what you choose. Love you."

"Love you, too."

Kate hung up the phone and leaned back against the couch. Had she fallen into a rut? Was she just taking things as they came because she was comfortable where she was? Or was it because she'd found the place she wanted to be? She had always been driven to excel, no matter what the subject matter. To realize that she'd been accepting what she had achieved without that drive to get more was a surprise. Was she being true to who she was by staying? Or would she be true to herself by leaving? She wasn't used to feeling so uncertain. Even in her first years at NCIS when she'd made mistakes, some deadly, she'd felt that this was the right place...and she'd asked herself the question a lot, but lately, that question had fallen by the wayside in lieu of the nearly-omnipresent question of whether or not she should have died. How would NCIS be different if Ari had succeeded in killing her that day? What would have happened to the team? What would have happened to Ziva? How many ripples had spread out from that moment when Ziva had saved her life for the first time?

Shaking her head, Kate got up and decided to go to bed. Rachel's idea made sense, even if she didn't want to admit it to her older sister. She had to evaluate what it was that made her want to stay, and whether or not she should decide to go.

Kate stared at herself in the bathroom mirror for a long moment...and a thought came to her rather suddenly. It didn't change her plan, but it added to it. She left the bathroom and grabbed her phone. Quickly, before she could change her mind, she sent a text message.

Stan, I hear you're in port. If you're in the realm of DC, you want to grab breakfast or lunch tomorrow?
Kate

Then, with the questions still swirling in her head, Kate went to bed.