"Si fuera más guapa y un poco más lista,
Si fuera especial, si fuera de revista,
Tendría el valor de cruzar el vagón
Y preguntarte quién eres"
If I were more beautiful, and a little smarter
if I were special, if I looked like they do in magazines
I'd have the courage of crossing the wagon
and ask you who are you
Her feet were sore from walking all the way from the seam to the station, not to mention her hands were itching to bend down and tie her left shoelace, but she had no time to spare. The wretched alarm clock of hers had failed once again, and although it had delayed her but a few minutes, it was enough that she could miss the train.
And while to any other teenager it would be annoying, to her and her family it would be tragic.
Last summer had been the happiest for Katniss Everdeen since the death of Hunter Everdeen. She'd looked for a job for over a month and she had finally decided that she wouldn't find it in her own District. She took one single coin from the crooked drawer in her mother's room, who didn't even flinch as she closed it with twice the force needed. The single coin bought her three things:
A bus ticket to District 11, which she rode five minutes after said purchase, she surveyed the old train which held only five other passengers and she didn't once glance back at her District. A candy bar from the same man who had just gave her a job at a small convenience store, out of pure giddiness and because she knew Prim would love it. Finally she bought a train ride back home, and within five minutes of sitting down her eyelids were stubbornly shut.
It was one of those imageless dreams, like a television on static, it was peaceful.
Today would be the third week anniversary of working for Mr. Callum and she held her head high as she made her way to the station.
It was an empty station, the type you only see when you sustain your family. She sat on a cold metal bench, crossing her fingers halfheartedly hoping the bus hadn't left yet.
She almost smiled when she heard the familiar screech of metal on metal. Almost.
She stood up, ready as ever, when the sound of heavy breathing disturbed her left ear.
"Weeeuuuff! Oh my god I can't believe I almost missed it" said a red cheeked boy.
She remained indifferent as she did with any other human being she didn't share blood with, but she had to admit that his overly bright smile made her itch as much as her untied shoe lace did. She guessed it was too early in the morning for anybody to look that pleased. If there was something she knew it was that a lot of things can happen between 7 am and 7pm.
"Hey, do you remember me? I'm Peeta. Peeta Mellark, we went to school together before you..you.." he stumbled like most people did in this kind of situation.
"Dropped out? Yeah I know who you are" she said a little bit more rough than she wanted to. She had nothing against Peeta Mellark, in fact he found him to be one of the most tolerable people at school but right now his happy-go-lucky wasn't working for her.
"I'm sorry if I bothered you, I ramble when I'm nervous" he said, all smiles once again.
"Why are you nervous?" she asked, almost kicking herself. Great, just what she wanted, to socialize with the baker's son.
To her fortune the train arrived and she jumped right in, she immediately found her seat, illuminated by the light coming in through the train window.
She sighed contently at having arrived in time to catch the train. Of course her peace was disturbed by a pair of almost clear blue eyes.
"May I?" he said pointing to the empty seat right next to her. She nodded and shrugged. He stumbled upon her maroon colored boots.
"Sorry" she muttered.
An awkward silence dragged on for about ten minutes. She desperately wished the Mellark boy would butt off. He simply sat to her left rubbing his hands together to gather some warmth, apparently oblivious to her discomfort.
"It's my first day" the boy said. She raised an eyebrow in question.
"That's why I'm nervous." His late reply made her confused.
"First day at what?" she asked, her voice a little rough from lack of use.
"Work, of course" he answered obviously delighted she had contributed to the 'conversation'.
"I thought you worked at the bakery?" it was supposed to be a statement.
"It's three of us brothers, and there's only job for two" he blushed scarlet in the cheeks. It was a very beautiful blush, not angry or flustered. Like roses were blooming from under his skin, she thought.
Her own train of thought ashamed her and she looked away. She realized after a while he was embarrassed to have to spell out for her that his family was in need. She didn't think twice before she said, "I guess it won't be such a lonely train ride anymore".
He smiled as brightly as he had earlier and the itch came back, only this time it was wishing she'd worn better shoes.
"Te sientas enfrente y ni te imaginas,
Que llevo por ti mi falda más bonita,
Y al verte lanzar un bostezo al cristal
Se inundan mis pupilas."
You sit in front of me
and you don't even imagine
that it is for you that I wear my most beautiful skirt,
and when I see you throw a yawn at the crystal
my pupils are flooded
Katniss was never, and would never be, a vain girl. In fact she felt rather uncomftarble when anyone gave her any type of compliment, but today, well she wish she knew what was going on today.
She'd ransacked her closet for anything to wear. Something, anything, that didn't scream 'poor' or 'desperate'. She crossed her fingers, a habit of hers, and hoped to find this divine item of clothing.
"Katniss?" a small, cracked voice called out.
"Really mother? Right now you choose to speak?" she spat back as she crawled out of her closet.
"I'm sorry, but is today a special day?" she asked, staring at her hands like they'd suddenly become oh-so-very-amusing. She felt the warmth crawl to her cheeks and she stuttered.
"No..Well..Actually" she mumbled.
"Come with me" she said, her hand reached for her hand, and in her state of embarrassment she didn't flinch away.
Her mother's room was neat, as always, with the exception of a blue item of clothing laid out on the bed.
"It was mine when I was your age. It's not too fancy you can't wear it too work but it's definitely beautiful" her mother said with a grin.
Katniss could feel her mouth twitch but she remained monotonic.
"So who is he?" her mother asked. If it weren't because she was so thankful she might have walked away, but she decided that her mother deserved at least an answer.
"He's walking me to the station" she said in a rush as she went to get changed.
At 6:30, exactly the front door rattled a bit from outside knocking.
Primrose ran to the door her blonde pigtails flying in the air chaotically.
"Hello" she said brightly.
"Hey there" said a voice that challenged that brightness.
"Are you here to see mother? You don't look very sick" she asked, crooking her head a bit in that adorable way of hers.
"Well I'm glad I don't look so, but no I'm looking for Katniss?" he said.
"I'm here" Katniss said, appearing behind her little sister. She even leaned on the door frame a bit like she'd seen other girls at school do when they tried to flirt, but she felt plain ridiculous. If Peeta noticed her beautiful dress he didn't show it.
He simply smiled and asked, "Should we get going?"
They had been talking nonstop every time they saw each other for about three months. Katniss wasn't the type to make friends too easy but talking to Peeta, it was…natural. After a week she began to feel a little more than natural friendliness, she liked Peeta like a girl likes a boy. Or at least that's what she thought, she'd never felt this way before. They'd talked about everything and anything but right now the awkward silence seemed infinite. Once on the train it wasn't much better, Peeta was uncharacteristically quiet. She turned to the window to hide her disappointment.
She didn't know when it had started , when she'd began to like the boy. Maybe it was the day he'd bought some bread for her and her family when Mr. Callum said the pay would be late. Or perhaps it was when he'd given her his jacket for the rest of the day because she'd left hers on the train. Or maybe it was when she realized just how amazingly handsome he was.
Either way it didn't matter because he was sitting there not looking at her for the rest of the ride.
Work wasn't much better, she'd dropped a can of pickles and she'd have to pay them off her check. Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, all she wanted was to go home.
She climbed on the train about five seconds before it left. It was eerie dim and strangely quiet. No one in sight as far she could tell. She searched for her spot and when she finally found it she dropped to her knees. It was taken by a sobbing blonde boy with almost clear blue eyes.
"Peeta?" she asked her voice a few octaves higher than it ought to be.
"He's dead Katniss" he cried out.
"Who Peeta? Who's dead?"
"My father. He died this morning, I didn't want to worry you. I thought it was just a fever and he told me to go on ahead and go to work. They called me about an hour ago, said he died right after the train left" he hid his face behind his long curls.
She didn't think about it and wrapped her arms around him.
He walked her home even though she insisted he should go home immediately. She was wondering whether or not Peeta would ride the train the next morning when they arrived at her small home.
She looked up at him and just then he leaned in and kissed her cheek. She felt proud she didn't pass out on the spot, but she did blush.
"Thanks Katniss" he said, his eyes still rimmed red from all the crying, his cheeks still humid.
She walked to her front door in a daze, and before she walked in she heard him shout after her,
"You look very beautiful in that dress". She smiled like an idiot.
Inside her mom sat in the kitchen with knowing eyes.
"Katniss, my little girl, with Bran's son. He was quite the adorable baby, looked just like his papa" she said to herself.
That night she dreamt of a girl in a plaid red dress playing with a boy with blue eyes.
"De pronto me miras
Te miro y suspiras
Yo cierro los ojos
Tú apartas la vista
Apenas respiro
Me hago pequeñita
Y me pongo a temblar"
Suddenly you look at me
I look at you and you sigh
I close my eyes
you look away
I barely breath
I become small
and I shiver
Bran Mellark's funeral was a simple one, a lot of people gathered by the meadow where he was to be buried.
Katniss remained near her mother, holding on tightly to Prim's hand as she watched Peeta in the distance, crying hysterically. Both his brothers held their mother and he stood slightly apart from them. The space left between them would be perfect to fit a man of about roughly the same size as Peeta.
She almost cried out when she realized that that was the exact spot where the Baker would be, where he alive. Consoling his son.
"You should go" her mother said, pointing to the object of her affections. She took small steps towards him, like she did to a wounded animal when she went hunting on the weekends.
"Peeta?" she said, extending her hand.
He immediately took it and pulled her in for a bear hug. That's how the rest of the funeral was, her arms around the baker's son, his head against her shoulder when they sat.
She was happy there being able to comfort him when there was need. She knew though, she wasn't stupid, that when this was all over he might not be as affectionate as he was being at his weak moments.
The service was over, Peeta's mother nodded briefly to her own mother, perhaps in thanks for Katniss' actions during the funeral.
Peeta didn't let go of her as he walked both of them to a tree at the edge.
"Katniss, you don't know how much that meant to me" he said, swallowing loudly.
"That's what friends are for" she answered softly.
He looked at her, pain undistinguishable on his clear eyes. He was getting closer; her lungs quickly forgot how to inhale oxygen. Soon his lips were so close she could smell his sweet apple and cinnamon breath and feel his warmth. For a millisecond she felt the silkiness of his lips and then they both heard a loud crackling of lighting.
"That's an omen" he whispered.
"Of what?" she asked looking up at the sky.
"Guess we could find out" he said, without further hesitation capturing her lips.
She'd never felt more alive than when she stood there, kissing Peeta Mellark.
"Y así pasan los días, de lunes a viernes
Como las golondrinas del poema de Becquér
De estación a estación de frente tú y yo
Ahí viene el silencio
De pronto me miras
Te miro y suspiras
Yo cierro los ojos
Tú apartas la vista
Apenas respiro
Me hago pequeñita
Y me pongo a temblar"
and days go on like this, from monday to friday
like the nightningales in Bequer's poem
from station to station, in front you and I
here comes the silence
Suddenly you look at me
I look at you and you sigh
I close my eyes
you look away
I barely breath
I become small
and I shiver
Life went on. Katniss knew that everything should be perfect now, that her and Peeta should live happily ever after, but that's not how life was. After the funeral she rarely saw Peeta for about a month. She didn't know whether or not he was coming back, but suddenly there he was again on a Monday morning. He was sitting on the lone bench that sat in the middle of the station.
She didn't say anything she just sat next to him, hands shivering from the cold.
Not one word was passed between them for the rest of the week. How was it that they'd closed all the ground they'd covered?
Monday of the next week she walked to the station, head high, prepared to confront him on why the hell he was being so cold, but when she got there the station was empty.
Worry overtook her then anger. She understood his father was dead and he had to mourn but did he really have to use her like that?
She tried being strong although her heart was being pulverized into a thousand little pieces. She shut off, did her work perfectly because that's the only thing she allowed in her mind.
She walked home in a hurry, and only when she'd said hello to her mother and Prim did she go to her room. Once there she allowed herself a single tear and no more.
She had been right to shut people out and she'd been right that love only hurt people. All love ended in tragedy. Now she had to remember that and not let anyone else convince her otherwise.
There was a knock on the front door and she peeked out so she'd clear out of the forest if it was a really ill patient. It wasn't, it was Peeta Bloody Mellark.
She stood up and stomped to open the door, Prim was about to but she said, "No Prim, I'll take this one."
There he was in all his 'glory' he smelled like aftershave and his hair was wet.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"Umm..Katniss..I'd.." he stuttered.
"You what?" she asked exasperated.
"I came to say goodbye" he said looking down at his shoe. Damn he was doing the blushing thing again. No, she wasn't going to get hurt again.
"And why is that?" she asked.
"With my dad gone there's no need for me to work away so I'm going back to the bakery" he said looking up at her.
"I guess that's for the best. Things were getting out of hand" she said, willing herself to believe every word.
"What?" he asked incredulously.
"Oh don't give me that! We both know that this was wrong" she said pointing between them.
"Love is never wrong Katniss" he whispered.
"Love?! Is that what you call kissing a girl and not speaking to her for over a week?" she screamed at him.
"Katniss I'm so sorry. I just I didn't know how to tell you, it's not just that my father is gone. My mother, she said that she knew Mr. Callum and.." he gulped.
"And what?" she said cautiously.
"She said that if she ever saw me with you again shed have you fired" he said, looking abashed.
She almost threw her arms around him and told him it was ok, they'd find a way. Almost.
"Maybe this is for the best. She's right; you and I were not the same. Its best that we stop talking." She said not believing half of what she said.
"You really think that?" Katniss had seen him happy, sad, utterly consumed by pain, but never as angry as he looked now.
"Yes" she whispered.
"Then I guess you're right".
That was the coldest night of all the month.
"Y entonces ocurre despiertan mis labios
Pronuncian tu nombre tartamudeando
Supongo que piensas que chica mas tonta
Y me quiero morir
Pero el tiempo se para
Y te acercas diciendo
Yo no te conozco y ya te hechaba de menos
Cada mañana rechazo el directo y elijo este tren"
And then it happens,
my lips wake up
they pronounce your name stammering
I suppose you are thinking "what a stupid girl"
and I want to die
but the time stops
and you approach saying:
"I don't know you, and I've been missing you"
every morning, I reject the bus and I take this train
She couldn't sleep without seeing his face, she avoided the town in fear she would run across him. With the lack of sleep and the constant worry of maintaining her family she was a mess.
She cried constantly at home for no apparent reason and she knew she wasn't concealing this very well by the pointed looks her mother and Prim threw at her.
She was tying her shoes getting ready for a hunting trip when she heard her.
"Katniss!" It was Prim looking at her worriedly.
"What's wrong little duck?" she asked standing up examining her for injuries.
"I've been calling your name for ten minutes with no response, where did my big sister go off to?" she asked sweetly. "Don't worry sweetie its nothing" she said.
"Oh really? Did you notice you're wearing two different type of boots?" She looked down at herself and indeed one of her boots was short and black and the other reached her ankle with a deep maroon color.
"Oh damn! Why can't I ever do anything right?!" she mumbled as she angrily took off the maroon boot.
"Katniss?" Prim was still there looking sad.
"Yes little duck?" "Is this about Peeta?" she asked. She looked at her sister and soon she was sobbing into her hands.
"We can't be friends anymore" she explained. Her sister looked at her, her head crooked to the side in the manner she adored.
"Well shouldn't you at least have had a proper goodbye?" she asked.
Her head snapped up, maybe Prim was right. Maybe if she told him what he'd meant she'd finally be able to let go.
"You're right" she said.
She knocked nervously on the bakery backdoor, knowing that's where the baker was to be found.
A man opened the door, his hair was like Peeta's and they had a similar built but his eyes were a different shade of blue.
"You here to see Peet?" he asked looking down at her from the bakery back door.
"Umm yes please" she said nervously but held her head high, for that she was proud.
"You know he's not allowed to see you anymore" he said, one eyebrow raised. "Yes, he told me" she answered. He laughed heartily.
"Anyone who dares cross mom must be rather brave, or stupid. So which one are you Katherine?" he asked.
"Its Katniss" she said, flushing angrily. "My bad, Catnnniiiiisssss" he said chuckling.
"Peetaaaa, there's a customer here for you, she says she only wants your frosting!" he shouted, laughing again.
Katniss waited, shifting from foot to foot, examining the concrete under her determinedly.
"Katniss?" said the anxious voice she hadn't heard in so long. She looked up expecting to see surprise, but his face was scared by an infectious smile. His hands however were fidgeting with his apron, his mother wasn't there but she would obviously be there soon.
"I..I just thought we were friends" she said, she wanted to die of embarrassment at the absurdity of her statement.
"Oh Katniss, we are, we're much more!" he exclaimed.
"Friends…They deserve a proper goodbye" she said, her voice catching. A single tear streamed down her face, and she angrily wiped it off her face. She looked up, hoping he hadn't seen it. By the look on her face, he obviously had.
She turned down, not able to bear the sad pitying look on his face.
"You're right" he said, interrupting the silence. She looked up startled.
"Meet me at the train station on Thursday, like before. I'll be there" he said, smiling manically.
"I'll be there" she said. She left home, feeling better than she had in a long time.
Y ya estamos llegando, mi vida ha cambiado.
Un día especial este once de marzo.
Me tomas la mano, llegamos a un túnel
Que apaga la luz
And now we are about to arrive, my life has changed.
A special day, this eleventh of March.
You take my hand, we arrive at a tunnel
That cuts out the light
Katniss wears her blue dress, today is a very special day. Her shoes are clean and that's enough for her. There is a massive sadness that overpowers her as she stands looking herself in the mirror. Today is a day for goodbyes for Katniss Everdeen it seems. March eleventh, today marks the date her father parted and now the day she said goodbye to Peeta Mellark.
"Katniss do you really have to go?" asks Prim, she is nervously fidgeting with the bottom of her braid. She frowns at Prim's petition.
"Why don't you want me to go? I thought you were the one who gave me the idea to go in the first place" Katniss said.
"I know, I know, its just..the news cast. They saw there has been some attacks by the Capitol to try to calm down the rebels." "Oh Prim! You don't worry about that, no one, especially not the Capitol, would think to attack such a pitiful District as ours" she answers grinning and patting both her hands between her own.
She kissing Prim and hugging her mother, she'll need the extra strength. It doesn't take long to spot him. Standing all alone in the empty station, he's wearing a white button up and black pants. Summer is approaching.
"Hi" she says, it hangs in the air for a while and the walls shout it back at her.
"Hello" he says turning to look at her. They stand there staring for a while before Peeta interrupts. "Katniss, lets make this day good, it will be our last."
She feels a burden dropped of her shoulders and she smiles at him softly, "I'd like that."
They sit together on their same seat and Peeta orders two cups of hot chocolate, a rarity.
He's about to say something as he looks to her, she can see in his bright eyes. He sits on the window seat illuminated by a bright orange light, a pink orange a yellow orange as well.
His mouth opens and what was light behind him turns to dark, a pitch hot black, just seconds before the world goes dark, she sees the window behind Peeta's head shatter.
Te encuentro la cara gracias a mis manos.
Me vuelvo valiente y te beso en los labios.
Dices que me quieres y yo te regalo
El último soplo de mi corazón
I find your face thanks to my hands.
I become courageous and kiss you on the lips.
You say that you love me and I give you
The last faint beat of my heart
She cant see anything and she feels her heart beat slow dangerously. Something has slashed her side and she feels the blood pour vigorously out of her, like a ripe fruit. She knows she's been blasted of her seat and she feels franatically for him. She shouts his name over the moaning of fellow passangers.
She needs to find him, she came to say goodbye after all.
"I'm here" a weak voice calls from in front of her. She feels with her hands until she finds his hand. She doesn't know if the blood on her hands is his or her own. She feels her way up to his face. There's no mistaking where the blood comes from now. She gathers all her courage and with her last heart beat she gives him her first kiss.
It was a Thursday.