Disclaimer: I do not own HxH. This is strictly fan-based, hence then genre 'fanfiction'.
As he sat across the table, Killua watched Gon slurping up his drink with glee and he couldn't help but wonder at what point he had begun to see him as his light. The very concept itself was strange, as if Gon had become some sort of savior to Killua. Yet, to him, that's exactly how it was. Darkness had been Killua's life, and the brilliant figure grinning like a fool across from him was his sun.
Swallowing hard, Killua forced his gaze back down to the untouched milkshake before him.
"Killua?" he heard him call from across the table.
Slowly lifting his gaze, the ex-assassin turned his eyes upwards to stare at his friend wincing slightly as the sun beat rays upon Gon's back and into Killua's eyes. Killua couldn't help but marvel as he looked upon him, his own personal sun. Then what did that make him? The moon constantly chasing the sun but never matching its brilliance, always forced to remain in the darkness? The thoughts spun around in his mind, as he absentmindedly stabbed his milkshake with the spoon provided.
Perhaps instead he is Icarus, the fool who dared to get too close to the sun. As the thought passes his mind, he paused on it and an annoyed scowl spread over his face. The sound of it stung, and he couldn't help but continue coming back to that concept. The visage of his wax wings melting in the heat of Gon's brilliance before ultimately plummeting to his death.
"Hey, Killua, you in there?" Gon questioned, reaching across the table poke at his friend's hand as he continued stabbing the innocent chocolate milkshake.
Jerking out of his stupor, Killua snapped his head up to meet the pair of round chocolate eyes staring at him with worry. Quickly, he shook his head and turned his attention to the boy before him with the best smile he could perform.
"Sorry Gon, I was just thinking." Killua said, doing his best to cover the insecure feelings that were now raging through him.
Gon let out a long 'hmm' as he stared at his friend with scrutiny. Wrinkling his nose, the black haired boy leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table.
"You're making that face." He began, pursing his lips to the side as he studied the boy before him before continuing. "You know, the one you make when you're thinking too hard about something serious."
Quickly shaking his head, Killua reached across the table and flicked his friend on his forehead.
"Idiot. You're the one who's thinking too hard." Killua began, scrunching his nose and sticking out his tongue before he continued. "Keep thinking like that and smoke is going to come out of your ears."
Gon scrunched up his face as he reached his hand up to rub the new red mark between his eyebrows. With a pout, the younger boy picked up his shake and began slurping from it again as he avoided the gaze of his friend.
"Be that way, I was only being nice." He replied, taking an extra-large slurp as he finished speaking as if to accentuate his point. It didn't, it only made him look silly. Snickering, Killua shook his head and finally began working on the shake before him as he stared affectionately at the eccentric boy.
"Weirdo, finish your shake. We have to head over to Wing's place soon."
Complete darkness enveloped the area, disorientating all who might be within its grasp. The ex-assassin reached out, his pale hands groping in the darkness for something to grab hold of. Anything the might guide him through this thick darkness. From behind him he could hear his brother's voice taunting and calling out to him.
"Kil" he called out, his slimy voice echoing in the darkness.
Killua shuddered, his head darting about as if he would be able to catch sight of the voice's owner.
"You disobeyed me Kil."
Eyes widening, Killua took off into the darkness in a hasty attempt to escape the owner of that voice. Goosebumps crawled over his skin and he could feel his stomach churn with every word spoken.
"There is no point in making friends, Kil. You're only going to betray them in the end."
Hearing this Killua screamed, his hands reaching up to bury themselves in this white tuffs of hair as he pulled in anguish. No! He refused to be like him! He wouldn't do that, not ever!
"You're going to kill him, Kil."
Stopping in his tracks, the ex-assassin tightened his fists at his sides and screamed at the top of his lungs. The darkness was beginning to affect him, he rationed, as his body shook and images of Gon's death began to flash through his mind.
"You're going to be the one to snuff out that sun of yours, Kil." Illumi taunted, his voice now whispering in Killua's ear. Killua began to feel sick almost as if a heavy weight began churning in his stomach.
Suddenly before him the darkness began to clear and he saw a horrifying scene. Gon lay bloodied and broken on the ground and Killua sat above him with bloodied hands. Gon's legs appeared to be broken with bones puncturing through the skin, blood seeping from them and pooling on the floor. His left arm had been removed and lay a few feet from the rest of the boy. Yet what sickened Killua the most was that after all that, his friend was still not dead. His coughs were spraying blood up and onto Killua's pale face as the pale boy reached his hands down and wrapped his hands smoothly around his friend's throat.
"This little light of mine… I'm going to let it shine..." the visage Killua slowly sang as his grip around his friend's throat tightened.
"STOP IT!" Killua screamed his eyes wide and shaking as he watched the horrible scene before him. He wanted to do anything he could to stop that from happening, to stop himself from becoming that.
"We are assasins Killua, we don't deserve the light." Illumi laughed his hot breath against his brother's ear as he spoke.
Screaming at the top of his lungs, Killua felt hands grip at his shoulders squeezing tightly. Thrashing from the left to the right, he did his best to throw off his brother's grip. No! Get your hands off me!
"Killua! Killua!" a voice continued calling his name as he thrashed about. At first the voice began as Illumi's but then as it continued it began to change. The voice lost that slimy feeling that was interchangeable with Illumi's voice and began to become a little higher in pitch. Was that Gon's voice?
The dark world began to fade away along with the horror scene he had been forced to witness. With a flash the darkness was replaced with a blinding light that forced Killua to close his eyes. When he reopened them, everything he had been experiencing had vanished and he was trembling in the arms of his best friend. A cold sweat covered his body and the blankets and pillows from his bed were all thrown to the ground. His breathing was erratic and yet the strangest thing of all this was the pain-stricken look on Gon's face.
"Thank goodness." He muttered, relaxing his neck to rest his forehead against Killua's shoulder. Dark bags hung under the young hunter's eyes and his own pajamas were in a strange state of disarray. Yet none of this seemed to worry Gon as much as his friend's state of being as he gently rubbed his hands along his friend's back. As he sat there basking in the comfort of Gon's arms, Killua felt himself began to melt against the younger boy. Exhaling heavily, Killua turned his head to press his nose against the crane of Gon's neck. It felt strange being held like this by another but after the visage he had just seen he was simply glad to see the boy safe.
"Killua, I was so worried. You were screaming and kicking and-" he began, his words beginning to carry off in a banter as he pulled away to looked over the ex-assassin. Like he did, Killua looked like hell; his eyes bloodshot and dark with thick creases beneath, his body still covered in cold sweat and his hair matted with it. Yet the worst of it all was the nervous gaze he kept giving Gon, as if he expected him to simply fall to pieces before him. The young hunter couldn't even fathom what the nightmare might have been about, but he could tell that whatever it had been had really shaken him.
"It was just a nightmare." Killua lied, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away as he spoke.
Pursing his lips to the side, Gon watched him and quickly saw through the lie that was presented. Sighing heavily, Gon reached forward and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Go back to sleep, Killua. You have a match tomorrow." Gon told him, getting down from the bed to retrieve the discarded pillows.
Quickly, Killua shook his head, fear returning to his gaze. He couldn't sleep, not after having seen something like that. The very idea of having another horrible nightmare like that again was enough to cause him to refuse sleep. Groaning, Gon stepped forward and pushed the white haired boy down.
"Sleep. I'll stay here and watch over you, okay?" he offered, hoisting himself up on the bed and positioning himself beside his friend. Hesitating for a moment, Killua finally accepted before wrapping himself up in the blanket again. Sleep came quicker than he expected, and as he drifted to sleep his last thoughts were of the friend that sat beside him to watch him as he slept.
I don't deserve him…