A/N: Enjoy :)
Music (listen to while reading get in the mood of the piece): Change by Sugababes 3
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or Katie and Oliver would have gotten together at some point!
Dedication: My amazing beta, Momentarily Sane, thanks for looking through this for me!
I tried not to think about it. I tried to concentrate on the now, not the soon to come. But it was here now. There was no denying it. Not hiding from the glaringly obvious facts. He wasn't here. He would never be here again.
I'm talking about Oliver Wood, if you haven't noticed.
Usually, I look forward to the first day of term more than anything. But this year, I wasn't sure I even wanted to go. It was silly really. Stupid, in fact. But I couldn't get over the fact that he wasn't going to be at Hogwarts. Everywhere I went was going to be a reminder of him. Quidditch would become a bitter sweet provoker of glorious memories.
No one knew I felt this way, of course. Oliver had never paid any more attention to me than he had the other members of the team. Except Harry, of course, who was his star team member. I'd gone through the previous year holding these feelings inside me, keeping them quiet. I'd silently pray that the next day would be different, that he would truly see me. I wasn't bold, or outgoing when it came to boys so I'd never let him know how I felt, and now I was too late. Far too late.
I hardly said a word on the ride to Hogwarts. I sat in the corner of the compartment I shared with Alicia, Angelina, Fred and George with my knees tucked up to my chest. I turned my head so I could see out of the window to my left. My face looked blank and expressionless, my eyes were void of emotion.
Sifting through the old memories that I now held dear to me, I let myself completely zone out. They were the closest I was ever going to get to Oliver again. I cherished them, reminiscing in the times where he would make us do 100 laps of the Quidditch pitch because he was in a bad mood, and I'd speed round quicker than anyone else to try and get him to notice me. He never did, of course, and the feeling of insignificance always stung. But insignificance was better than emptiness.
After a few moments, I realized there was a hand waving in front of my face. I blinked rapidly and leant back, my eyes focusing on Fred- I think- trying to get my attention. I glared at him as fiercely as I could, and was mildly satisfied when he shrank away from me.
"At least it's some emotion." George said. "You look like a zombie, Katie. What's up?"
I shrugged my shoulders, refusing to answer, before turning back towards the window, my head resting in my hands, elbows propped up by the windowsill. The countryside flew by, and I couldn't help but be reminded of how the ground looked when you were flying along at top speed on a broom...
Arghh! This was ridiculous! Here I was, pinning after Oliver, who never even looked at me twice, when I should be looking forward to a new year a Hogwarts! I just needed to forget him. The problem was, every little thing brought the memories flooding back. If anyone mentioned his name out loud, I winced. I needed to sort myself out, but I just couldn't.
"I wonder who's going to captain the team this year?" Alicia asked suddenly.
No one had to ask what team she meant. We'd all been wondering. Me more than anyone else, I expect. I couldn't help but think no one would ever be as good as Oliver. No one would be able to live up to him. He'd left big boots to fill, and no one was capable of filling them. Not in my eyes.
"I don't know. Harry, maybe?" Angelina suggested.
"He's only in his 4th year. I don't think he could handle it." Alicia disagreed.
"Who else could be captain then?" Angelina replied.
"Me." Fred said with an eye roll, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"No, me!" George disagrees.
They looked at each other for a second, before tackling each other to the floor. They rolled around, kicking and punching each other, knocking into the seats and the window. Fred wriggled from George's grip and tried to stand, but George yanked him back down by his leg. Fred grabbed onto the nearest thing, which happened to be me, and pulled me down with him.
For some reason, this annoyed me so much I felt as if I would explode. My blood boiled and I saw red.
"Idiot!" I screamed at him, before punching him in the face as hard as I could.
I put all my pain into that punch. All the despair, the anguish, the unbelievable sadness, the regret, the anger, the loneliness and the emptiness. It must have been a good hit because Fred let go of me instantly.
"What the hell, Katie?" he shouted, hand shooting up to catch the blood pouring from his nose.
I wasn't sure what had just happened. I couldn't work out what was wrong with me. I never got violent, not even at the Slytherins, so why did I just punch one of my closest friends in the face? I got up, and ran from the compartment, ignoring Alicia and Angelina's shouts. I staggered along the corridor until I reached the girls toilets. With a flick of my wand, I locked the door and cast the Muffilato charm so no one could hear me.
I was sick of keeping it all in. Sick of having to pretend I was okay. Sick and tired. So, I looked at myself in the mirror, and broke down. The tears- which I'd held back since the last day of last year- flowed freely. Sobs racked my body until I had to sit down, head tucked into my arms. I cried and screamed and shouted, I sniffed and shuddered and sobbed. I let all the repressed emotion out, all the feelings that had been bubbling under the surface, screaming to be let free.
I don't know how long I sat there. Eventually, the sobs stopped, and the tears dried up. My throat and eyes ached, and as I stood up, my eyes widened at my appearance. There were huge pink blotches on my cheeks, and my eyes were red, puffy and bloodshot. My hair had came loose of its neat, high ponytail and hung around my face at random angles. Mascara stains were streaked down my face, even though I'd hardly put any on. Despite my shocking new look, I felt a million times better than this morning. I realized with a jolt, it was because I'd cried. I hadn't actually shed a tear over Oliver until now. I hadn't wanted people's attention. Pulling out my wand, I tidied myself up. I fixed my hair, minimal make-up, and got rid of the redness around my eyes. All in all, I looked pretty normal.
Letting everything out had helped more than I could possibly have imagined. I was testing out a weak smile- for the first time in a few months when the feeling hit. The first positive feeling in far too long. It grew and grew, until I felt hope. Hope that I'd recover. Hope that I'd live my life once more. Hope that one day, I'd see Oliver again.
A/N: Hey there, I hope you enjoyed that! I loved writing it! I'm going through some stuff right now and writing this really helped, so I thought I'd share it with you guys out there.
Please, please review :)