Ryan can't help but let out a laugh as the clip with Shane's abrupt comment on twins plays on his computer. He has to take a quick break from his editing to pull himself back together, the memories of the different jokes from the post-mortem that they had just finished filming, flooding back through his mind. Once he finished his reminiscing of the particularly entertaining recording, he is able to quickly click through the rest of the video, openly proud of his editing team who was able to stitch the episode together. He emails his approval and high praise to the team and switches back over to the script that he is still perfecting for the newest episode.
A few minutes tick by as he shifts out of the zone he fell into, reading and re-reading his words consistently making small changes that no one but himself would notice. It suddenly dawns on him that Ryan hasn't heard a peep out a Shane for a long time, it was highly unusual that the Sasquatch hadn't interrupted his focus to show or say something to the smaller man. It was one of the millions of things that Shane does that annoys the hell out of Ryan but he would never actually ask the man to stop doing. On reflex Ryan glances over at his co-host, expecting to see him sleeping or completely captivated while researching for Ruining History, what he actually saw was nothing like that.
Where he expected to see an easy smile, there was instead an intense frown pulling at his lips, his eyes staring unblinkingly at the startup screen flashing on his computer. Ryan immediately felt concern wash over his entire being, like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water over his head. To anyone else the expression wouldn't have raised any red flags, he looked more like he was in deep thought, which isn't out of character or alarming in any way. But Ryan knows Shane well enough to know that that isn't the case and that his best friend was extremely upset about something, an almost comical contrast to the confidently popped collar he was sporting.
A quick glance at his desk only confirmed his suspicions, his coffee cup replaced his usual cup of tea, the label on the caffeinated drink completely torn off, the shreds littering the desk. The two observations only amplified the alarm blaring in Ryan's head. Shane almost never drank coffee at this hour and he only tears up labels when he is deeply upset or nervous. Ryan had seen these two responses multiple times but he usually saw them separately, seeing them together meant that Shane was teetering on the edge of a complete freakout. Ryan has known Shane for years and has only seen the signs at the same time in one other instance, when things started to go poorly with Sara right before they broke up.
After getting over the initial shock of how upset Shane had managed to get without alerting the shorter man, Ryan quickly took off his headphones and gently rolled toward his best friend before placing a reassuring hand on his forearm. The sudden touch managed to pull Shane out of the haze that he had fallen over him and Ryan watched Shane's eyes click back in focus before his gaze slowly slid over to him.
The sadness that glimmered in Shane's eyes sent a pang through Ryan's heart and he yearned to see the corners of his eyes crinkle in laughter. In an attempt to make Shane a tad happier, or at least more at ease, Ryan let his biggest smile bright up his face. Ryan rejoiced in the way that Shane's face momentarily relaxed before the pained look returned full force and he tore his eyes away from Ryan's.
The harsh expression caused Ryan to drop the smile, a slight frown pulling at his lips instead, he absentmindedly lets his thumb rub small circles into Shane's forearm. From past experience and a particularly rowdy night at the bar, he knew that gentle touches and repetitive patterns helped to ground Shane's reality and bring him out of his head. He waited a while, hoping that Shane would start to open up to him without Ryan having to push, but that outcome became less and less likely the more minutes that passed.
"What's up, big guy?" Ryan asked, finally giving in to the silence that had surround the two of them. Amazingly, the nickname caused a small smile to pull at Shane's lips but it didn't last long before he dropped it back into a frown and shook his head,
"Nothing."
It was a complete and obvious lie. Ryan didn't understand why Shane even tried, they had given up on lying to the other when they realized that it was absolutely no use since they were able to read each other too well. Although he knew that something was absolutely wrong, Ryan pondered whether he should just leave Shane alone anyways, the lie making it clear how much the older man didn't want to talk about what was on his mind. But he shut down the idea almost immediately, Ryan couldn't leave Shane to suffer in the never-ending thoughts that his brain cycled him through.
So instead he gestured to the coffee and label tatters that lay on his desk with his free hand, "Don't give me that, you've been chugging coffee and your desk looks like a label massacre, we both know that means somethings up. What's wrong?"
After a few moments, Shane still hadn't responded to the question but Ryan knew better than to prompt him again. His counterpart has always been very particular with words so it was more than likely that Shane was filtering through all the possible responses to the question. So Ryan just waited patiently, knowing that he would eventually land on one and vocalize it, to distract himself he continued to draw circles along Shane's skin. Captivated by the way that his own thumb danced along Shane's skinny arm, openly admiring how perfectly their skin colors complemented each other.
After a few minutes passed, Ryan almost gave up. Almost disengaging from the encounter by slipping his hand off of Shane and rolling back to his own desk, letting Shane off the hook. But just as he was about to give up, he heard a small defeated sigh escape Shane's lips before he gave in and started talking,
"I think I'm going to stop making the Hot Daga."
Ryan froze in shock, his thumb stopping in the middle of the pattern he was tracing, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. His first reaction was to laugh, to play it off as a stupid joke because there was no way that Shane was going to give up his masterpiece. But the fact that he was clearly still upset and the serious tone that he so rarely used caused the laugh to immediately die in his throat.
Shane wasn't kidding.
Shane giving up the Hot Daga sounded ridiculous, Ryan knew how much Shane loved creating those crazy plot lines and diverse characters. He almost always had a bright smile spread across his lips when he was working on the script for the next episode, an occasional excited giggle escaping. The post-mortem would be horribly boring without the light-hearted story punctuating the end of the episode, he couldn't let Shane just stop making it. He tries to tell Shane all of this but he only manages to choke out a shocked, "W-what?"
Shane let out a bitter laugh, a far cry from the sweet sound that the older man usually made, he ripped his arm out from under Ryan's still limp grasp and scooted his chair a little further away. "Don't act like you aren't overjoyed by the news," the confused look that adorned Ryan's face made Shane let out another bitter laugh, his face pulling down into an intense frown, "You've made it very clear to me and every other fucking person in the world how much you hate it." The anger suddenly seeped out of his voice, growing more sad and timid, "Everyone hates it, why continue to work on something that everyone hates so much?"
This statement confused Ryan. Shane had been working on the Hot Daga for a long ass time and since the very beginning he had received hateful comments about the story, but he always laughed them off and continued on his way. So why did he want to give up now? It suddenly hits him, it must have been the question/rant that Ryan had picked and read out loud during the post-mortem that they had filmed earlier. That particular fan absolutely hated the Hot Daga and had made it abundantly clear to everyone that they would rather be brutally murdered than listen to another episode of it.
Ryan had thought it was particularly harsh considering that he was secretly a big fan of his co host's animated series. He had put it into the show since he still had to keep up appearances about hating it, but now he regrets including it because Shane looks absolutely shattered, he looks like he is only a few seconds away from fat, hurt tears rolling down his cheeks.
Ryan hated that expression with a passion and he felt his own heartbreak with the insecurity that was pouring out of Shane at the moment. Although the bravado attitude that the taller man usually oozed often annoyed Ryan, he found himself desperately wishing for it now. Suddenly Ryan was overcome with the need to make Shane happy again, he needed Shane to make fun of him and to be his usual stubborn self. He needed Shane to be Shane. The intense need to make the other feel better must have broken his filter because suddenly he couldn't keep himself from shouting,
"I love the Hot Daga,"
The sudden statement reverberated off the walls slightly. The increase in volume caused Shane to flinch before a bewildered look settled on his face as he looked questioningly at the smaller man, "You what?"
Ryan felt his cheeks flush red once his brain caught up with his mouth, he was endlessly grateful that the room was mostly empty today due to some kind of illness that was spreading like wildfire through the office. Ryan started flickering his gaze around the room, looking anywhere but the adorably confused expression on his co-host's face, he started to nervously tap rhythms against his knee in an effort to pull himself together. He didn't see any way out of this situation so he hesitantly started telling Shane his biggest secret,
"When you started making the Hot Daga I did kind of hate it but then it started to grow on me when you started putting all this work into it. Making likable characters and developing an interesting storyline and I could tell how much fun you had writing in all the puns and clever food jokes." The more he talked about it the more excited he got to share what he really thought, he had been keeping this a secret for a long time, he honestly couldn't stop talking.
"Then you added the songs and," his eyes darkened a shade as he continued, "holy shit, Shane you are an extremely talented songwriter and your voice is so fucking hot, it's honestly embarrassing how often I listen to Plupple Honeymo-" he cuts himself off once his brain manages to catch up to his mouth, he lets out an embarrassed chuckle.
He still refused to look Shane in the face, content with keeping his wandering eyes downcast and his anxious hands tapping out random beats. There are a few moments of deafening silence as Ryan waits for any kind of response from the taller man, he honestly had no clue how Shane would react to the news whether he would be angry or touched. But the one thing that he didn't expect Shane to do was laugh.
But he did just that.
Startled, Ryan couldn't keep himself from looking up at the man in question, he was doubled over in a near hysteric level of laughter but Ryan could tell that the sound was wetter and much harsher than usual. It took less than a second for Ryan to piece together what was happening and the sad sniffle that Shane inadvertently let slip confirmed his suspicions, when he finally sobered up he gave a half-hearted, "That was a good one, Ryan." While he was turning back to his computer, Ryan notices the trail of tear that was wetting Shane's cheeks, his heart breaking at the sight.
Shane didn't believe him.
Ryan knew it had less to do with him and more to do with Shane's raging insecurities that were buried so deep in his subconscious that Ryan wasn't sure that Shane even knew he had them. But they were definitely there, whispering in his ear that there was no way that Ryan actually liked the piece of crap story he made or that being a stubborn asshole is the only thing that Shane is good at.
Ryan struggles for a second, trying to think of a way to convince Shane that he was being completely serious when he said how talented Shane was, he needed Shane to believe him. It hits him after a few moments and he smiles a little bit, proud of himself. Without any warnings, Ryan just grabs the armrest of Shane's chair and pulls him the few inches to his desk, completely ignoring the questions that a teary-eyed Shane was basically yelling at him. Once he is close enough, Ryan wastes no time in shoving his own pair of headphones over Shanes' ears knowing that Plupple Honeymoon is still playing on repeat through the speakers from when he was going over his script.
It takes a second but realization replaces the look of confused anger that twisted his face from the sudden movement. Ryan has the pleasure of watching a tentative smile spread across Shane's face as the meaning of the music playing in his ears sinks in. Ryan flashes his own shy grin, still a little embarrassed from how fast he had spilled his guts to make Shane happy, but the distinct lack of self-deprecating sadness in Shane's expression makes the feeling worth it.
Shane slowly slides the headphones off of his head and gently places it back to its original spot beside Ryan's keyboard before speaking, "Why did it take so long for you to tell me about your guilty pleasure?" His tone was still serious but Ryan knew that he couldn't help himself from cracking a joke about it, although the eyebrow wiggling was probably unnecessary, he would be lying if that along with the smirk adorning Shane's lips wasn't weirdly attractive.
He rolled his eyes, letting a wheeze slip through his lips before he was able to answer, "Like I said, I didn't like it at first and then it became kind of a bit for me to rip on it so I played along by making fun of it during the show and watching it later when I could actually enjoy it. Plus, I knew you would be pretty much unbearable if I told you that I didn't actually hate it. It would be the equivalent of you telling me you believed in ghosts this whole time, detrimentally shocking."
The comparison managed to pull a wheeze out of the taller man as he started nodding in both agreement and understanding, Ryan found himself laughing along with him. It felt so nice to hear the synchronized pitches of their laughs, to see the smile and the corners of Shane's eyes crinkle. But Shane suddenly freezes mid-wheeze, a look of realization flashing in his eyes, "Wait, so if you meant everything you said, does that mean you really do find my voice hot?"
Ryan's eyes widen, he had completely forgotten that he had let that slip earlier, too caught up in cheering up the man. He panics for a second, he already felt a little raw and exposed from dishing out the one secret, he didn't know if he could handle dealing with the repercussion of his crush right now. He was tempted to laugh it off and turn back to his desk and go back to work, avoiding actually answering the question, but before he could say anything, he made the mistake of looking at Shane's face.
From just a glance, the only things that you would be able to see in the combination of features is the lingering sadness. But Ryan is able to pick out the slight red tint hidden under the wetness on his cheeks and the hopeful glimmer that shined in his eyes despite the drops of water still clinging to his long lashes. He can't keep anything from Shane when he looks at Ryan like that, so he just adverts his gaze and nods his head shyly, a raging blush coloring his cheeks.
Ryan keeps his eyes downcast for the second time in just a few minutes, again too afraid to look at Shane's reaction. Too afraid to see the disgust or worse, the pity that is inevitably going to twist the features that he loves so much. Unlike last time, this time he is expecting laughter, or at least a joke at his expense, something that he'll pretend is funny so that he can go back to work and later cry over popcorn at home.
But Shane manages to surprise him again, he doesn't hear laughter or a joke instead he hears the telltale creak of Shane chair as he leans into Ryan's personal space. He quickly places his hands on either side of Ryan's armrests, completely blocking him in. He can't suppress the shiver that wracks his body when he realizes that he can feel Shane's breath brush across his skin and the heat off of his lanky body seep through Ryan's clothes.
Ryan hesitantly raises his head to make eye contact with the man that is currently inches away from his face, their noses almost touching. Ryan briefly lets his mind wander, picturing how easy it would be to lean forward and connect their lips, how easy it would be to take the relationship to the next level. But the sound of Shane whispering into the limited space between them rips him out of his thought.
"Well since you told me one of your deepest and darkest secrets, it's only fair if I tell you mine." Ryan doesn't get any time to process what those words mean before he sees Shane lean forward the rest of the distance and press his lips against Ryan's.
Shane was kissing him.
That realization sends a shock of electricity through his veins before he is desperately kissing back. Ryan thinks he feels a relieved breath against his lips once Shane feels Ryan's mouth start moving in sync with his own, the response makes a warm feeling settle in Ryan's chest. He feels a confident hand rest on the back of his neck and gladly lets Shane pull him a little deeper into the kiss, loving the way that their mouths fit flawless together.
When Shane manages to pull away, It's over far too soon and Ryan briefly panics, thinking that maybe he was about to tell him that he regretted it or something just as heartbreaking. But the thought is immediately discredited when Shane starts talking,
"I love that you believe in ghost, I love how hard you work, I love your smile and how it brightens up the whole room, and I don't know it until a few minutes ago," a small laugh slips out before he continues, "but I love that you are a closeted Hot Daga nerd. But most of all I love how you came out of that closet just to make me feel better." Shane brings a hand to caress Ryan's cheek an extremely fond look glimmering in his eyes, "I just love the crap out of you, little guy."
Ryan feels a wide, loving smile spread effortlessly across his face, "I love the crap of you too, big guy." Ryan pulls Shane down into another kiss, but neither of them are able to stop smiling long enough to kiss properly, so instead, they just press their smiling lips together. Eventually, they are able to pull away enough to settle for resting their foreheads together instead, Ryan lets his eyes slide close, caught up in the intimacy of the moment.
Surprisingly, Shane is able to stay quiet for a few minutes, proving how much he is enjoying the moment too, but Ryan knows it's inevitable that he says something to ruin it. Ryan can't keep himself from burying his face into the side of the taller man's neck, laughter shaking his body when Shane says, "So does that mean you'll voice a character for real then?" He feels when Shane joins him in his wheezing, wrapping his arms around Ryan's middle pulling him as close as the chairs would allow. They stay tangled up together for a while even after their laughter subsides, eventually, Shane grows impatient and tilts his head so that Ryan can feel his breath against his ear.
"Just one character? It would make your boyfriend very happy." Ryan feels himself melt at the use of the new title, he is fully aware that Shane is manipulating him but he honestly can't bring himself to care, instead choosing to pull Shane down into another kiss. When he pulls back he can't help the spike of want that shoots through him when Shane lets out a whimper and chases after his lips to bring him into another kiss. When Ryan is able to disconnect their lips a cocky smile takes its place,
"Fine, I'll voice a character to make my boyfriend happy," Ryan pauses already knowing that Shane is going to interrupt, he lets out a celebratory whoop and a thumbs up gesture to a nonexistent camera all the while unabashedly exclaiming that they did it. He lets him celebrate for a little longer, rolling his eyes and wheezing at some of the particularly adorable jokes before cutting him off, "But only if you sing while I play sometime."
He is a little embarrassed to ask but he had wanted Shane to sing with him ever since he started playing the guitar, to be completely honest it was one of the reasons why he started in the first place. Shane's celebrating immediately stops when he hears Ryan speak, his mouth falls open at the request and he looks nothing short of completely shocked, it isn't long until he is able to pull himself together and give Ryan a loving look before nodding eagerly. It's obvious that Shane is over the moon that Ryan is letting him listen to his playing, Ryan didn't let anyone hear him play but it seemed appropriate that the first person that did was his boyfriend.
But that doesn't catches his attention the most, it's the look that Shane gives him, it's a look that Ryan is extremely familiar with. It was the same look that shined in Shane's eyes when he watched Ryan get really passionate about a case he was researching or when Shane caught him still working at 4 in the morning after their scheduled movie night. He doesn't know how he didn't realize that his feelings weren't as unrequited as he thought before Shane told him, because now it was extremely obvious.
Ryan leans in for yet another kiss, letting out a happy sound when he feels Shane's lips automatically connect and move against his. He couldn't help the smile that curled his lips during the kiss when he realizes that this is something he can do now, anytime he wanted he could lean over and kiss Shane because Shane loved him back. When he pulled back he wanted to hear Shane say it again, he needed to hear it again.
"I love you."
"I love you too, Ry."