I just wanted to see if I would finish this... and it's going okay. This is for a friend I once said I would write a fanfiction for. Not my favorite pairing... but I kinda liked writing this at the time.
This picks up on the plane ride back from Italy, with Bella thinking about Jacob and Edward. I'm a bit OOC sometimes... and I didn't go back and check details... sorry.
Bella looked out the window of the airplane. She was tired, she had to admit that, but she couldn't stop thinking. Her mind raced with how she was going to tell Edward the truth. Yet, she knew that the words didn't matter, the truth was awful any which way. Though she'd gone to save him, she wasn't in love with Edward the way that he wanted her to be, the way that she wished she could be. She had always been in love with Jacob.
The words of Jacob still echoed through her mind... She could hear it again as if the scene were unfolding again.
'Bella, I'm begging you, please, stay for Charlie... stay for me.' He'd been on knees leaning into the car while Alice was waiting to drive away and save Edward.
The love and pain in his eyes had told her what she'd known since Edward left. Jacob would never leave her, he would never harm her. She looked over Alice's arms and said what she knew would hurt a lot of people but was only the truth, a truth that she couldn't avoid. 'I'm coming back to you Jacob, but I won't let him die because someone else was stupid.'
Bella had grabbed his hand, as the tears spilled from her eyes... as now they were misting again. Frantically Bella wiped them away.
Edward, who was sitting between her and Alice, noticed her tears.
"Bella? What's wrong?" His velvet voice questioned.
His voice that once had so much effect on her didn't affect her as much as it used to. When his hand touched hers the coldness took her of guard. His hand felt so different from Jacob's. His black eyes bored into her, genuine concern lining them.
She looked up at him, aware again of where she was, what had just happened.
Most of all, his voice reminded her of all the pain that their relationship had caused, and that it was going to cause more.
She shook her head, unable to give him an answer. The words lodged in her throat. She wanted to be able to tell him anything. He knew more about her than anyone but Jacob, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to break him that way. She didn't want to see the pain behind the black eyes she knew so well. Even now, he was still beautiful, and it was the memory of their relationship that held her, motionless, staring into his eyes.
She turned her head away, avoiding the question. Edward's face twisted into a frown, and Bella couldn't help but notice that there was already a pain there. Glancing out the window again Bella tried to think of another time that would be better to tell him, but there wasn't one. Bella looked back toward Edward but caught the look in Alice's eyes instead. She knew that Alice had seen the future and knew that if she didn't tell Edward now she wouldn't until it would hurt him more. Even as it was, she wasn't sure that Edward would survive the news. Yet, he'd promised that he would go back to Forks, back to his family.
"When you left, I didn't think that I would live through the pain..." she began and immediately regretted the words.
Edward reached out to touch her face, "I know..."
He thumb stroked her face, a gesture that was supposed to comfort her but for the first time it didn't. There wasn't anything that was going to make this easier, but she could only tell the truth, so she pulled away from his touch.
"Edward... let me finish," Her words took him of guard enough that his hand pulled away.
"I started spending more time with Jacob. I learned things about him that I never knew before. He became my best friend, but it's so much more than that. It always has been. Somehow, ever since I was a little girl, I have always been in love with him, I just didn't know what it was. I don't want to hurt you, but I couldn't let you die because Rosalie made a mistake... I'm so sorry, Edward."
Edward's face changed abruptly as the words had come out of her mouth. She saw the Edward that she knew and cared about change in front of her eyes into something resembling the monster he believed he was. But she knew that even with his anger he would hurt her now.
But he couldn't keep his anger out of his words, "You should have just stayed in Forks. Let me die, I would have been out of your hair-"
Bella's eyes flared, too, at his words. She couldn't believe how quickly he had changed. It was like he wanted her to feel guilty about it, as if she didn't already. Hurting him was killing her inside, but she wouldn't lie. She had to be strong enough, because she wasn't the only one that loved Edward.
"But you would have been out of Carlisle's too; I couldn't live with myself if I knew that I was a part of that pain! I didn't try to kill myself. For so long, I was doing these dangerous things because I thought that was the only way that I could be happy, but it was the images of you that was keeping me from being happy. When Jacob is around I don't hurt, Edward..."
By the time the words trailed off, she realized how hopeless this all was. Even though her anger was gone she couldn't look at him. She couldn't bear to see the pain behind the purple circles and black eyes. For a second, somewhere in the back of her mind she realized that she should be afraid, but she couldn't be afraid of Edward. He still wasn't the monster he thought he was, even without the amber to pull her into his human side, he was one of the red-eyed nightmares she'd encountered already.
"But you want me to live knowing that you love another man? You want me to come back to Forks and watch you live happily ever after while I will continue to live alone for the rest of eternity?"
"How could you say that? Of course that's not what I want!"
The conversation was starting to get loud, and people were beginning to stare, Alice reached out and touched both of our arms telling us to be quiet. Edward snatched his arm away faster than she could see, but Bella touched Alice's hand. Held it. She knew that Alice wasn't mad at her; somehow Alice wasn't angry and she didn't understand entirely why, but she wasn't going to question something that she needed to get through the rest of flight.
Instead of looking back up at Edward, Bella took out her phone, quickly texting Charlie and Jacob to meet her at the airport. It probably wasn't a good idea for her to ride back to Forks with Edward and Alice. Somehow things had to work out. She could feel somewhere in her soul that Edward has been in her life for a reason, and she did love him, but it was different with Jacob. It always had been.
Edward didn't speak to either Alice or Bella even after the plane landed. He'd seen a glimpse of Bella going to Jacob from Alice's mind. He'd known that she was getting a lot of visions all at once during his and Bella's argument, but he'd been too angry to listen. Somehow, none of it seemed to matter. As soon as the plane touched the ground, Edward got up and exited the plane, leaving Alice and Bella to get off the plane without him. He considered just turning around and going back to the Volturi, but they weren't going to help him now. So he went back to Forks, where Alice had asked the rest of the family to meet them.
Bella was only slightly surprised when Edward left as quickly as he had. She wasn't sure what he was going to do but she was still worried about him. She tried to watch him go, but he'd gotten through the crowd too quickly, and was gone.
Bella's heart was hammering in her chest, and she knew that Alice could hear it. She looked over at Alice who looked more worried than she'd expected. Bella had only seen her this worried once before, and it wasn't something that she wanted to repeat. The Volturi scared her, and she was already in enough trouble with them wanting her to be a vampire.
As her thoughts went to that she realized what position she'd put Alice in with the Volturi. She had told Aro that Bella would become a vampire… now that would seem like a lie. It hadn't been because Alice had seen that as the future before Edward had made the decision to leave Forks. Now, though, everything was different. There were so many things that had changed the ways that she saw the Cullen family and the boys on the reservation. Alice wasn't going to see the new future that Bella had decided on because that future involved werewolves, and with the evidence that she had when Alice had first come back, Bella was certain that Alice couldn't see a future with them involved.
"I'm so sorry Alice," She started, intending to apologize for putting Alice in that situation.
"I know that you are going to come to your senses and be with him, as I have seen in the past."
Alice didn't look over at her as she walked down the now empty aisle. It was easier to get off the plane now that there were no people. Though Edward had gotten up and moved before any of the humans had gotten up, her and Alice had stayed behind.
"Your visions are based on what people choose, Alice, Edward told me that. Before I was sure that I wanted to be with Edward. I was until he left, even until I heard Jacob, until he had almost kissed me in the kitchen at Charlie's. Alice, I choose to be with Jacob now."
She glanced at Bella's face faster than Bella could see, trying to take in Bella's expression before Bella could tell that she was looking at her.
"We'll see. I can't see your future right now."
Bella thought she heard Alice say something about the "stupid mutts" again, but being human she couldn't hear it well enough to be sure. Bella came to a stop as they exited the plane, stepping to the side of the long hallway that connected the plane and the airport.
"Don't you see? You can't see my future, because my future is with Jacob."
Alice looked into her eyes, and this time there was just a little anger the Amber changing the color to liquid.
"Do you realize what you have done? You made him love you!"
The accusation was there but it seemed hollow. Like Alice had known all along that there had been something wrong.
"Him loving me never made sense. It still doesn't. I'm not special, I never have been."
The anger died behind those gold and amber eyes that gave Bella the notion that Alice had just been hunting before she'd come to get Bella. Bella still smelled more enticing to vampires than most people did, and there was never any reason for that. Alice must have thought about that before she'd come to Bella to get Edward. Bella had indeed been the only hope for saving Edward, and Alice wasn't going to take any chances when her brother was involved.
"You were special to him, Bella…"
She paused for a second, and then looked away toward the end of the platform where the hallway connected to the airport at the gate. She looked faraway for a second, something Bella had come to associate with her having a vision.
"I'm going to leave you here; your father is there at the gate. You don't need me."
Alice turned to run. Bella knew that she was going to be gone faster than any human could see, but she also knew that Alice would hear her when she said, "I still need all of you. Somehow this will all make sense. I was supposed to be with you for some reason. I know it."
With Alice gone and her mind on seeing her father again, Bella walked down the long hallway. When she got to the end, the happiness that had settled inside her heart vanished. Only her father stood there. She looked around for Jacob, but he wasn't there. Doubt washed through her. She'd been so sure…
She'd have to go and see him when she got back to Forks. With her mind made up, she made herself conjure a smile and place it on her face. Charlie's face was stern, but it softened with relief when he saw her. Bella walked up to him and gave him a hug, which was unusual for her, but she needed to feel someone for even a split second so she could remember that she wasn't dreaming.
The ride back to Charlie's house was mostly silent. It wasn't until they got back within the city limits that Charlie even began to question her.
"What was that, Bella?"
Bella shook her head, she couldn't think about how to explain it to Charlie without making it worse. There were so many things that she couldn't tell him, so many things that weren't her secrets to tell.
"While you were fishing, Alice came. She told me that Edward was hanging on to us even though he broke up with me. I went to tell him that it was over."
Charlie looked over at Bella, not bothering to hide the shock that crossed his face. He studied her face for a couple of seconds, and then glanced at the road again before he turned back toward her. Knowing that they were going to have to talk about this, he pulled into the parking lot of the diner and motioned for her to join him as he got out of the car. She did get out and followed him silently into the diner. She was aware of all the stares, and though she didn't like all the eyes staring at her, this time her mind couldn't focus on that.
Charlie sat down, and she could tell from his expression that he was trying to think of something to say, or of how to say it.
"Bella, I know that you have had a hard time…"
Bella leaned back into the chair, understanding what she needed to do.
"Dad, it isn't like that," she paused trying to think of the right words, "Do you remember when you came into my room when I was having the nightmares? You told me that I couldn't keep waiting for him? You were right. And I knew it. Jacob and I had been spending a lot of time together, and I realized that I wanted him to be a part of my life…"
The words took a second for Charlie to consider, but as the realization dawned on him, something changed about him. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, like somehow the sadness that had consumed her for so long had been tangible enough for Charlie to carry. Then it was gone, the happiness that had replaced the worry.
"Bella are you sure about Jacob? I know that he has always been there-"
"It's not that, Dad. Well that's part of it, but it's bigger than that. Jacob will never hurt me, that's true. But there has never been anyone that makes me feel the way that Jacob does. I can't help but smile when I am with him, he makes me feel warm inside. But more than all of that, he makes me feel like I am okay just as I am. Not like I'm trying to combat with him for anything. Like we are equals, two parts of the same whole, it may sound silly but Jacob makes me happy."
Charlie just stared at her. Like he'd somehow seen her grow up all at once, like everything that she'd said suddenly made her a woman in his eyes. His eyes misted with tears, "I know that you wanted to see Jacob, but I couldn't get a hold of him."
"I'll find him, I have to."
Apparently her desperate cry for him to listen to her, the hope, crossed from just her mind and into her voice.
"What's the hurry?"
"I haven't told Jake that I love him."
Charlie stood abruptly, even though the waitress had just come to get their order.
"Sorry but we have to go..." he said as he stood up and made his way to front door and out to his car. Somehow, Bella managed to apologize to everyone before she followed him and got into the car.
"I'll drive you there."