A/N: Please take the time to R/R! You, dear reader, are the best! Enjoy!
When she rolled over on the bed, her hands—like always—reached out for him. To throw her arm over his chest was the equivalent of downing three cups of coffee; he made the day feel more electric. A sense of buzzing energy enveloped her whenever she was near him. His attitude, his personality…It was contagious.
But this time, on this morning, he wasn't there.
It took her a few dull moments. A few moments of pulling at the covers. A second of dumb realization that she was the only body in the bed. A flicker of shock when she came to terms with the fact that her husband wasn't with her right now. He was gone, and she was sharing the sheets with herself.
"James?" she called out, her voice scraping against her throat like broken glass. She tried to call out again, but whether it was fear or lack of water, she couldn't utter a sound.
Stumbling from the bed, she groped for a shirt. Pants. Something. When she was finally situated, she made her way to the kitchen, pouring herself a quick glass of water. "James?" she demanded, her voice hitching. He wasn't here. He wasn't in the house. He was supposed to be here. But he wasn't.
Wiping a hand over her face, she tried to control her nerves. Her anxiety. She could do this. She just had to find out where he was. Nothing was wrong. Yet.
A piercing shriek reverberated throughout the house at this precise moment. For any other family in the wizarding world, a particular scream such as the one Lily just heard would've been heart-stopping. A different wizard in a different house probably would've ran for their wand, shouting at their loved ones to go—to go right now. But Lily Potter only set the glass down onto the table and hurried to the closed door at the end of the hall, minus her wand. She pushed it open carefully, the door squeaking as she entered the room.
A pair of bright green eyes met her own as she kneeled at the baby's crib. A shock of unruly hair almost as messy as his father's stood on end from a restless night of sleep. She took his hands and helped him stand up. Her Harry was getting so big….
"Morning, love," she chirped, swinging him into her arms. She planted a kiss onto her baby's head. His soft hair tickled at her mouth. She changed his diaper and gave him a feeding, all the while thinking of James.
James. James. James. James. James. Her heart beat in time with his name.
"Where's daddy?" Lily asked the baby, allowing him to play with her face as she slipped him into some clothes. She didn't expect him to respond, yet she kept asking, her worry overcompensating for the rational portion of her brain. "Do you know, Harry? Do you know where daddy is?"
Her stomach, as always, swirled with happiness as she referred to James as a dad. Her stomach, as always, tumbled and twisted and floated as she looked at the baby in her arms, seeing bits of James in him. Seeing bits of herself. This baby was them. And she couldn't be happier.
Except, maybe, having her husband by her side. That'd be nice.
"No?" Lily asked as the baby remained silent. She hmmph-ed, her worry tripling by the millisecond. Where was he? He didn't have to work today—unless he was called in. But usually there was a note, a slight prod while she was sleeping before he left….
She positioned Harry into his crib in the living room. Pulling out a handful of grainy dust, she made her way to the fireplace. Shouting out Sirius' address, she threw the ashes into the fireplace. Shoving her face into the fire, she tried not to gag.
"Merlin!" Sirius yelped when he saw Lily's head. He was with a woman, and they were both incredibly naked. Lily didn't have time for this.
"Have you seen James?" Lily demanded, her voice hitching again .If Sirius was here, that meant James—most likely—wasn't on a call for the Order. They usually did jobs together. So, she watched with as much amusement as she could as the bird on Sirius' side clung to a blanket. Sirius blinked, realization dawning, as he reached for his pants.
"James? He's missing?" Sirius asked, his forehead crinkling. "Are you sure? It's our day off!"
"I—I don't know. I woke up and he wasn't there and I was talking to Harry and he didn't know anything and I'm so worried, Sirius, what if something's happened? I'd know, wouldn't I? If something happened? I'd….feel it?"
A dry sob erupted from her chest. Great. Here she was crying in front of Sirius and whatever girl he was sleeping around with now. How pathetic. She couldn't even hold her own up when he was gone. What had she turned into?
"I'll be there in three minutes," Sirius promised as he shrugged on his shirt. "Call Remus, too, yeah?"
Lily bumbled consent, pulling her head from the fireplace. She took a deep breath, coughing away ash and dust, before repeating the action. Calling out Remus' home address, she shoved her head into the fireplace.
"Remus?" Lily asked, peering into the room. Nobody was there. "Remus!"
A large thump echoed from the opposite side of the room—the side she couldn't see. Groaning, she tried to twist her head for a better view.
No luck.
"Remus!" Lily shouted. She didn't have time for this, either. She was just about to retreat out of the fireplace when she saw him emerge from the side of the room. Remus, as always, looked ready for the day with a sweater and jeans. He was talking with somebody. A girl somebody. If it was any other day on any other occasion, Lily would've backed out. She would've pulled her annoying face from the fireplace and tended to Harry and helped James and be the dutiful mother and loving wife she was supposed to be.
But Lily was anything but dutiful. Especially today.
"—Friday?"
"That sounds lovely—"
The two leaned in closer together. Lily knew she had to act fast. She knew for a fact by watching Sirius—and being with James—that one kiss could lead to millions. One kiss could lead to everything and nothing at the same time. Remus, she figured, would be no different. The Marauders had a certain way with women.
"For Godric's sake—Remus!"
Finally, he jumped. The woman stifled a scream at Lily's face in the fire. Turning around, he saw just what the girl was staring bug-eyed at. Lily watched as Remus looked from Lily to the brown-haired girl he was closer to.
"I'm married," Lily clarified to the girl, whose frightened look was giving way to something along the lines of jealousy and confusion. Lily had to hold back a laugh. Remus was a friend. James was her everything, not the other way around. "I promise, I'm just a friend." The girl looked relieved.
Remus made some excuse to go talk to Lily. He stalked over to her, looking extremely agitated.
"What?" he demanded. "I'm kind in the middle of something."
"It's James," Lily squeaked, reality rushing back to her. Remus' face fell.
"He's not—?"
Lily shook her head, not even giving herself time to think of the possibility. James dead. James' cold, lifeless body—usually filled with so much energy—gone? No, she wouldn't—couldn't—think about it as an option. "I don't think so. I woke up and he was just gone. I think I'm going crazy, Remus. I kept asking Harry if he knew where dadd—er, James went. Why would I ask my nine month old son where James is? He can't even talk!"
"Did you call on Sirius?"
"Done," she sighed. "Sirius said they didn't have anything scheduled today—it was their day off. He said he'd be at the house in two minutes. He's probably with Harry right now, actually."
"Give me a minute," Remus said, casting a look at the girl. He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. He looked weary. Then again, they all did. "I'll send her away and see you at the house."
Lily sighed, the tight grip around her heart loosening slightly. "Thank you, Remus."
"We'll find him, Lily." Remus turned around to head back to the girl as Lily disappeared from the flames, wiping the soot off her face. Sure enough, when she turned around, she saw Sirius holding Harry.
"You said you were talking to him?" Sirius asked, looking at Harry in a very interested way. "He's nine months old, Lil, no way he'd know where James went. Unless you two are practicing spells on the kid already? I highly doubt Dumbledore would like that."
"I had to try," Lily muttered, ignoring the part about bewitching Harry. She pushed past Sirius and headed into the kitchen, knowing full well he and Remus were hungy. "I don't know, maybe today would've been the day he said something! Do you want some breakfast?" Lily threw open the pantry, already knowing his answer. Sirius continued talking about Harry.
"It'd probably be around the lines of 'maa' or 'daa', Lily. Not full-blown sentences addressing where in the bloody hell his dad is."
Knowing he was right, she ignored him. "Damn," she sighed after a minute of raking through the cupboard. "I forgot—we're out of cereal. Looks like you two will have to hold in your hunger until after we find James, because I can't even think about running to the store now." She slammed the door and made her way back to the living room to wait for Remus. After a moment of thought, she whirled on Sirius, who had followed her. "You don't know, do you?" Lily asked. She crossed the room in seconds, jabbing her finger at his chest. "Because if you know where he is, and you're not telling me, I swear I'll kick you so hard none of the women you bring home are going to want to—"
Sirius flinched. "I don't know where he is, I swear! Besides, it's not my job to look after him anymore, Lily. I promise you, if I knew where he was, I'd tell you." He sighed through his nose, pressing his fingers to his temples. "He's being an idiot."
Lily couldn't help but agree. Her hands absently came up to her face as she paced the room. Where was he? She raked her mind, trying to remember if he said anything to her—if he mentioned if he was going anywhere—but nothing came up.
Remus Apparated into the house with a large pop.
"Hi," he greeted. Harry waved at him. "No luck?"
"Zero. We don't even know where to start."
"No breakfast?" Remus asked, absently rubbing at his stomach. "I'm starving."
"The Potters are out of cereal," Sirius sighed. "It's like the whole bloody world is coming to an end, Moony, I can't even think straight."
"You don't think he…left, do you?" This was Lily, her voice extremely high-pitched, eyes wild. She glanced at Remus, her lips trembling. "I mean, you don't think he'd…he'd…"
"No," Sirius said forcefully, stepping forward to give Lily a bone-crushing hug that lifted her from the ground. Harry, now, was in Remus' arms. "No, Lily, James didn't leave you. Why would he? I mean, just last week he told me just how mind-blowing you were in bed, so—"
Lily flushed. "I heard that as well," Remus said.
"—there's no reason he'd leave you. You guys have Harry, now. He'd be a bleeding idiot to pack up his things."
Lily gasped, her eyes going wide. "His things! Blimey, I didn't even check!"
Turning on her heel, she ran up the stairs and into the bedroom. The fan above her head rotated in lazy circles, doing anything but providing a source of circulation. Her fingers were quick as she lunged for the dresser.
His clothes were all still there.
For a moment, Lily was elated. He didn't leave! He didn't leave her! Harry still had a father! Quickly, however, that feeling was replaced by dread. If he didn't leave, then what happened?
She collapsed onto the bed, bringing her legs to her chest. She cried. Sobs wracked through her body, her shoulders trembling. She couldn't do this—this life without him.
She sucked up her breath in a dizzying hiss. She had to. Harry. She had Harry now. If anything happened to James, he would not want her tossing herself off the nearest bridge in agony. He'd want her out there fighting. He'd want her protecting their child.
And so she would do that. For him. For her. For Harry. For all the Muggleborns and the families Voldemort has shredded apart.
"Lily?" she heard. Peeling her tear-stained face from her pillow, she saw Sirius and Remus standing there, heads bent. Harry was squirming in Remus' arms, reaching out for Lily.
She licked her lips, tasting salt. Her jaw twitching, she held out her arms, mimicking Harry. Remus handed the baby off to his mother, while Sirius flopped down on the bed next to Lily. Remus followed suit, crushing her into a type of Remus-Lily-Sirius-Harry sandwich.
"You'd feel it, Lily," Sirius said suddenly. "If something did happen to James, you'd feel it. I'd feel it. Remus would feel it. We're too close not to feel it, you know?"
Remus nodded in agreement. "The Marauders are closer than brothers. And you, Lily, are an honorary Marauder. Not because you married into it—"
"Although that helps," Sirius added.
"—but because of your strength, sense of humor, and compassion for the things you do."
"You're the first woman, Lils. Congrats!"
"Do we have Firewhisky? I think we should celebrate."
"But don't tell James—"
"Don't tell James, what?" a voice from the doorway asked. Lily looked up from Harry and towards the doorway, knowing who it was. His voice. It was him. She'd never not know that voice.
"James," she gasped, struggling to sit up. Remus and Sirius mirrored her movements.
"Pleasure to see the two of you in bed with my wife," James greeted, eyeing the other Marauders reproachfully. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to analyze the scene. "Has this been an ongoing thing or did you just start today?" He glanced at Lily again, his eyes traveling to the baby in her arms. "Oh, I see you've pulled my son into it, too. Fantastic."
Sirius peered over Lily's head at Remus. "I don't think he has the right to talk to us like that."
"I agree," Remus said. "As an honorary Marauder, Lily, what do you say?"
"Hold Harry, Remus," Lily muttered. The overall shock of seeing James alive and healthy and perfect in every way was now gone, replaced with the sudden desire to smack him.
She couldn't exactly do that with a baby in her hands.
After passing Harry off, Lily pushed herself off of the bed and marched at her husband, jabbing her finger at his chest. "Where were you? I wake up and you're not there? Damn it, James, you—can't—do—that!"
She smacked his arm with each emphasized word. "I thought you were dead!" she gasped, willing herself not to cry. "I thought you left me."
"Left you?" he cried, his eyebrows shooting up. He looked completely bewildered. "Why in the world would you think that?"
"I don't know. All I know is that I woke up, and you weren't there. What was I supposed to think? You didn't exactly leave a note, James." She took a deep breath, hastily wiping at her eyes. "For all I knew, you could've been dead. Voldemort could've gotten to you, and I would be on my own."
"You'd have Harry," he mumbled. He had the decency to look sheepish.
"And I'd be thankful every day. But you can't just leave like some raging, insane hippogriff. We're married, and you sure as hell better expect me to worry about you when you're gone, you prat."
And then she threw her arms around her husband's neck, her body arching towards his in such a way that made Remus slide his hand over Harry's eyes.
"I hate you," she whispered against him. "I hate you so much."
And then she kissed him. It was a rough and sloppy kiss that conveyed so much more emotion than she'd been able to spit out. She yanked at his hair while he encircled her waist.
Sirius coughed.
Lily pulled away first, breathing hard. "If you were dead," she continued, her voice raspy, "I'd have to replace you with either Remus or Sirius, because there is no way I'm raising Harry without a male role model. Think about that the next time you decide to—to do whatever you're doing!"
James winced.
"Hey now, Lily—" Remus started uneasily. "I do have a girlfriend, so…"
"And I have many girlfriends. So unless you wanted to get in line—"
"I'm not dying," James said, cutting his friends off. "So you don't have to go running off to them. But Merlin, I only went out for some cereal." He held up a paper bag filled with groceries. "And baby food. We ran out the other day."
"So there's no raging love affair?" Sirius demanded, slightly confused.
"No epic fight?" Remus asked, brows furrowing.
"Moony, remind me again why I had to get out bed for this one?"
"You two can leave, now. As usual, you were horrible help." Although this wasn't true, Lily grabbed Harry from Remus, giving the other men quick hugs.
"See you at the next Marauders meeting, Lilykins," Sirius grinned impishly, exiting the bedroom. Catching James's gaze, Sirius dropped his friend a large wink before heading down the stairs.
"It should be a good one," Remus promised, giving James a slap on the back before following Sirius out. After hearing the distinct sounds of two people Disapparating, she turned to James.
"So you were really worried?" he asked, stepping closer to her. He was so close that he was pressing Harry up against her. His arms wrapped around her waist. Harry bubbled happily at the contact.
"Extremely," she whispered, fingering the collar of his shirt. "Don't do that to me again."
James grinned. Just as suddenly as the smirk appeared on his face, though, it disappeared. He pressed his forehead against Lily's. "I'm sorry. I should've left a note. On paper, on the wall, on Harry—something. You didn't deserve to go through that."
"I didn't," she whispered, absently stroking his chest with one hand. Harry played with her hair. "But I'm glad you're here now."
"Me too," he said. "Believe me, staying at home is a lot more comfortable than dealing with the crowds at the one grocery store—ah, I can't remember the name, but it was definitely Muggle-owned. I think I shoved three people before realizing I was in the wrong aisle for milk."
Lily giggled. "Always the charmer, you are. Remind me again why I married you?"
James shrugged, planting a kiss on her lips tenderly. He lowered his voice, bending down so that his lips brushed against her ear. "Harry is the result of one of the reasons, I believe."
Lily flushed, swatting at his arm playfully.
"Now, how about we go downstairs and eat some cereal like the real wizarding families do?" he asked, pulling away from her and flashing her his slightly-crooked smile.
She allowed him to lead her out of the bedroom. The cereal was okay—slightly dry and crunchy, she supposed, but having Harry in his crib and James at the table, reading off things he needed to fix the baby's squeaking door, Lily decided she loved it anyways.