Author's Note: The Mary Sue Hunter (Niaki) is an original character of mine who both hunts Mary-Sues, and enjoys the privileges of occasionally becoming a Mary-Sue/Self Insert character herself. This all takes place sometime around the Tales of Symphonia group's first visit to Asgard.
These interludes between mainly Kratos and Niaki were written purely for my own enjoyment, and have no deep or special meaning—it's just meant to be funny.
That said, I want to make it known that I do not own any of the characters you have seen before today. Enjoy the fic!
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Kratos was being watched.
Countless years of working as a mercenary had honed his skills to tell him this. Someone was watching him, the person's eyes glued to the auburn hair on the top of his head.
This person was annoying.
She had been staring at him since the moment he had entered the inn's tavern. Well, perhaps not the entire time—occasionally the weight of her stare would leave him, and he would notice Lloyd glancing uneasily around from time to time. It had taken Kratos all of fifteen seconds to locate the source of the stares—it was a female human looking to be in her late teenaged years, or perhaps her early twenties. She was clad in a dull turquoise uniform of sorts. When she had seen that he'd noticed her, she had looked away, only to resume her intense scrutiny when she thought he wasn't looking.
This was tedious. The Chosen's group would probably be staying in Asgard for days—there was a general unrest over the city, and the group needed to restock their supplies. This tavern was by no means the only one in this city—the tourists that the city attracted liked the variety—but it was by far the most convenient. If the Chosen's group would have to suffer the weight of prying eyes every evening, then their privacy would be compromised. Kratos' job was ensuring the safety of the Chosen. He would have to deal with this intrusion sooner or later.
"… really something, don't you think, Kratos?" A voice from the conversation that had been floating around him directed itself at him.
"Hm." Kratos grunted, not having been paying attention. Lloyd grinned, rounding on Genis as though Kratos had proven his point.
"See, Genis? Even Kratos likes this stuff! Like I said, a little spicy, but it's good!"
"But Lloyd, it's too spicy—the cook put too much pepper in it, it's everywhere…"
"Well, spicy's good!"
"But not this spicy…"
Kratos tuned them out again, turning his head suddenly. The teenager across the room from the door quickly looked in a different direction, but not quickly enough to avoid being caught staring. With a small frown of annoyance, Kratos turned away again, pushing away from the table. The rest of the group looked up.
"So what's—Hey, Kratos, what's wrong?" Lloyd asked. Genis avoided the man's gaze, but it was clear he was annoyed at yet another interruption.
"I will be back later." Kratos said quietly.
"Huh—But where're you—"
"I need to clear my head. I'm going for a walk."
"Hey, can I come wit—"
"No."
"Fine…"
Kratos ghosted towards the door, slipping out into the dusk-dipped world outside.
"… Oh no… Mister Kratos left his food without eating again…" Colette pointed out worriedly.
"Yes, he did…" The Professor agreed.
"Oh… Should I bring it to him? He might get hungry later and…"
"Don't be silly, dear—if he's hungry later, he can go to the kitchens and prepare something for himself…" Raine made a motion as though waving the girl's worries away. "Now don't forget to eat your potatoes, they're good for you…"
"Yes, Professor! Lloyd's right, they're really good!"
"Ha! Told you, Genis!" Lloyd crowed.
Genis whined. "Colette doesn't count, she'll say that about anything…"
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Niaki was torn. She could either stay at her table in her cozy little corner of the tavern, or she could get up and follow the object of her admiration—the mercenary.
She fidgeted in her seat for a few more long moments, tugging one of her two poofy pigtails while she thought. The rest of the group… or Kratos…. The rest of the group…. Kratos…
"Tall, dark, and scary, prepare to be stalked." She muttered, standing up from her place, making her way towards the door after him.
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Twenty minutes later saw her in a cold, windy place along the cliffs above where the tourist-attracting town crouched, cursing quietly to herself. She had followed the darkly clad form for quite a ways, taking great pains to be as quiet as possible. Even so, she had noticed him glancing back at her from time to time. At the time she had merely put her hands in her pockets and slouched doggedly on after him. He knew she was following him—so what?
Upon retrospect, she decided, being sneakier might have had better results—if he hadn't noticed her, she might have been able to watch him longer. Being sneaky in her current mary-sue-hunter uniform was hard, though—despite her efforts for silence, the array of daggers and their sheathes attached to the pair of crossed belts at her waist clinked faintly with every step, and her hard-soled boots were not made for stealth. Oh well—she would try stalking him again some other time.
Something in a pocket of hers chirped like a cricket. Niaki reached inside the pocket, took out, and picked up the cell phone guilty of the noise. It recieved a small, distasteful glare. "Hello?"
A male voice of someone her age slogged its way through static. "Hey, Niaki, you busy? We just found a pair of Sues at large in the G-15 T-O-S sector, and it seems like there might be a chance of a reenactment of last week's fireworks."
"Does headquarters know about this? Who else is going?"
"What, with the shut-downs of the Epsilon servers? Of course not. Kadik and Theo are already on their way—they wanted a chance to get a clear shot at the Sues before you came and blowed the place up. They still remember that tractor incident, you know."
"Geeze, I said I was sorry about that…" She didn't sound it. Judging by the small giggle following her words, she wasn't at all. "Okay, I'm on my way."
"Alright. By the way—Death-glare-ninja-seraph behind you. Thought you'd want to know." There was a small click, and the connection went dead.
"Huh? Death-glare-whaah?" Niaki twisted to glance over her shoulder.
She saw auburn hair, and the glint of a drawn steel sword. Started to turn the rest of her to face him.
"If you wish to die, by all means keep moving." Kratos said.
Niaki froze.
"Who are you?" His tone was threatening. It occurred to Niaki that she was at a disadvantage—a serious disadvantage, at that. She began to fidget, stopping almost immediately when the sword was moved to her unguarded neck.
"My name's Lisa. I'm a traveler." She said.
"Why did you follow me?"
"Follow you? I'm, uh, here for the view." She winced—that lie was pitiful, even in her own ears.
Kratos made a noise of disbelief. "Indeed. Why were you watching me and my charge's group at the tavern?"
"Tavern? What tavern?"
The sword pressed down on her neck enough to form a red line. Niaki flinched, shying away from the cold steel. The arrival of another blade on her other side forestalled any further movement. "I would advise you to not play games with me, 'Miss Lisa'. Better warriors than you have died at my hand, and I have never had qualms as to how much pain they experienced before the end."
Niaki swallowed. Her throat was dry and her palms felt sweaty. This was a bad situation—not for the first time, she was beginning to regret having dismissed the warnings she had gotten from fellow T-O-S quadrant intelligence officers. She should have known not to ignore anything said about characters from this verse—especially considering how many of the things that had been said were true.
One of her hands inched casually towards a dagger at her belt.
One of the blades at her neck shifted angles slightly, just enough to remind her of its presence. "Did you not just hear what I said?"
Her hand dropped limply. "W-what did you want to know?"
"Who your superior is."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
Kratos' voice seemed to gain a hard edge. "Tell me regardless."
"… You're not going to believe me."
In response, one of the blades pressed harder.
"Ow! Okay, okay! He's—Argh, this sounds so weird… he's… well… he's…"
At that moment, however, the sound of a cricket chirping came from her pocket again.
"… Don't answer it."
"Don't answer what?"
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"Your communications device."
"Hey, you know what that is? Isn't Sylvarant supposed to be less technologically advanced than Tethe'alla?"
"The moon?"
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
Niaki closed her eyes, making a face. "Yes, Kratos. I'm talking about the moon." She muttered sarcastically. So preoccupied she was with her sour remark, she did not care when her cell phone fell silent.
"Who sent you?"
"I told you, you're not—"
"Who told you my name?"
She winced.
"What did you say your name was?" He pressed.
"Nia—Uh, Li—"
"This isn't a game. Your real name, if you'd be so kind." His words were laced with acid. Niaki swallowed.
"I'm, uh—Oh, fine. Niaki."
"Who sent you to watch us?"
"A possessed bunny rabbit wearing a bow-tie, that's who."
The red line at her neck became darker, and a bead of blood formed along it's edge. "Tchagh! Ow ow ow, damnit—I was serious!"
"As am I."
"But he really is a possessed—"
"Are you with the Renegades?"
"Wait, how did you draw that conclusion?"
"Do you know who their leader is?"
"Y-No! Hey, Oww!"
"What is your name?"
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"
"Answer the questions."
"But I—"
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"…Don't answer it."
Niaki moved to cross her arms. The blade at her neck twitched, and she scowled and stopped. "You're hurting me."
"You're not answering my questions."
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"I have to answer my comm. device." Niaki insisted.
"If you do, I will not hesitate to destroy it."
"If you do that, it will explode."
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"…"
Niaki went on. "Of course, if I let it ring without answering it a second time, it will explode anyway."
"Indeed." Said Kratos.
Niaki's eyes widened earnestly. "No, really, it will—I'm a pyrotechnician in my free time, you see, and I mod my own gadgets—"
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"And what do you do in your full time? Who do you work for?"
Niaki heaved a deep sigh. "It really is going to explode. At the very least let me to put it on a rock, and we can move away from it with me at sword-point and continue this sparklingly lovely conversation elsewhere."
"…" He didn't reply.
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"We have four more rings before the device automatically denotes this call as a missed call."
There was a pause.
Cree-kee-kee-kee.
"… Moving slowly, place the device on the rock beside you. Turn so that I may see your hands at all times, and don't even think of going for those concealed weapons you hold." The mercenary growled.
Niaki nodded, winced, and began to turn. The blades moved away from her throat, giving her just enough space to turn without decapitating herself. "Roger that, Lord of the Death-Glares..." One blade returned to its place. "Ow."
"Care to repeat that?"
She shook her head, now having enough space to do so. "Not especially." She took her cell phone out of her pocket. The girl paused.
"Don't ans—" Kratos began.
She thumbed a button on the device's side, activating an emergency teleportation command. Her outline shimmered. The blade at her neck went straight through as the girl's image lost its tangibility.
Kratos made a startled sound, followed by colorful and vivid swearing.
Safe in her hologram-like state, Niaki beamed and lifted her fingers in a girlish little wave. "Ha-ha! G'bye, bastard—I'll have you know you just lost a fangirl!"
Whatever highly creative reply he might have had was lost to her, as the world in her eyes faded, and her body materialized someplace far, far away.
The mercenary was alone on the cliffs above Asgard, left with nothing but the sound of the wind blowing across the jagged rocks around him.
In his ears, the wind sounded mirthful, as though it were laughing at him.
He gave a withering scowl to the mountainous area around him. With a particularly sharp flap, he adjusted his sparrow-tailed cape, and started off back to the town of Asgard, where he was supposed to be actively guarding his charge.
Kratos left. But the wind stayed behind to laugh.