A/N: So... sorry about this one. It was just going to be a quick five sentence fic but... well, I just kinda kept going. And this angst happened. Really, I am sorry. But I can't promise it wont happen again.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Orphan Black or any creative property that belongs to Orphan Black.
Her sickness prevented her from seeing who she really wanted to see. A want that was her very life itself. If she could only see her, hold her near and pull her close when she felt that the world was falling apart on her... if she could only just be with her. She would have everything she ever needed if she could just have her by her side.
But there was nothing she could do. Nothing could be done to save herself from her own failing body, her weak lungs that could never seem to gather enough air to sustain her. The only thing that she could hold onto, day by day, was the hope that she would come for her, one day.
Why was she so far away?
On the other side of the world, or so it seemed, Sarah was stuck. She knew who was waiting for her, not so far away. Waiting only to be disappointed. But there was nothing either of them could do about the separation. Sarah knew she couldn't leave now. Because Kira was still missing. And she wouldn't rest until she found her.
Just as she knew that Cosima wouldn't rest until she found a cure for herself. But even though they both had their own important things to deal with, no amount of lives in danger, their own or others, could keep their thoughts from drifting to each other every once in awhile.
And feeling the agony of the separation every single time they did.
Sarah needed to see her just as much as she needed to see her daughter. The resulting pain from both unfulfilled needs often caused her many sleepless nights which she spent pacing long after Felix or Alison had told her to go to bed and get some much needed rest.
But she couldn't. Not when the two people she loved most in the world could be in life-threatening situations. Well... at least one of those people was in that situation. Kira was missing, but she could be in good hands. Cosima, though, was dying. And Sarah was trapped and unable to go to her.
Why was she so far away?
"Cosima! Cosima, I'm here!" Sarah called out, pounding frantically on the door. She had rushed onto the nearest plane and had flown down to be with Cosima as soon as Kira had been found and was safely with Mrs. S. "Cosima!" she yelled, hammering on the door for so long that her fist was red, raw and nearly bleeding.
But there was no answer. Why wouldn't she answer?!
"Cosima!" Sarah was screaming now, frantic and panicky. "Someone help!" she shouted up and down the hallway. The only response to her cries were her own echo, bouncing hopelessly around the walls until it faded.
No, she insisted to herself, taking a step back and running her hands through her hair, taking several breaths to calm the horrible scenarios that ran through her mind. Cosima's fine. She might just be... at the hospital or something. She's fine. She has to be.
But the doctor's would have called to tell her if they had to take her in. I'm the primary contact, they've called me for everything else!
"Cosima!" she yelled again, going back to the door and attacking it with the flat of her palm, even kicking at it. A crash sounded from inside the room. Sarah's heart stalled, her eyes widening as she pressed her ear to the door so hard that Sarah distantly wondered if it would bruise.
Silence. Then, a faint whimper.
That's all Sarah needed to be galvanized into action. Like a madwoman she took two steps back and threw herself at the door, again and again. On the fourth try, she hit the wood paneling at an awkward angle and probably dislocated her shoulder, but she finally got it open and fell through the threshold.
The first thing she noticed was just how quiet the room was. Apart from the shattering sound she heard earlier, there was no other evidence to indicate that anyone was even in the room. But someone was here, someone had to be, otherwise there wouldn't have been-
"Oh, gods, no," Sarah froze, her voice full of disbelief and denial. "No, no no!" she swore then and ran over to the bed, stepping through the glass shards of the broken lamp that once brought light into the room. There, on the bed, haloed by the weak moonlight, she was. "Cosima?! Cosima!"
"Sa...," she breathed, sounding as if it took that last of her strength to say it. "You.. came..." There was a smile on her face as she spoke, slight and barely discernible in the pale light coming from the moon that pierced the window. But Sarah would know that confident smirk anywhere.
"Yeah," Sarah tried to smile, but tears were pouring down her face, her vision blurring over as she fought to keep her eyes trained on Cosima, to capture one last image of her smile before it disappeared from her life for good. "Yeah, I'm here Cos."
"Good...," she said slowly, blinking sluggishly up at Sarah, the smile still resting peacefully on her face. "It's...," she sighed at last and looked into Sarah's eyes. With a tiny gasp of air, Sarah watched the light and life flicker from Cosima's eyes. The only person she truly cared about with an intensity that she never understood... was gone. And now she'd never get the chance to understand ever again.
"Cos?" Sarah pleaded in denial, sinking to her knees, the glass cutting into her jeans as she put her forehead against Cosima's cheek. "Cosima, please? Please... I'm here now," Sarah insisted fiercely, suddenly enraged that she would leave her like this, not after they had promised each other that they would be united. "I'm here now," she repeated, the fight disappearing just as suddenly from her voice and her frame as she fell limply onto Cosima's still form. She was still warm. Sarah could almost close her eyes and pretend that she wasn't dead. Almost.
"I'm here," she begged, a black ache ravaging her soul, her voice hollow. "Why are you so far away?"