There he was, her prince, standing near the door. He came towards her, kissed her gingerly and caressed her cheek.
"Good night, my love," he said and marched out of the room leaving her just staring at him go.
It was too painful, just too painful to be near him and yet be far away, to be able to call him her dearest and yet not tell him, to be in love with him – most ardently and passionately- and still not embrace him every day.
She did what she had been doing for the past two months- began her daily diary entry.
It seems like only yesterday we were gazing at the lakes, the serene expanse of beauty in front of us; and he was there- holding my hand the whole time. He was smiling with me and laughing at my blushing self. It was such a hearty laughter that it still echoes in my mind. I just wish he would come here and laugh with me again, right this second. Yes, he did laugh in the morning when I followed Georgiana's incomparable performance at the pianoforte. It was good natured, to be sure but it lacked the deepness. The deepness, I have come to love.
Fitzwilliam, you wished for an impertinent wife, did you not? I am going to say it all today. I want you to hold me in my sleep. I want you to wrap me up in a tight embrace and never let me go. Can you not do that? ….. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she closed her diary without a second thought. She did not care if the ink blot dirties the beautiful diary her husband had gifted to her. She did not. She could not.
Her thoughts drifted back to how she came about to be in this dreadful present state.
They had been so happy when Mr. Blithe, the apothecary, had informed them of their impending parenthood.
"Elizabeth, are you saying that I am to be a father?" Mr. Darcy had exclaimed in a very child-like manner.
"Yes, Fitzwilliam, it seems that a new Darcy will soon grace this world," Elizabeth had replied with equal enthusiasm.
But it had all changed, on that one fateful day- A very sudden sharp pain hugged Elizabeth's abdomen and she fell unconscious. Two days later she was informed that she had lost her baby. It had shattered her. It had broken her completely. And it had broken Mr. Darcy too, utterly and completely.
Mr. Darcy had not slept in the same room as his wife since.
The loving glances had not gone nor had the sincere declarations of love but there was a grief in his eyes. And that grief was biting Elizabeth away. To know that she was the cause of this, she was completely lost.
A slight knock at her door broke her reverie. The man of her thoughts entered briskly and paced to be in front of her.
"I cannot do this any longer. I need you, Elizabeth," Mr. Darcy said. Tears began to flow down Elizabeth's face. Mr. Darcy's hands instinctively moved to wipe the saline water. And soon she was in his embrace.
"I love you, Elizabeth. I cannot bear to remain apart now."
"Nor can I, Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth whispered.
They remain in each other's arm for a long time; silently, just holding one another. And for the first time in two months slept contentedly.
The morning dawned and beckoned to the inhabitants of the very grand Pemberley's mistress's chambers. Each lay awake in one another's arms. But that was not enough. The separation had left Elizabeth insecure and she needed to talk, really talk. Freeing herself from her husband's embrace, she sat up.
"Fitzwilliam, I…I missed you," was all Elizabeth could manage.
"I missed you too, Elizabeth," replied Fitzwilliam, sitting up and directly looking into her eyes.
"But…I…I do not…know. I am sorry, Fitzwilliam. I never meant for the baby to be hurt," Elizabeth said incoherently.
"It was not your fault," he replied protectively.
"But why did you not come? I needed you then, Fitzwilliam. I needed you so bad." Tears begged departure from her eyes and soon give way.
"I know Elizabeth, but I did not want to hurt you. To see you lie unconscious for two days were the two most horrifying days of my life…And I hated to be the cause of it… I did not come because I knew I could not control myself …and… I cannot forgive myself for that, ever. I am sorry Elizabeth, but I just cannot see you fighting for your life…I just cannot," Mr. Darcy replied, his gaze still steady on Elizabeth's features.
"Oh! Fitzwilliam, you do not know how much I have been fighting with myself these past months. I thought you no longer cared for me. No longer…" she choked on her tears.
"Sh…sh… now…I can never give up loving you. Never, you understand that," Fitzwilliam replied, once again caressing the all familiar hair of his beloved.
"I love you, Fitzwilliam. Promise me you will never leave me thus," Elizabeth said after a few moments. Her head now comfortably placed on his chest.
"Never, my love. Never again."
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