Summary: The reason Alec doesn't call Lucifer dad or father.
This is part of my Shadowhunters/Lucifer crossover series.
Further A/n: I have decided that I will not be updating my stories to any longer, it takes too long for me to get them posted and it is frustrating. There is no way to link related stories and I am tired of people complaining about stories being marked complete and then me updating them when I decided to add on to them because they are in the same universe and I want people to find the stories that are linked easily.
Therefore I will only be posting my stories on Archive of our Own, where my penname is AngelynMoon. It is just easier to post there, I am sorry for the inconvenience, however none of my stories will be locked so you do not have to have a profile of your own. There are a few stories that you will not find there, my older ones for example, I have not decided if I will be moving them over yet but I will not be removing them from here.
This will be the last story posted to this site but the series does continue. The series is called Deal and can be found on Archive of Our Own.
"Hey, Alec?" Trixie asked as she colored next to him at the kitchen table.
Alec looked up from the reports that Izzy had brought him to look over and sign as the Head of the Institute.
For once it was just them, with Max training with Jace and Madzie spending the day with Amenadiel and Catarina, and since Trixie's parents and Lucifer still had a case load back in L.A. to handle Alec had offered to watch the little girl since his wings kept him inside.
"Yes, Beatrice?" Alec asked.
"Why do you call Lucifer Luci?" The little girl asked his as she looked at him.
"Luci is what Amenadiel has always called him, I suppose that I just picked it up."
Trixie frowned, "But he's your dad."
Alec nodded, "So?"
"Why don't you call him dad?"
Alec froze, there were a dozen reason why he didn't call Luci dad.
At first it had been strange to think about calling the stranger that saved him dad and later it had been weird to think of the Devil as his father, as father material period, even if the Angel had been a better father in those first few hours than Robert had in the previous years.
And Alec had almost been willing to call Lucifer dad by the end of that first summer in Hell, just like he'd been on his way to calling Mazikeen cousin. But he'd been returned to Maryse and Robert before he'd gotten the courage to ask if it was alright with Lucifer. And when he'd arrived back at the New York Institute Robert had demanded that Ale continue to call him Father and dad for the sake of their honor and family name and suddenly the words meant nothing, less than nothing, the words dad and father had become tainted and disgusting, like Ash in Alec's mouth and burning coals on his tongue.
Even now on the occasion Alec had to say the word, no matter the context or who he was speaking of the words felt wrong.
Alec had never wondered if Luci had wanted Alec to call him dad but knew that if the Angel had asked or demanded he call him dad then Alec would have called him Dad but also that Alec would never have thought of Luci as his father.
Robert had ruined the two words for him, for them.
Alec looked at the little girl who was watching him and waiting for an answer and he sighed.
"There was once I might have, during my first summer with him, he acted like a proper parent would. He played with me, took me fun places, he even began to teach play the piano and how to sing and I wanted to ask him if it would be okay if I called him dad, I was really excited for it too, but..." Alec looked away from Trixie.
"What happened?" Trixie asked softly.
"I went home to Maryse and Robert before I gathered the courage to ask." Alec told her, "And by the time I went back the next summer I no longer wanted to call him dad."
"Why not?" Trixie asked, curiously.
Alec looked at Trixie and smiled at her a little sadly, "Robert. He made me call him Dad and Father, punished me if I didn't, never physical since that is what brought Lucifer around to their door, but there are other ways to hurt someone, especially a child, especially one who has just discovered that he is the child of the Devil, the being supposedly responsible for every thing wrong in the world." Alec's eyes dimmed a little, "I never wanted to call Luci Dad or father after that, it was no longer a kindness to do so."
Trixie looked devastated and Alec understood, Alec had been devastated himself when he'd tried to think about calling Luci dad and had begun sobbing hysterically unable to stop, hearing Robert's words about how Luci would never allow it, would hate him for existing and ruining his solitude and that Luci didn't want him, would be glad to have never discovered Alec's existence.
Everything that Alec had since discovered wasn't true but back then..., back then Alec had been young and vulnerable, scared and worried that Lucifer would decide that he was too much trouble, too much work, not worth keeping or getting to know. Alec had been afraid that Lucifer would think that Alec was too much effort.
Trixie looked down at the picture she had been drawing, four little stick figures already drawn and another on it's way to completion. They were unlabeled but Alec could make some guesses to who they were meant to be.
"Do you..." Trixie fiddled with the blue crayon she'd been using to draw Alec's wings, "Do you think that he'd like to be called Father?" She asked.
Alec looked startled, Alec could never call Lucifer dad or father, not with the associations to the words that he had but Trixie... Trixie would be able to.
Alec smiled at the little girl, "You know, I think that he would actually like that. But you should ask your mother and father if it is alright with them first."
Trixie smiled at Alec, "Okay."
Trixie returned to her drawing, coloring silently for a couple moments before breaking the silence.
"I always wanted an older brother." She said, looking over at him hopefully.
Alec smiled, "I don't mind another little sister."
Trixie grinned happily, "Do you think Izzy, Jace, and Max want another sibling too?"
"I think that Izzy, at least, would love having a little sister." Alec assured Trixie.
"Cool." Trixie said and went back to her coloring, carefully labeling each figure, Mom, Dad, Me, Big brother with Alec's name in parentheses and finally Dad, with Lucifer in parentheses. Below all of the little stick figures the little girl wrote out in many different colors the words: my family.
And Alec had to smile again when she showed him the final result.
"I'll add the others to the next picture." She grinned at Alec and Alec had to hug his new little sister.
"I want Dad to tuck me in." Trixie said as she stood waiting to be walked to her room in Magnus' loft.
Alec watched the confusion ripple through the group when Dan did not rise to walk Trixie to her room.
And Alec nodded encouragingly to the nervous girl who than walked over to Lucifer and tugged on the Angel's hand.
"Please, Dad?" Trixie asked.
Lucifer's eyes darted from Trixie to Chloe and then to Alec who smiled at him.
"Okay, spawnling." Lucifer said softly and lifted the girl up into his arms and carried her away to bed.
Alec watched him go and followed when after an hour the Angel still didn't return, finding Lucifer on the balcony looking out over the city.
"What's wrong?" Alec asked as he sat on the railing next to where Lucifer was leaning against it.
Lucifer shook his head, "Nothing."
Alec smiled a little, "She got permission from both her parents you know."
Lucifer nodded, "They did not seem surprised." Lucifer looked at Alec, "Why don't you call me father? I never asked you. Is it my fault, did I not act dad-like enough for you?"
Alec shook his head, "You did fine by me, Luci, better than fine, you were better than Robert and Maryse ever were anyway."
"That's not much of a reach." Lucifer grinned at Alec making Alec laugh.
"It's really not, is it?" Alec asked.
Lucifer looked out over the city again.
"It wasn't your fault, me not calling you dad." Alec told him softly as he followed Lucifer's gaze out over the city, "I really wanted to by the end of that first summer, I was going to ask. And then I went back to Robert and Maryse."
Lucifer frowned, "What did they do to you?"
"Robert forced me to call him Dad and Father, punished me when I didn't, he filled my head with things, things that I worried about anyway before you started coming around to tuck me in and sing me to sleep, I may never be able to call you father or dad but you... you weren't bad at showing me you care or raising me right." Alec explained, "You're my Luci, and that's better than any thing else."
Lucifer pulled Alec into a hug, "I'm glad you are my son, and I can be just Luci for you."
"You've never been just Luci to me, you're my family, the only parent that matters to me, I never thought of the Lightwoods as my parents after that first summer in Hell, not after I learned what parents are supposed to be like."
Lucifer pulled away to look at Alec, for so long Lucifer had seen Alec as a child he had to protect, not only from the world but from all of the rest, the dangers that came with being Lucifer's son, the ruin that came with being the son of the Devil. Alec had always, in his mind been someone to protect, to safeguard, Lucifer had never wanted Alec to be in danger, never wanted him to get hurt...
But Lucifer supposed that that was something true of all parents, the need to protect their children, Lucifer had certainly seen it in Chloe and Dan.
And yet, Alec wasn't a child anymore, he was all grown up, and Lucifer for all that he wanted more time knew that it was okay to let go, to let Alec continue to grow on his own. It was time to let Alec grow up as an adult, Lucifer had gotten him this far and while he would always be there for Alec when he needed him it was time for Alec and Magnus to learn how to grow together as a couple.
Lucifer put his hand against Alec's cheek, "When did you grow up, Spawnling?"
Alec looked into Lucifer's eyes, "Doesn't it happen the second you look away?"
Lucifer smiled, "Yeah, I shouldn't have blinked."
Alec fell into another hug, "You really shouldn't have."
"But it's the nature of parents to blink." Lucifer whispered.
Lucifer let Alec pull away and they sat in the chairs on the balcony together.
There was silence for a while before Alec broke it.
"I asked Magnus to marry me."
"And what did your Warlock say?" Lucifer asked with a grin, he already knew the answer.
"Yes, of course." Alec smiled at Lucifer, "I know it's not really traditional but I was wondering if you'd walk me down the aisle."
Lucifer was stunned into silence, "You'd want a wedding like that?"
"You mean a ceremony in front of my friends and family where I commit the rest of my life to one man for the rest of both of our lives?" Alec asked, "Yes, in a heartbeat."
"Of course I'll walk you down the aisle, but you know Maze will be upset you didn't ask her." Lucifer informed him.
"I was thinking, maybe, you both could." Alec looked at Lucifer, he looked vulnerable in that moment, "I mean Maze was more mom-like than Maryse ever was, she taught me how to fight and how to torture. And she taught me how to dance."
Lucifer felt a tear slip from his eye, "I think that Mazikeen would be proud to walk with us to give you away."
Alec found himself hugging Lucifer, letting the Angel pull him down to share the same chair, cuddling on the balcony as Lucifer ran his fingers through Alec's hair, for many people it would seem oddly intimate for a father and son, but for Alec and Lucifer it was something that happened often, Angels were flock creatures and for so long Maze had been the only person in Lucifer's flock, even though they were no Angel and couldn't actually be counted as a member and then had come Alec, Alec with his need for comfort that he would never ask for, with his desire to please and fear of disappointing and Lucifer had left behind all personal boundaries when it came to his son because he knew that Alec would never receive the affection he needed from his mother or her husband and while his siblings offered their own type of affection freely there was something different about the holds and hugs and comfort from a sibling versus that of a parent.
Without really thinking about it Lucifer began to hum quietly before beginning to sing, before long Alec's eyes were drifting closed as Lucifer continued to pet and card his fingers through Alec's hair, sometimes letting his fingers drift through Alec's smooth feathers, grooming them absently.
Lucifer felt himself drift away to sleep, a familiar sense of peace falling over him and Lucifer wondered briefly if God was planning to appear to officiate Alec's wedding. Lucifer let out a laughing breath before fading onto true sleep; it would certainly serve all of Raziel's Nephilim right to have God officiate the marriage of two men, one the demon child of a Fallen Angel and the other born of the Devil's Grace.
A/N: I don't know, I always planned on writing a fic where the reason Alec doesn't call Lucifer Dad is explained but before it was Chloe asking and then Trixie decide it was going to be her.