Tinderbox

Author: Cheryl W.

Summary: As the newly installed leader of Atlantis, Colonel Samantha Carter's first official advice to John is a doozy, does more damage than good to our favorite team. Set post "reunion" episode. No slash.

Author's Note: First off, I like Sam Carter so this isn't a character attack I just needed her to be a catalyst to get this storyline kicked off. And I did not watch any Stargate1 episodes so my portrayal of her and her experiences and opinions aren't based on any "facts" from that show, again simply me using her character because she was the one with the power to mess this badly with the team. So please, no hate mail for making her the "bad guy". Second point, I guess I like some turmoil in the team because this is like my third story dealing with that. Though it all ends well with my brand of smarm, if you like all smiles and rainbows and unicorns between the characters all the time, this might not be a story you'll enjoy. Ok, enough ramblings…as they say in show biz…on with the show.

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Chapter 1: Blind Insightfulness

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When she closed the door after he took a seat, John knew he was in for it. Made him tense. It was not like he didn't lead his team into a crap storm and had to have Colonel Carter save his butt. Didn't help that she didn't want to back the mission in the first place, thought he was doing it for personal reasons not professional. And yeah, maybe it had been. Considered it one final gesture of loyalty to Ronon before he ditched them. What? Him? Bitter? Pissed that Ronon was leaving, had picked his old mates instead of the people who had had his back the last year?!

Ok, yeah, it had rankled John more and more, especially since he didn't see what was so great about Ronon's Satedan's buddies. Bunch of selfish, savage jerks, as far as he could tell. Not like he was biased or anything. Felt his anger, sense of betrayal….hurt, nearly boil to the surface when they were in the hive ship. When Ronon was branching off with his new team, said "Good luck", it was on the tip of John's tongue to come back with a "bite me" like Ronon gave a crap if they had good luck…or even bad. He didn't care about protecting them…he had his Satedan family to protect now instead of them. But John had been more mature, let silence be his comeback as he turned and walked away from Ronon…like Ronon was doing to them. Knew that they were cutting ties, one strand at a time until the hacking started in earnest after the mission.

Crap but John knew all about not being good enough for the people in his life, how bitter the ending of a relationship could get. That's why he had done the leaving when his father couldn't stand the sight of him anymore, walked away and hadn't looked back. Had done that with Ronon when they parted ways in that Hive ship, didn't look back but, darn it, he had wanted to.

And then the mission had gone beyond fubar and Ronon's so called family had betrayed him and now what?! John was supposed to just forgive and forget Ronon had been a hair's breath away from ditching him, them. Probably hadn't even unpacked his freaking bag yet.

'And I'm about to get my butt handed to me over this stupid mission I didn't want to go on in the first freaking place! This job is just so full of perks I can hardly even count them…on one finger.' So he snapped his jaw closed and waited for the dressing down, the reprimand to be put in his file, for Colonel Carter to say that they were kicking him down a rank, heck, maybe back to airman, especially since his strongest supporter, Elizabeth, was gone. And that hurt too, her being …gone. Him not bringing her home, saving her.

Colonel Carter spoke, interrupting his wallowing in self-hatred for his failure after failure lately. "I wanted to talk to you about Ronon."

That had John snapping from his reverie, had thought this was going to be about him…not Ronon. And fear and protectiveness surged out of him. "He had absolutely no idea his friends were Wraith worshipers. I'd stake my life on that."

"You did stake your life on your trust of Ronon," Carter piercingly pointed out.

'Oh yeah, here comes the demotion.' "Yes, I did and he's the reason my team is still alive, him getting back to Atlantis, telling you we were in trouble. We would be dead if it hadn't been for him."

"Yes, that's true," she conceded but when she eyed her military commander silently for the next few seconds it was not a good sign. "He was going to leave Atlantis…your team. I think we need to address that."

"He was never a security risk," John heatedly retorted, wouldn't let her say anything disparaging about his friend.

"The IOA agreed and was going to let him go with our blessing. But…the point is…" she seemed to pause, chose her words carefully and John knew whatever she said next, it would hurt him, understood it in his gut. "John, he chose to leave your team and I don't think we should ignore his ….discontent."

"Discontent…" was John's stupefied rejoiner.

"Yes, he must have felt …" the Colonel Carter seemed to select her next words deliberately, "…that he wanted a change and his reunion with his fellow Satedans gave him that chance to make different choices."

John shifted in his chair like he was in the hot seat, didn't like Carter's take on Ronon's decision, not one bit. "You think he …wanted off my team…before he met up with them."

"Studies say that if someone contemplates leaving a positon, it comes from a place of dissatisfaction with their current circumstances, that they are restless and statistics say that feeling doesn't usually go away. And if he wasn't a soldier…it might not be critical if he wasn't 100% vested in his job performance but here…what we face, the dangers of your team specifically, any…half-heartedness can get someone dead, can cause untold damage to the safety of Atlantis and Earth. Ours is not a job for the adequate job performance."

"I'd stack Ronon's "job performance" against any other soldier who ever put on a uniform, Colonel," John railed back, back stiffening, ready to go twenty rounds on this one if he had to.

Carter's features softened and so did her voice. "John, I'm not….this isn't about any mistakes he's made, it's about….the future. What he might want..or need."

John felt his stomach tighten as he got to the conclusion Carter was leading him to. "And you think that's being off my team."

"He chose to leave. He already showed us he's not happy."

'Not happy.' Crap, this was like the ending of his marriage all over again. 'You're never here, you never talk about anything important, you never tell me what you're thinking, we're not happy…well, not the time we're together anyway.' His voice was a bit strangled as he forced his next words out. "So what do you suggest, Colonel?" Too pissed and hurt to keep up the first-name, we're-friends façade.

Picking up on Sheppard's snippiness, Carter straightened, gave off her full Colonel take-no- crap vibe. "I'm not suggesting anything, Lt. Colonel Sheppard. I'm pulling Ronon from your team."

And there it was. John thought he had dodged a bullet, got to keep Ronon, that things could go back the way they were but that would be an emphatic: 'no dumb behind, you dodged the right swing and got decked by a hard sucker punch from the left'. He could see the uselessness in arguing against this…heck, maybe it was the right thing to happen. Ronon had been pretty freaking quick to pack his crap and head for the door. And hanging on to people that didn't want him …that wasn't John's style.

"He should get his own team," he countered, saw Carter's surprise, not at his suggestion but his lack of protest. "He was a squad leader in Satedan, has deserved his own team here I just…" silently confessed, if only to himself, 'didn't want to let him go, didn't want to let him off my team, wanted him to be there when I needed him.' All selfish crap, he could see that now. "There isn't an off world team that wouldn't follow him into hell."

"Thought that's what they say about every Marine here, their loyalty to you?" she half teased but John's expression was bitter.

"That was before they realized how few make the round trip back from the hell I've ordered them into," he caustically said, hadn't really meant to say it aloud though. Clearing his throat, he continued his praise of Ronon. "Ronon protects people, that's why he wanted to go with his friends, to protect them…to lead them. He needs someone to stand guard over. He'll make a strong leader and we need that, need more teams capable of taking on contingents of Wraith."

"Ok, I will consider your recommendation. And with Ronon's departure, you'll need to consider who to replace him with for your team."

"Actually, if my team's going to be…." He broke of, didn't think Carter would put up with his description of 'fragged", he amended with care, "reconfigured, I think I want other changes."

Now Carter looked like he had sucker punched her, in no way saw things going this way. "You want more changes? To your off world team staff?" Wasn't sure how this could be, this team was famous…almost as famous as her own for doing the miraculous and now Sheppard wanted to….break it all apart. Granted she was removing Dex but that was just common sense, what John seemed to be suggesting was dismantling it all.

"Teyla can lead another team and McKay can get back to just lab duties. That's where their individual skills are needed most. I mean, when we were cut off from earth it was an all hands on deck thing for the off world teams and we had, like, five teams max. Things have changed in Atlantis and I should have made these adjustments a year ago."

It was all very logical, even seemed best for Atlantis. .And though Sam had had only a little personal interaction with Sheppard when he had been back at Stargate Command, she had thought he was….aloof. Until she saw him interacting with Dr. Beckett at Command and had looked as close to happy as she'd seen him. And once, she'd walked into Sheppard's office and recognized the voice coming through Sheppard's phone's speaker as Rodney McKay's, had seen John smiling at whatever McKay said?! And if that wasn't unexpected…McKay saying something to make anyone smile? So she didn't have a handle on John Sheppard, not by a long shot but this, giving up his teammates, people who had made the hell round trip with him on more than one occasion, it wasn't what she'd predicted. "Just because Ronon is being transferred, it doesn't mean your other teammates aren't satisfied to remain on your team."

'Satisfied,' that word left a sour taste in John's mouth, like a meh, satisfactory grade. Wasn't a fail and wasn't an eager pass either. "We haven't been….connecting lately." Remembered Rodney out right disobeying his order to not give Elizabeth the nanites and he had seen the mistrust in Teyla's eyes ever since Michael popped up again, didn't help her forget the fubur the retrovirus project had turned out to be. "I think reassigning everyone would be in Atlantis' best interest."

"You're forgetting yourself Colonel. You'll need to reassign three new personal to your off world team."

"I have some candidates in mind," he out right lied. What did you do after you'd had the very best team in two galaxies to watch your back, implement his crazy plans, save him when he couldn't be bothered to save himself?!

Carter seemed to be contemplating it but then she nodded her head. "Ok, Colonel. Should I tell your team or would you like to."

"I'll do it." Because he was no coward…wanted to be but…if he was going to the bastard this time who ruined everything that he loved, he'd have to be man enough to face up to it.

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He called them into the conference room, could see their surprise when Colonel Carter didn't join them, each recognizing that this little team meeting seemed awfully official. Knowing that procrastination and pussy footing around the issue wouldn't do a thing to change any of it, John got right to the point. After the doors closed, he didn't even take a seat, bluntly announced, "I'm making some changes to the off world teams." Didn't wuss out and put the blame on Carter, owned the idea as his own.

Rodney stiffened. "Changes?! What changes? I never like changes, not even as a kid, hated when the lunch ladies switched up green beans for peas on the weekly lunch schedules. Not like I liked eating any vegetables back then…or now. Still not…

"What changes?" Ronon bluntly asked, eyes boring into John, praying it wasn't going to go the way he dreaded it would. That he had screwed things up and all wasn't forgiven.

"You're all getting reassigned." And there, he had said it, but John knew the worst of it wasn't over.

"What?! You know I can't stand any of the other leaders! Lorne's the only one who's kinda ok," Rodney's whined protested hedged out Teyla's objection by a half second.

"John, I do not wish to be reassigned."

John shouted over their protests, all but Ronon, who hadn't said a word, "This isn't up for debate!" his growl drowning the room in unhappy silence. "Ronon and Teyla, you'll lead your own teams now. And Rodney, you get your wish and won't be on an off world team anymore."

Ronon, instead of seemingly being pleased about getting what he had sought with his Satedan buddies, surged to his feet in anger, sending his chair toppling over and began pacing the room. John chose to ignore him. "Teyla, Ronon, I'll let you have some input on the personnel for your teams but that might get shifted once we get more staff from the Daedalus next month."

"You're breaking us up," Rodney hollowly stated in stunned realization.

"You've been whining about having to put your lab work on hold to go off world. Now you won't have to anymore. You should be happy," John bit out, as if he was angry with Rodney when it was just himself he was angry at…for this hurting so badly, for letting these people matter to him, for letting them get so close to him until they were a part of his soul. Life had surely taught him that him getting attached was a sure fire way to get someone killed (just look what happened to Elizabeth and Holland) …or have them end up hating his presence in their lives.

"This is my fault, isn't it?" Ronon finally spoke from his tense stance at the other end of the table.

And there was no use in denying the obvious. "Not your fault but…clearly you weren't…" hated he was going to say 'happy, satisfied', chose another word, "…content staying on the team, missed being a leader. And I …I get that. You were a leader on Satedan and you ...and Teyla deserved to be respected enough by me to retain your leadership status here on Atlantis. With this new arrangement, I'll have two more teams I can have full confidence in." And it wasn't right to be going all rainbows for them and not McKay, "And Rodney…I know I strong armed you into joining my team and it was…a different situation back then. Now we have more personnel, more soldiers to be out in the field. And Atlantis could use your expertise full time, I've known that for a long time."

His pep talk was returned with dead silence.

"What about you? If we're not on your team, who are you replacing us with?" Ronon demanded, as if he already objected to John's choices.

"I'm considering a few candidates, haven't made any final decisions yet," he hedged with the same old line he had given Carter.

"This is crazy! And it's stupid!" Rodney irately snapped coming out of his own chair to face off with John. "No one's survived the stuff we have as a team, pulled miracles out of orifices when no one else could like we have! You don't fix what's not broken."

John quietly countered, "Who says it's not broken." And there were flinches all around at his painful objection. His look encompassing Teyla and Ronon, he stiffly said, "I'll circle back with you two on your team choices later in the week." To Rodney, he said nothing, there weren't words of parting he wanted to say.

Then Sheppard walked out of the conference room, left three lives crumbling in his wake. And his team didn't even know what all this was costing him, that breaking them up, it wasn't his idea…he just figured if they were going to be maimed anyway, they might as well go for all out decapitation. Leave nothing standing. Knew from too much personal experience that, the easiest way to move on, was when there was nothing to go back to.

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TBC

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So anyone up for more? Hope so! Thanks for reading!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.