It was to be a dark and stormy night. Or at least that's what the weather channel predicted, it was still midafternoon and only slightly overcast when Stunfisk strutted his manly pectorals into his super rich and expensive "industries" that had a name, but can't be bothered to be remembered.
His employees were all doing things and stuff. He had to ask, "Are you all still making me money?"
Many yeses were had. It didn't help fill the black void in Stunfisk's soul where his parents once were.
One enthusiastic unpaid intern, a tall guy with orange hair, stepped forward to eagerly show off his newest invention. The newly remembered Stunfisk Industries™ Brain Collector. Patent pending.
The machine would suck the brains out of people through their left ear, but only the left because a study said the average right ear didn't have the width to get a drinking straw in. Then turn the head-mush into a smoothie that made you smart, and the strawed guy into a zombie.
Not Left4Dead zombies. The old school Romero zombies.
But all this talk of zombies was moving in too much on Stunfisk's totally secret alter ego's turf. There was only enough room in this city for Batfisk's edginess… Something had to be done.
"Your fired."
The sad employee was sad, but it was okay. He was definitely the bad guy. He tried to not be fired. "What if I added a way to choose what flavor the smoothie is?"
It was a tempting counteroffer… Stunfisk thought for a moment. I could have banana smoothie whenever I wanted. But he was rich, he didn't need a brain-sucking smoothie machine, he could just buy a normal one and fill it with liquid gold. They're both yellow, they probably taste the same.
Stunfisk found his resolute resolve. "No."
But thinking that he should maybe elaborate Stunfisk asks, "What kind of pokémon are you even?" However, he ended up with the most offensive reason for dismissal.
Stunfisk looked on with his looking eyes at the person in front of him. He was about 6'2," 180 lbs. big teeth, kinda gangly. The employee replied, "I'm a jim'carrey."
"Yure still fired."
Later, Stunfisk was at a fancy party. There was fancy people, and a fancy cake, and a fancy cheesecake.
Stunfisk spoke to the cheesecake. "Hello, beautiful."
The cheesecake was shaped like a gardevoir's head because reasons, and sitting at a table with a reservation note that read: Dr. Chase Meridian.
Batfisk asked, "Love interest?"
The cheesecake only observed patiently.
Batfisk nodded. "Love interest."
Edward Nygma, even though his name wasn't said earlier, was done being sad. Now he was mad.
He was going to show Stunfisk he could be just as edgy as he was, even if the topic of his sentences switched halfway through. But he didn't have dead parents, he was an unpaid intern after all, and he even lived in his parent's basement.
What do to?
What do to? Indeed was the question.
He snapped his jim'carrey fingers! He had it. He just had to do crime until he could say he was as edgy as Stunfisk. But doing the crime was dangerous. And he was a smart guy, so he got a pair of thugs to do it for him.
It was the best. Crime spree. Ever.
Now, The Riddler was rich. Richer than Stunfisk even, but just not quite edgy enough still.
Oh, and he found out Stunfisk is Batfisk off-screen because his smoothies made him smart enough to realize only one Stunfisk could ever be so ripped. Truly, it was hard being Batfisk.
He came back to the question that he always came back to. What do to?
Regular crime wasn't enough anymore. There was a very well-defined progression that only allowed so much edge to be acquired from a specific event or continued activity.
No. He had to do something much more sinister, vile, deplorable, malevolent, wicked, villainous, or vicious. Or maybe something that was just downright not-nice.
It was convenient that he had set up a dartboard with dastardly despicable things on them.
He tossed a dart.
He got a twofer! The dart hit both kidnap new partner who was orphaned recently and is going through anger issues and steal dinner. Sure, that first note was a bit specific, but he had already used it once before. And that first time was a villainous plot for the ages.
Smash-cut to Batfisk!
Batfisk was geared up in his darkly dark armor that was as black as my soul.
And the batmobile. It was fast.
The Riddler had sent a message that he had Robin and Dr. Meridian held hostage.
That was bad!
He verbed the batmobile as fast as it could go to the noun they were being held at.
"Ha ha ha!" The Riddler said-laughed. "Now you have a choice, Batfisk." He gestured grandly to a dunsparce in one cage and a beautiful cheesecake in another. Both suspended over a vague description of death. "Will you save your little friend, or will you go hungry tonight?"
Batfisk was stunned.
"How is this even a choice?!1" Robin yelled loudly, and with much intensity.
The cheesecake sat quietly. Knowing this could be the end, or it could the beginning of the rest of their lives together.
Batfisk was still stunned. It was so edgy!
"I have a riddle for you, Riddler." Batfisk could not choose between them, but he finally knew what to do.
"For me? Really? Tell me."
"I can see you, but you can't see you. What are you?" Batfisk asked. Robin wasn't even sure if that was a riddle, but the cheesecake remained silently supportive of Batfisk.
The Riddler onomatopoeiaed, "Pfft, please. Your face? Really?"
Batfisk replied! "No, UR face!" And he punched him in his face.
The day was saved.
Oh, and Batfisk threw money at a zweilous until they fell off the roof.
The day was saved twice!
Roll credits.
A machoke orderly for Arkham Asylum was carrying a gardevoir-head shaped cheesecake in one hand, and a stack of index cards in the other. He walked up to Nygma's cell, held the cheesecake up to the window, and read a card.
"Edward…" He droned, hoping to get through this quickly.
"Who is it?"
Flipping through a couple of the notes, the orderly spoke up again, "It's Dr. Meridian. Do you remember me?"
Nygma stayed in the shadows. "How could I forget?"
Dropping that card, the orderly skipped ahead. "Who's Batfisk, Edward?"
"Can't tell you unless you say please!" The shadowed figure said.
The machoke thought long and hard about his life choices.
"Okay." The orderly read off another card, so completely done with this. "Edward, please. Tell me who Batfisk is."
The jim'carrey in the cell fell forward into the light. "I'm Batfisk!" And flopped around on the cell floor, blowing raspberries with his mouth.
Author's Note-
I don't own Pokémon, Batman, Jim Carrey, or other referenced material. This story was made possible by Static Stardust and POkemon Adventure Dungeon: Batfisk's Revenge. Marked as incomplete because I may continue with more of the Batman movies.