Hey guys! This is the longest one-shot I have ever written! I know that's kinda sad. Whatever! Either way, this was suggested and inspired by ArtemisBAAMF1218! So thanks! I had loads of fun with this and I hope you enjoy!
This is from every character's pov. So there is something for everyone! Tell me which one you liked best! Personally I liked Danny's best!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own USM nor do I own a food truck.
Danny, Ava, Luke, Peter, and Sam were loitering around the Tri-Carrier.
"Isn't their a crime you should be preventing?" Fury growled. It annoyed him to see one of his best rookie teams just lazing around like bums.
"Nothing but clear skies, Fury," Luke said idly.
"Get off my ship!" Fury jabbed a finger towards the door.
"And do what? It's like, a million degrees out there!" Sam whined.
"I believe it is only 90 degrees," Danny added. Sam glared at him, but made no move to get up.
"You know, when we were young, we actually did things," A vein in Fury's head started throbbing. Coulson waltzed up beside him, nodding in agreement.
"Director Fury's right. In fact, you kids should get summer jobs!" He suggested.
"Jobs? Sure, because we can just fly off to save people every lunch break. I'm sure they won't mind." Peter joked.
"I think a job would be fun. But Peter's right. We just don't have time! Our lives are packed!" Ava said. Fury swore he heard crickets going off.
"Uh-huh. I'm honored that you took time out of your packed lives to SIT AROUND DOING NOTHING! You know, I think Coulson's right. You are going to get jobs. Just for a week. And I am going to provide them," Fury said.
The team looked at each other with looks of horror.
"That's right. So right now, you have five minutes to write down what job you want most. And I'll see what I can do," Fury grinned. And with that, he walked away.
"Okay. Great. Jobs. For a week. Great!" Peter threw his hands up.
"I guess I would love to be a teacher. Maybe a student teacher!" Ava said.
"I have found the art of life coaching, to be quite fascinating," Danny offered. Everyone looked at him.
"What?"
"Sure buddy. Anyway, I think I could be a boxer, or some type of body builder. Ladies love body builders!" Luke chuckled. Sam snorted.
"Well I'm gonna be pro chef!" He said smugly. Then he elbowed Peter. "I wonder how MJ likes her pancakes," He wriggled his eyebrows.
"Shut up Bucket Head. And while you guys do your little cooking, and teaching, and...life coaching...I'm going to be a laboratory scientist. Maybe robotics, or genetics?" Peter began listing every type of science he knew.
They all wrote down their answers and went to hand them to Fury. An hour later, Fury gave them their results.
"Ok team. I've made deals with a couple of places and they agree that you can all leave at anytime for your superhero-ing."
"Really?" Ava asked.
"Old SHIELD acquaintances. Anyway, here are your jobs. Effective immediately."
Fury turned to Danny.
"Woman's yoga instructor!"
The team dissolved into laughter. Sam actually fell to the floor and couldn't get back up. For a pacifist, Danny looked murderous.
Next, Fury turned to Ava.
"Kindergarten instructor!"
"WHAT!" Ava shrieked.
"AHAHAH! Good luck with those snot rags Ava!" Sam chortled.
Fury turned to Luke.
"Personal trainer for elders!"
"Elders? As in, old people? As in, I just broke my hip by bending down? That kind of elders?" Luke's voice rose dramatically.
Fury turned to Peter and Pete swore he saw the man grin.
"Grocery store clerk!"
"Hey! That's not even close to scientist!
Fury didn't acknowledge him as he turned to Sam.
"Chef-"
"YES! SUCK IT LOSERS!" Sam punched the air.
"-in the food truck by the Daily Bugle!" Fury finished.
"What! That place get's like, a hundred customers per minute! And it has even more rats!"
"What part of effective immediately do you not understand?" Fury snarled. The teens sighed, and dispersed.
Danny
Danny arrived in Central Park wearing a loose T-shirt and sweat pants. A couple of mats were laid out on the grass. About seven older women were scattered around, stretching with audible pops and cracks.
"Um. Uh..." He started. The ladies looked at him.
"OH! You are SO cute!" One shrieked.
"Looks just like my grandson!" Another cried. One of them was bold enough to pinch his cheeks. Danny tried thinking of some intelligent, polite way to avoid further embarrassment.
"Uh...Uh..." he tried.
"Come on girls! You're scaring the child!" A short, white-haired woman scolded.
"Thank you," Danny smiled.
"Now, before we start, I don't think you can exercise with that hot shirt!" She said.
"I am quite comfortable actually," Danny's voice broke into a shrill, high-pitched whistling sound at the end.
"Oh don't give me that honey! You teens could use a bit of self confidence!" She started toward him and started yanking off his shirt.
"UH...!" Danny almost started hyperventilating.
"Ma'am, I don't...I really...I um...uh..." He said. Then his shirt was off and the ladies were pinching and prodding him like a prize pig.
"Whoo boy! Now I am very proud to call you my instructor!" One said. She then slapped him on the butt.
"Help!" Danny made a strangled sound in the back of his throat.
A woman winked at him and he lost it.
"NONONONONONONONONONONONO!" He cried shrilly. Danny ran for the hills. Not even bothering to grab his shirt.
Ava
Ava walked into the classroom with an air of professional dignity. The room was large and painted blue. The carpet was mostly made up of puzzle-shaped mats.
"Hello kids!" She said brightly.
"Hi Miss Ava!" They yelled back.
"So, what do you kids want to do?" Ava asked. The kids looked at her. Then looked at each other. Then back at her.
"STORY TIME!" They chorused.
"Okay! What story?"
"Actually, I wanna tell it!" A little girl with blond pig tails sang. She walked to the front and pushed Ava out of the teacher's chair. Ava looked at her in barely suppressed anger.
"This is the story of the ugly duckling!" She chirped.
"YAY!" Everyone cheered
"Ok so one time there was a ducky and he had a stupid face! So his mommy and brothers and friends hated him because he was not a real duck. So he went to the really cool duck named Abbie with the pretty yellow hair in two pony tails and she said that his face was ugly. But then she gave him a makeover and he was beautiful! So everyone liked him! THE END!"
"YAY!" Then they all got up and clapped the girl on the back and cheered. Ava stared.
"That's not how the story goes," She smiled nervously. The kids looked at her.
"Yuh-huh! She's a meanie! GET HER!" The little girl yelled.
They jumped on her. Biting, scratching and hair pulling.
"STOP IT!" Ava screamed. They looked at her again, eyes wide. Then one by one, they started crying like maniacs.
"No no! Don't cry! Um, who wants to play makeover!" She asked. The girls cheered up and rushed her. The boys stood there until they decided to go play dinosaur.
Ava sat down and let the girls blindfold her.
"Okay! So you are the customer and this is the hair salon." A high pitched voice said.
"Hmm...brush!" The girl who told the story said. It was handed to her and she rammed it through Ava's dark hair. Ava winced.
"Hair spray!" She said. A short girl handed her a can of spray paint. Ava felt her skull get cold and sticky.
"Um, kids?"
"Scissors!"
"WHAT!"
"Don't worry! Just pretend!" The girl scoffed. Ava relaxed slightly.
"DONE!"
Ava yanked off the blindfold and walked to a mirror hanging on a wall. She screamed. Her hair was dotted with splashes of neon green spray paint, tangled, and the ends were hacked to pieces.
"*#$ % *#& # !" She cursed.
Then she remembered there were children present.
"Um."
"Cool!" One said.
"Yeah! Wait till I tell mommy what I learned!" A boy cheered.
"Watch! I can do it too! #$%#!" Another boy squealed.
"No! Don't do that! And don't tell your parents!" Ava said. "Um...I'll be back! Tell more stories or something!" Ava ran out of the classroom.
Luke
Luke swaggered into the gym with a feeling of dread and curiosity.
"Oh hi! You must be Luke Cage!" An old man with thick glasses greeted.
"Yeah. Are you Freddy Donaldson?"
"Yessiree!"
"Um, cool. So, you wanna start with some stretches?" Luke asked.
"Already did, kid! Hehe, rhymed!" He wheezed. Luke suddenly had a terrifying image of Pete as an old man. Swinging around in his way-too-small Spidey costume.
"Great, so we can start with a jog," Luke said quickly. Freddy nodded.
"First, I gotta take my teeth out!" He spit out his dentures and patted himself down, looking for pockets. Freddy noticed Luke's large sweat pants pockets. Luke locked eyes with Freddy, knowing what was about to happen.
"Can you just hold on to these?" Freddy shoved the slimy teeth into luke's hands and the large teen almost gagged. He slipped them in his pocket and shuddered.
"hehehe...let's go," Luke laughed nervously.
They ran for about a minute before Freddy stopped.
"Whoo! That is some work out!" He popped his back.
"Already?" Luke asked, flabbergasted.
"Yup! Come on! What's next!"
"Er...I guess we can bench press?"
"Great!"
That didn't turn out well either. Freddy got the pole stuck on his chest and flipped out.
"I CAN'T DIE YET! I STILL HAVE A FEW MORE YEARS! OOH! MY HEART! MY HEART!"
"Freddy calm down! It's only 20 pounds man!" Luke sighed as he shoved the weight off the elderly man.
"Oh. Thanks! Say, how 'bout we get us some grub?" Freddy asked as if he hadn't been in hysterics a second ago.
"Sure?"
"You like prune juice?"
"What?"
"Prune juice!"
"No...?"
"NO?! You're missing out kid! Keeps me healthy, and regular! If yah know what I mean! And they say beans are the magical fruit!" Freddy laughed. Luke's eye twitched.
"Yup! I can already feel it!" Freddy said. His stomach burbled alarmingly. Luke carefully handed him back his teeth.
"I'm just gonna go...do something...important...by myself...now...later!" He barreled out the door and didn't look back.
Peter
Peter wandered around the grocery store helping people find things and such. He turned a corner and froze.
"Hey Parker! Are you working in a grocery store! HA! You're pathetic!" Flash yelled.
"Hi Flash," Pete sighed.
"Hey loser! I need you to pick up some chips, extra spicy barbeque sauce!" He shouted.
"No way Flash, get your own!" Pete was about to walk away when his manager walked by.
"Is there a problem here?"
"Yes sir," Flash whined. "This employee won't help me find the chips!"
The manager glared at Peter.
"Is that so? Parker! Find those chips or you're fired!"
"Yes sir," Pete sulked.
He went and grabbed the right chips and returned to Flash.
"Thanks Peter, but I actually changed my mind. Can you get me some milk?" Flash asked. Peter opened his mouth to protest when he saw the manager slowly pass by. He hung his head.
"Fine! Anything else?"
"Um...I'll need some of that fancy, rose-scented bar soap sprayed with lavender perfume and inscribed with poetry. You guys have any of that? For my mom?" Flash grinned devilishly.
"That's only in the girl's restroom...Only..." Peter trailed off.
"Yeah. My mom told me about it. Go get me some," Flash sneered.
"Heheh...You're not...You're not serious...right? Right?" Pete's eyes widened. Flash put his hands on his hips.
"No, no, no, nononono!" Peter yelled. He was still yelling when Flash dragged him over to the girl's bathroom.
"There it is Pete! Now get me some of that soap!" Flash shoved him into the bathroom and leaned all his weight against the door. Pete banged against the door.
"Flash let me out! This isn't funny!"
"GET ME SOAP LOSER!"
"What's going on out there!" A woman's voice rang out behind Pete. Peter cleared his throat and made his voice as high as possible.
"Nothing! Nothing! Just doing...lady things...and stuff..." He said awkwardly. He tiptoed over to the sink. There was the soap. And there was MJ.
"AAAHH! PETER!" She yelped. Peter then noticed that she was only wearing a towel.
"I WAS TRYING TO CHANGE!"
"Why!?"
"BECAUSE I JUST CAME FROM THE GYM AND I WAS ALL SWEATY AND I WANTED TO LOOK NICE!"
"Why not change in the stall?"
"I WAS WASHING MY HANDS BECAUSE THE STALLS ARE FILTHY AND I TOUCHED SOMETHING THAT I DON'T WANT TO EVEN KNOW WHAT IT WAS!"
"Hey! Is there a man in here?" The woman in the stall called out.
"No!" MJ called back.
"Sorry! I was just getting some soap for Flash and-"
"Flash? Why?" MJ whisper-yelled.
"Long story," Peter muttered. He tried to awkwardly reach past the towel-clad girl to get the soap.
"Peter move!" She growled, trying to reach the paper towels. Peter's arm bumped against her. The towel loosened. It slipped down her chest and kept falling. And by the time MJ hastily pulled it back over herself, a very red-faced Peter had run out of the bathroom, screaming with his eyes covered.
"I wasn't completely naked," MJ murmured to herself.
Sam
Sam walked within a block of the food truck was hit with the hot stench of pure grease. He propped his shirt up over his nose and continued.
"Welcome to Al's Food Truck!" A large, sweaty, red-faced man stepped out of the truck.
"Are you Al?" Sam asked.
"Nope! I'm Jerry! I bought this place from Al a few years ago!"
"Then why don't you rename it?"
"Because Jerry's Food Truck doesn't sound as good! Now come on son. You got work to do!" Jerry said. He shoved Sam into the truck and started walking away.
"Wait! Don't leave me here!" Sam yelled.
"I'll be right back!" Jerry reassured as he continued on his way. Sam sighed.
"Hey I'll have a double cheeseburger with extra special sauce and no pickles!" A lady called up. Sam wrote down the order and turned around to make it.
"I'll have a hotdog with everything on it! Minus the ketchup!" A man shouted.
"Coming right up sir, let me just do this first-" Sam started.
"I want chilly cheese fries! NOW!" A ten year old boy yelled.
"Burger and fries!"
"Vanilla-oreo-blueberry milkshake!"
"I'm going as fast as I can!" Sam screamed. He finished the first order and the lady practically ripped it out of his hands. She shoved some crumpled dollar bills on his counter/window and left.
"Your welcome!" Sam shouted sarcastically.
"Where's my food kid!" A burly man with a black leather jacket, bandana, and sunglasses roared. He slammed his meaty fist down.
"I want my petite burger with a side of small fries and small water!" He yelled all manly-like.
Sam made a face. He turned too fast and knocked over a grease pan. The hot liquid seeped over his feet and Sam yelped.
"Um...This'll take a minute..." He said. The crowd jeered and booed. He grabbed a mop, put the empty grease tray back on the stove and started soaking up the grease into his mop. Then he squeezed the sludge back into the pan.
"Can't hurt," He assured himself. He snatched out a burger bun, slapped a half cooked patty on it and drowned it in condiments. He wrapped it and threw it out the window. It hit a boy in the face.
"I'm so happy!" He squealed. Then Sam got a hotdog bun, dipped it in the grease, slapped a hotdog in it and threw it out the window. He turned to a little boy.
"Hey kid! Open your mouth! Here comes the milkshake!" Sam yelled. The boy opened his mouth and Sam shoved a blob of ice-cream into his face, then poured in some milk. The kid gurgled slightly, but kept his mouth open. Then Sam squirted chocolate syrup into his mouth and dropped a cherry in there.
"Ooh! Almost forgot!" Sam exclaimed as he put some whipped cream in there to finish it up.
"Thraxn!" The kid slurred.
"What is going on here!" Jerry roared. Sam froze.
"Uh..."
"SAM ALEXANDER!" Jerry screamed. He grabbed the mop Sam had used and started swinging it at the teenager. Sam ran with Jerry still swinging.
Everyone
Less than an hour later, the team was in the Tri-Carrier again. Danny had shown up first and started meditating to clear his mind. He was still shirtless, on the floor when Ava flew through the door.
"Danny! Look at me! Look at my hair! I'm a mess! Those kids ruined it!" She screeched. Danny opened his eyes to look at her.
"NO! Don't look at me! I just said my hair is a mess!"
"But you also said-"
"I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!"
"Okay Ava."
"UGH! I am so mad and-wait...where's your shirt?"
"I don't want to talk about that. But I probably won't ever get it back," Danny said shakily.
"...Okay..." Ava trailed off as Luke shot into the room.
"GROSSGROSSGROSS!" He yelled, shaking his hands as if trying to dry them. Ava touched one slimy finger.
"Ew, what is that?"
"Man slobber! Old man slobber!" Luke shuddered. He fled to the bathroom to wash his hands.
"Oh man oh man oh man!" Peter zipped into the room and dived to the floor by Danny.
"Meditating clears your conscience right?" He asked desperately.
"Indeed."
"Teach me!"
"Okay but-"
"Wait, you don't have a shirt..." Peter noticed. Danny gritted his teeth.
"I know. It's fine. Don't worry about it." He growled. Then Sam zoomed into the room as Nova. He took off his helmet and slumped down on the couch.
"Dudes...not fun. Food truck life bites!" He announced. Then he looked at Ava.
"Um...trying something new with your hair?"
"ARRGH!" She grunted.
"Hey Danny? What happened to your-"
"NOT. A. WORD. SAM," Danny muttered.
"What in the name of Christmas! It won't come off!" Luke screamed from the bathroom.
"What happened to you Peter?" Ava asked, trying to change the subject.
"Girl's bathroom. MJ. Towel. Then no towel!" He calmly explained.
"Well I taught some kindergarteners some new words!" Ava sighed.
"I'm confused. Isn't the expansion of vocabulary a good thing?" Danny asked.
"Not good words Danny. Not good words!"
"Oh. I was attacked by elderly women," Danny admitted. Sam giggled.
"That's why you don't have a shirt! They ripped it off didn't they! AHAHA-"
"SAM!" Danny was up and chasing Sam through the room. Sam laughed crazily all the way. Until he slipped on the grease tracks his sneakers left. He went face first into a puddle of stinking grease.
"Aww gross! This'll never come outa my hair!" He groaned. Ava's eye twitched.
"YOUR HAIR!"
Luke stumbled out of the bathroom, his hands still slimy and slobbery. He locked eyes with Peter. Then he took a step forward. And another.
"Luke? LUKE!"
"It's okay Parker. I just need to wipe my hands on you. It's okay," Luke said slowly. Peter started backing up.
"No dude. NO!"
"I need this off me man! I hate squishy stuff! I barely even like lotion on my hands!" Luke whined.
"Get away from me Luke! Luke stop it! GET AWAY!"
"JUST ONE LITTLE WIPE!"
Meanwhile, Agent Coulson and Director Fury were having donuts and coffee, watching the team with hidden cameras.
"I think this went well, wouldn't you say sir?" Coulson asked conversationally.
"Perfectly."
I'll let you guys decide if Fury planned this whole thing or not. Either way, I loved writing this and seeing the team have emotional breakdowns! Tell me what you thought and what can be improved! Also, during Sam's job, did anyone else think of that old Drake and Josh episode with the sushi? Thanks again to ArtemisBAAMF1218! And anyway...
Wolf out...