FLASHBACK:
"You know I care about you, Miles. You know it with everything in you
& you're scared. I understand that, I really do. It took everything in
me to finally admit I had feelings for you. Do you know how long it
took for me to tell you this? Ever since the day I met you." No words
could explain how I was feeling right now. He knows how I feel about
him, why can't I just tell him already? He's right. I'm scared. I'm
scared of getting hurt again but there's something about him. I trust
him. That's just it. I can't explain it. I just looked at Nick. I didn't know what to say at this point. Before I could even process my own thoughts, he kissed me.
END FLASHBACK
"MILES!" called Demi. She was waving her hand in my face, pulling me
from my thoughts of Nick. It's been over a year since our break up.
I've tried to convince myself that I'm over him but that's been the
hardest thing to do these days. I don't know why, I think its just being on tour
again. Brings back memories from the Best Of Both Worlds Tour. I miss
it. I miss him. And there I go again. I try not to miss him. I just
can't. I do really miss him. I hate knowing that he was once mine and
now he's so far away.
"You were thinking about him again weren't you?" Demi asked. How did
she know? I hate that she was able to read me like a book. But it did
help me once in a while. "Yes." I sighed. Demi looked at me with a
sympathetic look, "It's okay to miss him, Miles. You know that right?"
I look at Demi. "No, Demi. It's not okay. I don't want to be reminded
of him. It's just so many things do! Being on this damn bus reminds me
of him. How he used to sneak into my bus after our shows & he would
just hold me in my bunk. It's not fair." I said, frustrated. Things
were just not going my way these days.
Demi has always been there to comfort me. Always. She has been such an
amazing friend over the past year. Demi's also really good friends
with Nick but they don't seem to talk much any more. I try encourage
her to talk to him but her excuse is usually "I'll talk to him,
later." She's probably doing it for my sake which is completely
understandable. I respect her for that but I really don't want to be a
cause of a friendship ending. That's kind of already happened already.
With Demi & Selena. Me and Demi got really close on the set of Camp
Rock. We just connected. We liked to have fun. That's when I also met
Selena. I immediately saw that she had a thing for Nick. I saw the way
she looked at him. She seemed to lay off when I was around but who
knows what went on when I wasn't around. I've heard she's with Nick
all of a sudden. It does bother me. Demi can see that. I'm sure her
and Selena haven't talked in a while. I don't want it to be because of
me. But I'm sure it is and I feel had about it. I'm not forcing Demi
to hang out with me. It just seems her and Selena have grown apart.
But Selena has Taylor. I guess that makes up for Demi. It's not that I
don't feel bad about kind of drifting them apart. I feel terrible. I do,
Selena's not a bad person at all. We just don't click & her and Demi
aren't as close as they used to be. People change. I guess that's my
excuse.
Mandy is also visiting me for a couple of days on tour. She has also
been incredible since the break up with Nick. I can't describe how
amazing she's been and it means the world to me. I'm so grateful for
her. I'm glad she danced for me and we were able to become close. It's
amazing. I wouldn't trade her for the world. I think Mandy tries to understand what I'm going through sometimes. Even though she isn't as big as a star as I am, she still understands what I'm going through and that's really helpful and I appreciate it. But Demi is going through the same things I am right now and sometimes it's easier to talk to her than it is Mandy because she really understands and doesn't try to. She does. That's it. Mandy's still great. She and Demi are my rocks that I need to lean on and I'm there for them as well. For whatever they need, I'll be right here. Hah, technically quoting my own lyrics. Lame. Even though we all know who that song's about. Here I go again; my thoughts always seem to drift off to him. Why is that? Oh, right. I'm still not over him.
Since me and Demi have become really close as she and Nick once were, I've noticed that Demi has got a thing going on with my older brother,
Trace. Weird for me but whatever makes them happy makes me happy. Her being with him scares me. Trace can be a real ass hole. I'm not saying that because he's my older brother but because I know what he's like. He can be a real ass hole. Especially, when things don't go his way; he flips a shit. It's completely unnecessary. I think that's where I might have gotten my evil, revenge streak from him. You know, since 7 Things and everything Nick must think I'm a real bitch. I don't blame him. I'm hoping that he read Miles To Go because then he would see that 7 Things was never a hate song. I never hated Nick. Sure, I was pissed. Never hated him. I hope he sees that.
Any who, back to Trace and Demi. Demi digs Trace, I see it. I'm not blind. I'm sure he does too and I think he might actually ask her out but I don't want anyone getting hurt. That'd be the most awkward situation ever. My best friend and brother breaking up, who do you comfort? Who do you talk to? Eh, I guess I'll have to let the cards play out. Not just with Trace and Demi with me and Nick as well. I want this bullshit to go away. I'm kind of nervous of what can happen since I should be seeing him soon. I'm not ready for that just yet.