Show Me Your Private Parts Chapter 1, a mass effect fanfic

A'N: Like all my other stories, I do not own Mass Effect or any of the characters. I also do not own the italicized song lyrics below. The song is "Private Parts" by the extraordinary band Halestorm. I recommend playing it while reading this story, as it was the inspiration as well as the tone setter. This story is set after 'Rise From Ashes' but before 'You Are Now Entering Hell.' Hope you all enjoy! Happy reading!

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Baby forgive me did I do something wrong?
(I don't wanna talk, can't we just let it go?)
What could be so bad that you'd leave me hangin' on?
(I'm not doin' time, this is not the scene of a crime)
I lay in bed at night contemplating, why the hell you gotta keep me waiting.

Axis watched wordlessly as Miranda stood to her feet, gathering her discarded uniform with a calm expression on her beautiful face, a direct contrast to the irritation and sorrow in her commanding officer's electric eyes. This had been a familiar scene between the two women for weeks now. The sexual tension had risen between the two until it had become a veritable inferno, all-encompassing and too hot to handle. Axis had been helpless to resist Miranda, even though she had fought with all her might to not succumb to the operative. Ashley's face had been Axis's go-to to avoid thinking about Miranda, but it did not last long before perfect dark hair and cocky blues replaced passionate whiskey and brunette.

After the events on Horizon, Axis had been somber and moody. Ashley had quite literally broken her already fragile heart, and Shepard was not certain she would ever be able to pick those pieces up, not after losing Athena on Akuze. But after that fateful night when Miranda had merely comforted her with a few words and a heady presence, Axis had been unable to stop thinking about her XO. At first the commander had been assaulted by guilt; after all, maybe there could still be a chance at reconciliation with Ashley. But then those cold, callous words flittered back into her mind and suddenly her heart grew cold. No, she was too hurt by her former lover's demeanor and actions. Eventually she hoped their friendship would make amends, but as far as a relationship went…

It had not been but maybe two weeks later that the tension between the dark-haired women came to a boil, culminating in a mess of hot, sweaty limbs and a rush of ecstasy. But that one bout had not been near enough to sate whatever it was growing between the two. One round became two and two became five, until they were meeting nearly every night. However, after all was said and done and once Miranda had caught her breath, she would always depart, leaving Axis with a quick peck and full of longing. Axis had been unhappy with the turn of events from the beginning but she always remained silent, just in case she ruined the tentative relationship of sorts between them. But she could not stand watching her walk away the second time, especially on the anniversary of Akuze and her first love's death.

A sure, tan hand shot out, grabbing the thin wrist of the retreating woman. Miranda turned her head slightly, a quizzical expression lighting up her face. "Don't go…stay. Please." The whisper, though softly spoken, was filled with more emotion than Miranda could ever remember hearing. It evoked a feeling of protection in her chest, similar and yet different to what she felt for Oriana. It unsettled the woman, and she tried to quell her rising panic and unwanted feelings. "You know I cannot do that, Shepard. What would the others think if they saw me leaving your room tomorrow?" A defiant look passed over the strong face, teal flashing. "I don't give a damn what they think. They are our friends, and they would want me happy. You make me happy, so I fail to see the problem."

Miranda stood still, shock coursing through her system. I…make her happy? She had just assumed that Axis was just using her to forget Gunnery Chief Williams. Was she really interested in her, and not her genetically modified body? Miranda shook her head, a physical denial to both Axis and herself. "No…we cannot do this. What we…what we share…it is sex, just sex. I thought you knew that, were okay with it?" Hurt shined from those luminous eyes, once blazing with passion. "Do you really think so little of me, Miranda, that I would just sleep with you to get over Ashley? Yeah, I loved her. And yeah, it hurt like hell when she turned her back on me on Horizon. But I would never have sex with you just because I was hurt. Ever since that night when you comforted me, I have been feeling something for you. I wanted to deny it, I tried so hard to soldier on…but I just can't. Not when I feel my heart bursting whenever you are around. Not when the most beautiful woman I have ever seen has been dancing through my mind."

Every time I try to get a little closer
You shut down and the conversation's over
I'm right here, but you leave me in the dark
Show me your private parts.
Give it up baby, what are you afraid of
Love sucks when you don't know what it's made of
We get naked but I can't undress your heart
Show me your private parts, show me your private parts

Axis took hold of Miranda's hand, tenderly holding it with both of her own. She caught the woman's eyes, holding them with her own. "You have already shared your body with me. Would it really be so bad to share everything else?" Miranda was unable to formulate an intelligent reply, or anything for that matter. Her mouth had become drier than Rakhana. How was she supposed to stick to her guns with Commander Axis Shepard, hero of the galaxy and the woman she had brought back to life, was looking at her with the most open expression she had ever seen, all laid bare before her like the woman's torso. For the first time in many years, Miranda found herself wishing to stay the entire night in bed with someone, basking in the afterglow and sharing warmth. She wanted nothing more than to give in to the wonderful woman before her, but her own insecurities and worries prevented her from taking that leap. Miranda was no coward…except when love was involved.

Feeling her heart crack in her chest, Miranda grabbed the calloused fingers between her own smooth set, prying them off gently. She watched Axis's face fall, having already understood the ramifications of the small movement. "Miranda…" That plead, so earnest and heart-breaking….Miranda turned her face away, shame and self-hatred battling for supremacy in her soul. Voice cracking, hands shaking, she opened her mouth to speak. "I-I'm sorry, Shepard. But…I cannot get involved with you. Sex is one thing, but…we have a mission to complete. Attachments will only hinder our progress. I…will see you later, Commander." The Cerberus agent used the title of rank in order to put a professional standpoint back in place. It would not do to call Axis by her first name, like she had started to do when the trysts had first started. She did not spare the woman a second glance, knowing that if she did she would fall over herself trying to take back her own damning words. Hastily, she beat a retreat to her office where she would cry most of the night, crystal tears marring her pillow until dawn the next day.

Numb, feeling as though her heart was breaking all over again, Axis sat in the same position. Her eyes stared imaginary holes into the wall, a burning sensation crawling up and settling behind her eyes. Containing a sob that threatened her very sanity, Axis bunched up a corner of her bed sheets with her fists, a single tear carving a path down an elegant cheekbone. Maybe…maybe it was for the best. Axis knew in her heart that she would never be okay with just giving it up like a whore every night without anything deeper, especially with her feelings for Miranda. But, a small part of her vehemently wished she had never opened her mouth and destroyed the idyllic partnership they had developed.

Axis lay down in her bed, curling into herself. Her fingers clutched the pillow Miranda's head had lain on; inhaling the lingering scent of clean linen and coconut, and something solely Miranda Lawson. She only hoped they could salvage a professional relationship. It was imperative to the survival of her crew. But Axis knew deep in her heart that it would kill her slowly. Losing Athena nearly broke her. Losing Ash hurt her. But losing Miranda might just destroy her. Axis prepared herself for a sleepless night, unaware that Miranda was looking at the same spot at the same ceiling, crying tears full of the same hopelessness and loss.