Double Edged Sword
~FawkesRises
Notes: I re-watched 'the Girlfriend' last nite-and came up with your run-of-the-mill first time let down ficlet. It's a bit overdone-but blame it on late nite boredom and the Vans Warped Tour. And it's not slash *gasp*. One shot. Marissa's POV.
To The Tune Of: "Science Fiction" ~Rufio
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According to Summer, Luke was "beautiful, sweet, and totally crazy about her." But if Luke really was all those things then why did Marissa feel so bad?
Why did she feel like screaming "Shut up!" every time he said he loved her?
He told her over and over and over again. It was like Luke was trying to prove something-to whom, she didn't know.
She wondered if he noticed she never said it back.
But she didn't think she could, even if she wanted to.
She'd had all of her expectations crushed into one rushed, awful night...
Not that Luke had been anything but sweet. But, your first time was supposed to be special-you were supposed to feel special. Marissa used to believe it would be about love and gentleness.
She was wrong.
She just felt empty. Her innocence was gone not to love, but to jealousy and spite.
She wanted to scream at Ryan-blame him for not stopping her, for not running after her just a little faster. She wanted to blame her mother-blame her for taking them to Seth's grandfather's stupid party. She wanted to blame her father—for making her life miserable ever since she'd seen him in the model house.
She wanted to hate everyone-so she wouldn't have to hate herself.