Shadow Clone
"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto'.
I think I have a drug problem.
Because my teeth are ground down and it's hard to sleep and there are too many empty pill capsules that litter the space on my kitchen table.
And the small baggies that were once filled with white powder sit lazily on the floor, empty.
I think I have an alcohol problem.
Because the whiskey I drink doesn't burn quite as much as it used to.
And the fifth of vodka I have that sits on the counter looks pitifully empty.
I think I have a problem.
Scratch that, I think I have a lot of problems.
Scratch that, I know I have a lot of problems.
I'm on uppers right now. I'm trying to fight my depression. But I'm realizing that it only last a little bit before all the fucked up emotional things I'm thinking about come rushing back.
I think I'm dying.
The aching won't leave and I'm so high all the time that I barely touch the ground anymore. I don't even know what it feels like to be sober anymore.
I think I'm dying.
It's hard to think straight. And it's hard not to be irritated when I'm sober. It's hard not to want to be on another level. And when I'm not, I'm weak, pathetic. Empty.
I think I'm dying.
Because it's taken me twenty minutes to realize the bottle I'm sipping is empty and I can't see straight.
I don't want to die.
But I think I already have.
Because it's been so long since I've been able to feel.
A girl once told me that no one is actually ever happy. That they feel moments of happiness, but they aren't even actually happy.
But fuck that.
Because it's been so long since I've had even the slightest stirrings of emotion, I don't even believe it exists anymore. I'm numb. I'm cold. And it's the drugs and the alcohol that keep me warm.
My madness is the only love that I embrace.
My doctor told me I have a problem.
I do.
Because I took the pills he gave me to sleep and mixed them with some uppers and let them take me all the way to the top.
My friends told me I have a problem.
I do.
Because I took the pills the doctor gave me and ground them up and took them down with a glass of whiskey.
What's water?
I think that's the thing I drink in the morning, around nine am, after I've spent all night gone.
I don't want to die.
But I think my liver is failing. And it felt like my heart stopped yesterday. And lately it's been really hard to breathe.
I don't really know what I'm doing. And I feel pretty fucking lost.
Chop it. Line it. Sniff it.
And I feel pretty fucking awake.
I'm pretty fucked up right?
I'm pretty fucked up right?
I'm pretty fucked up, right?
I'm dizzy. Real dizzy. There's spots in my vision. Bout damn time.
You know that hollow, gnawing, empty, gut wrenching feeling you get when you know you fucked up and you know you lost and you know you'll never have another chance and you know that everyone screwed you the fuck over?
I have that all the time.
My world is spinning out of control. It's too fast for me to grab and my fingers keep slipping on my sanity.
I'm just a bag of problems.
I'm just someone drowning themselves. And by god if you try to help me, lord knows I'll drag you down with me too.
I'm just unneeded baggage.
I'm too fucked up to be good to or for anyone. I have too many issues for anyone to bother with me.
Just leave me alone.
Just leave me alone.
Just leave me the fuck alone.
Please.
Look into my eyes. Do you recognize me?
Because I don't even recognize myself.
I'm a wreck.
A house of cards. A glass house. A balloon.
Let a breeze come through and watch me crumble. Throw a rock at me and watch me shatter. Prick me with a pin and watch Me. Blow. Up.
Two puffs for the woman brave enough to do that.
Cigarettes please.
Where's light?
Where's lighter?
Where's my lighter?
There's music in the background.
Light it up. Burn.
Open up your mind and look at me. Really look at me.
My name is Uzumaki Naruto.
And welcome to my life.
Everything that kills me makes me feel alive…
She's moving to the music, her hips swaying with every loud, thick thump of the bass. Her hands are moving down tanned skinned sprinkled in glitter, fingers running a trail of hot fire between her exposed breasts.
She spins and her fingers catch the strings of her thong, pulling, sliding them down ever so slowly. She's just a tease though, and with a smirk flitting to her angular features, she tantalizingly licks her lips and slides the strings back over her hips.
The music thumps hard again, reverberating, and she moves her lithe body to the beat. Her breasts bounce slightly as she grinds her way down the pole. She bites her lip and stares straight ahead, looking into a pair of piercing blue eyes.
They stare right back, soaking up her every move, watching as her hands glide casually to her ass, gripping the firm skin for an agonizingly brief moment.
But she watches him too. And she sees the barely concealed look of lust in his wide pupils. She can see the restrained urge to touch; can see the need to feel.
The bass thumps repeatedly and her hips gyrate to the sound. She bends over, her full breasts hanging teasingly over him and her hand reaches out, gripping his chin.
It's like a warm fire and he relishes the touch, the burn. His gaze locks with hers as she trails a single finger down his chest, her body now over his, grinding with the music.
She twists, and now she's sitting in his lap, hips moving on their own. She can feel how stiff he is, can feel his length pulsing beneath the thin fabric of his pants and she secretly enjoys the reaction.
His hands slide over her hips, wandering over her bare flesh and she shivers under his touch, a soft inaudible moan escaping from her lips.
Her brown hair falls over her chest and this time her moan is loud as his hands cup her breasts gently. His warm breath is on her neck.
"Let's leave", she whispers huskily, a moan escaping her mouth as his lips play. The blonde haired man only nods.
And in a moment, the loud music and the thumping bass are gone.
Everything that drowns me makes me want to fly…
No one ever told me what to do after.
So I do what I learned from the best. I indulge in my vices. Jiraiya taught me well. So did Tsunade. And Kakashi. To some extent, old Sarutobi did too.
They were all running away from something, right?
But, it's odd now that I think about it. Here I am, clutching this glass of whiskey in my hand. My vision is blurry, the world around me is spinning.
I am running.
Running away from everything and everyone and you can't stop me.
And I never thought I'd be the one running after all this time.
Did you?
Sunlight lanced through his open window.
He opened his eyes, flinching at how bright his room seemed to be. He glanced to the side, noting his empty bed. The brunette from the night before was gone, leaving only her perfume and her panties as a reminder.
She'd been good. Her tongue had been talented and the way she rode, breasts bouncing as sweat glistened over her body, would always be ingrained into his mind.
Maybe he'd see her again, he thought absently as he disentangled himself from the sheets.
Naruto stretched, the muscles in his arms rippling.
He kicked his clothes distractedly across the floor, pants and belt clicking softly on the wood.
Noting the time he ran a hand through his tousled hair and paused. He could feel the pressure building in his temples slightly, the buds of an impending headache slowly beginning to blossom.
He needed a drink.
But first, he thought absently, a shower would be nice.
Naruto ambled his way up the stairs of his house, mind lost in thought.
Before long, steam filled the bathroom and the hot spray of water from his walk in was cascading onto his body.
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to bask in the warmth and the pressure from the jets as they washed over him.
Water pounded down on his head, rivulets flowing through his hair and down his face. Beyond all the water rushing around his ears, he could hear a faint sound in the background, followed by the telltale 'click' of the shower door shutting.
He smiled.
A moment. Two.
A pair of slim, feminine arms wrapped around his waist, fingers gliding over his lower abs.
"So, how was she?"
Naruto twisted, and in one smooth movement, leaned down to catch a pair of plump lips in a soft kiss.
A lithe body melted into his own, deepening the kiss and pushing him against the shower wall. His hands traveled south, grabbing her firm ass and pulling her up onto him. Her legs encircled his body as her lips traveled to his neck.
"Not as good as you", he whispered.
The water cascaded down on them. She hugged him tighter, lips leaving a trail of lingering hot kisses on his neck.
"I missed you", she murmured in his ear.
Naruto smiled softly, kissing her on the shoulder before gently letting her down, briefly lamenting the feeling of her legs wrapped around him. He wiped some water from his eyes and pulled his bangs back a little farther before his hands cupped her cheeks and he tilted her chin skyward.
Blue eyes peered up at him, a defiant look framed by long locks of blonde hair.
He laughed and kissed her again.
She huffed and turned away, leaning her body against his and feeling the hot water rush down her breasts.
Naruto's hands slid down to her waist and moved closer, joining her under the heavy spray.
"Why do you stick around?" he murmured softly, chin resting on her head. He could smell her shampoo. Orange waterflower and a hint of jasmine.
She shifted, jostling his head from its perch, and simply tilted her own to look up at him. There was a soft smile on her face and a twinkle in cobalt blue eyes that looked so much like his.
"Because you asked me to save you, silly."
I remember lying on the bathroom floor.
I remember staring up into her eyes and seeing the disgusted look on her face.
And I remember not caring.
Because I don't need her.
I don't need anyone.
My name is Uzumaki Namikaze Naruto.
And I am the Rokudaime Hokage.
An: This story is so fucked up. I've been gone, and I'm sorry. Check my profile for the explanation as to why, and let me know what you think of the…mess you just read.