He was sitting in the bunker when it happened. Sam had went to bed and he was debating whether or not he was going to tell Cas about the case up in Flint, but first he had something to take care of.
"Okay, Dean," Cas said. "I'll just wait here then."
It felt like lightning had struck Deans chest. Holy fuck, he was hearing things now? Those kids must have really done a number on him.
"What did you just say Cas?" he grit out. Holding the edge of the table for support. He couldn't pass out like a little bitch. He had spend forty years in hell, after all. He needed to get out of his own head. Stupid kids. Stupid Books. Stupid singing.
"I'll wait here for you, Dean" he replied. "So that you can… how did you say it? Go to the John?"
God dammit, this was so much worse than Dean thought. He had been so wrapped up in wondering whether or not a bunch of kids in Michigan, that didn't even know him, could tell what he was feeling that he never gave a second thought to how much they might know about what Cas did when Dean wasn't around. Or how Dean treated Cas when he was.
How often had Cas said those words to him? He was an angel of the freaking lord and Dean still managed to treat him like a puppy sometimes. "Come to me, Cas," he prayed. "I need your help, Cas," he said. "Wait here, Cas," he asked.
He couldn't stop the song that the Cas girl had sung from repeating over and over in his head.
I'll just wait here then.
That's all I'll do.
I'll just wait here then.
I'll wait for you.
What was he supposed to say now? He couldn't let this go on now that he realized what was happening. Cas was wasting his time on him but Dean was too selfish to ever let him go permanently. He wasn't stupid, he knew he was emotionally repressed at the best of times and had only said "I love you" a handful of times in his life to his mom and Sammy. He couldn't even bring himself to say the words to Lisa and at the time he was sure he would have meant them.
No one else in his life was like Cas. Hell, no one he had ever met was like Cas. So if you were wondering, no, Dean wasn't stupid and he wasn't repressed (much). He had long ago realized he had a few exceptions as far as looking twice at other dudes went, but so far that list only really included Dr. Sexy and Cas. It didn't take long to realize that only one of those two were a real person, but maybe that is where temporarily transforming into a demon had helped him. He hadn't felt guilt and self-loathing for all those feelings that he had shoved deep down inside of him for so long.
Sure, he could tell Cas that. He could open his mouth and say "I have a big gay thing for you, but you're my best friend, and you have like… wings and stuff, so if that's weird than we don't ever have to talk about it again." but that was not something Dean would ever say to anyone. So, what he said instead was, "Cas, you don't have to wait for me man. Like, ever. You know that right?"
Cas tilted his head in confusion. "Dean, I don't understand. Do you wish for me to leave? Are you tired?"
"No, that's not…" Dean stopped. Sonofabitch, why the hell couldn't he just get the words out like a normal human being?
"What I mean is… you're welcome to go wherever me and Sammy go, man. You're always welcome to.. ya know, hang out with us, hunt, whatever. You never have to wait for me… us."
"I don't understand how I could assist you in the bathroom, Dean," Cas said. "But, If you really need my help, perhaps I could instruct you?" and he could hear the laughter in his voice.
Dean was getting increasingly frustrated with himself but equally so with Cas.
Why the hell did he have to say it, anyways? Why didn't Cas just know things? He was an angel for christs sake. Now Dean had to talk more and he was just going to fuck it all up even worse than he already had.
"Dammit, Cas. I don't want you to wait around for me, okay? I want you to stick around and hunt with me and Sammy and when I tell you to wait, because I'm a thoughtless asshole and I probably will, I want you to tell me no. I want you to not put up with any of my bullshit because you're so much better than me Cas. You are so much better than waiting around for someone like me."
Cas was staring at him, which wasn't all that unusual. Cas had been staring and making other people uncomfortable for as long as Dean had known him, the difference was that this time, Cas' eyes were watering. What had he done to make Cas so sad? He never should have said anything.
He pulled on his clothes looking anywhere else but directly at the angel, violently trembling by time Cas spoke.
"I would wait around for you forever Dean Winchester and I promise you that you are worth it."
"Cas," Dean choked out. "I'm not. I'm just too selfish to not at least have you as my friend if nothing else."
"I will always be your friend." Cas moved around to Deans side of the table as he spoke. That was nice to hear, even if he really didn't deserve it.
"What does that mean? Nothing else?" Cas asked.
Dean was shocked at himself, he had let too much slip and wanted to scramble away from the blue eyes that were staring intensely at him. He made a noise in the back of his throat and looked down the hallway towards his room. If Cas didn't have any mojo than Dean could have possibly made it into the room and locked the door before Cas had a chance to wonder what he was doing, but Cas was powered up on stolen grace and would just zap into Deans room if he felt so inclined.
"Please, Dean. Look at me?" Cas interrupted his thoughts and he slowly brought his eyes to meet the angel's.
"What did you mean by nothing else?" he repeated.
"Nothing else like… more" he replied awkwardly and hoped to god that he wouldn't have explain what exactly the parameters of "more" entailed.
"And more...is something you would be interested in?" Dean stared at Cas' face trying to figure out what to say, but no emotions were showing on the other mans features aside from a pair of too wide eyes.
He had decided when he turned human again that he had just about enough of burying what he felt for Cas but he was terrified by whatever was going to come next. If Cas was weirded out than he was about to lose the person that was as close to him as Sammy and that wasn't something to be taken lightly. They had lost a lot of people and Dean wasn't keen to add another to the list just yet.
"I mean, if we were to, um…. I mean, if you did?" he stuttered out. Stuttering, great job Winchester, very manly and attractive.
It only took a few seconds for Dean to realize that Cas' lips were getting closer to his.
"I would like that very much" Cas whispered right before their lips met.
It was only a few seconds but Dean thought it might have been the longest few seconds of his life, longer than the first few he had spent on the rack in hell.
They broke apart when they heard someone loudly clearing their throat to find Sam staring at them from the corner of the room.
"Destiel" Sam coughed into his fist before turning around to pad back down the hallway to his room.
And yeah, maybe those kids really knew what they were talking about.