Scoffed. "Is this what they called fashionable shoes these days?' Talk about disgusting flooding of green, yellow and orange meshed together, tripping off the shelves all around!" Brow furrowed, scrunched face. Sorting, somewhat nervously, through piles of new shoe collection. All of that crap, just poor excuses for shoes. Nothing she would remotely consider putting on her dainty perfect feet, she wouldn't be caught dead wearing these! What would her mom say, when she's back from wherever she ended up going to this time" - she vaguely remembers, it might be Europe or Africa or Easter Island for all she cares – far, far away – what would she say if she saw her perfect little princess girl, wearing a mix of orange and black? Slacking and falling behind in everything that really matters in life, bagging a man-pretty husband, cheer-leading, fashion and being just the most popular girl in school.
Yes, failing and falling behind... "The weird thing is" - Jackie thinks eyeing another pair with faux-diamonds stuck to the straps, and groans in frustration – "it does not really seem to matter so much... She missed cheer-leading practice this week two times, and she does not care. Not one feeling of worry about her position in the group. Nothing. It's weird, in her head; there are those… those mind-bugs, those persistent parasites. Thoughts that don't turn off! Things that did not pop into her pretty head before, now they just come out of nowhere, and replay, and she is trapped in her head, trapped in her house, aimlessly driving around, ending up in the mall yet again, going through far from satisfactory heaps of shoes and purses. Come on, this must be ultimate beauty's death! - too much thinking can surely wreak havoc with perfect facial features!" She can't escape. Sighs, feeling defeated. The numbing of mind, the lust of lights, pinky smells and flashing sounds does not work anymore. Something has shifted. Something has changed.
"That's it. I must have caught something of Steven's" - she decides – "Disease, no less. My head does not produce so many thoughts, it never had. It's his fault! Hope it is curable though. It must have been channeled through that kiss, like a thought-virus or mind-rabies..." – shudders. She catches herself staring into space again, playing with shapely heels of sand-like sandals. She scoffs, the only sound she made within last few hours. She's alone anyway, like always it seems, and she would not start talking to herself. Not in her world. Oh, she did not go cuckoo yet, like those unfortunate bums she brings Christmas baskets to.
She cannot, absolutely cannot be doing this again. She cannot be replaying that kiss. His soft, cold lips pressed against hers, shivers they sent right into the core of her, excitement instantly awaken when his lips caressed hers and even now, just thinking about it for a second, she feels the wave of tingly sweetness welling up… Ignore. Push down. He can't have that effect on her! How he pressed his mouth insistently going for the second kiss, and out of nowhere her hand just drew his face in, deepening the kiss, opening her lips to his tongue, soft, warm, dizzy, exploring, taste of soda, some spice, whiff of pot... Until after a second or eternity she pulled away, the tremble between her legs hard to ignore…
"Au!" - ... did she just walk into the corner of the shelf, knocking down a few pairs of brown Mary Janes in the process? 'Mary-Janes, brilliant!' she giggles to herself… she can wear that short dress, point to her feet and say to him, "hey look what's on my feet, do you like Mary Jane wrapped around my ankles!?"
"No!" she shouts at herself internally. Enough with that Steven crap! He was right; there was no point in dwelling on this. After weeks of having a mad crush on him, she got scared in that kiss… like, totally scared. It was just too real. She glimpsed something she has never expected. Another dimension to life, a 'could-be' if she only... wasn't so lost within herself... If she felt like she wanted to take that very real chance. She scoffs yet again. "Way to go, Jackie. You mingle with poor people and you catch their bacteria..."
For a moment, behind the shades, she glimpsed his surprised, excited and willing eyes, heard a shift in his voice, seconds ticked into forever, and she run…
"Not fast enough… That's when I caught all that Steven disease and I just can't will it away! I am not surprised anymore at his brooding and crankiness... If all this mad popping circus is how his head always is, there's no numbing, no forgetting, no going back, man his life has been hell, he keeps that outer shell, the Zen crap, useful but anyhow, but inside he's just…" – Oh my! She exclaims and figures might as well start talking to herself; she's long gone anyway - "I just had to go and catch it, mind-rabies, and it just won't go away..." - she wrinkles her nose thoughtfully, expecting a vapor to come out of her brain cells in overdrive. Poor infected brain. Why can't she just will it away? Nervous fingers comb through her hair. That moment on replay... His soft lips on hers... Something in his eyes... A moment of doubt...
"I will have all 10 pairs from the new collection, size seven, pack all separately, and no scratching, and no boxes, and I have no time to wait, I want it now!" – she announces, waving her daddy's credit card at the cashier.
The night is warm, clock ticking quietly, 2.10am. Jackie suddenly wakes up, head hazy from a lush and soft dream: his arms around her, full-on embrace, melted into safety, sat comfortably on his lap, wiggling a little to tease him gently, a year older, and totally, absolutely and without question in love with him.
"That's it." - Jackie thinks, shifting and stretching on the bed - "That's final. I can't continue like this. I am cutting all that crap. No more of that bland preppy school. No more of that cheer-leading squad. No more of basement, lying face of Michael, Donna's goon digs and Eric's twitching disgust. No more of that quiet excitement and unexpected understanding of Steven. His quiet presence. "I will ask daddy tomorrow to change schools. I will tell him that teachers fart in the class. Or hit students. I can drive to another town. I will find new friends, change my life. Who needs friends anyway? All they do is whine and complain about me. I can't do that, them, him anymore, I need my life back".. - she curls up again, her mind made up.