Set pre series. Just a little fluff.
"I know honey but there's nothing I can do about it...yes i will...ok...I love you too...Bye" Gillian hung up the phone and sighed.
"He's not happy you're stuck here with me is he?" a voice behind her said
She turned to face her partner who had spoken. He was sitting on the couch in her hotel room looking quite pleased with himself.
"It's not you Cal. It's just he was looking forward to having me home." She sighed again and ran her fingers through her hair as she thought back on her conversation with her husband. When she'd told Alec that she was stranded because of the snow and probably wouldn't get home for another couple of days, he was annoyed. He said he'd miss her but she could hear anger in his voice when he'd heard Cal's voice in the room. She knew Cal had made his presence known on purpose to rile Alec and she would talk to him about that later. Now she wanted to stop herself from feeling guilty. She knew she had nothing to feel guilty about, it wasn't her fault there had been a freak snowstorm closing airports and roads, but she couldn't help herself. She turned back to Cal.
"So what do we do now?" she asked him
"Well I don't know about you but I'm starving. How about we go down to the restaurant and get something to eat?"
She looked at her watch realising it was later than she thought. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
"They better have chocolate cake."
"How old are you?" he grinned following her.
They ate their meal happily glad for the chance to relax after what had been a hectic few days. This had been their first major case since setting up in business together and it hadn't been an easy one. They were glad of the chance to relax. They passed the time with friendly banter and a bottle of wine. Gillian got her chocolate cake and Cal watched her eat it smiling at how happy it made her. By the time they had finished it was late. They had intended to go for a night cap but discovered the bar was closed.
"How about we go and raid my mini bar and charge it to the company." he suggested
She laughed "Sure but you can explain it to the boss."
They reached his room and made their way inside. She sat down on the couch and kicked off her shoes. She curled her legs underneath her and watched as he poked around in the mini bar.
"Name your poison luv."
"Surprise me." she said
He grabbed two little bottles and a couple of glasses and sat on the couch next to her.
"So how pissed was Alec?" he asked innocently
She folded her arms across her chest. "You didn't help by making your presence felt." she said. She sighed again " I don't want to talk about it"
He look at her intently and she looked away immediately "Don't do that!" she snapped.
He lowered his gaze apologetically.
"Did you tell Zoe you called her from my room?" she asked knowing full well he hadn't.
They sat in silence for a while sipping their drinks. When the first drink was gone he got up and replaced them.
"I figure we can just work our way through the entire bar. See What takes our fancy."
" One more and then we should probably try and get some sleep." she said
"Ok you should do that. I intend to drink myself into a stupor."
She laughed and raised her glass to him.
Bringing another couple of drinks, he settled himself next her.
"Seriously how pissed was Alec?"
She gave him a warning look.
"Ok. Ok." he held his hands up. " Ok. How about a game of truth or dare."
"How old are YOU!" she exclaimed
"Come on Foster. What have you got to hide?"
Never one to back down from a challenge especially from Cal she agreed.
"But instead of doing a dare we'll take an extra drink instead." he suggested
She feined mock horror "Why Dr. Lightman are you trying to get me drunk?"
He grinned "I have a feeling you could drink me under the table luv."
"Ok..." she accepted "...but I'm not telling you how annoyed Alec was."
Cal grinned at the fact she'd admitted he'd annoyed Alec, but Gillian chose to ignore him. "Who goes first?" she asked.
He bowed slightly to her and said "Ladies of course."
She thought for a while "Ok if you woke up tomorrow and you were invisible what would you do?"
He laughed at her choice of question "You really are a child aren't you?"
She stuck her tongue out at him in response.
"That is a pointless question to ask any man." he replied "We'd all do the same thing...spy on naked women! Ok my turn. Have you ever gone commando?"
"Cal! You can't ask questions like that!"
"Hey it's my game I make the rules and the rules say I can ask anything I want, so spil.l"
He saw the blush rising in her cheeks so he knew the answer before she even said "Yes"
He grinned "I always knew you were a wild woman. Have you ever done it at work?"
She swatted his arm "You asked your question. I don't have to answer that. My turn." She thought for a moment before asking him "Who was your first love?"
He groaned "Trust you to ask a soppy question like that"
"I like soppy" she said
"I know." It was one of the things that made her so different from him and he adored her for it. " Ok. Her name was Sarah Walsh. I was 14 and she broke my heart... She left me for my best friend cos he had a better bike."
Gillian laughed "Aww that is a truly sad story."
"Yeah I've never been the same since" he deadpanned "How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
Gillian grinned "I'm sensing a theme to your questions."
Cal did his best 'who me' face which made her smile even more. She took a big swig of her drink and giggled at the memory.
"It was a disaster. His name was Tyler and we were 17. He was so nervous he bit my lip."
"I can understand that." he said before his brain had registered the words leaving his mouth.
"What?" she frowned "Him biting me?"
"No him being nervous. He probably wanted to make you happy. Who wouldn't." When he noticed her staring at him he quickly changed the subject
"Anyway your go."
Her head was buzzing from the alcohol and the compliment he had just paid her. She tried to focus. He took the opportunity of the lull in the game to get them another drink.
"You are trying to get me drunk!" she accused playfully.
"Yes but is it working?"
She ignored his question "It's not your turn. Ok what's the best thing about your life right now?"
She saw him ponder the question and hesisitate. He held up his glass and took a large drink of the liquid "Dare" he said
Puzzled at him not answering she tried to come up with another question. "Have you ever cheated on a serious partner?"
"No. have you?"
She shook her head. Emboldened by the alcohol and the chance to ask questions they normally wouldn't she asked "Did you marry Zoe because she got pregnant?"
He lowered his head trying to decide whether to answer. "Yes." he said finally "We're complicated. I love her but we probably wouldn't have married if it wasn't for Emily."
They locked eyes and she smiled in understanding. She knew how important family was to him she also knew underneath the 'I don't play by the
rules guy' Cal had traditional values.
"Right" he said fixing her with one of his stares "Time to get serious." Gillian took a sip of her drink and nodded for him to continue
"Do you have any weird sexual fantasies?"
They both burst out laughing.
"Cal!" she shrieked
"Come on Foster I always thought underneath that romance novel reading, slushie drinking exterior there's an animal waiting to get out."
"Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought." she raised her glass and took a drink "Some things are better kept a secret. Dare." and she winked at him.
"So unfair." he grumbled. He inched closer to her so he could see her face clearly when she answered his next question. "Do you love Alec completely?"
Startled by his question she unconciously moved slightly away from him distancing herself. "Yes" she answered immediately.
He raised his eyebrows in a silent question
"What?" she demanded
He pointed to the glass in her hand. "The rules say if you lie you have to take a drink."
She was about to protest but knew it was pointless. She knew he had read uncertainty on her face. She took a sharp drink and avoided his gaze.
"I do love him." she said quietly.
He said nothing just watched her.
"Does anyone ever love anyone else completely?" she asked
"Now there's a psychologist talking." he replied
He continued to watch her. He could see the inner struggle as she tried to decide whether to defend herself. He could see the genuine love she felt for Alec, but he could also see conflict and doubt. She untucked her legs from under herself and sat up straight not facing Cal.
"I do love him, but..." she steeled herself to carry on. "Alec had a problem before we met. He was very honest and open about it but after everything I went through with my father I find it hard to completely trust him."
He took her hands in his and she turned to look at him. She saw no trace of smugness like she had expected only concern and understanding.
He smiled to ease the tension.
"Ok." she said "Since we're sharing so openly. Do you trust anyone completely?"
Cal thought for a moment for the best way to answer. He decided on deflection. "Does Emily count?"
She chuckled "No Cal, Emily is a child! She doesn't count!"
They were sitting close together, invading the others personal space, which wasn't unusual for them. At this proximity he could smell her perfume. The combination of that and the amount of alcohol he had drunk made his head spin.
"I trust you...completely." he confessed looking directly into her eyes so she could see the honesty on his face.
Gillian was stunned by this honesty, knowing it didn't come easily for Cal, the trust or the confession. She didn't look away so he could see the feeling was mutual. She leant forwards and softly brushed her lips against Cal's. She went to pull back but he followed. One of his hands held the back of her neck to allow him to pull her to him. The kiss became deep and needy. She rested her hands on his shoulders as though she was torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. He shifted in his seat and moved her too. Gently and without breaking the kiss her leant her back on the couch so he was lying on top of her. She could feel how much he wanted her and neither of them had ever felt this turned on in their lives and all they were doing was kissing. He moved his lips from hers trailing path down her neck. She ran her hands down his back feeling an overwhelming need to touch him. Suddenly they were literally ripping each others clothes off, desperate to feel exposed skin. They explored each others body until they couldn't hold back any longer. Wordlessly he made sure this was what she wanted. Silently she told him she more than wanted him she needed him. Needing no more encouragement they gave into desire and made love.
Some time later they made it to the bed. They lay wrapped in each others arms staring at the ceiling. Thoughts tumbling around in their heads unable to form the words to explain what had just happened.
'Have you ever cheated on a serious partner?' Cal stole a glance at Gillian and waited for the guilt to come, but it didn't. He didn't feel like he expected a man who had just cheated on his wife, the mother of his child, should feel. Cal loved Zoe in his own way. He was obsessed with her. They consumed each other. Used each other up until they could take no more and then they would scream and throw things. They would always make up, passionately. He needed the rush she gave him. And now they had Emily. Cal thought about Alec. He didn't care much for him. When Cal and Zoe would fight Zoe would say Cal disliked Alec because he was jealous. Cal knew this was true, which only made him madder. But Alec was good for Gillian. He was sensible and dependable. Cal knew Gillian really did love Alec and he, her. Alec complimented her. He made her feel special. He showed her the respect she deserved. He knew Alec had secrets but the one thing Cal could always see when he was around him was how much Alec adored Gillian. How much he wanted to make her happy. Who wouldn't. Cal hated him.
Gillian was thinking of Alec too. Should she confess what had just happened? She knew in her heart that if she did, Alec would never be able to let it go. When they argued, which was rare, Gillian hated confrontation because of her father, Alec would ask her if she loved Cal. Gillian hated lying to him so her answer was always the same, 'Yes. he is my friend.' she knew it was a half truth but she couldn't lie to her husband. He trusted her and she had betrayed that trust. Now she would have to lie to him.
Gillian felt Cal's arms tighten around her. A contentment she had never known before swept through her body. Here, in Cal's arms she felt safe, loved and protected. She almost laughed at herself, sounding like she was in one of her romance novels. She had chosen to be with her husband, and she would stand by that choice but she knew in her heart she truly belonged with Cal. She felt Cal place a small kiss on the top of her head as he disentangled himself from her. He rolled onto his side facing her, his head propped in his hand.
"Truth or happiness?" he asked
"Why not both?" she replied mirroring his move.
"Ah, never both." he said apologetically.
"Ok. Truth."
Cal took a deep breath as though he were summoning his courage. "I wanted you from the second I first saw you, but..." he looked down and away and she saw regret. "..we were married... and then we became friends and I've never had anybody who looked out for me, didn't judge me, who could see all of me, the way you do. I didn't want to screw that up. The truth is. I want this..." he gestured between them. "...more than I've ever wanted anything, but what you want and what you've got are two different things. Truth or happiness, never both." He took her hand in his and kissed her fingers.
Gillian sat up reached out her hand and stroked his cheek.
"What you've got, is someone who will always care for you." she said softly. "Someone who'll always be here for you. I wish things were different. I want you too but we have to settle for friends, best friends. We know the truth but we'll settle for happiness and long as I have you in my life I'll be happy."
They watched each other for a few moments. Both of them were completely naked but they felt no inhibition. It felt natural for them to be together this way. They didn't feel uncomfortable or feel the need to hide themselves from the other. Gillian felt Cal's eyes roam her body like he was trying to remember every last inch of skin. Gillian had never felt so wanted, so desired, so cherished. She could see his pupils dilate and she knew he could see the effect he had on her. They both knew it was wrong. They had just agreed to put this behind them but the pull was too strong. Cal reached his hand behind her neck and moved her to him. The second their lips touched their hearts overruled their heads. Fantasies that had always been unspoken between them were played out. They took turns pleasuring each other, delighting in discovering what made the other gasp in ecstasy. Enjoying the feeling of closeness, clinging to one another when they were done.
The next day was a blur as they spent the time exploring, touching and holding each other. They were just heading to the shower together when the phone rang startling them both back to reality. Cal glared at it willing it to stop. It didn't. He ripped to reciever from the cradle.
"Hello." a cheery voice on the other end said. "This is reception. Just to let you know that the snow has cleared and all roads and airports have reopened. Have a nice evening. Goodbye."
Cal sighed and threw the receiver back down. He flopped onto the bed. Gillian studied his face. Sadness, anger and frustration.
"Time to go home." she said shocked at the devastation of her words.
Cal nodded mutely. Giilian went to him and wrapped her arms around him. He buried his head in her chest and wound his arms around her back. They held each other as though they would never let go but they had to. After a minute or so Gillian removed herself from the embrace and disappeared into the bathroom. When she returned 20 minutes later Cal was sitting on the couch fully dressed. He watched her carefully as she moved around the room. It was clear she had been crying and Cal felt helpless. He wanted to take her in his arms and ease her pain but he knew he couldn't. He watched her get dressed. When she was ready she turned to him and her face was resolute. Gillian walked to the couch and sat next to Cal further away than she normally would. Her proffesional demenour at the fore.
" I think we need a line." she said. "It's the only way we can continue to be around each other everyday. I don't want to lose what we have,so we need to respect each others privacy. We agree not to act on or speak about any feelings or messages we may unconsiously send each other."
Cal could clearly read the determination on Gillian's face. He could also see sorrow and shame. He knew how difficult the situation was for her. Lying was second nature to Cal Lightman. He'd done some pretty bad things in his time, but he knew how much Gillian hated deception and now not only was she deceiving her husband but they were going to have to lie to themselves too.
"It won't be easy you know." he said
"I know." she replied "But we have to try. There's no other choice."
They looked into each others eyes and knew there was another choice. Those three important words, unsaid between them.
If either had managed to speak they knew there would be huge consequences. Those words written all over their faces, remained there because they both knew that if they found their voices they would have said sod the consequences lets be together. Cal loved his daughter and Gillian was bound by duty, so they stayed silent. Cal gave an annoyed sigh and ran his hands through his hair. He could feel the anger and injustice bubbling inside him. He felt out of control and he hated it. The fight eliminated from his usual fight or flight response, he went with his remaining option, running away. He needed space, to think, to mourn, to get drunk. He stood and quickly headed to the door without a word. However once he reached the door something made him turn back. Suddenly the absent guilt washed over him as he looked at Gillian's beautiful expressive face.
"You." he said.
Seeing Gillian's puzzled expression he continued. "When you asked me about the best thing in my life right now, I didn't answer because... it's you."
Before she could respond or he could read her Cal turned away again and disappeared out of the room.
They travelled home separately and avoided each other for a few days on their return. After a week or so they felt the banter between them returning. Their perfect weekend was never mentioned again but both felt their friendship was stronger than ever. The line she had drawn firmly in place and it guided them from then on.