HARRY AND MALCOLM: TOGETHER AGAIN
By: HiBob
Disclaimer: Despite my best efforts, JK Rowling still owns the rights to the Harry Potter Characters, although I have the option to purchase one of Dobby's Tea Cozy Hats (TM). With equal failure, I have been unable to obtain the rights to the show 'Malcolm in the Middle,' but I have obtained the address of The Linwood Boomer Fan Club. Also, for legal purposes, I must mention that the Unseen University will not be making an appearance in this story
WARNING: This story is the third in a series of Malcolm's adventures at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As a result, this story does contain Krelboynes. You have been warned.
INTRODUCTION
For those of you ambitious readers who were curious about the title and decided to check this out, it helps if you have read the first two stories first. However I assume that you, like me, don't really care to go read something else. Therefore, I have decided to tell you what the first two stories were about. I have also tried to do it without revealing the actual plot of either story, or the lack of a plot as the case may be.
Hogwarts in the Middle - Malcolm's first year.
Reese finds a pair of tickets and he and Malcolm sneak on board the Hogwarts express with the unwitting help of Neville Longbottom. Reese alienates everyone while Ginny Weasley discovers that Malcolm is a wizard. Draco Malfoy, in an amazing example of bravery and courage, rescues Malcolm from the attack of an evil dementor and they become fast friends. Fred and George Weasley tell Malcolm that his story about Malfoy is a bunch of codswallop and sneak him onto the boats with the new students.
Ron Weasley is awarded ten points for dropping Reese with a paralyzing curse, and Malcolm walks into Hogwarts to find his mother waiting. As punishment, he is forced to remain as a student where it is discovered by Madam Hooch that he suffers from air sickness. To combat the negative impression this gives everyone, he invites Ginny and Draco to his house for Christmas and they end up on the cover of a wizarding magazine after they kiss under the mistletoe. Ginny is never able to explain this properly and is grounded for the entire summer.
Malcolm returns to school and begins the year by attacking Ginny's left fist with his chin. He goes on to do a passable Elmer Fudd impersonation, then turns Mrs. Norris, a cat, bright yellow so that her fur matches her eyes. In the meantime, he talks Dobby, a house elf, into feeding Buckbeak, a hippogryph whom Malcolm has addicted to cranberry muffins. The main result of this is that Hagrid can't understand why Buckbeak won't eat his regular food. (Dobby's been secretly stuffing him with muffins. He's already full.)
At the end of the year, Malcolm goes with Draco to St. Mungo's and then misses the train back to Hogwarts. They spend the night in London and have a wonderful time, thanks to Malcolm's use of a magical talisman known as 'The Fake ID'. They return only to find out that Buckbeak has run away and the school year is ending. Draco cries, but Malcolm tries to cheer him up. Draco cries some more, and the story ends.
Life is Unfair - Malcolm's second year
Malcolm returns to Hogwarts for his second year but he has to see a psychiatrist about his air sickness, because there is no physical cause for it. This is a transparent plot device to permit Malcolm to leave the school whenever the story requires it because the author is running out of ideas of what to write about. It is also to detract from the fact that Draco and Ginny have both been arrested and are waiting for someone to bail them out. It turns out to be Francis.
While at the hospital, (It is a useful plot device) Ginny discovers Draco's BIG SECRET, and promises not to tell. She and Draco decide to secretly fall in love but the plan falls through because neither of them told the other about the plan. Malcolm ends up alienating his psychiatrist by performing for the sick children at St. Mungo's.
Quidditch is cancelled but the first and second years have a plan and get permission to play two amateur matches before the pitch is taken over for the Tri-Wizard Tournament. In a daring scheme, the Slytherins decide to rig the match so that they will lose, by choosing Malcolm as their seeker. They then bet heavily on Gryffindor.
Draco rigs the match so that Slytherin will win, by getting Malcolm to agree to be the Seeker. He then bets heavily on Slytherin. Neville Longbottom owes a debt to the Weasley Twins and is forced to bet four knuts that Malcolm catches the snitch. He wins his bet.
Malcolm wins the match for the Slytherin team by revealing that he is an animagus and can turn into an owl. He is immediately given a letter and told to deliver it. As a reward for successfully delivering the letter, he is given two weeks of special education seminars by whatever teacher is holding detention that night. He is also invited to the Malfoys for New Years Eve, along with his entire family. While there, he meets many obnoxious people, Dewey runs off with a girl, Francis gets a date with MacNair's niece and Lois is given a house elf as a belated Christmas present.
In the second half of the year, Francis teaches Nob, the house elf, how to lie. Dobby the house elf reveals to Harry Potter that he already knows how to lie. Voldemort reveals to Malcolm that he is a big fan of the muggle cinema. Malcolm reveals that he is in love. And Gabrielle Delacour reveals that she is also in love. Ginny Weasley and the twins reveal that they have no idea of what is going on in Malcolm's head.
The year ends with Malcolm recovering from his wounds only to discover that his house was blown up by friends of Voldemort. His family was safe and already hiding at the Burrow, at the timely suggestion of Arthur Weasley. He leaves school to also discover that he now lives in England and that the Weasleys are his new neighbors. Everyone is happy with the results except for Ron, who finds Malcolm and his brothers to be extremely obnoxious. C'est la vie.
The Characters
Most of the characters are already known to most readers. I will not bother listing them here but I will make a note of the added characters from the previous stories who will make an appearance in this story.
EJ Captain is a Gryffindor. He is in his third year, as is Malcolm. He was born Ismail Ipswitch Captain but uses the initials, EJ, because his own initials coupled with his last name are extremely embarrassing.
Amber Dowling is also a third year Gryffindor. She and EJ are extremely fond of each other and are rarely seen separately.
Nob is a house elf. He was given to Lois by Lucius Malfoy as a way of being nice to her and also to get rid of the useless creature. Nob was freed by Lois but permitted to stay as long as he worked, but was later forced to stop working when it was discovered that he was only five. Since then he has fallen into a position somewhere between foster child and house pet.
Camilla is a character seen briefly in the first story and mentioned occasionally in the second story. She is an incredibly overweight girl who sends threatening letter to Malcolm on a periodic basis. The principle threat is that she will visit him.
Davis Winter is an adult. Specifically he is the adult that the American Department of Magic has assigned to keep an eye on Malcolm. His main task is to see that Malcolm stays in Hogwarts, or at least out of the United States.
This story will differ from the other stories in that the Krelboynes will have a larger presence. Also, there are a few more added characters, but mostly because JK Rowling did not give me many names to work with, especially with regards to the first years.
KRELBOYNE
The Krelboyne class is a group of gifted students at Malcolm's local school who receive special education in the trailer near the tetherball court. The ones mentioned in this story are as follows:
Stevie Kenarben is one of the few students to actually have a last name. Although he is bound to a wheelchair, it was enchanted by David Miller so that he can use it in a similar fashion to the way a wizard uses a broom. Although he has to be careful not to be seen, he no longer has any problems with stairs and other obstacles.
Lloyd Nixon is a dark haired boy with braces who is usually self-assured except when he knows that he has no idea what is going on. Like most Krelboynes he has no sense of humor and does not understand satire. In the show, his most memorable moment was when he demonstrated his homemade electromagnet at the Cirque du Krelboyne (The Krelboyne Picnic and Academic Circus). He turned it on and was immediately drawn to it, face first, because of his braces.
Dabney looks like a pudgy version of Malcolm with glasses, but he completely lacks any self confidence. He is likely to panic at the slightest threat, and can easily be talked into anything if threatened. His memorable moment in the show was when he walked into class and proudly announced that he had Curvature of the Spine.
Cynthia is a female Krelboyne who once had a crush on Malcolm, and still thinks fondly of him. Despite her overtures in the past, Malcolm has never noticed. Her finest moment was when Reese tried to make out with her and found out that she had spent the summer in an Israeli Kibbutz training with the army.
Eraserhead is called that because he looks like one. His big moment was when Reese cornered him, only to be cornered by his big brother in return. Eraserhead said ironically, "Kafkaesque, isn't it." Reese replied, "Huh?"
Dorene is Dabney's mother. While Lois is a control freak, Dorene has gone the extra step. She has completely subdued Dabney so that he will do anything she tells him, without question. There is never any mention of Dabney having a father, but that is no surprise.
Lionel Herkabe is the teacher. He is a former Krelboyne who married and became a millionaire but went bankrupt and his wife divorced him for a more successful man. He is highly resentful of the fact that he has been reduced to a teacher.
As a trivia note, the name Krelboyne was taken from the character Stanley Krelboyne of the B grade fifties movie, Little Shop of Horrors. The movie is best known for the fact that it was filmed in it's entirety in three days.
Now that I have finished boring all of you, I should tell you that the story actually begins with Chapter Two and you did not have to read any of this. C'est la vie.