Hi all stendan fans, iv been trying to write this for about 2 weeks now, ever since the club scene aired. This is my first fan-fic so please review and tell me if its any good :P Enjoy! I'm sorry if i bring back any emotions about Brendan's departure... :'( xx
"You know Chez, that I love you so much and because I love you I can't see you suffer like I did. I've been to prison sis; I'll be fine you know me nothing ever..."
"But Bren, I DID THIS. I shot our da…"
I could see the pain in her eyes a darkness I had never seen before, which was exactly why I had kept this secret for so long. I couldn't let him ruin her childhood too. I couldn't run away. God I wanted to so badly, but if I did he might have found another body to abuse – so I just closed my eyes, every time I've lost count if I'm honest.
I used to do my 7 times tables; 7 7's are 49, 7 8's are 56... Every night I'd hear those deathly footsteps, the rusty door knob of the old holiday home turn and as it did every time I'd shut my eyes pretend I was with Chez, I'd be superman, run with the wind rushing through my cape and feel the salty fresh air on my tainted skin. I used to want to be superman. But then even superman had his weakness.
"Brendan! Snap out of it! What are we gonna do, Bren? Didn't you hear me I SHOT HIM. I'm so sorry I've got us into this mess I just... as soon as I found the tape and heard what he did to you, and I saw him here about to do it again something in me snapped."
Looking at her I felt a sense of pride. Cheryl – a woman, my sister, so gentle and loving had murdered for ME. She was strong yet I was not gonna let her go down for this. After all, this was my fate wasn't it.
Karma's coming for me and I'm ready now. My life was mapped out in front of me as soon as my da first laid his hands on me.
"Hey Chez, sshh. Just listen to me now ok, I did it I..."
"NO Bren no. I did it hun ok, you've got Ste remember you're the innocent here! Just let me go talk to the police I'm sure they'll understand...i'll say it was self - defence and you can tell them… Yes tell them all what he did to you!" I interrupted again, only one of us was leaving this building free.
"LISTEN CHEZ. I did it I killed da," cupping her face, I felt a warm tear trickle onto my cold, dirty hands.
"I killed him; I raised the gun, pulled the trigger and shot him full well knowing what I was doing, ok. Now you're going to stay here and what happens next will be a memory one day. You're going to have that happily ever after, the one you deserve; you're going to move with Nate to Ireland and marry him, live the long happy healthy life you were always meant to, you hear? Maybe even pop out that oven some handsome Irishman and even some stunning wee girls that know how to dress like their ma can. Chez you have a future. So don't waste this chance on a thug like me ey."
"Oh Bren, you have a future too, with Ste. You've loved him from the very moment he put that tight Chez Chez barman top on" She winks at me with those beautiful damaged eyes.
"Since he taught you how to dance in public, making a dam fool of yourself too, be comfortable with who you are, even be a da to his kids and watch him so many times fall in and out of love while all the while you were patient and waited for your time. And its now, don't you see. Babe, your soul mates think of everything that you've been through, yes you walked away and so did he but you always found a way back to one another. You think I'm the only one who'd kill for ya, try Ste. Bren have your happily ever after. Please."
She was right. I have waited so long for Steven and I love him so much it hurts. I killed for him, have lied so many times for him, tried moving on from him, turned him down so many times for him when easily I could have given in, heck I even let him marry fucking Douglas! And that's saying something. But what Chez was forgetting was that I was not 'the innocent.' Never have I played victim, although what my da did helped mould me into this monstrous beast, it is how I have let my past define me that has led me to be this person.
All the times I hurt Steven when all he did was show me who I was capable of being deep down, has scarred my soul, seeing his beautiful face every morning and knowing what I have done to him eats at me. Those ocean blue eyes that longingly love and accept me still is why I hold on – but I must be at peace.
Steven Hay. The man I have killed for, lied for yet damaged repeatedly. He is better off without me, I try convincing myself.
Maybe in another life I would have been a better man, one that could express and return the love others gave to me, for it is my da's fault that I cannot love the way a man should.
Maybe in another life we could have had our happily ever after.
Cheryl with her hopeful eyes finally understood me. In that moment she knew I needed peace and as much as I willed to live for Steven it is Cheryl's turn to receive that unconditional love. I took a bullet for Steven and now I am for Cheryl.
Pulling her close I hugged her for the very last time and as she clung onto my black shirt, the one I had worn when I promised to be there for Steven in the Deli, we both knew in that moment to let go.
Without turning back, I walked up into the darkness awaiting my fate. With the gun in my hand and the memories of my loved ones resting on my shoulders, in that moment it was probably closest I felt to peace. Awaiting the bright lights of the police sirens, I closed my eyes. Cheryl's beautiful eyes lit in my mind and then Stevens.
Steven, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, the only man I woke up next to and experienced hope and peace. As much as this is for Cheryl and myself, it had to be for you.
"My name is Brendan Seamus Brady, from North Dublin. And this is my final confession. I am responsible for the murders of Daniel Houston, Michael Cornish, Florence Brady, DI Walker and Seamus Brady, my father. None died, who didn't deserve to die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son."
In this life, let's face it I hardly had the best start in life, but my mistake was that I let my da define who I am. So easily I could have loved, and maybe one day Steven and I will meet again. And only then when we are at peace away from distraction, away from pain can we have our happy ever after.
I will keep that promise, the one I made in the Deli.
As I raised the gun, I pictured Steven's face when we were on the Ha Penny Bridge before we kissed that beautiful tear of joy that trickled down his perfectly glowing cheeks. The marksman never misses.
"In the next life Steven."
Thanks for reading and review if you can, id love to know what you thought :D :D xx