A/N- My new show. I love Doctor Who. And yes, I ship Rose/Ten. How can you not? It's friggen canon. And also, they're just so adorable together. The way he smiles when he sees her, the way her eyes light up when he laughs. David and Billie really are such brilliant actors to be able to portray love so accurately.
"You don't even know what it's like!" She yelled at me, her face contorted in anger and pain, tears streaming down her face, though I doubt she noticed them.
I stayed silent as she glared at me. There was nothing I could say, because she was right. And it was because she was right that her words cut me like knives.
'If looks could kill.' The thought ran through my mind unbidden and I quickly push it away.
She's still staring at me, deep brown eyes carefully guarded. I met her eyes with my own and she held my gaze defiantly.
"You travel around having adventures and you don't even stop to think about the people you leave behind. They have to rebuild Doctor. All the destruction you leave in your wake, and they have to deal with it. You can just fly away, run away, in your TARDIS. They can't. And you don't even know what it's like to feel so hopelessly abandoned, so completely lost, because your last hope, the Great and Mystical Doctor, has saved the day and then ran. Leaving you to pick up the pieces."
Her voice is so soft, and raw with emotion. It feels like my heart is being ripped straight out of my chest. It isn't anger that clouds her voice now, it is sadness. A sadness so deep that it seems bottomless.
She watches me for a minute more, then shakes her head slowly, blonde hair falling across her eyes. She raises her hand to brush it away, pulling her sweater tight around herself. With a last look at me, she turns on her heal and walks down the stairs, heading away from me, toward her room, if I had to guess.
"Rose. Stop." I ask quietly, wanting nothing more than to reach out and pull her close to me, but she is too far away for that. She pauses mid-stride, and glances at me over she shoulder.
"Please." I plead. "Please."
Rose sighs, but turns back to face me, not moving closer but not moving further away. I thank a god that I know doesn't exist for this small blessing.
"Give me a chance to explain. I promise I can explain." I beg, pushing my luck and pushing her patience with a lie. I do not know what I am going to say to her, don't even have the faintest clue. Almost nine hundred years of experiences on more planets than I can count and I don't know what to say to this one human girl.
Deep in my heart, in my soul, I know why. Though it is not often that I care to admit it, Rose is so much more than just a human girl. She is strong and she is beautiful and she is passionate. She is in my every thought. And I love her. I love her more than this world, more than every other world I have ever stepped foot on. I love her more than life itself. I want nothing more than to just tell her, but to do that would be to take away the rest of her life. It is my curse to watch those I love grow old and die, I will not make it her curse to have to look in the mirror and see the same thing.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice when Rose moved closer to me, didn't even sense her presence until her hand was on my shoulder, pulling me around to face her.
"Explain then." The words were a whispered command. Though her tone was gentle, it left little room for argument.
I slid down, my back against the TARDIS console, tucking my head between my knees while I considered what I was going to say. Finally, I raised my head again. In the meantime, Rose had sat across from me, crossing her legs, waiting and watching patiently.
"I... I used to play this game, when I was young. Me and my best childhood friend. Her name was The Changeling. I called her Ling for short. She hated it, but indulged me. We were very much in love, Ling and I." My mind was drawn back to the land of my childhood. The burnt umber of the sky at night, rich and deep and flowing. The stars of Hasterborous scattered across it to create a million pictures.
"Oh I bet you were." Rose muttered under her breath, but I did not hear her.
"It was like tag, our game. But instead of running and hiding in our houses or our yards or in the mountains, we hid through out time and space. We caused quite a bit of trouble, even a few wars. It was all good fun for us. Being as we never had to clean up the messes we made. Time Lords believe that it is their duty to create time, and watch over it, but not to change it. The believe that actions have consequences, but not ours. The actions of Time Lords create consequences for the rest of the world while we live above it all. Climbing our mountains, and running through fields and playing games. It is not in our nature to change the consequences of the time line we have set in motion."
I pulled out of my thoughts and looked at Rose as she took my words in. She was frowning, lines creasing her face, muting her strong features.
"That's a load of rubbish." She stated, eyes once again flashing angrily.
"On a regular basis, you defy everything that Time Lords stood for. They were your people, but they have not been for a long time now. You are not like them because you care. You protect people and species and nations and worlds and universes because you want to help. 'Doctor' is the word for healer, for helper, for one who saves. We get that word from you, you did not get it from us. So do not try and tell me that it is not in your nature to help. The truth Doctor. Tell me the truth."
Rose's words started out angry, but her voice grew softer as she stared at me, seeing me for who I truly was as no one ever had before. It scared me sometimes, how well she knew me. It was like she could look into my eyes and read my like an open book.
"He died." I whispered, unable to prevent the tears that filled my eyes. Though it was centuries ago, the pain of loss was still fresh in my mind.
"I had two brothers. The Master died in the Time War. He survived almost to the very end, fighting along side me against the Daleks. He was killed in front of me. Just disappeared into thin air. But that is not who I am talking about. My other brother, The Guardian. He was so young. And so innocent. And it was my fault. We went on vacation, my family and I, to a small planet a few light years away from Gallifrey. We caused trouble, the three brothers. Not that anyone was surprised."
I paused, sucking in a breath, only then realizing that I was crying. Rose brushed her fingers across my face, wiping away my tears.
"We caused a minor war. Scrummages really. But a man died. One single man. His wife had brilliant red hair, I will never forget that hair. We came back to help clean up after the fighting. It was only a few days later. She saw us, and she knew. She knew that we had caused her husbands death. She was so filled with rage. So filled with anger and pain and sadness. I could see it when I looked into her eyes. And she killed him. A single shot, right between his eyes. He was dead before he could even consider regenerating. It was my idea, messing around in that town. The one time I went back to help, and he was killed because of my actions. I just can't Rose."
I closed my eyes and she pulled me into her arms. I buried my face in her shoulder, trying to muffle my cries.
Eventually my breathing returned to normal, my tears dried, I stilled in her arms.
"Shh. It's okay. It wasn't you fault." She soothed still, rubbing small circles on my back. When I pulled away she brought her hands up to cup my face, thumbs running over my cheekbones.
"It wasn't your fault Doctor. Bad things happen. But so do good things. The good don't cancel out the bad, that's true. But the bad don't make the good any less brilliant. And you are not to blame for everything bad that happens in the universe Doctor. You do what you can, and that is all that anyone can ever ask of you. And do you know what Doctor? That's all I ask of you. Because you, simply you, is enough for me. I love you."
Rose pressed her lips against my forehead quietly, and then pulled me to my feet. She wrapped her arms tight around me, and I shifted, holding her just as close.
"Till the ends of the world Rose. I'm never letting go." I swore.