Warnings: Does contain some minor suggestive themes and, at later chapters (hopefully) will contain a full on lemon. You've been warned! Don't read on if you don't like guy on guy action.

Disclaimer: Naruto does NOT belong to me. He belongs to his rightful owner and I make no money off of this. I work because of that xD Soooo...

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Chocolate brown eyes turned up towards the dreamy, lucent shine of the moon. Stars twinkled in and out of focus as the shinobi's anatomy swayed with the fresh breeze of the forest's clearing. Tanned ears picked up and quirked at the sounds that the frogs, crickets, and all of the night critters' were making. Puffy red lips pressed tightly into a grim line, attempting not to let the familiar calm and happy setting betray the woes and harshness of reality.

Brown tresses flowed freely in the wind, chocolate orbs blinking away unwanted tears, holding back emotions so strong and unbearable that he had to use chakra to put in place and keep off his face. It didn't matter that no one was around to see him succumb to his sadness. It didn't matter that it would help him get over the fact that his heart was shattered in about a million pieces. All that mattered was that he was being strong for him. Aware that his dearly departed would hate and frown upon the salty, wet streaks that would run down and mar Iruka's already scarred tanned cheeks.

One of his hands came up in anguish to clutch at his throat. Desperately attempting to keep his cries at bay, fingernails clawing unnecessarily deep into the sensitive skin. Eyes shut tightly, knees dangerously—weakly—wobbling, the Chuunin's body finally gave out and he fell forth. The happy times, unmasked smiles, endearing smirks, lewd comments from an old Jounin—a broken kunai—that never failed to get away from the responding reprimand hotly served by the blushing Chuunin; touches stolen, lips shared, bodies sliding lovingly against one another in the throes of passion; what did it all matter if he didn't have the one person whom he shared it with next to him any more?

The Chuunin figured, that if he couldn't keep his promise of not crying over a certain Copy Nin upon his death, that he could very well cry over the happy moments they shared. But in all honesty, that was a deeply diluted excuse to keep the young shinobi from honestly admitting to himself that he was crying over the loss of a deep, important bond. A bond that couldn't be recovered no matter how hard he tried. His soul was broken in half. It's counter part was missing. It was gone and sealed away with the pale form of a deeply scarred lover. A lover, who through all his quirks and mistakes, had surprisingly the gentlest of touch on nimble hands that were designed to kill, to break and bend necks at will. A lover who was irreplaceable and will forever take a huge place in his heart that will refuse to go vacant.

Iruka's sobs wracked his body, now red eyes puffy from all the tears that came unbidden. He stood on his hands and knees, watching as salty drop after salty drop met with the green grass beneath him to form a small dew. The stupid grass looked much too normal and much too green, a reminder of happier times for the Chuunin. It looked as though nothing had happened at all. As if it just hadn't lost its companion, who used to come often and happily to lay on top of it with his Chuunin partner to stargaze.

Unaware to his current situation and no longer giving a damn, the young Sensei lay almost lifeless on the ground, on his side. Brown eyes, now partially covered with his unbound locks, had long stopped crying over his lost lover. Though every tear was worth it, it didn't help ease the emptiness that so desperately clutched at his heart, making it beat needlessly loud and rapidly. The pain was deafening. Behind it trailed a lifeless being, only going through the motions of life that he had grown accustomed to because Kakashi had stilled hope in it once more. It couldn't be helped. It truly, truly felt like there was a black, gaping hole where his heart should have been. It had been too suddenly ripped out, leaving a being only competent of feeling a sadness and agony so great that he couldn't cope with on his own whatsoever.

He felt useless... felt the chakra flowing to his right hand with murderous intent as it materialized into lightning right before his hazy eyes. Crinkling, sending off sparks, his eyes intently transfixed on the jutsu the former ANBU had taught him so long ago. He knew it held a special meaning. That all those long, long hours spent with Kakashi training had meant something at the time, and probably still did. As of now, however, he couldn't help but feel that it was all meaningless. His life was meaningless; it was just an insignificant nuisance in this cruel Shinobi world. Why should he keep on living a life that was so harshly denied much too soon for his lover? Really, it would only take a swift flick of his wrist for him to cut through his throat and end his miserable excuse of a life then and there.

"Maa, I sure hope you're just testing out your skills, Sensei," the soft, teasing voice was much too familiar, much too close to home and so very near his ear that Iruka had to stifle a gasp. He must be dreaming. Carelessly, softly dreaming in the confines of his own mind, where no one but him could worry about his well-being.

He smiled sadly, letting the bittersweet image play with him just this once as his eyes closed. "Am I pathetic for not being able to function without you?" The question was more rhetorical than anything, to be honest. It was directed at himself and no one else in particular.

"You're more pathetic for thinking you can't," came the low, stern reply. The tone was almost chastising him, not the least bit soothing as he was expecting it to be. Even if the arms now scooping him up and spooning him to the broader, more firm body offered a warmth, a safety net, some sort of comfort—Iruka couldn't let himself relish in the luscious feel of it because he was all too aware that this was just a dream. A mechanism that his brain conjured up in order to give Iruka some sort of comfort. A means to say the goodbye he never could tell his deceased lover.

Iruka couldn't help it. The tears came back once again, this time with more force than before as he let all the pent up anger and repressed emotions out. Anger at being so suddenly left alone after the Hokage informed him of Kakashi's demise. Betrayal that the Copy Nin had broken his promise to always stay by his side. Hurt that he would never chastise him again over the smallest of things. Iruka was spilling his guts forth as he clung for dear life to the bloodied uniform of his lover. He smelt oddly of the forest, pinewood and mint mixed so quaintly together to make the perfect aroma. "I love you so much... A world without you..." He trailed off, not able to form any coherent sentences as he choked back more tears. "Kakashi," he sobbed, burying his face in the crook of his lover's pale neck.

"I'm here, Iruka, and always will be," came the soft reply. His voice was a whisper in the cool night as long, pale fingers rubbed soothingly up and down tanned arms.

"But my heart was ripped out when you went away, 'Kashi," Iruka hiccuped. His eyes were shut closed tightly, afraid that if he opened them Kakashi would go away and his last chance to speak to him and hold on to him would be forever gone. "How can I keep on going?"

The silence that followed was deafening and lasted far too long for Iruka to be able to find solace in it. Sinewy fingers tangled up in brown tresses, turning opening brown eyes up towards an unmasked face. Every contour, sharp line, and curve was forever engraved in the Sensei's memory for good. "I'm here, Iruka. Can't you feel me?" The soft, pale pink lips gave him a sad smile. A smile that so often played on his handsome features.

Iruka's world slowed down drastically. He was reminded of how they came to be that fateful autumn night. How it was all supposed to be a one night stand that both of them were supposed to forget about the next day. Iruka tried against all odds to not get drowned in the memories but he failed miserably.

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A/N: First shot at an angsty theme between Iruka and Kakashi. I'm thinking of making this a five chapter long fic if people like it enough. So, as many writers here prompt you to do... Please, please read and review. Tell me if you liked it enough to keep reading it for a couple of chapters more or if you hate it and don't want to read anymore. Constructive criticism is always welcomed so shoot ahead!

R&R!

P.S. To anyone who recognizes the phrase "broken kunai", I did get the idea from another story on the site and loved it enough to put it here. I hope I'm not insulting the original author with this or anyone else! Im also deeply aware of the OOCiness but fear not, for it will be better next chapters!