I'm sure that all of you Sirius fangirls have been really disappointed by his death in Order of the Phoenix... I just let a big spoiler pass my keyboard, didn't I? Oops. This is a little one-shot in which Sirius returns. Expect a liiiittle OOC-ness.
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In the Department of Mysteries
There is this room in the Department of Mysteries. Stands line the perimeter of it, and in the middle of the room, there is a dais (how on earth do you pronounce that word?) with an arch on it. In the arch is a veil, the doorway to the unknown, or as our good friend Remus puts it, to the dead. Now (MAJOR SPOILER) as all of you who have read Order of the Phoenix, during a fight in this very room, Sirius Black passed through the veil, never to return. Or did he??
The veil fluttered, and suddenly, a man in approximately his 30s gets thrown out of the arch, to land a few feet from it.
"We're sorry," a male voice says. "But we got the wrong person. It was supposed to be Sirius Blank, not Sirius Black."
"Yeah, yeah," said Sirius, wondering who the hell Sirius Blank was. "But can I at least get my clothes back?" for he was wearing this glittering white robe (I daren't say dress), as all dead people did. A bundle of clothes was also thrown out and collided with his head. As you know, a bundle of clothing isn't that heavy, so no harm done.
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Having changed his clothes, and now wearing... whatever he was wearing at the time, but at least he was wearing this dark-colored cloak, Sirius Black (not Blank) set out towards #12 Grimmauld Place. Knowing that the Ministry would, no doubt, catch him in his human form, he turned into his Animagi form, a large black dog, and walked off into the streets.
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#12 Grimmauld Place
Remus Lupin was walking down the hall, carrying a huge stack of papers, and listening to a CD with the earpieces of his headphones tucked behind his ears. Don't ask me where he even acquired the CD player. Or the CD. What?? I sometimes wear my headphones behind my ears, too! Okay, okay, back to the story. So, what important papers are you carrying, Remus?
"None of your business."
Suddenly, the door opens, and who should stride in but... Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody!!! Ha! Fooled you didn't I?
"Good morning, Moody," Remus says placidly.
"'Morning. Don't you know that CD player could be full of dark magic?"
"I've been listening to it for over an hour. How could it be full of dark magic?" Remus shifts the weight of the papers.
"Where did you get it?"
"I went to Diagon Alley yesterday, and they have this new place there that sells imported magical technology from America and Japan."
"Are you sure you mean imported, and not smuggled?"
"Eh?"
"Never mind. I'll see you around."
"All right, I'll see you later." Remus was about to be on his way when the door opened again, and the person in the doorway was none other than Sirius Black!!
"Hi, Remus!"
Remus stopped short. He stared at Sirius for a moment, then threw up the papers and whipped out his wand. The headphones clattered to floor. "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!" he yelled. A silvery form knocked Sirius down as Mrs. Black's portrait started shrieking. Then, Remus ran away down the hall, screaming to add to the cacophony.
'What is he doing?' Sirius thought. 'I'm not a dementor.'
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Molly Weasley was cleaning some of the old dishes that had been caked with mildew and mold over the years. (Okay, Mrs. Weasley, but I still don't trust those plates.) Right then, Remus ran into the room screaming.
"What? What's the matter, Remus?" Mrs. Weasley asked, slightly alarmed.
"Sirius is back!! Zombie!! He'll eat my brains aliiiivee!!!!"
"Okay... I think you'd better talk to Moody."
"Hello, Mrs. Weasley."
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Remus ran away again.
"Have you seen Remus?"
"Oh, nice to see you again, Sirius. He just went upstairs."
"All right, thanks." He walked off up the stairs.
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Remus ran, panting, into a room and locked the door. Tonks looked up from a box; today, she was wearing her same 'do, only it was a shade of forest green.
"Remus, what's the matter?"He grasped the front of her aquamarine robes and pulled her close. He lowered his voice to a whisper: "The zombie of Sirius Black is coming to eat my brains!!"
Tonks just stood with a quizzical expression on her face. Then, she grabbed his wrists and pried his hands off. "Get a grip on yourself, mate. Nobody's getting their brains eaten."
Remus sighed. "Maybe you're right. I mean, I have been overreacting a lot."
"Remus?" called Sirius, knocking on the door. "Are you okay?"
Remus threw himself on the floor and grasped Tonks' ankles. "Help me."
Tonks sighed. "Why don't you.. just do yoga or something? I mean, you have to be doing stress-relaxing activities for some reason..."
Sirius opened the door (Okay, there's a little something you do with a wand, it's called, "Alohomora") . "Hey, Tonks, how are you?"
"Fine, fine. Don't know about Reme, though."
"Hmm, I always thought he liked to do yoga for some rea—"but he had no time to finish, as Remus suddenly threw a judo move on him ("Hyaah!!"), and pinned him to the ground. Hey, maybe Remus can star in a Kung Fu remake, I mean, I do see a grasshopper in his teacup...a grasshopper that needs a lot of training.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" he demanded.
At that instant Moody walked in. His normal eye widened a bit, then he pulled out his (rather chipped with excessive, paranoiac cursing) wand and shouted, "Stupefy!!" Both Remus and Sirius were knocked senseless.
"Moody, are they going to be okay?"
"I reckon they will. I guess those self-defense classes Remus' been taking come in handy, sometimes, eh?" So that's why Remus has been out of headquarters for "long periods of time."
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"And so, they just told me they got the wrong person, that Sirius Blank was supposed to have fallen through the veil, and not me, and spit me back out into the real world. Ta da," Sirius concluded his story.
There was a light applause from Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, Kingsley, Bill, Charlie, and Moody. Remus appeared not to have taken in the tale; he was sitting in the lotus position. Bill poked him. "Lupin?" Remus gave a deep, "cleansing" exhale, and said, "I'm listening, okay?"
"Always knew yoga was the answer," Charlie remarked.
"Or did it just make him more loony?" Tonks contradicted. Then she giggled. "Get it? Loony? And his school nickname was Moony? And also the spirit of the moon being Luna?" She stared around at the glaring eyes. "Oh, you don't get it. You never do."
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So, Sirius is back from the dead. And if he appears in any post-OotP stories I write (which isn't likely, I write Marauder stories more), well, there's your answer. Ta daaa!!!
A Story by Maho Shojo
Completed on August 3, 2004
An Author's note: there has been a bit of a boom in magical entertainment technology occurring in the U.S.A. and Japan. Most of these items, including magical TV's (called screens), computers, CD players, phones, and more, have been mostly invented by Muggle-born wizards and witches who want to enjoy Muggle entertainment in a more magical way. They have been extremely popular among teens, especially in Russia, China, Japan, Indo-China, Canada, USA, Mexico, Greenland, Central America, and Brazil, and are being introduced to Europe. This technology is from the early 80's, but it has stayed in America. It is fairly new in spreading , and much of the world has not yet heard of it.