Sarah Yellin'
(3 Doors Down- song fic) At the ages of 8 and 10, Pirika and Horo have had enough of their fathers' abuse, so late one night, Pirika decides to end it once and for all…
The high-pitched screams of an eight year old girl surged through the rooms of the Usui household.
"Please, let her go! She didn't mean to, it was an accident!" begged the voice of another.
In the small village of Hokkaido, the Usui family was one among many. The children belonging to that family were fairly quiet, but well mannered and hardworking. With the wife playing the role as the housewife and loving mother, and the husband playing the role as the money earning man and protector of the family, its no wonder people didn't see what was going on behind closed doors, nor that they were aware of the different parts they each played.
She tried her best to pry his hand from around the girls aching arm, yet despite her best efforts, his grip stayed firm and tight. "Please! Let her go!"
Mother: A nervous wreck without any physical strength, bound to be a slave to her husbands commands.
As the woman tried once more to release the intense pressure he was putting on the child, he raised his free hand, backslapping her face. "Try that again and I'll do it twice as hard, you stupid bitch!"
He watched without the slightest remorse as she placed her hand against her cheek, backing away into a corner of the small kitchen.
Father: An abusive control freak with no regrets, Master of the household.
"Stop it, Daddy, it hurts- aghh!"
Pirika felt the tears rushing down her cheeks as she began desperately clawing at his hand, feeling the agonising pain of the bruised tissue and possible broken bone.
Daughter: At the age of eight, she suffers intense amounts of pain inflicted by her father.
The girl gasped as the man released her arm, glaring at her, but before he could do anymore damage, she bolted toward the stairs. "Break one more plate and I'll break your bastard neck!" She heard him yell, yet still she climbed the stairs, tripping half way but quickly scrambling to her feet and fleeing to her room.
She shut the door quickly and pressed her back to it, sliding down and holding her arm, the tears still flowing. "I-It hurts…" she cried, staring over to the boy. As usual, Horo was sat huddled in the farthest corner of the room. Whenever their father was around, he'd do whatever he could to avoid him. He would sit in his room and clamp his hands over his ears, determine to block out the sounds of screaming voices below. "…I'm so sorry…" he mumbled. She could tell he'd been crying again. "I just… I can't face him- you understand, right, Pirika? You know I'd always protect you if I where strong enough, but I'm not, you understand, right!"
Son: Ten year old boy who's endured seven years of abuse, so badly that on most days he's terrified to even look at his father.
Pirika sniffed and nodded her head, crawling towards her elder brother using her good arm for support. She snuggled into his chest and gripped onto his shirt. "It hurts." She said again, and the other sibling took hold of her aching arm, rolling up her sleeve and doing some exercises with it. After a few tests, he decided it wasn't broken, and got up from his safety zone in the corner, walking over to two floorboards and lifting them up. Their mother had given them a first aid kit to keep years ago, sadly though; it had to be restocked quite often.
As he sat bandaging her arm, Pirika stared hard at the floor. "Onii-chan… Onii-chan, it has to stop… The hurting has to stop-"
"Don't!"
Pirika stared up at him, yet he refused to look at her, only concentrate on the task at hand. "But wh-" "I'm scared, Pirika!" he said loudly, but then his voice went into a low whisper. "I'm really scared…" Horo finished bandaging her arm and lifted up his own sleeve, revealing the fresh wounds and old scars scattered about his arm. "I didn't put those there, Pirika, he did… I… I don't want anymore!"
Pirika saw the tears building up in his eyes, yet knew that if she hugged him, it'd only cause him to cry harder.
"It's getting late…" he said quietly, and walked Pirika over to the single bed in their room. "You should sleep."
"But Onii-chan, it's only-"
"Sleep, Pirika."
The girl sighed and walked over to a pile of clothes, dragging out a ragged t-shirt that was far too big for her. They didn't have much money, mainly due to their father taking it and using it for booze and cigars, and to buy the things he wanted- so as a result, everyone else had to make do with what they had. Their mother would sometimes give them some money she'd saved, yet that was always put towards restocking the first aid kit. Going into a small empty closet, she closed the door and slipped into her night clothing, before coming out and climbing into the bed.
Horo came over to her and tucked her in, telling her he will go to sleep later, but she knew the truth, the black bags under his eyes told her so; he was to afraid to sleep. In the early mornings he'd climb under the covers next to her and pretend he'd been sleeping the whole time, yet really, he'd be over in his corner, watching the door.
Pirika closed her eyes and tried her hardest to drift off to sleep, yet she knew it was hopeless. Horo wasn't the only one who didn't sleep. The young Ainu scrunched her eyes shut, yet images of her father flooded her mind. She felt the tears building up in her eyes like the many nights before, holding her wounded arm; she let them freely slide down her face. She'd have to cry herself to sleep again.
She says, I've got something to say
She knows, That what she says will change everything
She's laid, Through too many sleepless nights
She's cryin, She's cryin, She's cryin
The little girl walked down the wooden stairs, looking over the banister to see whether her father was around. With a quick look, she decided it was safe, and made her way into the kitchen to find her mother. She had to speak to her, this had to stop.
Pirika opened the kitchen door, yet was surprised to find that her mother wasn't there. Only an empty kitchen greeted her. "Mummy…?" she called out, yet received no reply. "Mummy, where are you?" she called out again, but this time the fear was shown. The girl backed out of the kitchen and turned to see Horo stood silently on the stairs, one hand placed on the banister; his expression hidden by his bangs. He'd been silent and distancing himself all morning, he didn't even say 'hello'. Pirika felt the fear inside her become stronger as she walked down the hallway towards the room. "Don't go in there…" Horo warned her, but that only made her more anxious. She pushed open the room door with caution, her eyes widening with terror as she witnessed the scene before her.
The wallpaper on the walls were torn, as well as bloodstained, and the chairs were tipped over. The coffee table that used to be in the centre was now scattered about the room, shards of glass from broken ornaments decorated the carpet, but worst of all, a figure lay behind one of the turned over chairs.
"Mummy!" she cried, rushing to her mothers' side. Despite the pain that stabbed in her arm, she shook her mother violently, the tears overflowing her eyes as she stared at the smiling beaten face. A hand shakily reached up and placed itself on her cheek. "Shhh," she soothed, "It's alright darling, it's alright."
"But Mummy, y-you're hurt!" she cried fearfully, yet regardless of the beaten face and blooded clothing, her mother still smiled up at her. "It's ok." She said again, tears forming in her own eyes. "Don't worry about it."
Pirika felt the anger rise up inside of her. Everyone always played Daddy's game of pretend, but what happens when you don't want to play anymore. "I hate him!" she yelled viciously, almost at her own mother. "We always have to pretend to be happy around everyone else, but really we're not, we're sad and hurt, and even now, in front of me, you're trying to pretend! I'm only eight, but I know the difference between being happy and being sad!" Her voice broke slightly as she cried out her words. "I don't want to pretend anymore, Mummy! I don't want to pretend! It has to stop! I'll make it!"
"Pirika, please, stop!" she heard Horo beg, and that's when she realised. The reason why Horo hadn't come in here, the reason he advised her not too… he'd do anything to avoid--
Pirika screamed as a hand grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the centre of the room. "Aaahh! Let me go! Let me go!" she screamed, kicking her feet, yet her father laid her body down forcefully on top of the broken glass, sitting on her waist. Pirika struggled to get from under him, but it was pointless. Her young age was a disadvantage, and the more she moved, the more the shards of glass tore at her body. "You hate me do you?" he asked, ignoring his wife's pleas. "Well, you're going to hate me even more now, aren't you, bitch."
The man grinned down at her and pinned her neck with one hand as his other reached into his pocket, pulling out a knife. Pirika felt her heart go insanely fast as she struggled even harder in an even more desperate attempt of freedom. Whilst she was struggling, she saw someone by the door. "Onii-chan! Onii-chan, help me!" she called out, her hand reaching towards him, yet her brother stood there, his eyes fixated on the knife in his fathers hands. Like her mothers, his face was also bruised. His left eye was black and his jaw seemed swollen. He must have gotten beaten too.
Horo watched helplessly as Pirika screamed, watching as the knife sunk into the flesh on her cheek, the blood appearing and trickling down her frail body. How long he intended to watch this madness, he didn't know, but what he did know, was that if he went over there, he'd be hurt again, just like before. The cries of his younger sister flooded his mind, overriding his thoughts. 'I have to help her, but how? I'm such a coward! I'm- I'm so scared!' Horo tried to move his body, but it only jolted back into place. 'Pirika needs me!' He tried it once more, but once again his body resisted his will. "Onii-chan!" With a final try, he ran forward, ramming into his father, knocking him over and allowing Pirika to scramble to her freedom.
Pirika may have gotten her freedom, but Horo didn't back away in time, causing his father to harshly dig the blade into his sons shoulder. An agonising scream left his mouth, and he fell to his knees, clutching the handle of the small knife. "Don't fuck with me, boy." He hissed, and glared over at Pirika. The girl gasped and fled up the stairs, knowing that her father would follow.
As predicted, he pounded up the stairs after her, shouting about how he was going to break her scrawny neck. He stepped into his child's bedroom and glanced around the room. He grinned slightly. "Oh, Pirika… come out, come out wherever you are." He sang, looking under the bed and checking the closet. He was about to leave, when he saw the pile of clothing. Still grinning, he walked up to it, pummelling his fist into it numerous amounts of times, yet hitting nothing but soft ragged clothing.
Hearing a bang, he darted out of the bedroom and into his own, finding Pirika scrunched up in a gap between his bed and the chest of draws. "Now Pirika," he began, "You've been a naughty girl. I'm afraid you'll have to be punished."
"St-stay back!" she warned as he inched closer, "Come near me and I'll-"
"You'll what?" he asked, slightly amused. He didn't know his daughter was so courageous. "Shoot me?" he joked, yet his facial expression changed from that of a mocking man to that of a fearful one.
Raising the gun and pointing it at him, one word escaped her mouth. "Yes."
"How-W-You…"
She watched as her father was lost for words. Truth is, so was she. She never thought she'd have to carry out Horo's plan. She and Horo had been so sick of their father, one night, they spent hours talking about ways to kill him, and the subject of the gun came up. When times got bad, everything was blamed on them and their mother, nothing was ever his fault, so, when he would be so angry with their mistakes in life, he'd go upstairs into his draw and remove a gun, threatening them with it. Pirika had seen him load it, and the last time it was used, he never took the bullet out. So, like they planned that night, Pirika ran up the stairs and straight into the draw, removing the gun and pointing it towards him- now all that was left to do, was to end it all, and pull the trigger.
'This can't go on…' she thought, ignoring her fathers pleading. 'If I let him live, he'll come back, he'll hurt us again, I just know it!' Her father stopped his pleading when he realised she was hesitating. 'Mother…'
Regardless of the beaten face and blooded clothing, her mother still smiled up at her.
'Onii-chan…'
An agonising scream left his mouth, and he fell to his knees, clutching the handle of the small knife.
'…Me…'
Pirika felt the tears rushing down her cheeks as she began desperately clawing at his hand, feeling the agonising pain of the bruised tissue and possible broken bone.
"I'm sorry, Daddy…" she said sympathetically, "But you'll hurt us, I can't let you hurt us!"
"Go ahead then, lets see what you've got." He laughed, certain that the child before him wasn't capable of murder.
"It's sad…" she said quietly, catching her fathers attention. "It's sad that you can laugh like that when you're going to die…" The man looked at her, taken aback by her seriousness. "I'm sorry Daddy, but I don't want to play anymore."
This time around, no tears were shed as she gripped the gun tightly, pulling the trigger, letting a loud sound tear through the atmosphere, and the body hit the ground hard.
Mother, That man took my soul away
Father, How could you ever treat me this way
Brother, Don't ever let him do this again
This time it's over I'm gonna make it end
Now it's over, that mean old man is dead
Lyin on the ground, Bullet in his head
The little girl got up out from between the bed and the chest of draws, towering over the body before her. Her eyes followed the blood that seeped from his head were the bullet had penetrated; then she glanced down at the gun in her hand. Walking downstairs, she could hear her brother crying. He knew what had happened, he knew he was gone, but his death wasn't the reason he was crying so hard. Pirika walked into the room were she found her mother on the floor hugging her eldest child, and although Horo wasn't facing her, she could tell by the smile on her mothers' face, that he was happy too.
Horo turned round and looked at his sister, his eyes watering. "Turns out you were the one protecting me…" he sniffed; then started crying again. Pirika gave a final look at her mother and elder brother, before dropping the gun and exiting the Ainu household.
She stood, At the foot of the guilty bed last night
She held, What would set her free for the rest of her life
She did, All that she said she'd planned to do
She's through, she's through, she's through, yeah
"Oh my gosh, are you alright!" she asked, placing a finger underneath the girls chin and forcing her to look up.
Pirika pulled her chin away. "Yes, I'm fine." She replied. "My Daddy is gone now, so I'm fine."
The woman gave another gasp, but before she had a chance to enquire about her father, Pirika walked off.
That was the fifth person in less than ten minutes to as her if she's ok. 'You're game of pretend is fading, Daddy, people are starting to see the real games you liked to play.' She rubbed her blooded cheek with the sleeve of her clothing and continued her walk. Where she was walking to, she had no idea, but she was walking. She'd return home eventually, but not just yet.
Pirika watched from the doorway as he threw her brother to the floor, forcing him to lie on his stomach.
"Don't you ever look at me like that again, you hear me, boy!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Horo cried out in pain as the belt came lashing down, inflicting painful, hideous marks upon his already blood covered back.
"You're gone now…" she whispered quietly to herself, "You're gone…"
Pirika ran through the house, searching desperately for her mother, finally spotting her in the front yard, hanging out the laundry.
"Mummy, Mummy!" She called, running up to her mother. "Onii-chan, he's crying and bleeding and Daddy won't stop-"
The little girl was silenced as her head jolted to her right, quickly placing a hand on her stinging cheek were she'd been struck. Her mother stared down at her with a glare on her face, her face reddening and eyes watering. "Silence!" She hissed, and pulled her daughter into a hug. "Silence…" she said again, only this time, she cried it.
Pirika walked up to a low brick wall, sitting on it and staring at the people that passed her without a care in the world. But why should they care? Matched to hers their lives were perfect. But even though their lives were, their consciences were not.
"That'll be £10.50 please."
Her mother smiled down at her and handed her some money to give to the woman at the checkout. It was Saturday. She, Horo and her mother always went shopping on a Saturday. Pirika smiled and reached up on her toes to hand the money to the woman, the sleeve to her jumper riding up the further she reached.
"Um…" The woman looked down at the hand that was reaching out to her, noticing the bruising on the little girls' wrist. Suddenly Pirika noticed what she was staring at and placed the money quickly on the counter, pulling her sleeve down and holding her wrist behind her back.
'You knew…' thought Pirika, 'You knew yet you made no attempts to help…'
The woman watched as the family of three left the store, smiling at them as they went.
The Ainu girl sighed and caught herself staring at a butterfly as it landed on a flower, sitting there for a few seconds before a passer by startled it, causing it to fly away. She thought about how nice it would be to be able to just fly off whenever she wanted, to be able to just fly off when things got tough, or when she felt like being alone. Yet she knew flying away wasn't the answer to her problems, because when she flew back, just like the passer bys, her problems would still be there-- just like the corpse, when she returned home, it would still be there…
Mother, That man took my soul away
Father, How could you ever treat me this way
Brother, Don't ever let him do this again
This time it's over I'm gonna make it end
Now it's over, that mean old man is dead
Lyin on the ground, Bullet in his head
Horo stood over the corpse of his dead father, staring down wide-eyed at it. His eyes were open, staring blankly into the nothingness, the expression of shock and pain staining his face. The pool of blood under his head had ran across the floor, staining that too. Despite the fact he had a bullet hole in his head; Horo was still petrified of him. He half expected him to suddenly rise up and start beating him, but seeing him motionless before him… for some reason he couldn't help but replace his fearful look with a happy one once more. He's dead, and for once in Horo's life, he felt his father wasn't a threat.
There's a bullet in your head
"You useless, worthless piece of shit! What the hell is that! You call that art? It's a fucking scribble! How can they praise you for this!"
Pirika had tears in her eyes as her father tore the piece of paper apart, watching as he dropped it on the floor. "M-My drawing…" she sniffed quietly, "But I worked hard on it, Daddy; I drew it for you and Mummy…"
"Well draw something that I can recognise-- on second thought, don't draw anything at all, you're crap at it. It's a waste of paper."
"But Mrs Hakaji said--"
"Mrs Hakaji will say anything. You're a stupid little kid, and will never amount up to anything, I don't even see the point in sending you little shits' to school anyway. I blame your fucking mother, stupid cow."
"You said I would fall, but you were wrong. You're the one who fell, Daddy; you lost the respect we had for you when you hit us."
Pirika screamed in pure terror as her father kicked her weak and frail body once again, the fear overwhelming the pain. "Why are you hurting me, Daddy!" she yelled, curling her body into a ball in an attempt of security. "Daddy, what did I do!"
"You're the one who fell, not me…"
She held her aching body with her arms, trying to make herself feel more protected, yet failing. She felt the tears beginning to role down her battered face, and moved closer to the body next to her, and wrapping her arms around Horo's waist, buried her face into his back and cried.
"…Crying… I cry all the time, but Daddy, you never cried… You never said sorry for hitting us, so I'll never say sorry for killing you… Are you crying now, Daddy? Are you crying because you're dead? …I hope you cry, Daddy, I hope you're sorry… but even if you are- crying I mean- I cant hear you, because you couldn't hear me…" Pirika looked up at the clouds in the sky. "You're dead, Daddy, but still… you're still falling down, even though you're dead…"
I kept fallin down, Look who's falling now
I kept cryin out, Look who's crying now
I kept fallin down, Look who's falling now
On me, On me, On me, On me...
The girl climbed down from the wall, turning around and walking back the way she had come. 'It's over. It's time to go home, Daddy, but when I get there, you won't be there to hurt me anymore. You won't be there to make me afraid. I won't cry for you, Daddy. Onii-chan used to say I was too young to understand why you hit us, but I don't think that was true. I'm young, but I understand the difference between love and hate, life and death… and also… I know that sometimes… for others to live, one must die…'
The little girl walked down the streets, back towards her home, but as people passed, even though they didn't realise it, they saw something they'd never seen before… a smile that wasn't forged.
Now it's over, This is what she said
He's lyin on the ground, Bullet in his head
Unicorn13564: Not one of my usuals, I know, but still, I think it's pretty good for my first Angst, ne? Tis sad that they got abused, but now Daddy is dead and all is good. :D
I just made my mum read it and she got up to 'The girl climbed down from the wall' and walked off! D: How inspirational XD