A/N If you haven't read Beautiful Tragedy first, this might spoil it for you, but you won't be lost. You can find the fic on my profile.

I slide this plastic fuckery against the gaming board. "Chessmate, bitch!" Only after my hands are thrown up, do I moonwalk across this motherfucker in victory.

Negan rubs his brow in annoyance. "It's called checkmate, RM, and that ain't even fucking close. Sit fucking down."

"Checkmate? That don't make no fucking sense, dingus. I thought the point of this game was to have this plastic dildo piece fuck the queen?"

"Wrong. So fucking wrong. That's the bishop, and it can only move diagonally. No one is fucking, unless you wanna bend that ass over."

"In your wet fucking dreams." I launch the game piece at his dumpy disappointed face. There's a knock on Negan's door that, thankfully, pulls us away from this freak fuck show. This chess game is way over my head anyhow.

"It's for you," Negan grumbles.

Me? Who the fuck would... heh.

"Hey, I uh." Simon's moustache settles in a frown. "Can I talk to you?"

"Have fun choking your bishop," I cackle at Negan.

"It'll only be for a bit, Sir." Simon takes me back to his room, which is odd because I know it makes him uncomfortable to have me alone with him.

"Oh," I giggle, hurrying over to Nikola Tesla's glass case. "Can we take him for a walk?"

"You don't walk iguanas," Simon laughs.

Bummer. Well, at least he's smiling. "What'd you wanna talk about?"

"That strip club your mom worked at."

"The Velvet clam?"

"Yeah..."

"Wait a minute," I narrow my eyes, "how do you know that? Were you a stripper, too? Oh my fucking god, you were, huh? Shaking that speedo burrito around. That explains the pornstache-"

"RM!"

"What?"

"I'm talking."

"I have a better idea. Let's take Nikola Tesla for a walk."

"This is serious, and it's important to me."

Damn. I'm never gonna get to walk that fucking snake with legs. I have a seat in his arm chair with a pout. To make matters worse, Simon has the serious moustache face on.

"I don't want you to be one of Negan's wives anymore."

"Oh, god, man. Come on with that shit."

"No, I will not come on with that shit. RM, I understand that being with Negan you're given-"

"You really don't understand. I can't tell you why I'm with Negan, but if this is one of those speeches we're you're going to confess your undying love for me let me fucking stop you by saying I don't believe in love, and especially not with you." I have to stop myself from laughing so hard. "You're like my dad."

"RM, I am your dad."

Okay, now I have tears rolling down my face. "Did Negan put you up to this shit? Very funny."

"When Rebel told me she was pregnant, I was scared," he shrugs.

"Hey, how do you know Mama's name?" Well… come to think of it, Mama was a whore. Like an actual whore. Everyone knew her name. "Stop, this ain't funny!"

Simon is so goddamn unnerved right now. He just stares back at me.

In hindsight, the stripper speedo burrito comment is really disturbing now…

"I'm sorry, but you were better off without me, RM. It was a very dark time in my life."

I don't really know what to say. What to think. I'm not the type of person to dwell on anything, but I can't shake this feeling. And what are the odds that years from now we meet up in Sanctuary of all places?

"You're not going to be a wife anymore-"

"Stop right fucking there. I don't let no man tell me what to do."

"You answer to Negan. We all do."

I toss my head back with a guffaw. "Are you fucking kidding me? Dumpy telling me what to do? Yeah fucking right. Like I said before, you really don't understand why I'm with Negan but I can assure you that he's not getting that sweaty snorkel anywhere near this precious pearl."

"Where do you get all these dick names?"

"I dunno. It's like a gift or something."

"Anyway, by the time I tried to make things right, Rebel said you died in that house fire."

Everyone thought I died in that fire.

"When I saw that you were one of Negan's wives, I asked him if I could be the one to look over you. I know that I haven't been there for you over the years, but I'm here now."

All of Negan's wives have a Lieutenant that looks over them. Now I understand why Simon is mine and not Dwight. "Don't beat yourself up about the not being around shit."

"I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger."

"One time I thought it'd be a good idea to get inside the clothes warmer. My friend Specs turned it on and I almost fucking died."

"Why would you get inside the dryer?"

"Because my clothes were wet, duh. My point is, I made my share of mistakes when I was younger, too."

"You still are young. You're not even twenty-one yet." He narrows his eyes. "I think…"

I know he's not expecting me to know how old I am. "So... like do we hold hands or something now? How does this fuckery work?"

"Fuckery is my word," Negan's muffled voice comes from outside Simon's door.

This motherfucker. He's always on my tits about saying that word.

"Heh," Negan reddens, rubbing the back of his neck when I fling Simon's door open. "Guess it's kinda stupid to be jealous about what you two are doing in here considering this new information."

"Ya think, dumpy?!" I slam the door back. Idiot. "Any-fucking-way." I gesture my hand out some.

Simon gives me a breathed laugh before pulling me into an embrace.

"Oh, god, what are you doing with your body?!"

"It's called a hug."

"I don't like it!"

"Figured why not make things more awkward than they already are?"

I shove him off me. Gross. "Bitch, you got a lot of gift things to make up for."

"You can't call me bitch!"

"Well, why the fuck not? I call everyone bitch, bitch."

"Because I'm your begetter."

"The fuck? My what?!"

"Your elder."

"Oh… so like bitch Sir?"

"Just get out," he laughs.

I give him a salute and start for Negan's room. "Oh, for fuck's sake. Seriously?! You're still here?"

"Heh," Negan flushes, pushing himself away from the railing.

I can't believe the dumpy fuck stood here the entire time spying on us.

"That's pretty fucking crazy about Simon."

"It makes sense. How we don't let shit get us down. Or that same spacey look we give you when you won't close that trap of yours."

He starts to laugh until he realizes I've insulted him. "Would you really leave me?"

"No, dingus. Don't go getting your bishop in a wad."

"Wanna choke on my bishop?"

I might just take up Simon's offer after all…