Child of Darkness
by
Disclaimer: I own none of it.
Author's Note: Nobody writes Spike/Dru stuff. And yet it's quite obvious that they feel a lot for each other. So this is my version of it. And also, I have never seen later episodes, when Dru leaves. So, if they've changed over the years, think Spike and Dru as we've seen them around the time Angel changed.
Rating: R
Feedback: Please! To teneljade@netzero.net
I love her.
I can never tell her. Never can I show that kind of affection. A vampire cannot be weak, cannot love another more than himself. But I do.
Drusilla is...an acquired taste. A good taste...but an acquired one. Her visions are helpful, but they are not why I keep her around. She is truly insane, but the way she sees the world sometimes makes a strange, twisted sort of sense.
And then there are days when she just seems crazy.
I look up from the book I'm pretending to read when I hear the air stir, ever so slightly. We vampires are quiet, creatures of the hunt, but we also have enhanced hearing, so we can often hear each other. Besides, her red dress swishes as she walks.
She sways as she walks, an enticing, sensual movement. Her hips move from side to side, the muscles in her slender waist rippling and rolling. She's too thin. But though not directly because of it, that too is tied into her illness.
When Angel drove her insane, before she was changed, she stopped eating for a time. She lost weight, and once she was changed, she could not gain it back if she wanted to. Because her body cannot change anymore. Angel robbed her of that choice.
She is often ravenous. Her body stores no fat, and she must eat often, or she becomes too hungry to bear. I have several times let her feed from me on such an occasion, but another vampire's blood is never as satisfying as a human's, and she must eat again anyway.
Her black hair rolls down her back in waves, and she looks sexual, enticing. But then she plops herself down on my lap, and her face changes, and she looks like a small child once again. Helpless...and vulnerable. It turns me on so.
I capture her lips in a sweet kiss, unable to stop myself from being tender. Dru is surprised, but responds by gently nibbling on my bottom lip with her dull, human teeth. I pull away from her, strangely giddy from the feelings that course through me.
Which of course, I cannot be. Giddiness revolves around blood moving to and from body parts, but my blood is still. And thick. And spilled on many occasions.
Dru seems unaffected. She looks at me with those piercing eyes, blacker than black, deeper than deep. They show a kind of childlike affection for me, a dependence that I feed upon. That I must have, or I would turn to dust as quickly as though the Slayer staked me.
I force my face to change, and begin to ravage her lips and mouth, cutting them deep with my sharp fangs. She purrs with arousal, and licks her lips happily. In one swift second, her face is different, her once-dark eyes blazing with the color of our deadliest enemy, the sun.
Her lips are still full and red, the color accentuated by the crimson blood dripping from the cuts I've made, and her face is white, pasty. Her demon is awake, and I feel myself growing hard, becoming aroused in a way that can only be described as animal.
In the midst of our lovemaking, she pulls my head abruptly to the side. I don't protest, this is part of our rituals. The same thing, every time. Drusilla thrives on dependability...so our lovemaking is always the same. I don't mind. All it means is that it is always as good as they time before.
She is completely vamped, and she opens her mouth wide. The sharp teeth have never appeared frightening to me, as humans say they do. Even before I was changed, I only felt a sort of morbid curiosity about what they would feel like, no fear.
She bites deep, and I growl. Her teeth stay in my neck as we reach our peak, and then fall. Dru pants. She likes to do that. A human habit holdover, I guess. Though we neither breathe, nor desire breath, occasionally there is a habit one likes to hold onto. Dru's is panting in the aftermath of our lovemaking. She once said it made it feel more real.
When she pulls her fangs from my neck and changes back into human form, I know it is my turn. She always tries to lick me clean, and since day one, I always bite. But she pretends to be surprised. Or perhaps she truly does not remember. It doesn't matter. It too is a part of the game.
I grab her hair and pull her head back and to the side roughly. She smiles, arching her back and neck to expose more waiting, white, dead flesh. My face still that of a demon's, I willingly sink my teeth deep into her throat. She screams.
I pull away faster than she did. No reason to stay. I transform back into my human mask, and lick the wound my fangs left, slowly lapping blood like a cat laps warm milk. Then, not out of any real courtesy, again, because it is part of the ritual, I ask her, "You screamed, pet. Did I hurt you?"
Dru grins and nods. "It felt good. But you surprised me... lover."
I smile gently. "I try, babe. Now, clean up, will you?" I motion to my neck, and she begins to lap the dried blood. It will take a while for her to get off. I don't care.
Later, after she's 'cleaned up' my neck, we've slid higher on the bed, and under the covers. She sleeps like a child, hands curled under her head, a peaceful expression showing no hint of the monster she becomes when she awakes.
I am propped up on one elbow, like she, naked as the day I was born, just watching her. I whisper her name to make sure she is asleep, and she doesn't answer.
"Dru."
Silence.
I lean down and kiss her cheek, a tender, affectionate gesture. The Judge said we reeked of humanity and affection, but I do not believe they are connected. I am as far from human as one can be, and I love Dru with all my still heart.
I lie down behind her, and cradle her back to my front, forming a spooning position. She unconsciously snuggles closer, and my heart swells. I do not believe I could love her more.
But I cannot tell her. I am doomed to a life of silence.
Except for now. Except when she sleeps, slumbers like a baby. This is the only time I allow anyone to hear my feelings, and live. I know she does not hear, but it still makes me feel a little better.
I kiss her cheek again, this time higher, almost on her temple, and watch her sleep. Then, I tell her what I will never tell another creature that lives.
"I love you, Dru."