"Colonello" Lal's sharp voice cut into his mind. Slicing through the white haze that he so carefully constructed for himself, so he could hide from the cruel reality that he tortures himself with again and again. As he sat in front of his fierce (and oh, so very unladylike but yet attractive) instructor and commander in her office, he could already feel his mind trying to slip away. Back into the world he sealed himself into for the last two days.
"You've been crying haven't you?" Lal's eyes met with Colonello's trying to find a glimpse of anything that remained. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, if that really were true, then current Colonello would have no soul at all; his eyes were empty, devoid of the light that shone in them so brightly just two days ago.
"Eh? Lal, what are you talking about?" Colonello plastered an artificial grin on his face, trying to seem as genuine as possible. He couldn't let Lal see him like this. But somewhere deep inside him, he knew he was fighting a losing battle, as she leaned over the oak desk and looked straight into his eyes, as if she was looking into his heart.
"Don't try to fake it. You're missing your punch line." Lal spoke in a serious tone, as Colonello turned his head away.
"Yes, I have kora." Colonello murmured softly, as Lal heaved a sigh, looking out the window of her office.
"Did you really think that you'd get away with being in the military without dirtying your hands?" She asked quietly, the world turning into a sea of red in front of her eyes. She didn't really care anymore. Her years in wars and hits and missions have left what used to be a twisting pain a dull throb in her throat that appears and disappears. What used to make her break down in gut wrenching sobs now only made her feel numb. At first, the guilt and remorse threatened to break her into pieces, but she had overcome that in time. As she looked at her student in front of her, she knew that it was going to take a lot more than what she required to get through her time. The question was what exactly.
"No...But..."Colonello trailed off, fists balled so tight, his knuckles turned white. His nails dug into his flesh, but the pain seemed like nothing compared to the guilt gnawing a whole in his heart.
"Get ahold of yourself Colonello. Face it. Life is cruel. You sometimes need to do things you don't want to do." Lal snapped, as Colonello flinched. Her expression immediately softened. Sighing, she stood up from her chair. "Think about it for a bit. It's not your fault. If you hadn't done it, someone else would." Colonello couldn't help notice her voice was bitter, as if she was biting back the contempt gathered over the years.
"You'll either have to just accept it or you'll break." Walking towards the door, she brushed her hand on his shoulder, a little gesture she gifted him. Colonello stood up as well, letting their hands touch briefly; he knew that Lal probably didn't know how he felt about her, but nonetheless, he couldn't help but be a bit hopeful. A dull light sparked to life in his eyes.
"I have a question for you kora." He turned, as Lal's hand was on the doorknob. "Did you tell me to come because it's your duty? Or something else kora?"
Lal paused for a moment.
"Technically, I am supposed to do this for 'traumatized' subordinates." She looked away, feeling her cheeks growing hot. The silent but as obvious as day.
"Whatever you say kora." The corners of his mouth curved upwards slightly into a sad smile, the trademark grin swiped off his face.
"That would be the end of it. You're free to leave." Lal dismissed, but she knew that Colonello was still trapped in the murky depth of self blame and remorse.
She knew she had to fix him. But how?
Please bear with me on this fic. It's still under construction. I just got this idea, and felt really compelled to write it down, but it still hasn't really formed completely. It hasn't come together, but it will soon, I promise. Too tired to do my usual author's notes. Just tested for my black belt today... anyway, please review! I spent lots of time on this, mostly because the plot still hasn't really formed in my head. Sooo... please, should I continue?
PS. I wrote this cuz it seems like in many fics, it was Lal that's always breaking. So I figured that Colonello should break once in a while too... though it was hard to imagine him cry.