Author's note:
Warning! OOC! Everyone's supposed to be deranged in this, with a few exceptions. :) just a little fic I thought of after my holiday. Feeling very bored nowadays. Sigh. Sadly enough, my favourite schnoogle writer has just changed her trilogy to a slash one. *sobs* Aud (and charlene, if you're reading this), what is the world coming to???
Disclaimer: I don't, and probably never will, own Xmen evolution.
Inner Obsessions
Scott Summers had a secret.
A secret which he had come across unexpectedly while surfing the internet aimlessly one day after an all-out tiring Danger Room session, which included Logan chasing after him with a spatula.
He shut the door hurriedly, peering out into the hallway nervously to see if anyone was following him. He was aware he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing, but it was addictive. So addictive that he had to go on the Internet every few hours to that same website. That's right. Scott Summers was into. . . fanfiction.
Not just reading fanfiction, it turned out. He was into writing them as well. He became so obsessed that he started a whole series of Jean/Scott fics for his own reading pleasure. After weeks of searching fanfiction.net for Jean/Scott fics under the Xmen Evolution category, he was sadly disappointed. Most of the fics portrayed him as a boring rule-abider that slept with a dictionary under his pillow. And Jean! Poor Jean! She was much worse off, the poor girl. There were so many cases of "Jean bashing" that Scott had cried on several occasions. But enough of that. Scott was now on a mission to change the ficdom's impression of Jean Grey, his present infatuation.
He hummed merrily to himself as he uploaded his new chapter of "The Scott and Jean Chronicles: How They Overcame All". He had been so busy writing fanfiction that he barely cared about what went on around him. Except for Jean, of course. He gave her all his undivided attention nowadays, but she seemed not to notice. Unless she was ignoring him on purpose. Scott shuddered at the very thought.
He rubbed his hands together as he read yet another one of the "Anti-Jean" fics he had bookmarked on his computer. In fact, there were so many that he had a long list of bookmarked websites. But no matter. Those evil writers would pay.
Scott clicked on the "Submit Review" at the bottom, and let out an evil laugh. Ha! He'd flame all those who opposed to Scott/Jean relationships, to make them feel guilty about even thinking of breaking them up. Or worse, pair them up with other insignificant characters.
As Scott finished his flame, he absently clicked on a link to another website. It led to a Jean/Wolverine story, and Scott felt himself flare up. How dare they! The evil fic writers! He glared at the screen, as if he could melt the story by just giving it evil glares (which he could if he simply removed his glasses, but never mind). The fic described Logan as a "dashing, romantic hero" and Scott an "irritating, evil prat, hell-bent on destroying the world". As he flamed the story with all his heart, Scott choked out a sob. He'd show them. His fics would gain more popularity than the rest of them!
He wiped away a tear, blowing his nose on a tissue he'd left on his table. His eyes widened in terror as he stared at the tissue he had blown his nose into. It had been an offering from Jean, and had her scent on it! Oh, it was sacred, and he had just stained it! He couldn't take it anymore, and sobbed tears of pain while (unsuccessfully) trying to wipe it clean. It tore in half.
Scott gasped in horror and dropped to the floor in a dead faint.
*******
Logan looked at the Xavier warily as he wheeled around the office in what could be called deranged excitement (Xavier, not Logan).
"I can't believe it!" the Professor waved his hands in the air happily. "Christmas is coming!" He went to tick another day off the calendar, almost falling out of his wheelchair in his excitement.
"Woohoo." Logan tried to sound enthusiastic and failed miserably. He hated Christmas, and for good reason. The thought of a bunch of swotty kids running around caroling was giving him a headache. He fidgeted in his seat and made a mental note to buy his liquor by the crateful in the afternoon. He opened one of Xavier's drawers experimentally, hoping for some scotch. Nothing.
"You won't find any there," Xavier eyed Logan evilly. "I hid it."
"Who said I was looking for scotch?" Logan grumbled. _Damn_, he thought inwardly.
Xavier smiled. "You just told me," he intoned. "I know all."
Logan glared at the ground. The urge to hear the Professor's screams of pain as he plunged his claws into his stomach was growing, but he fought it down. "You planning anything?"
Xavier immediately brightened. "You mean, for Christmas?"
Logan grunted in reply. _Please tell me you're planning to take a nice, long walk to the pier and off it._
"Well, I was thinking of planning a nice mutant Christmas party," Xavier said cheerfully. "You know, to bring in the _togetherness_ and all that. I get the feeling that some of the children have been distancing themselves recently."
Logan winced inwardly. A _Christmas party_? Was the man insane? The urge was growing again. Before he could pop his claws, he managed to choke out a reply. "Are you talking about Shades?"
The Professor nodded wisely. "I feel that he is distressed over a certain matter, but I can't tell what. That's why, as my loyal henchman - I mean, friend and advisor - I need you to go talk to him." He scooted back in his wheelchair and clapped his hands together, obviously satisfied with himself.
Logan glared at the Professor openly this time. "What, be some sort of parental advisor?" he snarled.
"Exactly," Xavier snapped his fingers. "You have that kind of. . . how do you put it. . . ah. Fatherly aura."
Logan walked over to the wall and slammed his head against it repeatedly.
************
"A party?" Kitty squealed excitedly. "At the Institute?"
"That's right!" the Professor crowed. Logan massaged his temples in the corner.
Rogue exhaled loudly. "Does that mean we _all_ have tah buy presents?"
"Are we caroling?"
"Oooh, presents!"
"Can we have chocolate muffins?"
"As long as Kitty's not making them."
"Evan! You pig!"
"OW! KITTY!"
"It doesn't matter, Ah think Jean's cooking's worse."
Jean glared, putting her hands on her hips. "Exc-use me??" She whirled around. "Scott! Back me up!" She found herself talking to air, where Scott should have been. Jean blinked in confusion. "Where's Scott?"
Rogue sighed. "Yoah just worried 'cuz you can't win a fight by yoahself."
Jean eyes were starting to emit sparks. "What did you say?"
"Can we invite others?" Kitty asked, ignoring Rogue and Jean, who had started to fight physically. Kurt and Evan cheered them on.
The Professor scrunched his brow. "Are you referring to who I think you're referring to?"
"Yup," Kitty said cheerfully.
The Professor thought for a moment. "Only if you promise not to bake more muffins."
Kitty looked insulted. "They aren't _that_ bad." She considered. "But I suppose I have to promise."
The Professor looked extremely relieved. "Of course then, spread the Christmas cheer!" He pulled out a handful of confetti and threw it in the air, which flew all over the place, landing on Jean's unconscious body lying on the rug, with Rogue standing above her, waving her arms in victory. Her gloves were scattered on the mantelpiece.
The Professor sighed in defeat and turned to Logan. "If you will, Logan, go find Scott and talk to him. And while you're at it, do fix me a martini." His head was aching from the lack of alcohol in his bloodstream, and he was hallucinating that Logan had switched from his ragged shirt and jeans to a French maid's outfit, duster in hand.
Logan shot daggers at Xavier, who pretended not to notice. As he stomped off, he heard Xavier call after him, "And do fix the bedpans!"
*********
Lance Alvers stared at the screen and bit his lip. He was blatantly disappointed from the complete lack of Lancitty fanfiction on fanfiction.net. All that Kurtty! And the Kietro shippers! The very thought of it was making his blood boil. There was only one solution. Flame! Flame! Flame!
Lance had always been a stout Lancitty shipper, but he was beginning to get quite attached to Jean/Wolverine shippings. In fact, he had recently attempted a Jean/Wolverine fic, describing Logan as a "dashing, romantic hero", and at the same time degrading the dorky Scott Summers as an "irritating, evil prat, hell-bent on destroying the world". He wondered if anyone had reviewed it yet.
He gasped audibly as he saw that someone had flamed him. The particular idiot happened to be called "Scott&Jean4ever". He had written a whole bunch of Scott/Jean fics that made Lance want to hurl. Lance glared at the screen. The ******! Only true idiots would pair them up. There was only one solution. Flame! Flame! Flame!
"Lance! Call for you!" Lance heard Pietro's annoyed voice yell from downstairs. "And make it fast! I'm expecting another babe to call!"
"Damn," Lance grumbled, irritated from being interrupted from typing a flame right back to the offending flamer. He shot the screen one last evil look before heading out of the room and down the stairs. "Flame! Flame! Flame!" he chanted under his breath. Pietro shot him an odd look and zipped off, leaving Lance to his phone call.
**************
"I think he's mental," Pietro affirmed. "He's been going on and on like that for days."
Todd's mouth twitched. "Maybe it's his new mantra yo," he commented.
Fred looked around the room nervously. "Maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist."
Wanda plucked a piece of lint off her shirt. "This is Lance we're talking about, remember?" she reminded. "Just because he goes around, saying, 'Flame! Flame! Flame!' doesn't mean he's mental. It's perfectly normal."
Todd looked at Wanda in admiration. "Wow, Wanda. You're so smart."
Wanda smirked. "I know because I have a brother."
"Hey!" Pietro snapped. "If you weren't a girl -"
He was interrupted by the sounds of Lance shouting about something in the living room. The four of them dashed out of the kitchen and were greeted by the horrifying sight of Lance doing a little dance in the middle of the room. "Flame! Flame! Flame!" he cheered, while doing some sort of complicated-looking sidestep. They onlookers exchanged nervous looks.
"What you doin' yo?" Todd found his voice first. "Are you on Prozac again?"
Pietro threw his hands up in the air. "How can that be? I've already finished it all!"
"We can tell," Wanda grumbled.
Lance ignored them and continued dancing. "I've just been invited to spend Christmas with Kitty at the X Geeks mansion!" With that, he accidentally stepped on his own foot and grimaced in pain.
"Are _we_ invited?" Pietro asked.
Lance looked up from his swelling toe and shot them a sheepish look. "She didn't say. She just said it was some party."
"I take it that we're invited then," Fred said, rubbing his hands together. "Free food for us all!"
"Yeah! Let's crash their party yo!" Todd said.
"You can't crash a party if you're invited, Toad," Pietro explained patiently. "It's the principle of the thing."
Wanda glared. "I'm not going."
Todd looked shocked. "But you just have to go, Wanda!" He began hopping up and down. "We'll be lonely without you yo!" Wanda ignored him and left the room.
As Todd began to hop after her, the remaining few turned their attention back to Lance, who was dancing with a cushion, oblivious to the stares he was receiving.
"What was the number of the psychiatrist again?" Pietro asked Fred, who shrugged. Lance started kissing the cushion.
***********
Magneto grinned evilly at the bugging device in front of him. He had been inspired from watching the latest James Bond movie, and had taken the idea of listening in to the conversations at the Brotherhood house. The first few days of listening in had been extremely unfruitful (read: Lance and Pietro comparing underwear colors), but his efforts were finally being rewarded. Yes, with this new piece of information, he could go crash that party and destroy Xavier at last!
Magneto downed another can of beer and aimed for the dustbin. It hit the rim and bounced off harmlessly. Magneto glared at Sabertooth, who was trying not to laugh and failing. Using his powers, Magneto guided the can into the dustbin and let out a "Ha!" of victory.
"That's cheating," Sabertooth told him.
Magneto gave Sabertooth a decidedly evil look before turning back to the device. "By catching Xavier unaware at the Christmas extravaganza, we can kill him and the X Men at one go and take over the world!" He restrained himself from cartwheeling around the room. The last time he tried that, he ended up with a fractured skull and a badly damaged ego. No, no, he would be smarter this round. He got onto the floor and attempted a single forward roll. There was a sickening crack.
Magneto shot Sabertooth a sheepish look. "If you will, manservant, call the paramedics for me." He tried to look as dignified as he could in the awkward position he was in. Oh, the things he would do for adamantium bones like Logan!
As Sabertooth shuffled off, grumbling about time-wasters, he heard Magneto call after him, "And while you're at it, fix me a martini!"
*****************
A/n: How was it? :) Should I continue this fic? Btw I'm not adding any of the new mutants in this fic because I honestly think it'd be too messy. Going to take a nap now. Review if you liked it!
Warning! OOC! Everyone's supposed to be deranged in this, with a few exceptions. :) just a little fic I thought of after my holiday. Feeling very bored nowadays. Sigh. Sadly enough, my favourite schnoogle writer has just changed her trilogy to a slash one. *sobs* Aud (and charlene, if you're reading this), what is the world coming to???
Disclaimer: I don't, and probably never will, own Xmen evolution.
Inner Obsessions
Scott Summers had a secret.
A secret which he had come across unexpectedly while surfing the internet aimlessly one day after an all-out tiring Danger Room session, which included Logan chasing after him with a spatula.
He shut the door hurriedly, peering out into the hallway nervously to see if anyone was following him. He was aware he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing, but it was addictive. So addictive that he had to go on the Internet every few hours to that same website. That's right. Scott Summers was into. . . fanfiction.
Not just reading fanfiction, it turned out. He was into writing them as well. He became so obsessed that he started a whole series of Jean/Scott fics for his own reading pleasure. After weeks of searching fanfiction.net for Jean/Scott fics under the Xmen Evolution category, he was sadly disappointed. Most of the fics portrayed him as a boring rule-abider that slept with a dictionary under his pillow. And Jean! Poor Jean! She was much worse off, the poor girl. There were so many cases of "Jean bashing" that Scott had cried on several occasions. But enough of that. Scott was now on a mission to change the ficdom's impression of Jean Grey, his present infatuation.
He hummed merrily to himself as he uploaded his new chapter of "The Scott and Jean Chronicles: How They Overcame All". He had been so busy writing fanfiction that he barely cared about what went on around him. Except for Jean, of course. He gave her all his undivided attention nowadays, but she seemed not to notice. Unless she was ignoring him on purpose. Scott shuddered at the very thought.
He rubbed his hands together as he read yet another one of the "Anti-Jean" fics he had bookmarked on his computer. In fact, there were so many that he had a long list of bookmarked websites. But no matter. Those evil writers would pay.
Scott clicked on the "Submit Review" at the bottom, and let out an evil laugh. Ha! He'd flame all those who opposed to Scott/Jean relationships, to make them feel guilty about even thinking of breaking them up. Or worse, pair them up with other insignificant characters.
As Scott finished his flame, he absently clicked on a link to another website. It led to a Jean/Wolverine story, and Scott felt himself flare up. How dare they! The evil fic writers! He glared at the screen, as if he could melt the story by just giving it evil glares (which he could if he simply removed his glasses, but never mind). The fic described Logan as a "dashing, romantic hero" and Scott an "irritating, evil prat, hell-bent on destroying the world". As he flamed the story with all his heart, Scott choked out a sob. He'd show them. His fics would gain more popularity than the rest of them!
He wiped away a tear, blowing his nose on a tissue he'd left on his table. His eyes widened in terror as he stared at the tissue he had blown his nose into. It had been an offering from Jean, and had her scent on it! Oh, it was sacred, and he had just stained it! He couldn't take it anymore, and sobbed tears of pain while (unsuccessfully) trying to wipe it clean. It tore in half.
Scott gasped in horror and dropped to the floor in a dead faint.
*******
Logan looked at the Xavier warily as he wheeled around the office in what could be called deranged excitement (Xavier, not Logan).
"I can't believe it!" the Professor waved his hands in the air happily. "Christmas is coming!" He went to tick another day off the calendar, almost falling out of his wheelchair in his excitement.
"Woohoo." Logan tried to sound enthusiastic and failed miserably. He hated Christmas, and for good reason. The thought of a bunch of swotty kids running around caroling was giving him a headache. He fidgeted in his seat and made a mental note to buy his liquor by the crateful in the afternoon. He opened one of Xavier's drawers experimentally, hoping for some scotch. Nothing.
"You won't find any there," Xavier eyed Logan evilly. "I hid it."
"Who said I was looking for scotch?" Logan grumbled. _Damn_, he thought inwardly.
Xavier smiled. "You just told me," he intoned. "I know all."
Logan glared at the ground. The urge to hear the Professor's screams of pain as he plunged his claws into his stomach was growing, but he fought it down. "You planning anything?"
Xavier immediately brightened. "You mean, for Christmas?"
Logan grunted in reply. _Please tell me you're planning to take a nice, long walk to the pier and off it._
"Well, I was thinking of planning a nice mutant Christmas party," Xavier said cheerfully. "You know, to bring in the _togetherness_ and all that. I get the feeling that some of the children have been distancing themselves recently."
Logan winced inwardly. A _Christmas party_? Was the man insane? The urge was growing again. Before he could pop his claws, he managed to choke out a reply. "Are you talking about Shades?"
The Professor nodded wisely. "I feel that he is distressed over a certain matter, but I can't tell what. That's why, as my loyal henchman - I mean, friend and advisor - I need you to go talk to him." He scooted back in his wheelchair and clapped his hands together, obviously satisfied with himself.
Logan glared at the Professor openly this time. "What, be some sort of parental advisor?" he snarled.
"Exactly," Xavier snapped his fingers. "You have that kind of. . . how do you put it. . . ah. Fatherly aura."
Logan walked over to the wall and slammed his head against it repeatedly.
************
"A party?" Kitty squealed excitedly. "At the Institute?"
"That's right!" the Professor crowed. Logan massaged his temples in the corner.
Rogue exhaled loudly. "Does that mean we _all_ have tah buy presents?"
"Are we caroling?"
"Oooh, presents!"
"Can we have chocolate muffins?"
"As long as Kitty's not making them."
"Evan! You pig!"
"OW! KITTY!"
"It doesn't matter, Ah think Jean's cooking's worse."
Jean glared, putting her hands on her hips. "Exc-use me??" She whirled around. "Scott! Back me up!" She found herself talking to air, where Scott should have been. Jean blinked in confusion. "Where's Scott?"
Rogue sighed. "Yoah just worried 'cuz you can't win a fight by yoahself."
Jean eyes were starting to emit sparks. "What did you say?"
"Can we invite others?" Kitty asked, ignoring Rogue and Jean, who had started to fight physically. Kurt and Evan cheered them on.
The Professor scrunched his brow. "Are you referring to who I think you're referring to?"
"Yup," Kitty said cheerfully.
The Professor thought for a moment. "Only if you promise not to bake more muffins."
Kitty looked insulted. "They aren't _that_ bad." She considered. "But I suppose I have to promise."
The Professor looked extremely relieved. "Of course then, spread the Christmas cheer!" He pulled out a handful of confetti and threw it in the air, which flew all over the place, landing on Jean's unconscious body lying on the rug, with Rogue standing above her, waving her arms in victory. Her gloves were scattered on the mantelpiece.
The Professor sighed in defeat and turned to Logan. "If you will, Logan, go find Scott and talk to him. And while you're at it, do fix me a martini." His head was aching from the lack of alcohol in his bloodstream, and he was hallucinating that Logan had switched from his ragged shirt and jeans to a French maid's outfit, duster in hand.
Logan shot daggers at Xavier, who pretended not to notice. As he stomped off, he heard Xavier call after him, "And do fix the bedpans!"
*********
Lance Alvers stared at the screen and bit his lip. He was blatantly disappointed from the complete lack of Lancitty fanfiction on fanfiction.net. All that Kurtty! And the Kietro shippers! The very thought of it was making his blood boil. There was only one solution. Flame! Flame! Flame!
Lance had always been a stout Lancitty shipper, but he was beginning to get quite attached to Jean/Wolverine shippings. In fact, he had recently attempted a Jean/Wolverine fic, describing Logan as a "dashing, romantic hero", and at the same time degrading the dorky Scott Summers as an "irritating, evil prat, hell-bent on destroying the world". He wondered if anyone had reviewed it yet.
He gasped audibly as he saw that someone had flamed him. The particular idiot happened to be called "Scott&Jean4ever". He had written a whole bunch of Scott/Jean fics that made Lance want to hurl. Lance glared at the screen. The ******! Only true idiots would pair them up. There was only one solution. Flame! Flame! Flame!
"Lance! Call for you!" Lance heard Pietro's annoyed voice yell from downstairs. "And make it fast! I'm expecting another babe to call!"
"Damn," Lance grumbled, irritated from being interrupted from typing a flame right back to the offending flamer. He shot the screen one last evil look before heading out of the room and down the stairs. "Flame! Flame! Flame!" he chanted under his breath. Pietro shot him an odd look and zipped off, leaving Lance to his phone call.
**************
"I think he's mental," Pietro affirmed. "He's been going on and on like that for days."
Todd's mouth twitched. "Maybe it's his new mantra yo," he commented.
Fred looked around the room nervously. "Maybe he needs to see a psychiatrist."
Wanda plucked a piece of lint off her shirt. "This is Lance we're talking about, remember?" she reminded. "Just because he goes around, saying, 'Flame! Flame! Flame!' doesn't mean he's mental. It's perfectly normal."
Todd looked at Wanda in admiration. "Wow, Wanda. You're so smart."
Wanda smirked. "I know because I have a brother."
"Hey!" Pietro snapped. "If you weren't a girl -"
He was interrupted by the sounds of Lance shouting about something in the living room. The four of them dashed out of the kitchen and were greeted by the horrifying sight of Lance doing a little dance in the middle of the room. "Flame! Flame! Flame!" he cheered, while doing some sort of complicated-looking sidestep. They onlookers exchanged nervous looks.
"What you doin' yo?" Todd found his voice first. "Are you on Prozac again?"
Pietro threw his hands up in the air. "How can that be? I've already finished it all!"
"We can tell," Wanda grumbled.
Lance ignored them and continued dancing. "I've just been invited to spend Christmas with Kitty at the X Geeks mansion!" With that, he accidentally stepped on his own foot and grimaced in pain.
"Are _we_ invited?" Pietro asked.
Lance looked up from his swelling toe and shot them a sheepish look. "She didn't say. She just said it was some party."
"I take it that we're invited then," Fred said, rubbing his hands together. "Free food for us all!"
"Yeah! Let's crash their party yo!" Todd said.
"You can't crash a party if you're invited, Toad," Pietro explained patiently. "It's the principle of the thing."
Wanda glared. "I'm not going."
Todd looked shocked. "But you just have to go, Wanda!" He began hopping up and down. "We'll be lonely without you yo!" Wanda ignored him and left the room.
As Todd began to hop after her, the remaining few turned their attention back to Lance, who was dancing with a cushion, oblivious to the stares he was receiving.
"What was the number of the psychiatrist again?" Pietro asked Fred, who shrugged. Lance started kissing the cushion.
***********
Magneto grinned evilly at the bugging device in front of him. He had been inspired from watching the latest James Bond movie, and had taken the idea of listening in to the conversations at the Brotherhood house. The first few days of listening in had been extremely unfruitful (read: Lance and Pietro comparing underwear colors), but his efforts were finally being rewarded. Yes, with this new piece of information, he could go crash that party and destroy Xavier at last!
Magneto downed another can of beer and aimed for the dustbin. It hit the rim and bounced off harmlessly. Magneto glared at Sabertooth, who was trying not to laugh and failing. Using his powers, Magneto guided the can into the dustbin and let out a "Ha!" of victory.
"That's cheating," Sabertooth told him.
Magneto gave Sabertooth a decidedly evil look before turning back to the device. "By catching Xavier unaware at the Christmas extravaganza, we can kill him and the X Men at one go and take over the world!" He restrained himself from cartwheeling around the room. The last time he tried that, he ended up with a fractured skull and a badly damaged ego. No, no, he would be smarter this round. He got onto the floor and attempted a single forward roll. There was a sickening crack.
Magneto shot Sabertooth a sheepish look. "If you will, manservant, call the paramedics for me." He tried to look as dignified as he could in the awkward position he was in. Oh, the things he would do for adamantium bones like Logan!
As Sabertooth shuffled off, grumbling about time-wasters, he heard Magneto call after him, "And while you're at it, fix me a martini!"
*****************
A/n: How was it? :) Should I continue this fic? Btw I'm not adding any of the new mutants in this fic because I honestly think it'd be too messy. Going to take a nap now. Review if you liked it!