Just A Dream, a bones fanfic

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something borrowed, something blue

When they had left for supposedly a year he had whispered to her as she got on her flight: Live, Love, Marry and don't look back, and here she was living that dream. But that's just the thing it was only a dream. He was the only thing that actually brought her back. When Caroline had called at first she had been upset, Booth hadn't. But she came back and when she did she realized the only reason she did was for him. She had missed the closeness they shared. The excitement of their cases, and the way he would always make her feel that no matter how special something was she deserved it. All the living and loving he told her to do. Was all in a dream of hers. But she discovered as she looked up in the dream he was the groom waiting at the altar.

And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand

When he got shot he took the bullet for me. It was meant for me yet he sacrificed himself. I tried to get him to hang on yet I know as he looked into my eyes that he was saying he would never be back to tell me so he might as well tell me now. And the one thing I saw in his eyes most of all was "I love you". But now he's gone and I'll never know if he meant it. Or if he was just scared in his last moments. I said I wouldn't go to his funeral because it was crazy, a crazy tradition. But I'm glad that none of them looked too closely as I said this because if they did they would realize the opposite of the truth. I couldn't go because I couldn't bear to see them bury the one person who means the most to me and seal him up forever. I couldn't bear to break down in front of everyone and show how much that one guy had impacted my life, when I had swore nobody would.

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

When he was gone I couldn't believe it, all the things we did were like I finally fit in somewhere, after my whole life of not fitting in I had finally fit in somewhere, and he was the one who had made me realize this. Now he was gone, and once again had nowhere to fit in, and once again the one I loved went and left me all alone. On this stupid place that people think we are lucky to have this entire world is filled with love they all say. This world is filled with misery, we all die someday but some die one day too early, and leave the rest behind. I thought I would have forever to tell him how much I appreciated it all. How much he really meant to me, and how even if he left I would never forget him. I feel right now as if I am in someone else's body and am looking on the scene from elsewhere. Everyone trying to comfort me saying it'll be okay because that's what they do because they know he's never going to come home again. Never walk into our office asking where the cop is eating the donut. I can't handle it right now, the compartmentalization can't even handle this. The compartment is full, and bursting in the form of tears. I would trade any other nightmare for this to be just a dream.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

They all said talking to someone about it would help, and that he'll always be in heaven watching over me. Then the real question is, why wouldn't the "merciful god" have saved Booth? Everyone said they would pray for me, I once asked someone why and they said to heal the pain. But this pain will never go away. The pain of loss, regret, love. She hadn't broken down then, but she had that night, and Angela had been there she had comforted her, and sang her a song about loss but it had been the saddest song she had ever heard because she had realized she had lost something so dear to her, that she could never get back, as much as she tried, and prayed. She tried to hold on to him for so long, holding on to everything he left behind and then after that all the memories they had shared, that she would never forget. While she did though she couldn't help but think what if there had been more time, or she had known it was coming and acted on what she could- should have earlier. And all she could think about at the funeral as the shot rang out was that if the bullets went up, why did it feel like one pierced her heart?

She couldn't help but think, even as minutes went by and the hands on the clock continued to spin, even though her reason for them to was gone she really did continue to ponder why he had to leave? When after all the things he'd done the God he knew should have given him more time. I had been thinking about what the next case would be like, what we would discover and what we would realize about each other next time. Until the last one where I was thinking about the next one when it had suddenly and abruptly all ended. Without as much as a goodbye. Without him she kind of felt like the bullet had pierced her heart and that somehow she couldn't breathe without him beside her. And as she realized what she was thinking about and that he would never be there again to protect her from the evil outside she realized she couldn't even look at this as if it was the real life. Ever since he was gone she felt gone too, just a spirit floating about, hovering, and her body, dead inside with no soul. And as everyone had attempted to calm her as they gently said he wasn't coming home ever again all she could think was that this couldn't be happening to her.

This is just a dream

It all had to be a dream, there was no way she could go on if it wasn't.

Oh,
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Oh, now I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

I placed a single flower on his coffin as he got lowered, I really had been counting on forever to tell him something, something I guess I'll never be able to tell him now. Something I had only said once before and had never said it again for that reason. The last person I said it too had been taken away, now look at him I had wanted to say it to him, and now he was gone. I suppose there's no harm admitting it now.

Oh, this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah, Yeah

I'm In Love With Seeley Booth. Now He's Gone. But That Doesn't Change Anything.