A.N So basically I am a little stumped on my 'Origins of Artorias' story, and so I need to think on it a little. In the meantime, I have begun a sort of experiment to see if I can be even remotely humorous. This story contains viewpoints of every boss and NPC in the game, discussing a rather important matter. Each chapter will be relatively short. I beg of thee, DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. There will be in game mechanics discussed in this story

Enjoy it if you can.

'…Alright, and that concludes today's discussion on how we could fund Kirk's brand new cooking show.' Gwyn announced while flicking through some notes, Kirk rubbing his hands together crazily. 'Kirk, no crude gestures before nine in the afternoon.'

'Ohhh.' Kirk wined, doing a little 'Well! What is it?' behind his back. Around the enormous table, dungeon bosses, vendors and other people sat around it, some waiting eagerly for the next topic, others, not so much.

'Ah, now then, I have gathered you all here at this credits sequence to discuss a rather grave matter.' Gwyn sighed solemnly. 'It is about… The Chosen Undead.

Sighs and groans erupted from all over the table.

'This man has been terrorizing us for nearly THREE FUCKING YEARS, HE NEEDS TO DIE A MOST GRUESOME DEATH! PERMANENTLY!' Gwyn boomed while standing upright, before composing himself and sitting back down with a nervous cough. 'Well, that being said, who would like to open the discussions?'

An obese, hammer wielding Asylum Demon stood. 'I would like to go first.'

'Ah yes, Fredric, please go on.' Gwyn said.

'Err, its just Asylum Demon, sir.'

'That's nice, go on.' Gwyn sighed impatiently.

'Well, so here I was, following the script, sittin' on the roof, beating the crap out of Oscar…' The demon said while gesturing to Oscar. 'Then, I jump down, and scare the shit out of him. And, this part's classic… he starts punching me in the ASS!' the demon know as Fredric bursts into hysterics, followed by the rest of the table.

'But then, he runs away for a while, so, I thinking' 'Yeah, I scared him shitless.' But OH NO, he comes back with some rusty little axe, and guess what? He does a plunging attack!'

Groans and hisses could be heard all over the table.

'What a dick move.' Artorias exclaimed.

'I KNOW RIGHT!? But that's not the worst part, oh no, he starts hurling GODDAMN FIRE BALLS!' Fredric screamed. 'The before you know it, I am out on my mighty fine ass!'

'Freaking pansy-ass pyros…' Ornstein growled.

'But it gets worse. SO MUCH WORSE. By New game plus, he has suddenly magically found a stupidly overpowered katana, and guess what he does?'

'A plunging attack.' The table answered.

'Exactly! So he instant kills me, does twice my health in damage, and that's it, I'm out, I become a useless, redundant enemy!' Fredric gave one last outcry before slumping into his chair. 'I only wanted to become a stud…'

The whole table sympathized with him, the Taurus Demon, Steve, placed an reassuring hand on Fredric's shoulder.

'Ah, now Steve, it's your turn, tell us your experience.' Gwyn said while nodding, motioning Steve to rise.

'Er, yeah, in case you don't know me, I'm Steve.' The demon said.

'Hey Steve.' The table greeted.

'Ahem, Fred, I know how it feels man, to have a sword rammed into your skull. Ohhh, and he coated it in that stupid tree glue that is electrified, how does THAT work!?' The Taurus Demon, Steve, bellowed. 'He lures me over to the ladder, waits for me to attack the wall, and then does a plunging attack!'

The table only nodded with him.

'But apart from that, he doesn't really do much, I also become redundant, I know how it feels man.' Steve said while patting Fred on the back.

'You do realise that you two can jump up and attack him before he drops down, don't you?' Quelaag interrupted.

'UHWHAA?' Both demons answered.

'But, but, I didn't know that!' Steve stammered while going through several shades of red.

'Babe, I am buying you a drink.' Fred grinned while snapping both his thumbs.

'ANYway, back on topic, Solaire?' Gwyn moved the conversation along.

'Ah yes.' Solaire stood doing the 'Praise the Sun!' motion, the gayest but also the most equally badass pose the bosses have ever laid their eyes upon. 'I thought, at first glimpse, he was a rather nice chap, he seemed up for some jolly good co-operation. But then, after helping him out on numerous occasions, he stabbed me most dishonourably right in the back, stripped me naked, and left my bleeding corpse! Right in the middle of Anor Londo!' The proud warrior clenched his fists while seething.

'If ever a man must define the meaning of an enormous phallus, it is him.' The sun knight announced while sitting back down.

'Here here!' Some members of the table agreed with him.

'Yes, yes very good!' Gwyn cheered him on. 'Now, who is next?'

Well? Huh? IS IT GOOD!? IS IT BAD!? Please tell. ;)