Author's note: It should be known that this story is NOT a reflection on the author or any of the author's experiences. This is a response to a story challenge set by Lucinda Perruque several months ago on the Fanfiction.net message board. It should also be known that this is the very first serious Animorphs slash (Anislash) story ever written. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of the story.





To: LoveNet.alt
From: Marky95
Subject: Best Friend

I'm in love with my best friend, only he doesn't know it. He's got a girlfriend, and they're pretty serious. I haven't told anyone, not even my dad. I want to know how I can break it to him without him thinking I'm some kind of pervert, because he thinks I'm only interested in girls. Anyone have any ideas?


I stared at the computer screen, at the message I has just written. I hoped to God that Jake didn't frequent this message board, because if he saw the message, and saw the name, and made the connection, I would just die.

My name's Marco, as you might already know. I'm an Animorph. That means that I go around saving the world from Yeerks. And they can't ever know that the Animorphs are human kids.

That makes two huge secrets that I have to keep. I can't let the Yeerks know that we're human, and I can't let anyone know that I'm in love with Jake.

Oh, fine. I can't let anyone know that I'm...gay. There, I wrote it. Are you happy now?

If I had a choice, between telling Jake that I love him and telling Visser Three that I'm human, I think I'd just go blab to Visser Three. Jake is the most heterosexual person I know. He and Cassie are seriously in love. I don't know how he'd take it, but I do know this: There is no way we could possibly stay friends after that.

I tease him about being in love with Cassie a lot. I send him stupid little E-mail messages that are supposedly from her, I joke about them kissing, on the rare occasions that they do.

And I dream about Jake almost every night. I imagine what's going to happen if I tell him. Sometimes, he throws his arms around me and kisses me, and it's us against the world. Most of the time, he yells at me, hits me, and never speaks to me again.

I pressed SEND.


From: Smallstar46
To: LoveNet.alt
Subject: Re: Best Friend

I was in the same position as you a year ago. Here's what I did:
I just bit the bullet and told my best friend. The sooner you let him know, the better.
Good luck.


I stared at the message. Smallstar probably knew what he/she was talking about.

I still couldn't tell Jake, though. Not yet.


"Marco," Jake asked at school the next day, "is there something bothering you?"

"No," I mumbled, pretending like I was concentrating on adding Y to Z and wondering why some idiot teacher would want to add them when they seemed to be doing perfectly well on their own.

Truthfully, I had had another dream about Jake last night. I don't usually have erotic dreams (most of my dreams are about things like purple cows, when I don't dream about Jake), and this one was bothering me. I couldn't look at him straight on.

"Why?" I added.

"Because," Jake said, "first of all, you're been acting weird and preoccupied for the entire day. Second, you just wrote my name on your paper."

I looked at the paper in horror. I had, indeed, written Jake's name on my paper.

"Oh," I said wittily. I tried erasing it, and then remembered that I was writing with a pen.

"Look," Jake said, lowering his voice, "was there something you wanted to tell me?"

I crumpled up the paper. "No, no, everything's fine, there's nothing," I hastily assured him in a high, embarrassed voice. I inwardly cursed myself for acting like an idiot.

Jake looked at me strangely. "Okay," he said, returning to his math. "If there's anything you want to talk about, you know I won't judge you."

I watched Jake working for a while. He really was beautiful; the way a few strands of his hair fell over his face, the way his eyes half-closed when he was thinking, the way his lips parted slightly...I shook my head and tried forcing my mind back on my schoolwork.


Later, at lunch, I plopped my paper bag down next to Jake.
"What do you think is worse, rubber bologna or sweat sock meatloaf?" I asked him.

Jake shrugged, staring into his milk carton. "I think rubber comes from a plant, so it wouldn't hurt you that much to eat it."

"Yeah, but it's full of chemicals and stuff by the time they make it into rubber. Sweat socks are made out of wool," I argued.

"There's bleach in sweat socks," Jake said.

"Not if you wear those stupid Birkenstock socks," I said.

Jake took a bite of his apple. "Who wears those?"

I tore open my bag. "Rachel does. I think."

Jake cleared his throat. "Speaking of Rachel, she...um...told me something interesting about you yesterday."

I froze, looking straight ahead at nothing. "Eep. What-did-she-tell-you?"

Jake whispered it into my ear. "I don't really believe it, but she said that she read an online posting under your name that said...you're, in, ah, love with, um...me."

I picked up my lunch bag. "Yeah, I am," I said before I broke into a dead run for the bathroom.


I was hanging over the toilet bowl, gasping. I don't know whether it was the emotional tension, or the thought of Jake hating me forever, or just the fact that the mayonnaise in my sandwich had been two months past the expiration date, but I was feeling sick to my stomach.

I heard someone entering the bathroom. "Marco?" called Jake.

I forced myself to stand up and smile weakly. "Yeah?" I called, leaning against the door.

Jake stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. "I'm fine, Jake. Listen, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else."

"I won't," Jake promised, not looking directly at me.

There was silence. Then I said, "What now?"

Jake looked up. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," I said, "do you turn around and act like you don't even know me? Do you yell and scream and hit me? Do you throw your arms around me and kiss me? What?"

"I think I just cope with the fact that my best friend has a crush on me," Jake said, shrugging.

"Yeah, and how do you do that?" I asked.

Jake didn't say anything for a long time. Finally, he muttered, "Marco, I'm sorry."

I almost burst into tears. "You shouldn't apologize. I'm the one that should be sorry, seeing as I just screwed up your life."


The next Animorphs meeting was rather strained, to put it mildly. I was depressed and weepy, Jake was acting like a whipped dog, Rachel was acting shocked, Cassie seemed rather exasperated, Tobias didn't know what was going on, and Ax just seemed rather confused.

What is going on here? Tobias demanded.

"Oh, Marco's in love with Jake," Rachel explained.

I do not think I know much about human relationships, but I do not think it is proper for two males to be attached romantically, Ax stated.

"That's what they all say," I muttered.

"Don't tell me there aren't any homosexuals among the Andalite species, Ax," Cassie said.

Ax looked embarrassed. Actually, among the military, it is not uncommon, as there are not many females in the military service...

Jake sighed. "Look, it's not an issue, okay?"

Rachel crossed over to Cassie's side of the barn and whispered something in her ear. Cassie nodded.

"What are you two whispering about?" Jake demanded.

Rachel and Cassie faced Jake.

"Jake," Cassie said, "I've got to talk to you for a second."


Jake went over to talk with Cassie, while Rachel took a seat on the hay bales near me.

I could hear the conversation, but just barely. It went like this:


"Look, Jake, I know you love Marco," Cassie said.

Jake nodded. "Yeah, he's like a brother."

Cassie sighed. "Jake, you don't have to lie to me. I've seen the way you look at him sometimes."

My heart actually almost stopped beating. Rachel had to shake me to get me to start breathing again.

Jake blinked. "Cassie, you know I love you."

"And you're attracted to Marco," Cassie said. "Admit it."

Jake shook his head. "No I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not..."

"You are, aren't you," Cassie stated in a low voice.

"Cassie, you know I love you..." Jake was starting to get desperate.

"Jake," Cassie said. "We have the rest of our lives. If you're attracted to Marco, it's okay. We can't spend every single second of our lives romantically attached. It won't work."

"You're just saying that because you're attracted to Rachel," Jake accused.

Beside me, I heard Rachel stiffen and gasp. "No way..."

Cassie smiled. "That's not why, Jake. Look at how much Marco loves you. Will it kill you to kiss him once?"

Jake closed his eyes. There was a tear streaming down his cheek. "You're right."

Soon after that, we dispersed.


I didn't sleep a wink that night.

For the first part of the night, it was because I just couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning, trying to think.

I wondered if Jake hated me, now, or if he loved me. I wondered what, if he hated me, I could do to get him to stop hating me. I wondered if there was any leftover chicken in the fridge.

I was about to go and check when I hear something flapping against the window.

Marco, let me in, will you? came Jake's thought speak voice.

I opened the window. A bird came flapping in and turned into Jake.

He stood there in the middle of my bedroom floor, dressed in a pair of bike shorts. Nothing else.

I was in my boxer shorts, which made me a little nervous. Seeing Jake half-naked was turning me on, and I didn't want him to see.

"What did you want?" I asked.

Jake looked down. I shifted away. "I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. I know I was acting like a total jerk."

I felt a lump settle in my stomach. "No you weren't. Jake, I was amazed at how well you handled it. I mean, I expected you to go totally spare."

Jake shook his head. "At least you could get mad at me or something. I can't just stand here while you forgive me."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" I asked.

Jake shrugged. "I don't know. Yell, maybe. Throw things."

"So you want me to make you hate me, so that you don't feel as bad about being a jerk, which you weren't," I said.

Jake blinked. "I guess so."

I shrugged. "Well, there's one way I know of."

"What's that?" asked Jake.

I didn't say anything. I took a step forward, held Jake by the shoulders, closed my eyes, and kissed him on the lips.

Jake almost winced. Then, he leaned into it, and I could feel his tongue pushing past my lips. He moaned softly and put his arms around my waist.

I pulled him onto the bed on top of me and ran my hands through his hair. Jake sighed. "Oh God, Marco..." He started kissing my neck.

I caressed his back. "Jake...oh Jake..."

Jake suddenly sat up, straddling me. I sat up also. "What's wrong?"

"Lie back down," Jake commanded me. I did.

Jake pushed his fingers under the elastic of my boxers and pulled them
down. I sat straight up. "What the..."

Jake gently pushed me down. "Relax."

I closed my eyes. "Whatever you say."

I felt Jake's breath on my penis. "Jake, you aren't going to...are you?"

"Do you not want me to?" asked Jake, stroking my erection.

I gasped. "Oh God-go ahead."

I felt Jake take my penis in his mouth and start sucking. I moaned with pleasure as his hands gripped my thighs. "Uhh...oh yes."

I writhed on the bed in pure pleasure. "Jake...I'm going to..."

Jake covered my mouth with his left hand as I came. "Don't you dare scream," he muttered into my ear.

I smiled lazily, floating in a post-orgasmic haze. "Now, why would I do that?"

"Um," Jake mumbled, suddenly flustered. "Don't most guys?"

I shrugged. "I don't. Do you?"

"Like I'm going to tell you," Jake teased.

I grinned impishly. "Well, there's only one way to find out." I rolled on top of him and worked my hand into his biking shorts.

Jake wriggled out of his shorts. "Hold on. I don't want to ruin these."

I started stroking him. He arched his back and hissed. "Ooh, that feels good..."

I traced the tip of his erection. "Do you love me?" I asked.

"You know I do, Marco," Jake murmured, his eyes shut.

"I mean, do you love me?" I queried.

Jake opened his eyes. "Marco, you're like a brother to me. But, well..."

"But you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with me," I finished for him.

Jake sighed. "I love you. But...you know I love Cassie."

I shrugged. "I know. But you're here now, and that's what counts..." I gave his penis a short tug. "Right?"

Jake made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like "Ungh."

"Right?" I asked him again.

"Right," Jake said.


After we finished, Jake said he had to go. "I'll see you tomorrow, Marco," he said.

"Today, actually." I pointed out the window, where the sun was rising.

Jake smiled. "You're right." He bent over to give me one last kiss.

I watched him morphing, watched him fly out the window. "I love you," I whispered, once he was out of earshot. "More than you'll ever know."


As of now, only the Animorphs know. Jake and Cassie are still in love, but Jake and me...well.

It's a relief to know, when you've decided to shout out to the world who you are, that you can do it in a whisper.