Title: Mission to Tikus IV
Author: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
Rating: PG (humor, minor H/C)
Summary: The boys are sent on a mission, Qui gets drunk.
Disclaimer: As is always the case, George owns Obi and Qui, but I own the Tikans and the
Planet of Tikus IV. No money is made from this, but it is fun.
Archive: Sure whoever wants it.
NOTE: This is for all you guys who asked me to write a story about the Tikus IV bit that was in my most recent FIC: I Miss You. You asked for it, you got it. Hope you like!!!
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"Mission to Tikus IV"
The Jedi had been dispatched to the distant planet of Tikus IV to ease the escalating tensions that was creating a rift between the world's two clans, both of whom referred to themselves as the Tikans. A rift that promised to tear the planet apart if left alone.
Jedi Master, Qui-Gon Jinn and his 21-year-old apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi had arrived on the planet a week ago and were no closer to resolving the critical issues now than when they landed. So, Qui-Gon figured that it was time to try a different approach. He needed the two groups to trust him, to see that he believed in bringing peace to the planet. He needed to 'fit in.'
"Obi-Wan, the Tikan clans are planning a very informal party at their local bar this evening. We will be attending."
The young Jedi didn't really see the point in all this. "Master, may I ask why we must go. It'll most likely be an uglier version of our peace talks, and you see how well they have been proceeding."
"This is a perfect opportunity to learn more about them, see how they live and react to one another in a public arena. We must learn to 'fit in' padawan, become part of the group. Only then, can we make any progress with our mission."
"Master, how are we to 'fit in' with them, I do not see how...."
"Obi-Wan, we will find a way, be patient. And you never know, this could be fun. A nice relaxing evening."
**********
That evening, as they entered the bar, Jinn and Kenobi saw the clans actually being somewhat civil to each other. The pair took a seat at the bar.
"Relax padawan, don't look so tense, loosen up a bit. It's a bar, at least try to look as if you're having a good time."
The bartender, a blue faced humanoid, approached. "What'll it be Jedi?"
Qui-Gon, not sure what the popular drink was, saw that his barstool neighbor was drinking a fascinating looking concoction.
"I'll have one of those."
The bartender turned to the younger man, "How about you boy?"
Obi-Wan was quick to respond. "I'll just have an Alderian Juice please."
"Shooting for the hard stuff, hey kid?" The apprentice was clearly not amused by their sarcastic friend.
The drinks were served, leaving Obi-Wan only to stare, almost mesmerized by the drink
his master had ordered. It was green, very green, and very, very bubbly. The bubbles overflowed the top of the glass and caused a popping sound as they hit the bar.
"Uh, master, I don't know if you should be drinking that, it's very, uh...it's very, green...perhaps you should try a drink that is little less...active?"
Jinn laughed, "Learn to live a little my young apprentice, trying something new is good for you. One drink won't hurt."
*************
3 hours and 10 drinks later, Qui-Gon was the hit of the party, and just as drunk as could be. Obi-Wan kept watch from a short distance, hoping that soon, the clans, and his master, would tire out. And they did. As the party began to disband, the members of the opposing clans were hugging the others and slapping each other on the back. Everyone seemed the best of friends.
Obi-Wan decided it was the alcohol's influence, but secretly held out hope that those feelings would prevail even after the effects wore off.
He turned his attention to his master, who was clinging to a barstool, laughing at anything and everything that his blue bartender friend was saying. "Master, we should go now."
Qui-Gon turned to his apprentice, "Obi? Where ya been boy? You missed all the fun...I was telling ole Zebra here..."
The bartender interrupted him, " That's Zenbrek."
The drunken Jedi continued. "Right, Zebretz...anyway, I was telling him about Master Yoda, how those ears of his wiggle like this...."
"Master, come with me."
"Oh, Obi, don't be so dull...let your hair down..." Qui-Gon laughed hysterically when he realized that his young friend had no hair to let down.
"Master, please."
Finally persuading the tall Jedi to come along, Obi-Wan pulled him away from the bar.
Qui-Gon turned to Zenbrek. "Goodbye my friend...Zebrut, thanks for everything..."
Arriving at their shared guest quarters, Obi-Wan pushed the dead weight of his master onto the bed, pulled off his boots and left him alone to sleep off his intoxication. The alcohol took over and Jinn fell into a deep sleep.
*************
The next morning, Qui-Gon awoke with a splitting headache. He reached out for the force, only to find confusion and dizziness. He yelled for his student.
"OBI-WAN !!!!"
A few minutes later, the young man strolled in.
"Master, why are you yelling?" The boy started laughing.
"I am not yelling Obi-Wan, and I don't see anything funny here, do you?"
Trying to suppress his giggles, at the ragged appearance of his teacher, Obi-Wan took a deep breath. Qui-Gon was a mess, his hair was tossed every which way, his tunic was completely wrinkled and he had pillow crease marks all over his face. But, Kenobi managed to pull himself together.
"No master, nothing funny at all. Did you need me for something?"
"Yes, please tell me why the room is spinning?"
"I do not believe that it is spinning master."
"Stop trying to be humorous here padawan, my head is about to burst."
Obi-Wan was silent as he attempted to slowly back out of the room, only to be stopped by his masters' voice.
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, freeze right there! What exactly did I drink last night?"
"The bartender called it Tikus Ale."
"It sounds harmless enough."
Obi-Wan laughed again. "It's not...very powerful, especially for humans."
The older man looked at the younger Jedi. "And you let me do this? This is all your fault."
"I tried to tell you master, but you insisted that you needed to 'fit in,' so I allowed you your fun for the evening. Now you must pay for your fun." Qui-Gon shook his head. He'd told his student those exact words before. Now they were being thrown back in his face, by a much too pleased apprentice.
"I think...I think...I need the bathroom..." Qui-Gon, assisted by his friend, rushed into the bathroom and quickly emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Then he headed back to bed.
"Obi-Wan, please turn the lights down and don't talk so loud."
Perplexed at the statement, Obi-Wan turned to Jinn. "But master, I wasn't speaking."
"Good, then it won't be so difficult for you to lower your voice."
****************
As the day passed, Qui-Gon's whining got worse. Obi-Wan spent most of his time trying not to laugh at his friend. Usually, with very little luck.
"Obi-Wan, have you seen my lightsaber?"
"Yes, master. I have it here, on my belt, with mine."
"I would like it back."
"Sorry master, not until you can tell me for certain, the correct number of Obi-Wan's that you see in this room. There are not 3 of me."
"Okay, there's 1 of you, and you are standing next to the door."
Obi-Wan stifled a small laugh. "No, I am sitting by your bed. That is Obi number 3 that you see at the door. Sorry master, no saber for you today."
"KENOBI !!! GET OUT...NOW....ALL 3 OF YOU !!!"
The apprentice giggled his way out the door.
****************
The following day brought much of the same, but Obi-Wan felt confident enough to leave his teacher for a few hours and proceed to the peace talks. Within a few hours, the 2 clans had come together and formed a peaceful agreement. Obi-Wan had only to stand back and watch it all come together. The Tikans praised their newfound brother, Qui-Gon Jinn, for helping them to realize how ridiculous they had been acting.
Obi-Wan thought for a moment to himself, amazed at Qui-Gon's ability to bring people together.
// Force, even drunk, the man can still solve a world's problems.//
Back in their quarters, Obi-Wan relayed the good news to his master who was, for some reason, crawling from the bathroom to the couch.
"Master, what are you doing?"
"I am crawling, what does it look like I am doing. And please stop yelling."
Obi-Wan raised his voice a bit. "But why are you crawling?"
"Because I cannot stand without falling over... now please padawan, I am right here, there is no need to yell."
The student knelt down beside his teacher. "I have good news, the clans have come to a peace agreement. It seems your 'we need to fit in' tactics worked, although I think that they will be spending a lot of their time getting drunk in order to keep that peace, but peace is peace right master?"
"Whatever you say. Can you help me to the couch?"
Qui-Gon found a comfortable spot on the couch before trying to focus on his padawans form in front of him. "Are you Obi number 1 or Obi number 2?"
Obi-Wan smiled. " That's great Master, you only see 2 of me today...things are looking up."
"Not funny padawan."
"How about something to eat, you haven't eaten in two days."
"Oh sure, why not just dump it in the toilet now, save me some time, cause that's where it's gonna end up."
"Okay then Mr. Grumpy, I will make you some Boraan tea. You know master, you are not a fun person once the alcohol wears off." He headed off to the kitchen area.
Qui-Gon managed to keep the tea down, and even had a second cup before he fell asleep on the couch.
************
Obi-Wan had never seen a 3-day hangover, but today was proof that they did exist.
Although his master was much improved, he was still whining.
"Padawan, have you seen my boots? I can't seem to find them anywhere."
"They are on your feet master."
"Oh...you know, I hate this, I really do. This is all your fault."
"So you've told me," the boy lowered his voice, whispering under his breath, "maybe next time, you'll listen to your padawan when he warns you about certain things, like that frightening drink that you fell in love with."
"Oh, now you lower you're voice, which brings me to my next point..."
Obi-Wan hadn't realized that there had been a first point, but he continued to listen.
"Why have you been yelling at me for the past week?"
"Master, it's only been 3 days, and I have not been yelling. If you would admit that you drank more than you should have, then...."
"I am not drunk, nor was I. Just because the rooms been spinning and your head seems to have been rotating, and there are 3 of you, does not mean that I am drunk, or was drunk." Qui-Gon seemed to be rambling now.
"Okay master."
"I saw you laughing, taking advantage of this slight detour in my behavior. If you took pictures padawan, I will kill you."
"Actually I hadn't thought about pictures, and no, you cannot kill me master, I do not believe that it is legal to kill one's apprentice."
"I know that, you know that, but who knows what you know, or why I know what you know and how I know it."
Obi-Wan was beyond confused now. "What?"
"I know what I said."
The apprentice laughed, "Right, repeat it then!"
"Obi-Wan...turn the lights down..."
"Master, the lights are not on, that is the sun, you know that fiery ball in the sky. I cannot turn that off."
"OBI-WAN, STOP YELLING !!!"
Qui-Gon's brief outburst was followed by a look of extreme guilt and of utter exhaustion.
His confusion seemed to clear. " I am sorry padawan, I know you are doing you're best with me. I am not a very good patient. Come, please sit." He patted the place on the couch next to him.
Feeling some sense of normalcy returning to the older Jedi, Obi-Wan took the cushion next to his master. Qui-Gon threw an arm around his friend.
"What have I done to deserve you, my Obi-Wan?"
Unsure as to how to answer, the young man remained quiet.
"Good, don't answer that, I may regret asking it after this mission. We should go home."
"We leave tomorrow, our transport arrives at the noon hour. I have taken care of everything."
"Thank you Obi-Wan.'
"Master, do you remember anything from the other night at the bar?"
"There is something about a dancing Yoda and an impersonation of him, but I don't know who.... Force, no, I didn't do that, did I?"
Obi-Wan smiled and nodded. "Oh yes you did. It was actually quite good master, but only confused the Tikans. The walking stick part was my favorite, you said..."
"NO !!! Obi-Wan, please...don't...say...anything else..."
"But master, it was funny, you even did the ears, you held...."
"OBI-WAN !!!"
"Sorry master. I was unsure how to handle all this, I've never seen you like this before."
"And you never will again. I promise you that."
Qui-Gon tightened his hold on his padawan, giving his shoulder a squeeze and drawing him a bit closer. There they sat, shoulder to shoulder, master and padawan.
"You did well, my Obi-Wan, I am proud of you....but the next time I try and drink something that I shouldn't, remind me, please, of this mission, will you?"
"Yes, master."
"And Obi-Wan, you WILL NOT let this get out. I don't want this little episode flying around the temple halls. I have a reputation to uphold."
Obi-Wan sounded disappointed. "Yes, master...can't I just tell Bant, she won't..."
Qui-Gon gave him the look that said far more than words ever could.
"Yes, master."
"Good, now (yawning), I think I need a nap. Though, I'm not sure how I can sleep with all the noise and light in here."
Obi-Wan looked around, hearing nothing but quiet, and seeing only a diminishing light from the sun shinning through the window.
"Master, I...." He turned to see Qui-Gon sound asleep, head leaning back against the couch. Obi-Wan got up, tucked a blanket around his master and headed off to pack for the flight home.
He wondered how he was going to keep himself from telling his friends about this mission.
This one was a classic.
Or perhaps, it wouldn't be so difficult to keep silent about it. This could be something that only he and his master would share.
A memory that would last a lifetime.
The indelible image of his stoic master, standing on the bar counter, doing his Yoda impersonation.
Yep, this one would always be good for a laugh.
END
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