Camping Trips and Bonding Moments
The high and low points of camping in a second rate camp ground. KEEP IN MIND; Krystal could be understood in English by Fox when he rescued her because he had the translator. I think. All knowledge of the game that I have comes from: the multiple K-Mart demos, walkthroughs, and fansites. I do not actually own the game. But I'm saving up to buy one. Yeah!
Time scale for the asterisks (*) *** = up to six hours time ** = couple of hours * = couple of minutes
"I Hate Camping," Falco growled. Yes, Falco; the StarFox team had taken a quick vacation to Yelle Stonia to go camping, and had run into Falco. So, Falco joined them, forgetting that: "I Hate Camping."
"Cheer up, Falco!" Peppy laughed, jugging down a swig of Pepsi. He didn't notice the big gush of soda splashing onto his blue jogging suit. "It's only for the weekend!"
"I Hate Camping," he stiffly repeated.
Fox struggled with the lighter, trying to light the fire pit with just a few twigs, a big log, and some newspaper. He wasn't wearing his usual outfit; instead, he wore a blue-t-shirt and overalls. Underneath, he wore his lucky red swim trunks, just in case. His baseball cap was currently on backwards, so that he could see the fire pit properly. Flick, flick, no fire.
"Stupid, cheap lighter," Fox growled. "I told you, you don't buy stuff from the park itself! You buy things you need for the trip at Shop-O-Mart!"
"What about souveniers?" Peppy asked.
"Gotta look hard, but you can get them at Shop-O-Mart."
Krystal leafed through a brochure, looking for things to do once the camping thing got into full swing. She, not really worrying about modesty, wore nothing but her black speedo and an anklet, both of which Fox had bought her at Shop-O-Mart.
"Cok'j joo.... Kxoho'j kiradw tend kxo Frigid River, sudioadw tend kxo Frigid River- OO! Xehjorusb hatadw! 'Wiatot Keih ev kxo Vehojk ed Xehjorusb'. Fox, sud no we Xehjorusb hatadw?" (Let's see.... There's tubing down the Frigid River, canueing down the Frigid River- OO! Horseback riding! 'Guided Tour of the Forest on Horseback'. Fox, can we go Horseback riding?)
"Um... maybe a little later," Fox grunted, finally getting the fire started. "YES!"
"Hey, Fox!" Slippy fell out of his Arwing, wearing shorts and no shirt. "I'm missing the funny papers! Do you have them?"
"Uh...." Fox covered the newspapers that were in the fire. "No."
"I Hate Camping," Falco hissed.
"Aw, shut it, Falcoy!" Peppy chugged down half of his Pepsi and threw it away, opening another bottle.
"Don't drink too many of those," Slipppy cautioned. "You get those horrible sugar highs."
"No I don't!" Peppy emptied out the Pespi bottle.
"I Hate Camping," Falco hissed.
"FALCO! Shut up!" Fox grabbed his ears and pulled them shut. "If you're going to complain, you can do it getting the Action Packers out of the Arwing!"
Falco grumbled and stalked away to the Arwing. "This is just one of the reasons I hate camping..."
"A'cc xocf!" (I'll help!) Krystal ran after Falco and helped him haul out the Action Packers. After taking out about three of them, Falco and Krystal sat on top of one to rest. Behind them, a beautiful, scenic plateua graced the skyline with its very presence. So...
"OO! PHOTO OP!" Slippy opened one of the Action Packers and pulled out a camera. "Krystal! Falco! Smile!"
Krystal smiled innocently while Falco faked a grin. He snarled again.
"I hate camping."
**
"THE WATER'S COLD!" Fox yelled. "REALLY REALLY COLD!"
Peppy tested the water with his foot. He quickly pulled it back. "COLD!"
Fox, who was waist deep in the Frigid River, yelled, "DUH!"
Krystal backstroked past Fox, perfectly at home in the cold water. "Jkef nehhoadw, oei raw ruro." (Stop worrying, you big baby.)
"I'm not a baby!" Fox shuddered. "Watch!" He quickly plunged underwater and back up again. "COLD!"
Falco and Slippy floated by, resting on an inflato-mat and inner tube, respectively. Slippy took a fast picture of the wet, soggy, and cold Fox McCloud.
"I hate you," Fox growled at Slippy.
"I like this part of camping," Falco breathed.
"Yep," Slippy cooed, sipping on an iced tea. "I lik-"
His inner tube promptly exploded, dropping him into the river. Slippy struggled to swim back to shore, but his cold blooded-ness kept him from going very fast.
"Shop-O-Mart! I told you, Slippy!" Fox laughed, water dripping off of his fur. "Shop-O-Mart!"
"At... least... it's... a... water... proof... camera..." Slippy slowly breathed.
Krystal paddled her way through the water, shivering slightly.
"You cold, Krystal?" Fox asked, rubbing his arms.
Krystal looked up from her breaststroke. "E-e-e-ex." (N-n-n-no.)
Clic-CLEEK! "PHOTO OP!"
Fox glared at Slippy. "Would someone please step on that camera?!"
**
It was nighttime.
"FOX1" Slippy whined. "I'm hungry!"
"When do we get to eat?" Falco moped.
Fox stuck his nose into one of the Action Packers Krystal and Falco had brought down from the Arwings. "Um... let's seeee. We've got: hot dogs, hamburger patties, pita pockets, avacado hearts (ech), couple o' bottles o' Pepsi-"
"GIMME!" Peppy swiped away one of the bottles and slurped it down.
Fox grimaced in disgust at kept searching. "Got the hotdog buns and burger bu- A PukPuk egg?"
Krystal raised her hand. "Mado!" (Mine!)
"Um... okay. We've got... nothing- wait, here's some ketchup, mustard, mayonaise.... where's the relish?!"
"Relish?" Krystal asked with curiousity.
"Where's the relish?!" Fox threw the foodstuffs out of the Action Packer at a lightning quick pace. "Where's the relish?! I need it for the hot dogs!"
"Oh, kxuk nuj veh oei? A kxeiwxk ak nuj veet veh kxo wectvajx." (Oh, that was for you? I thought it was food for the goldfish.)
Fox shrugged disheartedly. "Okay. Let's cook."
*
"Cooking, cooking, la la-la la-la la-la. Cooking, cooking, la la-la la-la la-la-" Slippy sang this annoyinng little song to the tune of "Clean Up, Clean Up (Everybody, Everywhere)" as he watched his hot dog slowly cooking into a nice brown color. Peppy nibbled on an avacado heart between sips of Pepsi. Krystal licked the insides out of the egg, and Falco and Fox wolfed down their hamburgers.
"Yummy!" Krystal laughed.
"This is real grilled meal, Krystal," Peppy gave out his advice. "Not like that painted stuff at Burger Palace."
"Okay," Krystal drank down the remaining yolk from her PukPuk egg. "Real..... grilled meal. Okay."
Fox dipped a corner of his hamburger into Krystal's egg and scraped some yolk off of the side. He took a bite. "Mmm, not bad... still think it needs relish, though."
"You put relish on your hamburger?" Slippy screamed.
"Well... that's what my dad did!" Fox munched down the rest of his burger. "He shaid it wahs gohd foe ya."
There was a sickening crunch as everyone turned in Falco's direction. On top of his burger bun were the remains of a dragonfly. He stared at what was under his beak, gagged and threw it away. He ran to the nearest bathroom, yelling all the while, "I hate camping!"
"PHOTO!" Click-cleek! "Man, I hope that one shows up on film!" Slippy swallowed his hot dog in one gulp, and immediately turned a bright red color before assuming his original green. "WOO! Hot stuff, baby, this evenin'!"
*
"Slippy, you're poking me!"
"Sorry, Fox."
...
"Slippy, stop poking me!"
"Okay!"
...
"YIPE!"
"Sorry, Kry-"
SMACK!"
"OW! Whaddja do that for?"
"Fox? Oh, A'm jehho! A kxeiwxk oei noho Peppy!" (Fox? Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were Peppy!)
"No, I'm over here!"
"OW! DE XUAH FICCADW!" (OW! NO HAIR PULLING!)
"SHUT IT!"
"Sorry, Falco."
"Guh... I hate camping..."
...
"Wooooooo. Foooox, thiiis iiis yoour faaaatheeeer."
"Knock it off, Slippy."
"Okay."
...
"OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooow! Oow-oow-OOOOoooooooow!"
"That was pretty good! Who did the wolf howl?"
"Not me."
"Nuh uh."
"Don't look over here."
"Ak nuj u seoeko." (It was a coyote.)
"Oh, okay."
"Pretty good impression, Krystal."
"A tatd'k juo A nuj teadw ak! A juat ak nuj u seoeko xencadw!" (I didn't say I was doing it! I said it was a coyote howling!)
"OOOOOOOOOOooooooooow!"
The lantern suddenly flickered on, revealing the Star Fox team all huddled next to eachother in their own sleeping bags. They are all shivering in fear.
"Coyotes?" Falco whispered fearfully. "You didn't say anything about cobotes, Fox!"
"Well, I- Wait." Fox started to snicker. "You just said cobotes."
Falco blushed. "I did not!"
"Ooj, Oei tat! Oei juat 'cobotes'!" (Yes, you did! You said "cobotes"!)
As Peppy and Slippy started to laugh, Falco swiped his sleeping bag and mumbled something about sleeping in the Arwing. He promptly slammed the tent flap behind him, earning more laughs.
***
Day Period: Morning. Time: Roughly 10:00.. ish Meal for the day: Leftover hot dogs from yesterday
"Nxuk den, Fox?" (What now, Fox?) asked Krystal. She was still wearing her Speedo, despite the fact that the entire group had decided not to go swimming again. However...
Today," Fox gloated. "We're going tubing!"
Peppy lept from his sleeping bag, reeking of Pepsi and looking as if he had no sleep last night. "Tubing? Tubing- nah! That's Boooooring! Letsdo something fun, yeah! Let's do- let's go hiking, yeah! Hiking! I like hiking!"
Fox tightened the tent spokes. "Well, guess a little hiking might work. Get some of that soda out of your system..."
"HIKING!" Peppy yelled. "Hi-king! I'll go get my hiking boots!"
As Peppy ran to his Arwing, Falco fell out of his and onto the wet, misty grass. He snarled, "I hate camping without an RV."
"It's not camping if you have an RV," Slippy argued from inside the tent, where he was still getting dressed. His siloutte showed that he was trying to put on his pants. "It's more like... bringing a hotel with you... wherever you GO!" Slippy fell onto his back, pulling the pants in half. Slippy stuck his head out of the tent flap. "Uh, could someone grab my suitcase from out of my Arwing, please?"
"GOT IT!" Peppy sprung onto the scene, holding his and Slippy's luggage. "Hereyago! Hereyago! Hereyago! HI-KING! WHEE!"
Fox dumped some sand onto the fire pit. "Too much Pepsi. Krystal, are you going to wear that wet swimsuit all day?"
"Yes. What?" Krystal cocked her head. "Imean, why?"
"Well, don't you have any other clothes to change into?"
"Other clothes?" Krystal's ears peaked for a moment, then drooped as she turned her head to the side."Ex de..." (Oh, no.)
"Oh, great," Fox growled. "Why didn't you pack any extra clothes?"
"A tatd'k nudk ke mojj kxom if!" (I didn't want to mess them up!)
"Women..." Fox rolled up his sleeping bag and put in away...
*
"Hidden Cavern trail. This one looks interesting," Fox smiled. With the flourish of a Musketeer, he flung out his arm and said, "MEN! And women. Woman. ONWARD!"
*
"Are we at the top yet?" Slippy complained.
"No," Falco griped. He balanced his weight on his walking stick. "This is hard."
"This is nothing compared to Dinosaur Planet," Fox tried his hand at encouraging.
"Boof weadw," (Keep going.) said Krystal (who was wearing her swimsuit under one of Falco's t-shirts). Slippy collasped and rested his head on a rock, letting the others step ahead of him. He finally got back up. "Still don't know how I survived 8 years ago..."
Click-CLEEK!
Peppy sneered from behind the camera. "Photo op!" he evily laughed.
"Would someone please throw that camera off of the hill!?" Slippy cried before falling asleep.
*
"Hey, Krystal!" Falco pointed to a hole in the large hill, obviously belonging to some mole or burrowing rat. "It's Hidden Cavern Cave!"
She laughed and kept climbing.
*
"This is it?" Peppy scowled. Hidden Cavern cave was just a big hole in the hill (although it did seem to have some crystals inside).
"I saw something moving!" Falco chirped with an ounce of concernedness. "Fox, go see what's down there!"
"Okay." Fox trooted down into the hole to announce "It's just a bunch of spiders!"
"Spiders?" Slippy yelled.
"Daddy Long Legs!" Fox lept out of the cave. "Couldn't see any crystals, though."
Krystal jumped into the cave next, laughing as the Daddy Long Legs scurried over the rocks. "Kxoho uho raccaedj ev kxom! Kxoho mijk ro u dojk!" (There are billions of them! There must be a nest!)
"Photo op!" Slippy laughed as he took a picture of Krystal. She absentmindedly waved to her male companions behind her back, still concentrating on the Daddy Long Legs. Slippy took another picture. "Hey, Peppy, why don't you go down there next! I want a picture of everybody in the cave!"
"O-k-k-k-k-kay," Peppy tiptoed into the cave to join Krystal, but came running back out as a spider scurried over his foot.
Click-CLEEK!
*
Krystal stepped out, and turned her back to Slippy to show him that she had a spider resting on her back. "Ajd'k ak siko?" (Isn't it cute?)
Click-CLEEK!
*
Fox stepped a ways into the cave, not worrying about the crystals. "There's a lot of grafitti in here! Tons of it! This should be Hidden Krylon Cave!"
Lots of laughter and a camera clicking finished Fox's period in the cave.
*
"I loathe bugs," Falco stepped the farthest into the cave. "Especially after last night."
"Jeez, Falco, you never used to complain this much!" Fox shouted.
Click-CLEEK!
"My turn!" Slippy squealed.
*
"SLIPPY! NO! DON'T EAT THE SPIDERS!" Fox screamed into the cave.
"BUT I'M HUNGRY!"
Click-CLEEK!
**
"Oh, great!" Fox rubbed his temples as a brightly light RV park next to their campsite. It blared loud country music that could be heard all the way to the Ranger's station. "We've got a bunch of rednecks playing the 'Boot Scoot Boogie' parked next to us!"
"Muoro kxoo'cc giaok tend ro dawxkkamo." (Maybe they'll quiet down by nighttime.)
***
"Get down, turn around, go to town, Boot Scoot Boogie...."
"Maybe they'll quiet down by nighttime," Slippy madly whined, mocking Krystal.
"SHUT IT!" Fox cried.
"MAKE IT STOP!" Falco stuffed his head into his pillow. "MAKE IT STOP!"
"WAAAAAA!" Krystal screamed. "NO MORE!"
"WE'RE MOVING THE SITE!" Fox proclaimed, grabbing his sleeping bag. "EVERYBODY, PACK UP!"
"Phew!" Peppy stuffed his sleeping bag with his dirty clothes and empty Pepsi bottles. "I can't stand another country song!"
Slippy threw an Action Packer into the complimentary golf carts the park supplied for short-distance moving (you didn't think they were moving a couple of yards in an Arwing, did you?). "And you're not even supposed to run generators after midnight! Really!"
*
"How about here?" Slippy pointed to a cute little spot by the Frigid River.
"It's for daytime use only," Peppy read a nearby sign. "Can't stay there overnight."
"Darn it!"
*
"Here?" Krystal sifted through the bushes to reach the unused campspot.
Peppy's ears twitched. "I can still here the Boot Scoot Boogie."
"Not here," Fox pulled Krystal away by her tail. "Come on."
*
"Here?" Falco opened the fire pit to make sure there were no holes in it.
"I don't really trust this place," Fox turned to Krystal. "KRYSTAL, YOU'VE GOT A TICK!"
"AH!"
**
"Quiet," Fox stretched out in his sleeping bag in a campsite spot far away. "No RVs."
"All day and nighttime use," Peppy put his Pepsi away.
"No ticks," Krystal remembered, scratching her leg.
Fox slapped her hand away. "Don't scratch it." Fox turned onto his side. "Maybe tomorrow we can go tubing.
The lantern flicked off.
"Slippy, stop poking me."
"Sorry."
"OOOOOOOOooooooooow!"
***
"What have we got to eat?!" Falco screamed from his Arwing.
"All we have are leftover hotdog buns and- THE RELISH! I FOUND IT!" Fox cheered. "YES! I FOUND THE RELISH!"
"All we have are hot dog buns and relish?!" Falco was appaled.
"Um... yeah! Hey, Falco, help me with some of these action packers!"
"Uh... no, thank you!"
"Why not!?"
"Um... it's too cold!"
"Too col- FALCO! IT'S 78 DEGREES OUTSIDE! It's not too cold!"
Falco lept out of the Arwing as large set of coyote jaws chomped down on his tail. As he fell, Fox realized why he wanted to stay in the Arwing; he wore Paddington Bear pajamas.
"Paddington Bear?" Fox laughed. "Tell me that is not Paddington Bear!"
"Okay," Falco responded with fake confidence and sarcasm. "It's not."
"Oh, jeez...." Fox could barely contain his laughter. "Thanks Krystal!"
"Krystal?!" Falco turned around to see Krystal perched on top of his Arwing, with a few blue feathers jutting out of her muzzle. "Oh, great! I've got the pack weaseling in on me!"
Click-CLEEK!
"Oh no..."
The group yelled together. "PHOTO OP!"
"I realize now that I will never go camping again in my life," Falco hissed as Peppy tripped by, giggling "Paddington Bear" over and over again.
***
TUBING TIME!
Inch.... by inch... by inch...
"Really slow river, isn't it?" Slippy called as he got stuck on a rock. He took a picture as Krystal floated by him effortlessly.
"Ak'j dek av oei futtco sehhoskco," (It's not if you paddle correctly.) said Krystal. Unfortunately, at this time, a small fish decided Krystal's tail looked very tasty.
CHOMP!
"OW!" Krystal, out of pure shock, jumped out of her inner tube and into the shallow, rocky Frigid River. And, of course, Slippy took a picture.
Krystal glared at the frog as he pushed his way past. "A ceukxo oei." (I loathe you.)
*
Peppy stood up on his inner tube. "YIPPEE! LOOKIT ME! LOOKIT ME! I'ma jumpin' Jackrabbit! YEEHA!"
Krystal frantically paddled to Fox, who was trying to pull his inner tube off of a sprig of seaweed (or rather, riverweed). "Nxuk'j nhedw nakx Peppy?" (What's wrong with Peppy?)
"Sugar high from all of the Pepsi," Fox calmed reassured Krystal, patting her softly on the ears. "He'll crash sooner or later."
"Okay..."
*
"This is what we get for not coming during the rainy season," Fox complained. "A slow, freezing cold, mountain-snow-has-melted-and-run-into- the river with disgusting seaweed that looks like drowned squirrels! Hey, dragonfly."
Fox watched as the elegant dragonfly landed on the bridge of his muzzle. Krystal swooped past.
"Kxuk'j dek u thuwedvco. Kxuk'j u tumjocvco." (That's not a dragonfly. That's a damselfly.)
"Well, maybe it's running from the dragonfly, who's trying to eat it," Fox laughed. "And the princefly is coming along any second now to rescue the damselfly and take it back to the villageflies on his white stallion horsefly."
Krystal splashed him with the cold water, scaring off the damselfly. "Weevo ataek." (Goofy idiot.)
"
"TURTLE!" Falco kicked the water repeatedly with his foot. "SNAPPING TURTLE! SNAPPING TURTLE! NO!"
Fox pulled his inner tube onto an overhanging rock and proceeded to lie down on his side. "Break... need a long, long break."
"Raw ruro." (Big baby.) Krystal, nonetheless objecting Fox's early break, joined him on the rock. Peppy crawled on after them, literally. He pulled the tire behind him wearily.
"Pepsi... no more Pepsi.... no more..." Peppy landed face-down onto the rock.
"You're too old, Peppy," Fox explained without opening his eyes.
"Sunbathing!" Slippy sat down on the rock, picked up some pebbles, and started flicking them at Falco's head (Falco was just starting to clamber out of the water). "This is fun!"
Falco responded by stuffing Slippy into the inner tube like a hot dog into a doughnut. "Shut up."
**
"Need a rest..." Peppy laid down his blanket and rested on the ground.
"Another one?" Fox griped.
"Me too," Falco set up his favorite Bud Light collaspable card table. "Hey, anybody wanna play Poker?"
"ME!" Slippy ran to the table.
"We- what are we gonna do now!?" Fox screamed.
Krystal tapped his shoulder. "Muo no we Xehjorusb hatadw den?" (May we go Horseback riding now?)
"Egh. Slippy, Falco, me and Krystal are going Horseback riding. If you go anywhere, leave a note."
"Right."
"Got it."
*
"Let's see.... Faraman's Horseback Trails... Faraman's Horseback Trails... Krystal, do you see anything yet?"
"No."
"Faraman's... Faraman's... HEY! A sign! Faraman's Horseback Trails, Next- Krystal, did you see how many exits?"
"Kne."
"K- kne? What's that?"
"Kne! KNE!"
"Kne- Oh no! The translator's broken again! (WHACK!) Okay, say that again."
"Kne." (Two.)
"Two- okay, second exit... we passed up the second exit, didn't we?"
"Ooj, no tat. U nxaco uwe." (Yes, we did. A while ago.)
"Oh, great. (sigh).... Wanna get something to eat?"
"Okay."
*
Well, they kept on driving until they found a convinence store, and stopped to get a bite to eat. Fox got a hot dog, and Krystal got cheese pizza. While they were eating, a large red salamander walked in, laughing and telling a story to two geckos that walked behind her.
"... and I just exploded! (laughter) Of course, you can't blame me, I'm a redhead."
"No, you're not, you stupid bleachhead," Fox mumbled to himself.
"What?"
"Look, Krystal," Fox whispered, leaning over the table. "You see that salamander over there? She's not really a redhead, she's dyed her hair like that so that she has an excuse for her bad temper."
Krystal twitched her ears. "Okay."
"Listen, Krystal, people are shallow like that. Don't do something like that when later on, okay?"
"Okay," Krystal smiled.
"Good Krystal." Fox patted her head. "Now, let's keep eating."
**
"Welcome ta Faraman's Horseback Trails. I'm Faraman."
Fox shook the old gorilla's hand. "Fox McCloud. This is Krystal."
"Hello," Krystal cooed while bowing.
"She's not from here," Fox whispered into Faraman's ear.
"Ah... well, picked a good time ta come, didn't ya?"
"Meaning...?" Fox cocked his head.
"We're 'bout ta close in five minutes. Normal rides take 'bout 15."
"Oh no!" Krystal wailed.
"Jeez, and this our last day here!" Fox snarled to himself. "Well, thanks anyway-"
"Now, wait, now," Faraman held up his hairy hand. "Nobody's in line behind ya. Why donctha just come along with me?"
"Really?" Fox was surprised.
"Sure. No extra charge, either."
Fox was spellbound by the man's kindness. "Aje- je- ka- Thanks, mister!"
"Thank you!" Krystal cheered. "Oh, A'lo rood ceebadw vehnuht ke kxaj ucc noobodt!" (I've been looking forward to this all weekend!)
*
"This's Cookie," Faraman pulled the chestnut horse to Krystal. "Sweetest horse in the bunch. Think you'll like her."
"Hello, Cookie," Krystal stroked Cookie's nose. "Good Cookie. Jnook jnook Cookie, uhod'k oei fhosaeij?" (Sweet sweet Cookie, aren't you precious?)
"And this here's Lumpkin," Faraman handed Fox the reigns to a white and brown-patched mare. "She's a good ol' girl, just try an' keep 'er in the back."
"In the back?" Fox wondered aloud.
*
After receiving a quick riding lesson, they set of down the trodden trail, not really part of the woods but considered forest eitherway. Krystal rode behind the instructor, and Fox after her. They came to a steep incline. A rough stairway had been pounded into the rocky hill.
As they climbed upwards, Krystal mumbled a question to Fox, which he translated.
"Uh... hey, Faraman, how'd this little stairway get here?"
"From the horses," Faraman answered, himself riding a young, dirty white stallion. "They walk the same path, take the same steps, over an' over again, 'til they stomp the stairway out themselves."
"Wow," Fox marveled. "How long have you been doing this?"
"'Bout 20 years," Faraman counted in his head. "But mah family's been doing the trails for 4 generations."
"Wow," the two foxes were amazed.
*
"What's that?" Krystal pointed to a pile of bones by the trailside.
"That's what happens when coyotes get a hold of a dead horse."
Krystal shuddered, and Fox held his muzzle shut to keep from throwing up. "YUK!"
*
"That's war A keep the wild pigs A catch," Faraman pointed to a warren a ways off of the trail. It was filled with wild boars and there young, all screaming and squealing, trying to get out. "If Ah don't catch 'em, them destroy the wildlife an' such. So, Ah trap 'em, fatten 'em up, an' process 'em into sausage."
"Oo," said Krystal. Fox pulled sideways on his reigns; his horse was walking off of the trail to eat some bushes.
*
"Okay, we're almost home. Who wants ta go into a trot?"
"OO, ME!" Krystal shouted, clutching the reigns tightly.
"A trot?" Fox asked.
"Just hold on." Faraman flicked the reigns. "Alright, Gabsy, ya!"
The horses bounded into a light trot, bouncing Krystal and Fox in their saddles.
"Whee!" Krystal laughed.
"I got enough of this on Dinosaur Planet!" Fox griped.
**
"FINALLY!" Fox screamed inside of the Arwing, scaring the daylights out of Krystal. "IT'S OVER!"
"What? You didn't like it, Fox?" Slippy sneered.
"No Pepsi..." Peppy moaned.
"Let's just remember," Falco interrupted. "Next time we go on vacation: I'M NOT COMING! I hate camping!" Falco took a sharp turn and flew off into a distant corner of the galaxy.
"What we need to remember is to come in the summer next time," Fox growled as Slippy started singing songs from "Parachute Express". He switched off the intercom. "Krystal, what do you want to listen to?"
Krystal thought for a moment, then- "Te oei jkacc xulo kxuk Weird Al Yankovic sujjoko 0ei noho koccadw mo ureik?" (Do you still have that Weird Al Yankovic cassete you were telling me about?)
"Yep," Fox smiled sleepily, pushing the ancient cassete into the player. "Can't remember what songs are-"
Dunude-dunude- "TRIGGER HAPPY! TRIGGER HAPPY!"
Fox gasped. "I LOVE THIS SONG!"
And they flew back to the Great Fox, screaming Weird Al Yankovic songs at the top of their lungs. And no one heard them because, in space, no one can here you sing.
DONE! FINALLY! This took me about two weeks to write!
The high and low points of camping in a second rate camp ground. KEEP IN MIND; Krystal could be understood in English by Fox when he rescued her because he had the translator. I think. All knowledge of the game that I have comes from: the multiple K-Mart demos, walkthroughs, and fansites. I do not actually own the game. But I'm saving up to buy one. Yeah!
Time scale for the asterisks (*) *** = up to six hours time ** = couple of hours * = couple of minutes
"I Hate Camping," Falco growled. Yes, Falco; the StarFox team had taken a quick vacation to Yelle Stonia to go camping, and had run into Falco. So, Falco joined them, forgetting that: "I Hate Camping."
"Cheer up, Falco!" Peppy laughed, jugging down a swig of Pepsi. He didn't notice the big gush of soda splashing onto his blue jogging suit. "It's only for the weekend!"
"I Hate Camping," he stiffly repeated.
Fox struggled with the lighter, trying to light the fire pit with just a few twigs, a big log, and some newspaper. He wasn't wearing his usual outfit; instead, he wore a blue-t-shirt and overalls. Underneath, he wore his lucky red swim trunks, just in case. His baseball cap was currently on backwards, so that he could see the fire pit properly. Flick, flick, no fire.
"Stupid, cheap lighter," Fox growled. "I told you, you don't buy stuff from the park itself! You buy things you need for the trip at Shop-O-Mart!"
"What about souveniers?" Peppy asked.
"Gotta look hard, but you can get them at Shop-O-Mart."
Krystal leafed through a brochure, looking for things to do once the camping thing got into full swing. She, not really worrying about modesty, wore nothing but her black speedo and an anklet, both of which Fox had bought her at Shop-O-Mart.
"Cok'j joo.... Kxoho'j kiradw tend kxo Frigid River, sudioadw tend kxo Frigid River- OO! Xehjorusb hatadw! 'Wiatot Keih ev kxo Vehojk ed Xehjorusb'. Fox, sud no we Xehjorusb hatadw?" (Let's see.... There's tubing down the Frigid River, canueing down the Frigid River- OO! Horseback riding! 'Guided Tour of the Forest on Horseback'. Fox, can we go Horseback riding?)
"Um... maybe a little later," Fox grunted, finally getting the fire started. "YES!"
"Hey, Fox!" Slippy fell out of his Arwing, wearing shorts and no shirt. "I'm missing the funny papers! Do you have them?"
"Uh...." Fox covered the newspapers that were in the fire. "No."
"I Hate Camping," Falco hissed.
"Aw, shut it, Falcoy!" Peppy chugged down half of his Pepsi and threw it away, opening another bottle.
"Don't drink too many of those," Slipppy cautioned. "You get those horrible sugar highs."
"No I don't!" Peppy emptied out the Pespi bottle.
"I Hate Camping," Falco hissed.
"FALCO! Shut up!" Fox grabbed his ears and pulled them shut. "If you're going to complain, you can do it getting the Action Packers out of the Arwing!"
Falco grumbled and stalked away to the Arwing. "This is just one of the reasons I hate camping..."
"A'cc xocf!" (I'll help!) Krystal ran after Falco and helped him haul out the Action Packers. After taking out about three of them, Falco and Krystal sat on top of one to rest. Behind them, a beautiful, scenic plateua graced the skyline with its very presence. So...
"OO! PHOTO OP!" Slippy opened one of the Action Packers and pulled out a camera. "Krystal! Falco! Smile!"
Krystal smiled innocently while Falco faked a grin. He snarled again.
"I hate camping."
**
"THE WATER'S COLD!" Fox yelled. "REALLY REALLY COLD!"
Peppy tested the water with his foot. He quickly pulled it back. "COLD!"
Fox, who was waist deep in the Frigid River, yelled, "DUH!"
Krystal backstroked past Fox, perfectly at home in the cold water. "Jkef nehhoadw, oei raw ruro." (Stop worrying, you big baby.)
"I'm not a baby!" Fox shuddered. "Watch!" He quickly plunged underwater and back up again. "COLD!"
Falco and Slippy floated by, resting on an inflato-mat and inner tube, respectively. Slippy took a fast picture of the wet, soggy, and cold Fox McCloud.
"I hate you," Fox growled at Slippy.
"I like this part of camping," Falco breathed.
"Yep," Slippy cooed, sipping on an iced tea. "I lik-"
His inner tube promptly exploded, dropping him into the river. Slippy struggled to swim back to shore, but his cold blooded-ness kept him from going very fast.
"Shop-O-Mart! I told you, Slippy!" Fox laughed, water dripping off of his fur. "Shop-O-Mart!"
"At... least... it's... a... water... proof... camera..." Slippy slowly breathed.
Krystal paddled her way through the water, shivering slightly.
"You cold, Krystal?" Fox asked, rubbing his arms.
Krystal looked up from her breaststroke. "E-e-e-ex." (N-n-n-no.)
Clic-CLEEK! "PHOTO OP!"
Fox glared at Slippy. "Would someone please step on that camera?!"
**
It was nighttime.
"FOX1" Slippy whined. "I'm hungry!"
"When do we get to eat?" Falco moped.
Fox stuck his nose into one of the Action Packers Krystal and Falco had brought down from the Arwings. "Um... let's seeee. We've got: hot dogs, hamburger patties, pita pockets, avacado hearts (ech), couple o' bottles o' Pepsi-"
"GIMME!" Peppy swiped away one of the bottles and slurped it down.
Fox grimaced in disgust at kept searching. "Got the hotdog buns and burger bu- A PukPuk egg?"
Krystal raised her hand. "Mado!" (Mine!)
"Um... okay. We've got... nothing- wait, here's some ketchup, mustard, mayonaise.... where's the relish?!"
"Relish?" Krystal asked with curiousity.
"Where's the relish?!" Fox threw the foodstuffs out of the Action Packer at a lightning quick pace. "Where's the relish?! I need it for the hot dogs!"
"Oh, kxuk nuj veh oei? A kxeiwxk ak nuj veet veh kxo wectvajx." (Oh, that was for you? I thought it was food for the goldfish.)
Fox shrugged disheartedly. "Okay. Let's cook."
*
"Cooking, cooking, la la-la la-la la-la. Cooking, cooking, la la-la la-la la-la-" Slippy sang this annoyinng little song to the tune of "Clean Up, Clean Up (Everybody, Everywhere)" as he watched his hot dog slowly cooking into a nice brown color. Peppy nibbled on an avacado heart between sips of Pepsi. Krystal licked the insides out of the egg, and Falco and Fox wolfed down their hamburgers.
"Yummy!" Krystal laughed.
"This is real grilled meal, Krystal," Peppy gave out his advice. "Not like that painted stuff at Burger Palace."
"Okay," Krystal drank down the remaining yolk from her PukPuk egg. "Real..... grilled meal. Okay."
Fox dipped a corner of his hamburger into Krystal's egg and scraped some yolk off of the side. He took a bite. "Mmm, not bad... still think it needs relish, though."
"You put relish on your hamburger?" Slippy screamed.
"Well... that's what my dad did!" Fox munched down the rest of his burger. "He shaid it wahs gohd foe ya."
There was a sickening crunch as everyone turned in Falco's direction. On top of his burger bun were the remains of a dragonfly. He stared at what was under his beak, gagged and threw it away. He ran to the nearest bathroom, yelling all the while, "I hate camping!"
"PHOTO!" Click-cleek! "Man, I hope that one shows up on film!" Slippy swallowed his hot dog in one gulp, and immediately turned a bright red color before assuming his original green. "WOO! Hot stuff, baby, this evenin'!"
*
"Slippy, you're poking me!"
"Sorry, Fox."
...
"Slippy, stop poking me!"
"Okay!"
...
"YIPE!"
"Sorry, Kry-"
SMACK!"
"OW! Whaddja do that for?"
"Fox? Oh, A'm jehho! A kxeiwxk oei noho Peppy!" (Fox? Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were Peppy!)
"No, I'm over here!"
"OW! DE XUAH FICCADW!" (OW! NO HAIR PULLING!)
"SHUT IT!"
"Sorry, Falco."
"Guh... I hate camping..."
...
"Wooooooo. Foooox, thiiis iiis yoour faaaatheeeer."
"Knock it off, Slippy."
"Okay."
...
"OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooow! Oow-oow-OOOOoooooooow!"
"That was pretty good! Who did the wolf howl?"
"Not me."
"Nuh uh."
"Don't look over here."
"Ak nuj u seoeko." (It was a coyote.)
"Oh, okay."
"Pretty good impression, Krystal."
"A tatd'k juo A nuj teadw ak! A juat ak nuj u seoeko xencadw!" (I didn't say I was doing it! I said it was a coyote howling!)
"OOOOOOOOOOooooooooow!"
The lantern suddenly flickered on, revealing the Star Fox team all huddled next to eachother in their own sleeping bags. They are all shivering in fear.
"Coyotes?" Falco whispered fearfully. "You didn't say anything about cobotes, Fox!"
"Well, I- Wait." Fox started to snicker. "You just said cobotes."
Falco blushed. "I did not!"
"Ooj, Oei tat! Oei juat 'cobotes'!" (Yes, you did! You said "cobotes"!)
As Peppy and Slippy started to laugh, Falco swiped his sleeping bag and mumbled something about sleeping in the Arwing. He promptly slammed the tent flap behind him, earning more laughs.
***
Day Period: Morning. Time: Roughly 10:00.. ish Meal for the day: Leftover hot dogs from yesterday
"Nxuk den, Fox?" (What now, Fox?) asked Krystal. She was still wearing her Speedo, despite the fact that the entire group had decided not to go swimming again. However...
Today," Fox gloated. "We're going tubing!"
Peppy lept from his sleeping bag, reeking of Pepsi and looking as if he had no sleep last night. "Tubing? Tubing- nah! That's Boooooring! Letsdo something fun, yeah! Let's do- let's go hiking, yeah! Hiking! I like hiking!"
Fox tightened the tent spokes. "Well, guess a little hiking might work. Get some of that soda out of your system..."
"HIKING!" Peppy yelled. "Hi-king! I'll go get my hiking boots!"
As Peppy ran to his Arwing, Falco fell out of his and onto the wet, misty grass. He snarled, "I hate camping without an RV."
"It's not camping if you have an RV," Slippy argued from inside the tent, where he was still getting dressed. His siloutte showed that he was trying to put on his pants. "It's more like... bringing a hotel with you... wherever you GO!" Slippy fell onto his back, pulling the pants in half. Slippy stuck his head out of the tent flap. "Uh, could someone grab my suitcase from out of my Arwing, please?"
"GOT IT!" Peppy sprung onto the scene, holding his and Slippy's luggage. "Hereyago! Hereyago! Hereyago! HI-KING! WHEE!"
Fox dumped some sand onto the fire pit. "Too much Pepsi. Krystal, are you going to wear that wet swimsuit all day?"
"Yes. What?" Krystal cocked her head. "Imean, why?"
"Well, don't you have any other clothes to change into?"
"Other clothes?" Krystal's ears peaked for a moment, then drooped as she turned her head to the side."Ex de..." (Oh, no.)
"Oh, great," Fox growled. "Why didn't you pack any extra clothes?"
"A tatd'k nudk ke mojj kxom if!" (I didn't want to mess them up!)
"Women..." Fox rolled up his sleeping bag and put in away...
*
"Hidden Cavern trail. This one looks interesting," Fox smiled. With the flourish of a Musketeer, he flung out his arm and said, "MEN! And women. Woman. ONWARD!"
*
"Are we at the top yet?" Slippy complained.
"No," Falco griped. He balanced his weight on his walking stick. "This is hard."
"This is nothing compared to Dinosaur Planet," Fox tried his hand at encouraging.
"Boof weadw," (Keep going.) said Krystal (who was wearing her swimsuit under one of Falco's t-shirts). Slippy collasped and rested his head on a rock, letting the others step ahead of him. He finally got back up. "Still don't know how I survived 8 years ago..."
Click-CLEEK!
Peppy sneered from behind the camera. "Photo op!" he evily laughed.
"Would someone please throw that camera off of the hill!?" Slippy cried before falling asleep.
*
"Hey, Krystal!" Falco pointed to a hole in the large hill, obviously belonging to some mole or burrowing rat. "It's Hidden Cavern Cave!"
She laughed and kept climbing.
*
"This is it?" Peppy scowled. Hidden Cavern cave was just a big hole in the hill (although it did seem to have some crystals inside).
"I saw something moving!" Falco chirped with an ounce of concernedness. "Fox, go see what's down there!"
"Okay." Fox trooted down into the hole to announce "It's just a bunch of spiders!"
"Spiders?" Slippy yelled.
"Daddy Long Legs!" Fox lept out of the cave. "Couldn't see any crystals, though."
Krystal jumped into the cave next, laughing as the Daddy Long Legs scurried over the rocks. "Kxoho uho raccaedj ev kxom! Kxoho mijk ro u dojk!" (There are billions of them! There must be a nest!)
"Photo op!" Slippy laughed as he took a picture of Krystal. She absentmindedly waved to her male companions behind her back, still concentrating on the Daddy Long Legs. Slippy took another picture. "Hey, Peppy, why don't you go down there next! I want a picture of everybody in the cave!"
"O-k-k-k-k-kay," Peppy tiptoed into the cave to join Krystal, but came running back out as a spider scurried over his foot.
Click-CLEEK!
*
Krystal stepped out, and turned her back to Slippy to show him that she had a spider resting on her back. "Ajd'k ak siko?" (Isn't it cute?)
Click-CLEEK!
*
Fox stepped a ways into the cave, not worrying about the crystals. "There's a lot of grafitti in here! Tons of it! This should be Hidden Krylon Cave!"
Lots of laughter and a camera clicking finished Fox's period in the cave.
*
"I loathe bugs," Falco stepped the farthest into the cave. "Especially after last night."
"Jeez, Falco, you never used to complain this much!" Fox shouted.
Click-CLEEK!
"My turn!" Slippy squealed.
*
"SLIPPY! NO! DON'T EAT THE SPIDERS!" Fox screamed into the cave.
"BUT I'M HUNGRY!"
Click-CLEEK!
**
"Oh, great!" Fox rubbed his temples as a brightly light RV park next to their campsite. It blared loud country music that could be heard all the way to the Ranger's station. "We've got a bunch of rednecks playing the 'Boot Scoot Boogie' parked next to us!"
"Muoro kxoo'cc giaok tend ro dawxkkamo." (Maybe they'll quiet down by nighttime.)
***
"Get down, turn around, go to town, Boot Scoot Boogie...."
"Maybe they'll quiet down by nighttime," Slippy madly whined, mocking Krystal.
"SHUT IT!" Fox cried.
"MAKE IT STOP!" Falco stuffed his head into his pillow. "MAKE IT STOP!"
"WAAAAAA!" Krystal screamed. "NO MORE!"
"WE'RE MOVING THE SITE!" Fox proclaimed, grabbing his sleeping bag. "EVERYBODY, PACK UP!"
"Phew!" Peppy stuffed his sleeping bag with his dirty clothes and empty Pepsi bottles. "I can't stand another country song!"
Slippy threw an Action Packer into the complimentary golf carts the park supplied for short-distance moving (you didn't think they were moving a couple of yards in an Arwing, did you?). "And you're not even supposed to run generators after midnight! Really!"
*
"How about here?" Slippy pointed to a cute little spot by the Frigid River.
"It's for daytime use only," Peppy read a nearby sign. "Can't stay there overnight."
"Darn it!"
*
"Here?" Krystal sifted through the bushes to reach the unused campspot.
Peppy's ears twitched. "I can still here the Boot Scoot Boogie."
"Not here," Fox pulled Krystal away by her tail. "Come on."
*
"Here?" Falco opened the fire pit to make sure there were no holes in it.
"I don't really trust this place," Fox turned to Krystal. "KRYSTAL, YOU'VE GOT A TICK!"
"AH!"
**
"Quiet," Fox stretched out in his sleeping bag in a campsite spot far away. "No RVs."
"All day and nighttime use," Peppy put his Pepsi away.
"No ticks," Krystal remembered, scratching her leg.
Fox slapped her hand away. "Don't scratch it." Fox turned onto his side. "Maybe tomorrow we can go tubing.
The lantern flicked off.
"Slippy, stop poking me."
"Sorry."
"OOOOOOOOooooooooow!"
***
"What have we got to eat?!" Falco screamed from his Arwing.
"All we have are leftover hotdog buns and- THE RELISH! I FOUND IT!" Fox cheered. "YES! I FOUND THE RELISH!"
"All we have are hot dog buns and relish?!" Falco was appaled.
"Um... yeah! Hey, Falco, help me with some of these action packers!"
"Uh... no, thank you!"
"Why not!?"
"Um... it's too cold!"
"Too col- FALCO! IT'S 78 DEGREES OUTSIDE! It's not too cold!"
Falco lept out of the Arwing as large set of coyote jaws chomped down on his tail. As he fell, Fox realized why he wanted to stay in the Arwing; he wore Paddington Bear pajamas.
"Paddington Bear?" Fox laughed. "Tell me that is not Paddington Bear!"
"Okay," Falco responded with fake confidence and sarcasm. "It's not."
"Oh, jeez...." Fox could barely contain his laughter. "Thanks Krystal!"
"Krystal?!" Falco turned around to see Krystal perched on top of his Arwing, with a few blue feathers jutting out of her muzzle. "Oh, great! I've got the pack weaseling in on me!"
Click-CLEEK!
"Oh no..."
The group yelled together. "PHOTO OP!"
"I realize now that I will never go camping again in my life," Falco hissed as Peppy tripped by, giggling "Paddington Bear" over and over again.
***
TUBING TIME!
Inch.... by inch... by inch...
"Really slow river, isn't it?" Slippy called as he got stuck on a rock. He took a picture as Krystal floated by him effortlessly.
"Ak'j dek av oei futtco sehhoskco," (It's not if you paddle correctly.) said Krystal. Unfortunately, at this time, a small fish decided Krystal's tail looked very tasty.
CHOMP!
"OW!" Krystal, out of pure shock, jumped out of her inner tube and into the shallow, rocky Frigid River. And, of course, Slippy took a picture.
Krystal glared at the frog as he pushed his way past. "A ceukxo oei." (I loathe you.)
*
Peppy stood up on his inner tube. "YIPPEE! LOOKIT ME! LOOKIT ME! I'ma jumpin' Jackrabbit! YEEHA!"
Krystal frantically paddled to Fox, who was trying to pull his inner tube off of a sprig of seaweed (or rather, riverweed). "Nxuk'j nhedw nakx Peppy?" (What's wrong with Peppy?)
"Sugar high from all of the Pepsi," Fox calmed reassured Krystal, patting her softly on the ears. "He'll crash sooner or later."
"Okay..."
*
"This is what we get for not coming during the rainy season," Fox complained. "A slow, freezing cold, mountain-snow-has-melted-and-run-into- the river with disgusting seaweed that looks like drowned squirrels! Hey, dragonfly."
Fox watched as the elegant dragonfly landed on the bridge of his muzzle. Krystal swooped past.
"Kxuk'j dek u thuwedvco. Kxuk'j u tumjocvco." (That's not a dragonfly. That's a damselfly.)
"Well, maybe it's running from the dragonfly, who's trying to eat it," Fox laughed. "And the princefly is coming along any second now to rescue the damselfly and take it back to the villageflies on his white stallion horsefly."
Krystal splashed him with the cold water, scaring off the damselfly. "Weevo ataek." (Goofy idiot.)
"
"TURTLE!" Falco kicked the water repeatedly with his foot. "SNAPPING TURTLE! SNAPPING TURTLE! NO!"
Fox pulled his inner tube onto an overhanging rock and proceeded to lie down on his side. "Break... need a long, long break."
"Raw ruro." (Big baby.) Krystal, nonetheless objecting Fox's early break, joined him on the rock. Peppy crawled on after them, literally. He pulled the tire behind him wearily.
"Pepsi... no more Pepsi.... no more..." Peppy landed face-down onto the rock.
"You're too old, Peppy," Fox explained without opening his eyes.
"Sunbathing!" Slippy sat down on the rock, picked up some pebbles, and started flicking them at Falco's head (Falco was just starting to clamber out of the water). "This is fun!"
Falco responded by stuffing Slippy into the inner tube like a hot dog into a doughnut. "Shut up."
**
"Need a rest..." Peppy laid down his blanket and rested on the ground.
"Another one?" Fox griped.
"Me too," Falco set up his favorite Bud Light collaspable card table. "Hey, anybody wanna play Poker?"
"ME!" Slippy ran to the table.
"We- what are we gonna do now!?" Fox screamed.
Krystal tapped his shoulder. "Muo no we Xehjorusb hatadw den?" (May we go Horseback riding now?)
"Egh. Slippy, Falco, me and Krystal are going Horseback riding. If you go anywhere, leave a note."
"Right."
"Got it."
*
"Let's see.... Faraman's Horseback Trails... Faraman's Horseback Trails... Krystal, do you see anything yet?"
"No."
"Faraman's... Faraman's... HEY! A sign! Faraman's Horseback Trails, Next- Krystal, did you see how many exits?"
"Kne."
"K- kne? What's that?"
"Kne! KNE!"
"Kne- Oh no! The translator's broken again! (WHACK!) Okay, say that again."
"Kne." (Two.)
"Two- okay, second exit... we passed up the second exit, didn't we?"
"Ooj, no tat. U nxaco uwe." (Yes, we did. A while ago.)
"Oh, great. (sigh).... Wanna get something to eat?"
"Okay."
*
Well, they kept on driving until they found a convinence store, and stopped to get a bite to eat. Fox got a hot dog, and Krystal got cheese pizza. While they were eating, a large red salamander walked in, laughing and telling a story to two geckos that walked behind her.
"... and I just exploded! (laughter) Of course, you can't blame me, I'm a redhead."
"No, you're not, you stupid bleachhead," Fox mumbled to himself.
"What?"
"Look, Krystal," Fox whispered, leaning over the table. "You see that salamander over there? She's not really a redhead, she's dyed her hair like that so that she has an excuse for her bad temper."
Krystal twitched her ears. "Okay."
"Listen, Krystal, people are shallow like that. Don't do something like that when later on, okay?"
"Okay," Krystal smiled.
"Good Krystal." Fox patted her head. "Now, let's keep eating."
**
"Welcome ta Faraman's Horseback Trails. I'm Faraman."
Fox shook the old gorilla's hand. "Fox McCloud. This is Krystal."
"Hello," Krystal cooed while bowing.
"She's not from here," Fox whispered into Faraman's ear.
"Ah... well, picked a good time ta come, didn't ya?"
"Meaning...?" Fox cocked his head.
"We're 'bout ta close in five minutes. Normal rides take 'bout 15."
"Oh no!" Krystal wailed.
"Jeez, and this our last day here!" Fox snarled to himself. "Well, thanks anyway-"
"Now, wait, now," Faraman held up his hairy hand. "Nobody's in line behind ya. Why donctha just come along with me?"
"Really?" Fox was surprised.
"Sure. No extra charge, either."
Fox was spellbound by the man's kindness. "Aje- je- ka- Thanks, mister!"
"Thank you!" Krystal cheered. "Oh, A'lo rood ceebadw vehnuht ke kxaj ucc noobodt!" (I've been looking forward to this all weekend!)
*
"This's Cookie," Faraman pulled the chestnut horse to Krystal. "Sweetest horse in the bunch. Think you'll like her."
"Hello, Cookie," Krystal stroked Cookie's nose. "Good Cookie. Jnook jnook Cookie, uhod'k oei fhosaeij?" (Sweet sweet Cookie, aren't you precious?)
"And this here's Lumpkin," Faraman handed Fox the reigns to a white and brown-patched mare. "She's a good ol' girl, just try an' keep 'er in the back."
"In the back?" Fox wondered aloud.
*
After receiving a quick riding lesson, they set of down the trodden trail, not really part of the woods but considered forest eitherway. Krystal rode behind the instructor, and Fox after her. They came to a steep incline. A rough stairway had been pounded into the rocky hill.
As they climbed upwards, Krystal mumbled a question to Fox, which he translated.
"Uh... hey, Faraman, how'd this little stairway get here?"
"From the horses," Faraman answered, himself riding a young, dirty white stallion. "They walk the same path, take the same steps, over an' over again, 'til they stomp the stairway out themselves."
"Wow," Fox marveled. "How long have you been doing this?"
"'Bout 20 years," Faraman counted in his head. "But mah family's been doing the trails for 4 generations."
"Wow," the two foxes were amazed.
*
"What's that?" Krystal pointed to a pile of bones by the trailside.
"That's what happens when coyotes get a hold of a dead horse."
Krystal shuddered, and Fox held his muzzle shut to keep from throwing up. "YUK!"
*
"That's war A keep the wild pigs A catch," Faraman pointed to a warren a ways off of the trail. It was filled with wild boars and there young, all screaming and squealing, trying to get out. "If Ah don't catch 'em, them destroy the wildlife an' such. So, Ah trap 'em, fatten 'em up, an' process 'em into sausage."
"Oo," said Krystal. Fox pulled sideways on his reigns; his horse was walking off of the trail to eat some bushes.
*
"Okay, we're almost home. Who wants ta go into a trot?"
"OO, ME!" Krystal shouted, clutching the reigns tightly.
"A trot?" Fox asked.
"Just hold on." Faraman flicked the reigns. "Alright, Gabsy, ya!"
The horses bounded into a light trot, bouncing Krystal and Fox in their saddles.
"Whee!" Krystal laughed.
"I got enough of this on Dinosaur Planet!" Fox griped.
**
"FINALLY!" Fox screamed inside of the Arwing, scaring the daylights out of Krystal. "IT'S OVER!"
"What? You didn't like it, Fox?" Slippy sneered.
"No Pepsi..." Peppy moaned.
"Let's just remember," Falco interrupted. "Next time we go on vacation: I'M NOT COMING! I hate camping!" Falco took a sharp turn and flew off into a distant corner of the galaxy.
"What we need to remember is to come in the summer next time," Fox growled as Slippy started singing songs from "Parachute Express". He switched off the intercom. "Krystal, what do you want to listen to?"
Krystal thought for a moment, then- "Te oei jkacc xulo kxuk Weird Al Yankovic sujjoko 0ei noho koccadw mo ureik?" (Do you still have that Weird Al Yankovic cassete you were telling me about?)
"Yep," Fox smiled sleepily, pushing the ancient cassete into the player. "Can't remember what songs are-"
Dunude-dunude- "TRIGGER HAPPY! TRIGGER HAPPY!"
Fox gasped. "I LOVE THIS SONG!"
And they flew back to the Great Fox, screaming Weird Al Yankovic songs at the top of their lungs. And no one heard them because, in space, no one can here you sing.
DONE! FINALLY! This took me about two weeks to write!