Xobit: 'kay first of all I have no quarrel with "normal" people! If you don't like what I do to/with my cast of "normal" people don't read this fic!
It is written to my friends for their amusement and since both Loki and Kirmon will be starring in later chapters I put it up here too!
Updates will be slow I'm afraid but the fic will stay silly beyond all reason…
Disclaimer thingy: don't own (sadly) don't get money (who cares anyway!)
The Insanity Begins
Ahh café's… and chai tea! I couldn't help but smile at 'Ninja, who sat directly across from me at the small table. It was her "fault" that I had fallen in love with the café's of Copenhagen and the a for mentioned tea. Right now the entire nerd-heard was seated at the table, the perfect end of our first day back at school, 'Ninja, Dia, Camilla, Sjescia, Didde, Nadia and me aka Xobit. The only bad thing? In less then an hour I had to take the train home, 1. I really did not want the day to end 2. The train okay enough said!!
We talked about all nerdy things in between heaven and earth, and of course a couple from outer space, as usual. From the two major blockbusters of the year, Transformers and Harry Potter 5, to the newest purchased e-books from changeling press. Instead of bags of clothing, make up and jewellery, we had bags of books, comics, Warhammer gear and DVDs. Yes to all intents and purposes, it had been a good day.
"Well Ladies" I smiled at all of them "you gonner walk me to the train?"
As we where at Nørreport station, all of them went with me, since those of us that shouldn't with the train had to take either the bus or the metro.
Yes and now comes along the part where our world went crazy… or like crazier, I mean we are all nerds, right. Have all readers seen Star Gate? Good! That is kinda what happened, not that we accidentally fell over a giant alien ring in the middle of the street but you know… a wormhole or a dimensional rift opened up across the street and began sucking things and people in to itself as if it was a giant Dyson vacuum cleaner with a sugar rush!
Now! None of us are stupid, mind you! And we have all read massive amounts of science fiction and fantasy, so afraid? YES, in panic? Well maybe, frozen and unable to do a thing? NO. Unfortunately for us… well café tables aren't bolted to the flagstones, so the wormhole won.
The journey in was unpleasant… yeah, yeah understatement I know, but how to describe the indescribable? Being in it, well it was like being a thousand souls at once. Suddenly I knew what it was like to be 'Ninja, an old man called Frank, an ant, an apple tree and an amoeba in the primordial soup on a young planet under a red sun… and a ton of other stuff I had never wish for or even considered wanting to wish to know about. I screamed… loudly, and so did everybody else unlucky enough to have been swallowed by the hole including my friends, and then I fainted, thank god!
The trip out? Good question, didn't I just tell you I fainted? Well I woke up when I hit something cold and hard, hard. I suffer from migraines… now I was pretty sure that my head had exploded and from the sounds around me, sighs, moaning and wails of agony, I could deuce that the rest of the wormhole's passengers had suffered the same faith.
After about… not enough time, I got a hold of myself and got up on all fours. I lifted my aching head and looked around. Bits of the street we had been on before littered the area in the forms of trashed café tables and stools, bits of flowers and fruit from the street vendor, store signs and people in different states of wakefulness and hurt. I found out that I had landed on the outskirts of the pail my friends had made upon landing. The hard and cold thing we hit, you're asking? Well it seemed to be the metal floor of the biggest warehouse I had ever seen.
Light was spares and came from far, far above, the metal boxes was easily tree times higher then the tallest person the wormhole had dumped in here
It took about half an hour or there about before all the people who could, was up and had helped every body who couldn't help themselves. The result was a group of about 30 more or less panicky people, of all ages. We even had a young mother and her little baby girl, the only comment from me? I LOVE prams, without it I don't think the kid would have survived the trip.
We had now reached the obligatory "whathashappendandwhocansaveusall" phase. All who has seen or read stories of people being sucked in to other worlds know what I'm talking about! Not that it isn't logical or what ever, but normal people always goes through these, what? Where? Why? How? –things, after which the panic phase comes and then the phase of "lets find a strong leader that can save us all" during the last all the stranded males go Alpha challenge on each other.
Not to say the nerds don't do the phase-thingy, it's just a lot faster: What? Squeee wormhole!! Where? Big metal thingy place… COOL! Why? Who cares, this is way more interesting then "…"!! How? Magic? Science? Freaky nature thingy?? And so on. And we tent to skip the panic and alpha phase… it's good to be nerdy!
And so when the phase of panic descended on our fellow strand-ees? Well we kinda looked on, I mean we are all above twenty of age, but tell me who ever listen to the nerds? You have seen films right? And waited for people to calm down so that we, maybe, would be heard. We had barley gotten to the part of phase three where the men started to go Alpha on each other, when the earth started to shake. Not like an earthquake, not that I have ever been in an earthquake mind you, but these vibrations had a well known rhythm to them. It took a couple of seconds for the well known to click inside of my mind, footsteps! It was totally like Jurassic park, we were just missing a puddle and a terrified goat. The steps increased alarmingly fast, and soon the sound of voices reached our ears… it was a strangely semi-reassuring sound. Suddenly the sound of voices grew much louder and we could now hear what was being said.
"Perceptor why did you drag me down here?" a slightly hoarse voice complained "I was in the middle of an experiment, besides isn't this more of a Red Alert thing?"
"Cease complaining Wheeljack I detected a breach in the quantum physic space/time continuum and if I told Red Alert he would overload his security circuits again" a voice with a distinct British accent said.
I lost control of my jaw, this was not happening… Perceptor?… Red Alert?… Wheeljack? Oh no this was sooo not happening!!
"Well how about Prowl or Jazz then… or even Ironhide? The hoarse voice asked a bit peeved.
"And then I would have to spend a Joor or more explaining the logic of why it would be in our best interest to investigate quickly… negative! if these problems are caused by Decepticons than we cannot waste time" the British accent said.
"did it just say Decepticons?" croaked Dia, looking at the rest of us her eyes wide. "Decepticons as in Transformers the movie Decepticons??
Before I could formulate an answer I was interrupted by Perceptor's British accent. " did your audio receptors pick up something? Like the frequency of a turboscorpion..."
"A turboscorpion??" I said a bit offended and rather loudly. 'Ninja and Sjescia jumped me to make me shut up, the result of which was that all of us hit one of the boxes. As our "luck" would have it, the box was empty and gave a "booong" noise that could have awakened the dead.
"What the slag..." boom boom boom and around the corner came a 22 feet tall Wheeljack at top speed, with Perceptor hot on his heels. Perceptor was of course already giving a report over his in build com unit. "Yes Ultra Magnus, Sir the cargo hold on level 5, there was a…" both Autobots stopped in their tracks and stared.
The humans on the other hand, went into a state of panic. Well most of them did, seven nerds just froze, staring back with open mouths and eyes that was seriously considering a move out of the eye sockets.
In a fit of insanity I raised a hand and said "Bah weep graghnah weep ninny bong"
"ummm... Ultra Magnus, Sir? I believe it is in your best interest to come down here..." Perceptor's voice sounded a bit strained. "Affirmative Sir, at present or send at least two Autobots. Negative... I do not have a hypothesis yet but I highly doubt that it is the Decepticons sir"
The fact that Perceptor sounded strained, was apparently enough to get a huge reaction, because in less then a minute tree Autobots came running at top speed.
At this time all seven of us had freaked out albeit in different ways. I had a firm grip on 'Ninjas arm, while I jumped up and down on the spot and talked to her at a speed that would have been Blurr worthy: "man!Haveyouseenhaveyouseenit'sPerceptorandWheeljackOMGthat'sSideswipeandSunstreakerthelambotwinsthisissocool…" and so on.
'Ninja was staring at Wheeljack's head, and was gently rocking in time with my jumping.
Dia had her hands planted on her hips and glared at Perceptor all the while half mumbling, half talking. "Mumble… t should have been Star trek… mumblemumble…n't know anything besides the movie… MUMBLE" in a tone that could peel paint off of a car.
Nadia was poking at Perceptors leg, causing him to look down with a perplexed facial expression.
Sjescia sighed "Xobit stop ogling the giant robots and get us out of here! Dia, 'Ninja you too and Nadia quit poking the Red one!!"
"Well… do something" Didde was poking me, while seconding Sjescia's words. "Whatdoyouwantmetodo? I was still speed talking and hyper, but stopped jumping.
"Umm… you're the one that knows all the names and things about transformers… so do something!" Camilla exclaimed.
"No good I already used the universal greeting, but since Kup isn't here…" I trailed off.
The panicky people behind us, had piled into the farthest corner they could find, in a big lump. Typical human behaviour, the pack animal strikes again!!
"Perceptor why are there a bunch of humans in the cargo hold?" Sideswipes voice sounded surprised.
"And more importantly why did we have to drag our aft's down here for a group of lost squishys??" Sunstreaker grumbled.
"What did it just call us" Dia's eyes blazed with anger, and her death glare was fully levelled at Sunstreaker.
Some how this made me giggle uncontrollably, and it took some time before I could react. At the point where I had my breath back a starring match had ensued between 'Sunny and Dia.
"Umm Dia that is Sunstreaker he's the vain twin, as far as I know only Tracks can rival him in the ego department" I just couldn't keep a silly grin off of my face "the red one is his twin Sideswipe, and Nadia that one is Perceptor, we'll need a dictionary to talk to him… or maybe just 'Ninja" the last had me doubled up in laughter. "Sorry 'Ninja" I gasped. "but really I think you might like him!"
Sunstreaker had transferred his angry glare to me at the words "vain" and "ego"
Perceptor broke in ""why and how do you have knowledge of us?!"" and to the rest of the 'Bots. "These are not our companions, I have met every human onboard and I've never observed any of them before!!"
"You're my favourite 80'ties cartoon show!!" I said, and then did a double take… "Um… well…"
"We're your WHAT!" Sunny's voice was full of outrage. 'Sides on the other hand was laughing so hard he almost slid down the shelves he was gripping.
"wellwekindahavethisthingycalledaTVonwitchweseenewsandstuffandtheresthiscartooncalledtransfomers:robotsindisgueswichtkindahasyouguysastheheroesand…" blushing as if my life depended on it, insecure and flustered I returned to speed talking, and gave a messy and for the most parts unnecessary explanation to my faux pas.
"Ohh great!" one the smallest of the 'Bots exclaimed. "Another Blurr is just what we need"
"SQUEEE! It's Gears!!" I nearly gave everybody heart and spark attacks, but I was so flustered and felt like I was high or something so I just said what was on my mind.
"Hhhokay… no more chocolate for you!" Sjescia said clutching at her heart, while Gears just stared with a wide open mouth. A thump interrupted, as 'Sides finally slid all the way down to the floor, hugging his chest and laughing like a certified maniac.
"And what is that idiot's problem?" Dia pointed at 'Sides, she was in no way happy with the situation.
"hey be nice to 'Sides or I'm gonner stomp on you" Sunstreaker took a menacing step towards Dia, narrowing his optics.
"stomp on me?" Dia looked incredusly at the transformer, and her cheeks began to blush from anger. "ohh yeah! Really mature of ymufff!"
I clamped a hand over her mouth "Dia this is not a good time to pick a fight with a 25 feet tall Autobot 'kay?" turning my head up towards 'Sunny I added. "And I don't think it's a good idea to stomp on us, we would just mess up your paint job!"
Surprised laughter echoed throughout the cargo hold from the autobots, while the girls where starring at me as if I had grown an extra head. Sunstreaker's mouth was open and his face was locked in a shocked expression.
"cartoon show… hmm you certainly seem to know us" Perceptor said. "but I must say, I do not understand a thing of this."
"Then maybe you could start by telling what you went down here to find, Perceptor?" a deep voice questioned. Perceptor turned to the newcomer and said. "My instruments detected a breach in the space/time continuum; I felt that it needed attention, Ultra Magnus"
"Why did you not inform Red Alert or me from the beginning?" Ultra Magnus responded. He had come far enough into the room to look down at us.
"Umm… Red Alert dose not appreciate interruptions when he is instructing the security teams" a slightly embarrass Perceptor said. "And I was not sure if it was anything at all, so I asked Wheeljack to accompany me in my investigation."
Didde sidled closer to me and whispered "who is Ultra Magnus?" still looking at the 'Bot in awe I answered, not bothering to whisper "he's like an Autobot lieutenant I think… at least if Optimus or Rodimus is still around if not then his the Autobot commander…" I trailed off as a though hit me. "Hey Autobots! When are we??"
"When are you? Don't you mean where are we?" Wheeljack asked slightly surprised by the question.
"No, no I know where we are, some sort of parallel dimension where your all real, and we're probably at the Ark 1 or in one of your other spaceships/bases, right? No I whanner know the when because I need to know who we can expect to meet and not meet. Oj' are the Aerialbots, Protectorbots and Technobots around here? And the Dinobots… Grimlock and Swoop are sooo cute!" the last was to Didde who still stood beside me.
"Ahhhrrg… Grimlock? Cute!" 'Sides had almost regained his breath when I told Didde about the Dinobots, now he was off again.
R and R... Please??