Author's Note: I'm sure other people out there have noticed Zechs and Char similarities and written their own lists. If you've already done this and we have some of the same ideas, that's bound to happen; please don't kill me. I also realize that technically, this story isn't possible because the magazine mentions things the characters would never know in the GW universe. Also, everyone is kind of OOC... And finally, you have to have seen at least some part of both GW and MSG for this to be funny.
Disclaimers: Don't own Mobile Suit Gundam or Gundam Wing. Just having fun with the characters…
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The Char Aznable Fanclub
by Dorothy Winner
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Every morning, Heero Yuy would walk down to the end of the extensive driveway of the Peacecraft palace to retrieve the daily mail. He preferred to do this himself, rather than asking Pagan or another servant to do it, because he personally wanted to make sure that the mail was safe and had no poisoned envelopes or letter bombs for Relena. Heero went to the gate and took the mail out of the mailbox.
Finding nothing amiss, Heero took the mail back to the dining room, where everyone was sitting down to breakfast. Relena was sipping a cup of tea, Milliardo reading the morning paper, and Noin was drinking some coffee.
"Good morning, Heero," said Relena. "Did you get the mail?"
"Yeah." Heero began to sort through it. "Preventers papers from Lady Une… some diplomatic letters for Relena… a credit card bill; damn, it's mine… an invitation from Quatre…" A strange magazine was at the bottom of the pile. "The Char Aznable Fanclub?"
Milliardo dropped his paper and made a grab for the magazine. "Give me that, Yuy!"
Heero dashed out of his reach and ran around to the other side of the table. "I don't think so!" The cover had a picture of Zechs and Char, back to back. He read the title. "Zechs Merquise and Char Aznable: Separated at Birth?"
"What?" exclaimed Relena and Noin.
Heero flipped through the magazine to the cover story and began to read. "Many of us have noticed eerie similarities between Zechs Merquise and Char Aznable. We know they are of no relation, but why are there so many resemblances between the two?"
"Yuy, give it back right now!" Milliardo dove across the dining room table after Heero but only succeeded in upsetting a basket of bread rolls and sending several plates crashing to the floor.
Noin's coffeepot wobbled precariously, about to topple over. "No! My coffee!" Noin lunged for her coffeepot and caught it just in time.
At this point Pagan walked into the dining room. "Miss Relena, would you like some more—" He paused at the rather odd sight before him. Relena was picking up rolls off the floor, Milliardo was on his stomach on the table, trying to reach Heero and the magazine, and Noin was clutching her coffeepot. "Ah… I will return shortly to clean up this mess." He walked away to get the cleaning supplies from the broom closet.
'I think I'm getting too old for this…'
Milliardo decided it was probably a good idea to get off the table. He now had a spectacular splotch of strawberry jam on his Tallgeese patterned pajamas. "Damn you, Yuy, these are my favorite pajamas! And give me my magazine!"
Heero ignored him and continued to read. "Here are the top ten similarities we found between Zechs Merquise and Char Aznable. Coincidence or conspiracy? You decide."
"I'm warning you, Yuy…"
"No wait, let him read it, I want to hear this," said Noin.
"Me too," said Relena.
A very dismayed Milliardo looked back and forth between Relena and Noin. "Noooooo…"
"Number one: they are both mask wearing blondies. Their masks are very alike; silver, with similarly shaped white eyeholes, though Char's helmet has two parts and flares out, while Zechs's is more streamlined. It must be noted that Zechs's hair is also much longer than Char's."
"Damn straight!"
"Number two: they are both sons of rulers who were murdered and want to take revenge for their father's deaths; King Peacecraft and Zeon Zum Deikun, respectively."
"What is with the whole revenge theme, anyway?" asked Relena.
"Number three: They feel the need to conceal their true identities from the world and acquire aliases. "Zechs Merquise's real name, is, of course, Milliardo Peacecraft, and Char Aznable is an alias for Casval Rem Deikun."
"Wouldn't you want to pick a name better than your original one?" spoke Noin.
"Are you implying that Zechs Merquise is a bad name?" Milliardo asked angrily.
"I was talking about Char."
"Oh."
"Number four: They both are estranged from their younger sisters, Relena Peacecraft, aka Relena Dorlian, and Sayla Mass, aka Artesia Som Deikun, from whom they were separated at the death of their fathers. Their sisters disagree with their brothers' methods and try to stop them. Strangely, their sisters are very dissimilar; Relena is a pacifist and diplomat, but Sayla is a mobile suit pilot and kills many a Zeon."
"Well then, I'm glad I'm not like her," said Relena.
"Something I regret to this day," Milliardo muttered to himself.
"Their battles even take place in the same sequence; during earth reentry, then on earth, and then a return to space for their big final showdown. It can also be pointed out that their younger sisters have relationships with these Gundam pilots, Amuro with Sayla, and Heero with Relena."
Here Milliardo pointedly glared at Heero and Heero smirked.
"Number six: They both wear red uniforms and fly red mobile suits, Zechs with his reddish Epyon and Char's multitude of red Zeon suits. Both are very skilled at piloting their mobile suits."
"But I'm a better pilot than Char," Milliardo added.
Heero rolled his eyes. "Number seven: Their nicknames refer to meteorological phenomenon. Zechs's nickname is the Lightning Baron, and Char's nickname is the Red Comet. Both nicknames represent flashes of light and imply great speed."
"My nickname's cooler," said Milliardo.
"Whatever, Zechs," said Noin.
"Number eight: They both rise to powerful positions within their organizations, OZ and Zeon, and eventually betray their closest friends, Treize Khushrenada and Garma Zabi, respectively."
"Yeah, and they're dead too," said Noin.
"Getting your best friend killed really isn't a very nice thing to do," said Relena.
"Number nine: They both work with women who are very loyal to them and have blue hair, Lucrezia Noin and Lalah Sune."
"Hey," interjected Noin, "my hair is purple! Technically it is platinum black! And how dare they put me in the same category with someone as flaky as Lalah!"
"Number ten: They both have the same English voice actor, Brian Drummond. Char's voice is slightly higher than Zechs. One notices that in the first episode of Gundam Wing, Zechs's voice is much higher than by the end of the series and Endless Waltz. If one compares that first GW episode to Char's voice, they are very similar."
Heero smirked. "Still finishing puberty, Zechs?"
Milliardo's hands began to twitch, as though they were itching to put themselves around Heero's neck. "That's it!!!" His chair clattered to the floor. "DIE, Yuy!!!!!!"
Heero dropped the magazine as Milliardo proceeded to chase him around the dining room table. Pagan returned with a broom and a dustpan just as Heero whizzed by, nearly knocking him over and leaving the poor butler clutching his heart.
'I really am too old for this…'
"Oh Pagan," said Relena, "I am so sorry about this. Please, go lie down for a bit; I'll just ask one of the other servants to clean up here…" She helped the old man to his feet and led him out of the dining room.
Heero ran out the dining room door. "Come back here, Yuy!" yelled Milliardo.
Noin pulled him back. "Let him go, Zechs."
Milliardo sighed. "Fine. Still, I'd like to pound him or something…" he said, still staring in the direction Heero went.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your chance later." Noin put her arms around him. "You know what? There's one thing that I'm glad is not similar between you and Char…"
"What's that?"
"Well, Lalah died to save Char, didn't she? But I'm still here with you… and Zechs Merquise is much better looking than Char Aznable…"
"I certainly am, aren't I?" Milliardo swept Noin into his arms for a long, tender kiss.
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Fin