Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I own the rights to the song 'Still Hurting.' All rights belong to NBC, the wonderfully brilliant creators and writers of the show, and the talented Jason Robert Brown.

Gabby is over and Gabby is gone

Gabby's decided it's time to move on

The rest of the shift had gone by painfully slow. As he watched Gabby's defeated form walk away from him, every bone in Casey's body fought the urge to go after her. His mind was too stubborn.

He stood in place, shocked by his own words that spilled out of his mouth. He was scared this would happen, that he would keep everything bottled up and one day it would all just spew out of him. He never wanted to hurt her. God, her face. The way her eyes lost that angry passion. How her entire facial expression turned from feisty to deflated in a matter of seconds. The way she slightly recoiled, as if his words had stung her. He supposes they had.

She had requested permission to leave. He had granted it. Just like that, their relationship had come undone.

On the drive back to the apartment, he remembers the first time he had ever met Gabriela Dawson. It was her first day at 51, the guys were gathered outside in the driveway, doing some random drill when she walked up the street. Her enthusiasm was contagious. He smiled instantly. He was engaged to Hallie at the time, but he couldn't help the feeling he got when he shook her hand, her big brown eyes lingering on his for a moment longer than necessary. Her hand encased in his. He smiles as he remembers how perfect it felt. Gabriela Dawson had changed his life in ways he could have never seen coming. She is fierce, she is brilliant, she is beautiful, and she is his.

At least she was.

When he gets back to the apartment, he quickly opens the door and calls out for Gabby. He had granted her permission to leave shift early, and he assumed he would find her back at their apartment. It had taken them months to find the perfect place, but that's what it was: perfect. It was theirs. It was home. He knew she would be upset. Angry, even. He loved when she was angry. He loved watching her, eyes squinted ever so slightly, challenging him. They sure knew how to challenge each other. They've been doing it for years. They're both passionate, willing to do whatever is necessary for the ones they love, but boy are they stubborn. After Casey disposed of his bag in the doorway, he began to make his way through the apartment, hoping that he would find Gabby in their bedroom. He didn't. Instead he found an empty closet. He quickly pulled out his cellphone, his fingers mindlessly dialing.

Voicemail.

If there is one thing Matthew Casey knew better than himself, it was Gabriela Dawson, and he knew that right now she just needed time to cool off. She would come back to him. As he laid himself down on the couch in their living room, something on the coffee table caught his eye. Next to the empty beer bottles was the engagement ring that Gabby had excitedly accepted weeks ago. As he slowly picks up the ring, he allows himself to imagine what a life without Gabriela Dawson would look like. As he lays down a second time, his body succumbs to sleep, his hand clutching the silver ring.

She would come back to him.

She had to.

Gabby has new dreams she's building upon

And I'm still hurting

Casey is soon awoken by the sound of a door being shut. Jumping up, he is disappointed to see his fellow lieutenant enter the door. "You look like hell," Severide said, chuckling lightly to himself. "Not fighting with the better half, are we?" Severide took Casey's silence as his answer. Sitting down next to his friend, he watched as Casey tiredly wiped at his face, his expression nearly impossible to read. "Do you want to talk about it?" "She's gone," Casey muttered. He laughed then. A quiet, hollow laugh. "Can you believe that? She disobeys my orders, she runs back to her ex, and she leaves me." After another long moment of silence he turns his body towards Severide. "I'm not sure how to fix this. Hell, I'm not sure it can even be fixed." Severide lightly pats his back, unsure of what to say to his distraught friend. He had known that Casey loved Gabby long before Casey knew himself. It was written all over his face. In the way his eyes lit up when she walked into the room, her head tilted back, laughing at something absurd that Shay had just told her. It was in the way he would anxiously search the area after a call to find her, and once his eyes landed on hers, his body visibly loosened up. Dawson was the only person that could ever make Casey see reason, but she was also the only person that could make him throw all reason out the door.

They would find their back.

They had to.

Their problems had started when Gabby decided that she wanted to be a firefighter. Casey spent months trying to prove to her that he was on board with her decision. He was. She was his girl, after all, and if being a firefighter was her dream then he supported her every step of the way. He would be lying if he said he wasn't terrified. He has been on the job for a long enough time to know how dangerous it is. He's watched people die right before his eyes; people he loved, people that he considered best friends. He couldn't watch that again, especially not his Gabby. She was his world. It's funny, looking back, if you had asked him years ago he would have told you that Hallie was his world. Losing her, watching her die, it felt like the air was being ripped from his lungs. He wasn't sure he would ever catch his breath. He did. Gabby brought him back. One thing he knows for certain, if that had been Gabby that he had watched die, he would never breathe the same again.

It had always been Gabby. Sure, it took him longer to catch up, but the feelings were always there. Things were just complicated. First Hallie, then Mills; they could never find the time to make it work. Until they did. Until the moment that Casey knew he couldn't spend one more second pretending that he and Gabby were just friends. The truth is, they had never been just friends. It had always been something more, he was just too distracted to realize it.

Things had begun to really fall apart when Gabby was given the candidate spot on Truck 81. His heart had ached at how eagerly she accepted the position. She had to have known that this would mean the wedding would be put off, that they wouldn't be able to get married right away. If she knew that, how could she be so happy about the new arrangement? Had she not wanted to marry him? Had he imagined her excitement? If she had to choose, would it be the job over him? He didn't want to let her happiness hurt him, he understood this was a great opportunity for Gabby, for them as a couple, but he was disappointed. God, he wanted to marry her. He wanted to wake up every morning with Mrs. Casey in his arms. He wanted to start building a family with her. He wanted a little baby girl that looked just like her beautiful mother. He wanted to come home from shift and hold his little baby girl in his arms and be together as a family. He wanted it all, and it felt like Gabby wasn't even giving it a second thought.

Sure, Casey was glad that he could watch her more closely with her on his truck, but they soon found out that it would be far more difficult to work together than they had originally anticipated. He hadn't meant to treat her differently, he wanted nothing more than to order her around like he would any other candidate that walked through 51's doors, but this was his girl, and he needed to keep her safe.

He couldn't lose her.

In the end, he lost anyway.

Casey arrived at the end of the line

Casey's convinced that the problems are mine

Immediately after leaving shift Gabby had rushed home, the tears spilling freely down her cheeks. She was thankful that she managed to keep them at bay while fighting with Casey. She didn't want him to see her break down. She was stronger than that. She alway had been. Maybe that was the problem. She had become so fiercely independent, that she was scared to let someone all the way in. She loved Casey. Loves him. She always has. Since the moment those gorgeous blue eyes stared into her own, she knew that he was the one but losing Shay closed her off. She had watched her best friend die. She couldn't save her. It should have been her. She knows that, and since that day she hasn't been able to truly open up to anyone close to her. Shay. God, she missed her. If she were here, none of this would be happening. Shay always knew exactly what to say to make everything better, she would have fixed this. At the thought of Shay, Gabby gently closes her eyes and tilts her head up to the sky. As the tears fall down her cheeks, she silently wishes that they had never traded places in that building.

As she gets home and begins to pack her closet up, she thinks back to the day she and Casey had first met. She was walking up to the firehouse, her nerves making her giddy, when she spotted all of the men outside running drills. Her eyes immediately darted over to the handsome blonde, but she had quickly looked away, tucking her stray hairs behind her ears. Animatedly, she walked up to the men and introduced herself. They were all one more welcoming than the other, and she couldn't help but feel at ease among them. That is, until her hand was being lightly shook by the gorgeous blonde. Casey he had said was his name, his dimples impossible to ignore. She couldn't look away. She was drawn to him for reasons she could never quite explain. A light cough from one of the men shook her from her thoughts and she had begun to walk away, mingling with the rest of the guys. With one more backwards glance, she smiled to herself as she was met those beautiful blue eyes that she would later know by heart.

As she slowly pulls her ring off her finger, her mind flashes with images of Casey's face from a few nights ago. Mills had offered to help her close up, still on edge himself after a run-in with Lullo, and she couldn't refuse a chance to catch up. Ever since she and Mills had broken up, there hadn't been many moments like this, chances to catch up and chat as friends. Without Shay, she could really use someone to talk to. She couldn't exactly talk to Antonio about her relationships problems, not in the midst of his separation from Laura. She knew it was killing him, and she couldn't bombard him with her own relationship woes. Mills had been her friend before they began their relationship and they could get back to that. That night was supposed to be a start. That is, until Casey walked in on Mills trying to pacify her fears and uncertainties. It was an innocent gesture, his hand lightly cradling mine. A gesture she would never get the chance to properly explain to Casey.

Casey had thought she was running back to Mills. He thought she was unsure about them, about her marrying him. If only he knew. It was always him.

Even when it was Mills, it was Casey.

Casey is probably feeling just fine

and I'm still hurting

Gabby knocked lightly on the door to Sylvie Brett's apartment. In just a few short months, Brett had become one of Gabby's closest friends, someone she could turn to. She was there to listen, and when necessary she always offered up words of encouragement. In some ways, Brett reminded Gabby of Shay. Loyal to a fault. Willing to do anything for a friend. Sometimes, it felt like Shay had sent Brett to her, to watch over her and be there for her when she needed someone to talk to. She likes to think her friend is watching down on her. She's always with her. Always.

Brett had been generous enough to offer up her couch for Gabby. After apologizing for lack of space, Gabby had assured her that this would not be a permanent arrangement. She just needed a place to cool off. As Gabby laid herself down on Brett's couch, she desperately tried to close her eyes and sleep off the pain of the day, but as she closed her eyes she couldn't shake the image of the gorgeous blonde at the firehouse. The girl was flawless. She couldn't compete with that.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. She has spent so much time being terrified of losing Casey, that she never stopped to think that maybe he was already lost.

Casey is sure something wonderful died

Casey decides it's his right to decide

If there is one thing Gabriela Dawson knew better than herself, it was Matthew Casey. He needed space to get his thoughts in order. He needed time to fully understand the severity of his words. She had known the second the words tumbled out of his mouth that he had wanted to take them back. The way his gaze immediately dropped to the floor, how his hands came up to rub his face. These were his tells. She had known him too well to not notice, he was hurting just as much as she was. He looked tired. Worn. He hadn't meant to hurt her. She knows that. The words seemed to surprise him just as much as they had surprised her.

"This is just a job, Matt. What we have is everything." She had meant those words when she said them. Their relationship always meant more to her. Always would. How could they let work pull them so far apart from one another, change them beyond recognition? How did they get here?

Why was Matt being so stubborn?

How was he willing to give up so easily?

She will always love him.

Gabby has secrets she doesn't confide

and I'm still hurting

Losing Shay was difficult for all of us at 51, some more than others. Severide was still openly struggling with the loss, but Gabby was different. Gabby has always been a quiet sufferer. She internalizes her feelings, too proud to let anyone know she is hurting, but Casey always saw past that. He was always able to tell when she was hurting, and he was always the one person that could help her through the pain. She always had trouble letting people in, but with him it was different. It was supposed to be different. Hell, they are getting married. She had said yes to his proposal. He thought that had meant she would open up about her grief, that she wouldn't back away from talking about the unbearable loss of her best friend. He knew it was killing her. He could tell by the way she would shut off whenever anybody uttered Shay's name, the way she would slow down and glance at Shay's plaque whenever she walked by it, staring, her mind somewhere else. He was waiting for her to open up. He all but begged her to talk to him, let him in.

He knew that she was struggling, but he couldn't help her if she wouldn't let him in. Why wouldn't she talk to him?

Why was Gabby being so stubborn?

How was she willing to give up so easily?

He will always love her.

Gabby is over and where can I turn?

Covered with scars I did nothing to earn

Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn

But that wouldn't change the fact

That wouldn't speed the time

Once the foundation's cracked

And I'm

Still Hurting

Author's note: Thanks for reading. This is my first, and possibly only, stab at fan fiction. Hope you enjoy!